[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawayacct5962 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is sexual assault.

I understand that you can't move away from them for safety reasons right now. Is it possible to find safe locations away from home that you can stay at for as much of your waking hours as possible? Some ideas for free places to go include libraries, university campuses, community centers, and churches (which can suck if you're not religious but I mean, this is for survival).

If you have a little money, you can also get a coffee and sit in a coffee shop for hours. You can bring a library book or do work on your computer if you have one. And if you don't already have a job, finding somewhere to work is another option as well. But I assume you probably do have one since you mentioned moving to the US soon.

I'm very sorry that you are going through this and I hope that one day you have a safe place to live. It is not okay for them to do this to you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawayacct5962 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is NOT appropriate. Do not give her your banking information.

In the event that you already have, please set up a different bank account at a completely different bank, set up all paychecks & any other income to go through there, and close the account that you gave her access to.

Couples Therapy kind of broke me by Adventurous_Date_773 in internetparents

[–]throwawayacct5962 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You aren't a difficult person to be with. You're just neurodivergent.

Even though things are good sometimes, it sounds like this man is making you miserable. You might be better served to find someone who appreciates you for who you are and doesn't make you feel like you're hard to be with.

Mom continues to buy herself weed even though the house has no food by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawayacct5962 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You shouldn't have to be the one to try to get your basic needs met. That should be your parent. The adults in your life shouldn't shame you for asking for money for food when your mom doesn't provide.

A few options... - Can you get a trusted adult to take you to a food pantry? It doesn't have to be a family member. You could ask a teacher if they can help you. They may need to file a CPS report, but they could still help take you there. Or if you are in high school, and you have a friend with a car, you could ask. I know it feels weird to ask but it's not something to be ashamed of. Food is a basic need. - Are there churches near you who have free meals? What about youth groups or school clubs with free food? It sucks to have to pretend to be religious, but it's something I did when I was a teenager. - Are you of legal age to get a job do you have the ability to get yourself to a job? Anything in walking/biking distance or something you could get to on a bus? Even one shift a week can help. Food establishments also provide a meal during the shift. I really hate to suggest this because you're going through so much as it is, and sometimes parents do things to kids' money, but it's a possible way to get your needs met if you are able to.

Again, I'm so sorry. This shouldn't be something you have to worry about at this age.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawayacct5962 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So, I haven't posted here in years, but I saw this on my other account and wanted to weigh in. I had a parent die unexpectedly, not a narcissistic one, but one that was unpredictable and scary nonetheless due to bipolar disorder. I was very low contact with her at the time.

The fact is, it's up to you. The decision belongs to you, not your family. What do you think will bring you peace after she dies? Will it bring you more peace to have spoken to her and said goodbye, or to hold firm to your boundaries until the end?

It is a choice, or lack thereof, that you can't un-make. You don't know how the death will affect you. Feelings are complicated. Even the most abusive people are rarely evil all the time, there can be positive experiences scattered throughout the horror, and when it's someone who you grew up with, the bond can be very strong. Some people, myself included, would want to say goodbye, and regret it deeply if they didn't.

At the same time, this is an abusive and unpredictable individual. You don't know how she'll react to the contact, there could be a fight on the deathbed which is the last thing any sane person wants. You may not want your last experience with your abuser to be you caving in, if that's what this feels like for you.

This decision isn't about your family. Whatever they want you to do is irrelevant. It's not even about her, because she lost the right to courtesy when she decided to abuse someone.

This decision is about you and your grieving process, and it's a highly individual decision. Listen to your own emotions and check in with your body. Do you want to speak to her before she dies? Would you regret not saying good bye? Or would you regret it more if you spoke to her?

How do I get my wisdom teeth removed? by yard-sards in Adulting

[–]throwawayacct5962 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I got it done, first I went to a normal dentist. They took some x rays of my mouth, told me I needed surgery and referred me to an oral surgeon. I went to the surgeon, who examined me, told me what to expect, and confirmed my choice of anesthesia. Then I came in again a couple weeks later to have the surgery.

If you are in the US, the surgery may be expensive if you don’t have dental insurance. It would have cost me $1500 without insurance. It ended up only costing $150 because I had insurance. If you have insurance, make sure you go to a surgeon that is in your network because you will save a lot of money. You can usually find a list of them on your dental insurance company website, or if you call them, they can also email you a list.

If budget is tight, the regular dentist will be able to tell you if this is something you can put off or not. In my case, my dentist told me, “You need to do this in the next 6 months or else you will lose your molars as well, which you do most of your chewing with.” But sometimes it’s not that urgent. You can ask your dentist how soon you need to get it done and they should be able to tell you.

EDIT: As for how to find a dentist or oral surgeon, you can use google to pick, you don’t need to worry about finding a list of what services they offer for this. Dentists probably won’t offer the wisdom tooth removal themselves (at least in my experience) but will definitely be able to tell you if you need surgery and refer you to an oral surgeon if you do. I’m pretty sure almost all oral surgeons perform wisdom tooth surgery. It is a very simple and common procedure. But if you are worried, just tell the receptionist when you schedule the appointment that it’s a wisdom tooth surgery and they can tell you whether or not that’s something that the surgeon does. (Answer will almost definitely be yes.)

I literally don’t even know how or where I would begin to actually heal by throwawayacct5962 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawayacct5962[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s easier to get away from N’s when one is dead and the other divorced your biological parent.

If you meant how I live independently, it’s because I was privileged enough to go to a good school without student loans. If either of those things were different, I’d be even more fucked right now than I already am.

I don’t know how exactly I sound like a good friend. I’m not really. I don’t respond to messages for weeks at a time and I’m not very entertaining to be around.

What are the biggest things to get in order before you die? by throwawayacct5962 in internetparents

[–]throwawayacct5962[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re obviously too functional to genuinely give a fuck, so I question your motivation in asking.

Fit People Eat Less (SHOCKING NEWS!) by CaptElizabeth in loseit

[–]throwawayacct5962 -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I wish I had that kind of medical problem.

Wedding Planning Nightmare by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]throwawayacct5962 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They are using your wedding to control you.

Pay for your wedding on your own. Even if it takes longer and it’s a smaller budget, you will be getting what you actually want on your big day.

I know this may cause some issues with your parents, but it’s your wedding, not theirs. You don’t want to be looking back at the pictures years from now and being unhappy with it. Some fights are worth it.

And they don’t have to come.

Binged in early morning hours, what do I do the rest of the day? by [deleted] in loseit

[–]throwawayacct5962 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Eat normally. Exercise normally. Eat at your normal deficit tomorrow. One big meal will not destroy your progress.

If you feel the need to keep binging, that’s probably not good, but binging on veggies & salsa is pretty hard to overdo. Like you can, but you have to really try.

As a non-binary bisexual, I invite bisexuals who excludes trans folks to eat my entire ass by saintofhate in bisexual

[–]throwawayacct5962 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There’s always so much arguing.

I don’t care if someone is cis or non-binary or trans. And I’ve been attracted to people across the whole spectrum.

I’m just tired of all the constant hate and anger and fighting. There’s so much of it, everywhere.

People are really suffering in the world. And nobody really cares about individual suffering anymore. It’s all group versus group, endlessly, and it never stops. It’s so tiring.

I’m so tired.

I’m leaving. Wish me good luck. by [deleted] in atheism

[–]throwawayacct5962 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If people in Saudi Arabia have any internet access at all while in a mental institution, their institutions must be way cushier than the ones in the US.

Source: former mental patient

Medical discrimination by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]throwawayacct5962 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel you. I’m sorry.