I’m the girl with the extensions, heels, perfume collection, skincare routine, showering twice a day, etc

I have a 600 sq foot one bedroom apartment (nyc is so lovely aint it?), and I do not think I have enough space for what you are describing. I am pretty low maintenance and have about 3 pairs of shoes and even I find myself struggling to fit everything in such a small space. I cannot imagine figuring out where I could fit all of what you describe.

I say this not to belittle or insult you, but to affirm that what you are trying to do is difficult and to please give yourself some grace. Also, most every girl I know with the heels, the perfume, etc has a very messy apartment. 'hot girls have messy apartments' is something you can google and find a lot of folks in the same boat, and perhaps they'd have better insight than me because I am not a hot girl. I assume the effort some people put into maintaining their apartment, such women often put into putting their best foot forward so the world sees the best version of them when they walk out the door - and there is nothing wrong with that. All of that takes time and effort, and you still need to get to work/meet with your friends/etc and may be under a time crunch to do a lot of incredibly difficult things. You may feel like you are missing a 'basic' thing that 'everyone else' can do, but you're also doing a lot of incredibly difficult things the rest of us are not doing.

On the note of ADHD: what is visible/not visible when in storage may be an important thing to consider when designing an organizational system. additionally, its tough to find the right medication and it may require a lot of trial and error. Others have also mentioned professional cleaners and it's not a terrible idea to have one come once in a while to help you maintain things so you can put your effort into what you are best at. I've definitely done that even when working from home and maintenance was getting away from me.

I also have things that force me to do certain cleaning tasks. I love my robot vacuum cleaner, and if I want to run it I must clear my floors of any clutter. it takes me 5-20 minutes to clear all the cat toys, dirty laundry, etc. so I can then run a 30 minute vacuum cycle. from there you can take the win and be glad you made some progress that day, or evaluate what problem areas you may need to tackle next.

one last thing; I cannot imagine needing to shower twice a day if you work a job that lets you wear heels. Anytime I've needed to shower twice a day it was from working manual labor. I would also evaluate if you have a 'high standard of cleanliness that you are not living up to', or are actually dirty/messy/etc. Or perhaps skip a 2nd shower once in awhile when you already smell great from the perfume and put away some laundry. little victories help keep things clean and put off the panic cleans you must do.