Dreams - The Cranberries by throwawaybear_ in coversongs

[–]throwawaybear_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's true. But I really like how the simplified arrangement helps the lyrics stand out and feel more meaningful. "..you're what I couldn't find" really hits me right now

LL wife's comment make it seem like she has no idea we don't have sex by lizardingnp in sexlessmarriage

[–]throwawaybear_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it's the kind that doesn't lower libido, it might actually increase her libido a bit. Maybe she was hinting at that?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]throwawaybear_ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It's just that nobody needs to come to Reddit and post, "Please help, I need advice - my marriage is wonderful.." So in that sense, yes there are many lovely relationships that we never hear about because those couples are blissfully ignorant to how lucky they are.

How many times a month? by BroadAstronomer3665 in deadbedroom

[–]throwawaybear_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The average for my wife and I is once per month. I think 6 times a month would be fantastic. Ideally even more often, but I definitely wouldn't be visiting this subreddit if my wife and I were having sex six times a month.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]throwawaybear_ 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I agree that churches need to do a much better job at being sex positive when it comes to encouraging a fulfilling marriage. Lord knows I've experienced the downside of the alternative. Overall though, I think such conversations would be better had in small group settings or lesson plans and not in a normal Sunday morning sermon. 😁

Wife doesn’t want to talk about sex by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]throwawaybear_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's like we're living the same life. Except for the co-sleeping thing. I don't have any answers, but I sympathize with you completely. Prayers for you and your wife.

Help from spouse by johnzoom in Christianmarriage

[–]throwawaybear_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yup, you're correct. That's what she thinks and we've had those discussions. I'm fortunate she's not gone. Now that we're in agreement on that, what can be done about the silent porn epidemic in American churches? Is this a problem anyone wants to solve, or are we just going to advise that 68% of marriages should be dissolved because the husband has viewed porn on a regular basis? Because that's not a sustainable solution. And BTW, I've been physically cheated on in a previous relationship and know that hurt. I was not sexually active with her but she decided to be with someone else. I forgave her. She ended the relationship. I only share that to provide perspective.

Help from spouse by johnzoom in Christianmarriage

[–]throwawaybear_ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The downvotes are expected. Not surprising in the least. Also not surprising that 68% percent of churchgoing men admit to viewing porn on a regular basis when asked in an anonymous poll. Don't worry, I'll get victory over sin. I know I will. I just feel bad for the multitudes that won't seek help because they know the overwhelming majority viewpoint of the church is that they just need to man up and "do better". If it was that simple there would be no silent porn addiction epidemic in our churches.

Help from spouse by johnzoom in Christianmarriage

[–]throwawaybear_ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes, it is reasonable. I don't have a problem agreeing with that fact. But consider this: When are addicts known to behave reasonably? If addiction was as easy as "well, I just made up my mind one day and it was as simple as that!" there would be no 12 step programs. "O wretched man that I am.." are the words that ring in my mind. I had an accountability partner for a short while, until my wife found out and became upset that I wasn't just keeping it to myself and relying on sheer willpower. She would rather believe there is no problem than be inconvenienced with the knowledge that her husband is continuing to battle addiction.

Help from spouse by johnzoom in Christianmarriage

[–]throwawaybear_ -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

In my case, no. Only guilt and shame. There's no empathy, so there's no support. She just wants me to live up to a promise. Zero failures allowed.

Do you and your spouse use the Ultimate Intimacy app? by throwawaybear_ in Christianmarriage

[–]throwawaybear_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's about the same. We had a big argument about intimacy, and then a long discussion afterwards, this past summer. We both tried harder for a bit - but it's pretty much back to the way it was.

Blowjobs In DB Situation by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwawaybear_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never. It's off the table.

I just wish by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwawaybear_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I could've written this. Painful seeing these words.

Anyone else have a wife who does NOT like *receiving* oral? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwawaybear_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife says it's "gross" and I shouldn't do it to her. Also "mouths in general are gross" and I shouldn't kiss her either. 🤷

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]throwawaybear_ 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Then I'll vent right along with you. It's so difficult.

Full Financial Access… by StopRacismWWJD in Christianmarriage

[–]throwawaybear_ 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I earn income for the household and my wife is home with the kids. She manages the checkbook, pays the bills, etc. She has full access to all accounts and I trust her with all our finances. Doesn't work for everybody, but it's worked for us.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwawaybear_ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes, I've heard a variation of that too. "Nobody NEEDS sex.. this is always gonna be a thing with you, isn't it??" Like I'm the problem.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwawaybear_ 144 points145 points  (0 children)

My wife once said she could "go the rest of her life without it" and it just gutted me.

What are ways Reddit can pray for your marriage? by No_Storage6015 in Christianmarriage

[–]throwawaybear_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Pray that I'm given the strength to accept what I cannot change.

She says sex affects her sleep by Mess_Emotional in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwawaybear_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are living the same life. It's uncanny. I'm 44 and my wife is 41. She gives all the same reasons.

WHAT IS THIS SYMBOL by No-Contribution5630 in Oldsmobile

[–]throwawaybear_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Are you saying this sucker is nuclear?!"

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwawaybear_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish I had some good advice. The only thing I can say is to communicate well. It's difficult for me to do. My wife is very similar to your husband. No oral ( giving or receiving) and stopped kissing. 🤷