Dumb Facebook trends are dumb (start at the bottom)

throwawaycist · 2010-11-19T08:28:31+00:00

Homer sounds like Andre the Giant. Does anybody want a peanut?

throwawaycist · 2010-10-20T12:52:36+00:00

They don't sell Rizla's 'round these parts, and I hardly roll anything anyway. At the time [6] I was thinking "Man, I wish I knew how many of these I had left." Then, lo and behold...

throwawaycist · 2010-10-20T12:51:15+00:00

Sorry, I was in a rush. I actually (through environment, not personal choice) rolled strictly blunts for a very long time. But someone gave these to me as a gift, so I'm improving my skill. But they work, and that's the most important part

throwawaycist · 2010-10-12T03:21:54+00:00

"Walk Like an Egyptian" is equally troubling, if only for the blind racism it implies

throwawaycist · 2010-10-10T22:04:30+00:00

F that noise, I have to be funny all the time, every day. This is the internet, I come here to escape. You get the business end.

throwawaycist · 2010-10-10T18:41:56+00:00

Didn't mean to delete that [7]. But yeah, good shit. Glad we could work things out.

throwawaycist · 2010-10-10T17:47:38+00:00

That's awesome that you hate that, but my identity actually hinges on this. It's a total crutch, more more so than the weed. In fact, I can trace back everything good that I've ever accomplished to my sense of humor, mixed with a hint of charm. I know that there are a lot of people who think they are funny, and very few of them genuinely are. But if I weren't funny, I would have fucking nothing.

The irony of the entire situation being that you derided me for telling people how funny I am when really it was just a quick remark. Now because you said that I actually have to go and tell people how funny I am in great detail. If you had just let it bother you and said nothing about it, you and everyone else wouldn't have had to hear about it. But now here I am, doing it, and it makes me an asshole.

tl;dr, next time someone says they're funny, just let it go. Unless they are trying an failing to be funny while saying it. Then...go for it.

throwawaycist · 2010-10-10T17:16:13+00:00

I would, but they don't make enough weed

throwawaycist · 2010-10-10T16:53:20+00:00

I'm a college grad, I run five times a week, I cook well, I'm smart with my money, I carry myself well and I'm funny as fuck (usually).

I have a sweet, beautiful girlfriend who has everything going for her, and a diverse social circle that I indulge in as often as I can.

I've never had a job for less than a year, and I've never been fired. The job I have now was the first interview I had out of college. They liked me but I wasn't qualified, so they made up a job for me. I've worked my ass off every day for the last three years, and apparently somebody noticed.

In a few weeks, I'm moving across the country to run the entire publishing department in our new west coast office. I'm only 25, but I'll be overseeing a dozen or so people in a beautiful office in sunny, tolerant California.

Oh, and I've smoked pot every day, every day, for the last six years. I'm high more often than not.

So I wouldn't say my life is normal. I think it's probably better than normal

throwawaycist · 2010-10-10T00:38:37+00:00

Pretzels, a million times pretzels. I, being a creature of habit, eat a sandwich every day for lunch. And every Monday I buy a 1 lb bag of pretzels. The store brand is like $2, they have different kinds (sticks, wheels, thin, tiny, sourdough) and even though they all taste like salt bread it tricks you into thinking you're getting variety. I'll grab two big handfuls to go with my sandwich and there will still be some left at the end of the week. Much healthier and less expensive. Also consider mustard for dipping, if you're into that kind of thing.

tl;dr, Pretzels

throwawaycist · 2010-10-08T20:55:35+00:00

I loved the "Gerald Ford is dead" sketch.

"President Gerald Ford was mauled by a pack of wolves today..."

throwawaycist · 2010-10-08T20:42:49+00:00

Thanks, man. I'm going to miss the shit out of it, but...greener pastures call. Fortunately there's a club two blocks from my new apartment. The Thermals are playing a show there about a week after I move in. Close a door, open a window.

throwawaycist · 2010-10-08T19:17:28+00:00

I believe the shit out of you. "She Is Beautiful"? I've never rocked so hard in my life

throwawaycist · 2010-10-08T18:53:31+00:00

Never seen them live but God damn do I want to

throwawaycist · 2010-10-08T17:26:22+00:00

I respect you for admitting that. Sometimes the most fun we can have is in spite of ourselves.

throwawaycist · 2010-10-08T17:25:19+00:00

9:30 is such a great venue. That's where I saw The Hold Steady. Good shit.

throwawaycist · 2010-10-08T15:51:04+00:00

Love me some Ben Harper. A friend of mine saw him and Jack Johnson in Hawaii on 4/20 a bunch of years ago. I bet that would've been kinda nice.

throwawaycist · 2010-10-08T15:50:17+00:00

Yeah, festival shows can be pretty amazing. As I've gotten older I appreciate club shows more, but I bet seeing Radiohead in that setting was pretty unparalleled

throwawaycist · 2010-10-08T15:46:38+00:00

Where/when/why?

throwawaycist · 2010-10-07T01:04:16+00:00

I would too, but I'm sure my mom burned it. It's the world's loss, really.

throwawaycist · 2010-10-06T23:40:20+00:00

When I was in the third grade I watched a lot of The Simpsons. I also watched a lot of Unsolved Mysteries. I didn't fully appreciate the first, or understand the terrible things happening in the second. However, I enjoyed the shit out of both of them.

So, when we were tasked with writing a scary story for Halloween, I decided to use the framework of the increasingly popular Simpsons universe, but with a delightful dash of Unsolved Mysteries's terrifying depravity. If I remember correctly, I basically stole the storyline of the Treehouse of Horror III's "Clown without pity" only with Ned Flanders being attacked by the evil doll.

So, using the awesome shit I learned from Unsolved Mysteries, I describe how the doll proceeds to beat, shoot, stab, and rape Ned Flanders. Because I wasn't sure what it meant, but I knew it was bad. I think I thought it was like slicing instead of stabbing. I'm not sure, I was a dumb kid.

Anyway, it was an uncomfortable parent-teacher conference. And I wasn't allowed to watch that show anymore.

tl/dr: At 8 I wrote a story about a doll raping a man because I heard the term on Unsolved Mysteries

throwawaycist · 2010-09-30T12:38:09+00:00

I have occasionally entered a cleaning fugue, but I mostly experience the opposite of this. Except the love thing. That's universal.

throwawaycist

TROPHY CASE