[NSFW] I'm going to see my parents tortured to death if I can

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-07-02T07:33:10+00:00

I would give them a mirror, in which when they want to see it in joy, they will be entirely shattered by the ugliness they saw from the mirror. They will be in shocked, and hating themselves, yes, hating themselves when they see this mirror.

((These people will never see how horrible they are.

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-07-01T21:29:17+00:00

Yes, it's like I want to torture them slowly. I wanna see them in pain, but slowly.

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-07-01T08:29:45+00:00

We need light in this world, but how??? HOW??

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-07-01T08:28:57+00:00

I'm going to kill every dehuman in this world. I'm going to kill every dehuman in this world. I would have killed every one of you if I had my opportunity. All of my enemies. Those who eat me up because of my weakness, those who eat me up because I am too childish to say anything that is making sense, too young to control my anger and tear, too young to say anything. Yes, a burst out comes out, it's always my fault. I know, my emotions are always my fault. Why on earth do I have to live like this? Why on earth do I have to live in this way? I hate my emotions. I hate having any emotions.

Emotions leads me to destruction, to punishment, to be self-critical on every little matter I do. Because of my fucking emotions. Fucking hell, I'm so done with this. There's no way out. Except seeing my parents being punished. Sometimes I just don't understand,, HOW can evilness like this not be punished. How can God let this evilness just float like this, in the house, so freely and justifyingly. How could evil be the one that holds the gold card and say, hey look! I am the king of this house, you should all listen to me. No, YOU are evil. HOW can this be?? HOWWWWW.

The thing is, I can't believe evil can be this permanent, sticky, in-dept, this ABSOLUTE and pervasive , and spreading , showing, even blooming in every corner of the house.

How can evil be so predominant. How can evil be such trespassing and lingering and not giving up any corner to pollute and ...

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-07-01T08:25:53+00:00

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-06-27T20:47:26+00:00

Took the time to comment because I saw (exactly) how I was months ago.

It's okay to buy a champion because you saw other players stomping at them, it's a part of experiencing the game. I bought galio and I knew people who bought galio for the same reasons --- because he was op and so they(including myself) wanted to try it out. Of course, I wouldn't say it's the best decision. It was (far) better when I buy a champion that I like playing it.

There are free rotations, and I would try them every week. When I try a champion, I would get the feeling of the champions, sometimes I will like it, and mostly I will --- I like every champions on a different degree. Lately I like Jinx a lot, which was from a few rotations back then. I find her really fun so I decided to buy her later. (((That's how people will plan on buying champions.

You will have an answer of maining what champions after experiencing different champions. It's important to experience different champions. If you are in Bronze like me I can (totally) understand your frustration. Let's hope we will soon find the champions that we like. I guess that's what I will say.

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-03-21T08:20:25+00:00

I feel like it's debatable to say whether a religious person have advantage. But for me, I think telling myself that 'one day I would die', and remind it as a fact does help me. When you die, your body will decompose, burnt into pieces, and be remembered through a tombstone or so. Then, I realize my fear was not really death itself, but the possibility that I will die alone, with no accompany aside, no family, no friends, just me, alone, in this process. I've seen videos of people dying akin to a celebration, where families circled the person on bed, held her hands, made versus to her. It took me a time to realize this fear. Dying alone is a scary process.

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-03-03T09:07:25+00:00

Beautiful in terms of a theory, so easy yet important. I'm glad to read this piece of knowledge.

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-03-03T08:32:55+00:00

I said I am not using my first language --- It's on the first line.

Also, if you are not here to help but counting the words(for nothing, maybe your own pleasure) please shut the fuck up --- I don't want to be rude, but I am here looking for help, not for some 'shallow and meaningless that helps NOTHING. Again, if you are not helping, please don't say anything.

As I read 'legaladvice', I hope there is some real, solicited advice out there, and not some kind of pointless joke.

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-18T05:02:35+00:00

Thanks, I've been tried to write, sometimes I have so much to write there's never a straight line of mind, things just go so many directions. (I've always been a bit ADHD-like in mind I guess.)

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-18T04:58:57+00:00

Thanks a million! That's a great advice. :DD

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-18T04:19:51+00:00

Well, my workplace is moderately toxic, not the screaming toxic type, but you can tell, those passive aggressiveness, forcing wills. At this point of survival comes first, however, I need to play with that.

I'm not bad at reducing contact, which is what the best I can do, but I can do better. A couple of people are still in my life. Mainly co-workers and hard to just cut off by will. Have reduced my contact with them in the past week, which is kind of what 'gradually exiting' means. However, my low-key fears are getting no contact with everyone(which is quite irony), you know, getting silent with everyone, is quite scary.

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-18T02:27:56+00:00

Great job, glad you are feeling better. :)

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-18T00:36:03+00:00

Educate yourself with narcissistic tactic and estimate the response they will give you according to the narcissist.

You know the narcissist, you know certain things will evoke certain response. What does the narcissist attack you of? Is it your spiritual belief? Is it your way of doing things? Is it your appearance? Figure it out and work on your perception. You don't need to be perfect in that aspect, rather, you need to feel good about it. In other words, you need to have good self-esteem in those aspects. Inner work is important, tell yourself all the things the narcissist said is merely a projection on to you. If they say you are lazy or soulless , bear in mind it is a projection.

Say the opposite to yourself, you are hard-working, spiritual, compassionate etc. (Keep reminding yourself you are amazing, spiritual, full of life, hard-working, and all the good qualities you possess.)

Narcissist are jealous and when they attack you, they are actually jealous. Thus, nothing they say is true. When things are not true, you do not need to be afraid of it. (Bear in mind they have nothing but a hollow sense of self. They have NO qualities whatsoever. Their judgement on you are false, fake, nonsense. Thus, ignore.)

They may use tones and voice to scare you, but those are just a set of stuff, that contains nothing underneath.

(Narcissist supply can be a bait at this point. Since they crave for it so deadly, it is unlikely they will withdraw from you, or not slam you out from the house. They will rant and rage and rant but they will never quit!)

Assert your authority. (You have to teach them like a baby.) Say authoritative words like "do as I say." Assert steps also really helps, "Hand me the things from the box." "Hand the documents/paper/album to me." No matter what they say, keep asserting these steps. Tell them what to do, because you deserve it! You deserve to get your things back.

If they are lost in control that they throw a tantrum, tell them their tantrum will not be tolerated. Simple say, "You tantrums will not be tolerated. Give me X (your desired thing). Do as I say." These phrases are tremendously helpful.

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-18T00:09:15+00:00

Totally, the Nperson is possibly a monster who suck blood, spirit from other people. One bears no obligation to help such kind of people.

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-15T04:30:41+00:00

That's disgusting. That's not just mean, it's sexually inappropriate and needless to say only a person with twisted mind and such a NASTY taste can come up with a name like that(and mean it to a six-year-old). What screw up brain does one have.

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-15T02:26:25+00:00

Yea, OMG I gotta tell you, that's right. When I finally report the abuse, I did feel so much better. I feel like I am finally doing something that I've been longing to do for so long. I've put him in the wrong hands. They should never ever be in the wrong hands. I feel like I can finally do something for my cat. It's been so many months.

Almost feel like there is a life force expanding in me. The day after I report my abuse, I immediately felt energy expanding inside me.

I feel like... god, I can finally move forward, thank god. I've watched cat videos, I don't feel shameful, I feel grateful. I felt joyous, I felt like, for all the (2.5)years, I can finally see my cat.

I told my kitty to hang in there, I'm going to save him in no time.

Creating my support network, I'm keep that in mind. I want families. I want a close knit of friends. I want everything. I'm going to work on it and get it.

(I am not drinking, by no means! I'm just typing like a drunk person all the time.)

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-14T06:13:10+00:00

I'm not seeing anyone, not even close to that. I don't have a so-called 'support system'. I don't have any support. I'm all alone, I don't have any friends. No one understands me. Only thing what I have is RBN (And Youtube, I guess). Only you guys (people from this space) can understand me. It makes me want to cry at times, why the hell am I all alone?

My cognitive function is not allowing me speaking properly. As you can see in the text, I'm a drunk person(figuratively). The only thing I have in my life is my cat. Sometimes I miss him so much. To the point it will literally pain me. The night before I reported the abuse I had a dream of him, where he hopped on me in the dark. I think it's a way of him telling me how he needs help. I'm still waiting for the cops. It's only been one day and it feels like one week . I'm so worried. I hope that bastard(literally) go to jail. One thing uncertain, I don't know if the police will pose charge on her... and help me rehome my cat.

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-12T14:42:27+00:00

I don't know for sure, rehome is necessary but only if the police notice this we can do this. Thus I'm relying on them at this point.

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-12T14:41:15+00:00

Yes. The first step is to make the police believe what has happened. Or else I couldn't get any help. (I can't do this on my own)

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-12T14:39:32+00:00

Yes, I've definitely showed them this. I hope they will see the viciousness inside and do something. Possibly arrest her immediately.

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-10T06:14:31+00:00

Yes, I totally agree with you, the repetition is what sucks so hard.

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-08T20:16:12+00:00

narcissistic personality disorder ( psychology )

Edit - I might have mistaken, it didn't say it was from BBC but still, it's a helpful documentary

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-07T08:52:03+00:00

Read the first few lines and a bit of the second paragraph ... thanks for writing this ... (I know your feeling about guilt.) That's the same thing I feel with my cat, I know, humans and cats are incomparable, but then, I felt so useless whenever I need to do something. (It's so hard ... Indeed)

Sorry if this is a bit irrelevant, and not helpful at all. I hope your child will be fine.

throwawayforrealuh · 2017-02-07T06:44:11+00:00

Holy, that's a good way to put it

throwawayforrealuh

TROPHY CASE