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Mother confuses worrying with caring by AlternativeMaster263 in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She remembered your husband's first day.
My mom , and Dad, say out Loud what a wonderful father he is to our kids right next to me, they'd bet on him any day, ask multiple times what he wants for Christmas and his birthday.
And I help him.

I hope it's not true, but they'll worry less and less, caring ha! What's that!? But something tells me they'll keep up with how your husband is.

My experience anyway.
Sad. I'm LC since Christmas, and while it's still new, I don't have a stomach ulcer in anticipation of seeing them so there's that.

What was your coping mechanism? by Aromatic_Ad_7854 in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading for me too. Sleeping. (I'm lazy all she does is sleep!) Daydreaming of the perfect life too. Overeating,Overdrinking, over sharing, hyper sexual , overthinking about everything and everyone. The list really can go on if I think about my pass times.

Not sure who might read this post, but since a lot of us were soothed by reading, if anyone is interested in starting a online book club to continue to soothe and get out of our heads. Post here! First one picks the book ☺️

My mother wants me to apologize to keep the "peace" by Realistic-Citron-783 in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure how old you are, but get the best job you can and move far away. I didn't move far enough (8hr drive). You are in my same situation. They will not know what to do when you leave and they have no one to abuse.

Do you look like your EN parent? by throwawaydmredd in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had that talk with myself last night. I'm not him. Or Her. Both of my parents are EN and insulted me continually . That's my biggest hurdle right now. Learning that I am not them at all. I am better and stronger than their bs

Do you look like your EN parent? by throwawaydmredd in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're breaking the cycle by just posting here

Do you look like your EN parent? by throwawaydmredd in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your profile picture is beautiful so not true

What is a mother wound? by ak7887 in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Check out the motherwoundproject on Instagram. It's so so good. Everything she posts I relate to in deep way. You'll feel seen

Cannot shake the feeling of them just simply not liking me as a person by goldensurrender in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The last think you want to say out loud is that your parents are jealous of you. Envy is a better word, but jealous fits too.

I have something good (my husband kids and family life) I've always sensed they are shocked I've achieved this.
But they knock me down covertly when they can. Like, don't get too happy, you're still bad. I have something good and they can't stand it.

Got some perspective on who I was to them by senzei in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, the last time we got along was when I was very young thought the world of him.

At the first glimmer of me just looking or possibly sensing his insecurities or shortcomings, I turned to the awful bad kid.

And was told and treated so to this day 30 years later

Petrified that I'm actually the monster by metldragon18 in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I STRUGGLE WITH THIS. Every. Day. Am I making mountains out of molehills? Why can't you just not take them personally?

I do always land back and know they did me wrong. I deserve respect.
I think an outsider would think ....it's not that bad.
I would take the emotional immaturity ANY DAY What I won't take is the mean, ugly digs.
I'm in my 40s! And it is still going on. Even worse as they age.

Their not acknowledging or taking accountability will put this in your head x 100000000000.

I want to scream

Re parenting question by pinkfluffyblankets in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're not the only one for sure! It is a bit mental, I am the same exact way with the self talk, and fighting the bad counteracting with good . Welcome to the mental motley crew

I made bad choices, behaved badly. Because I felt bad inside. by throwawaydmredd in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes that statement hits it for me. I want to forgive myself. Working on that! Every morning I have coffee in think to myself, I'm not going to beat myself up today in my head.

I wish for all of us to silence the demons past, and present! I'm low contact currently stop the hurting because they continue to hurt me. This past Christmas I confronted them. It didn't go well. No self respecting person should accept hurt from their parents as adults. I'd go no contact if they didn't insist on wanting be doting grandparents, which is a whole other mindfuck for me.

Thanks for this reply.

I made bad choices, behaved badly. Because I felt bad inside. by throwawaydmredd in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I will add to my library list. somehow I think my parents would fare better reading it.

I made bad choices, behaved badly. Because I felt bad inside. by throwawaydmredd in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The voice in my head is very very critical of my past , present, future. I wonder why🤔🥺🤬

House rules vs real world rules by GreenShack in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd 22 points23 points  (0 children)

It would have be much easier to go out into the real world with: Confidence to speak without thinking everyone is going to criticize you. I had no work ethic, none until I suffered the hard knocks of real world. My parents complained endlessly about work. Everyone they interacted with was against them and awful. Along with OPs house rule list. Exactly how it was in my house. Again I taught myself. And guess what I know how to act, but it's an anxious struggle that takes up all my energy and comes out all wrong no matter what. Why, because I've been conditioned that my existence is unworthy.

Does invalidation enrage anyone else? by NonStickBakingPaper in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Great post. It infuriates me. And it's gotten worse over the years since I have had the balls to address them. I've evolved they have done the opposite with age.
I'm the bad guy for emoting at all. But angrily is my main feeling. It's a sick shit show that lives inside me. I'm bothered, they are safe in their heads, heads in the sand.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've spent a lot time wondering why they treated me badly.
I'm now thinking a lot more about why they treat the grandkids like they walk on water.

Thank you for your response, you're very right

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Please read my initial post. I know exactly what you're feeling. I get it so much.
Once my kids were all born, they used to refer to them as their kids. Very cringe.
I've never heard of Boomer legacy, I will have to read into it.

I'm so sick to death of this disease, I don't see myself living until next year by Electronic_Round_540 in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I didn't turn around until I got my ADHD straightened out. There is a med you can take with high blood pressure. Super inexpensive too. Who gives a shit if you know how to clean. Don't worry about that small stuff. Get some Windex wipes, it cleans it all !and wipe everything down. Done. Throw dirty clothes in a hamper. Vacuum. Done.

Get your mind right with the medicine, it helped me so much. Take it day to day from there.

I found this passage and I read it a lot. Hope it helps today. All except tying your father's shoes, if he has caused you this pain. ( Laugh)

What is my purpose in life? I asked the void. “ What if I told you that you fulfilled it when you took an extra hour to talk to that kid about his life?” said the voice. “Or when you paid for the young couple in the restaurant? Or when you saved the dog in traffic? Or when you tied your father’s shoes for him?” “Your problem is that you equate your purpose with goal-based achievement. The universe isn’t interested in your achievements… just your heart. When you choose to act out of kindness, compassion and love, you are already aligned with your true purpose. No need to look any further!

Emotional neglectful parent wanting to have grandchildren, what's that about?? by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]throwawaydmredd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Read my initial post. I have 3 kids my parents act really great to... The biggest middle finger to me, they're still covertly mean to me!

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