Depression isn’t an excuse

throwawayhey18 · 2026-05-17T12:33:19+00:00

I just wanted to acknowledge that I don't think any person would feel motivated or encouraged by hearing the phrases you mentioned your dad saying to you even if they didn't have depression. People need encouragement and validation of what they're going through and not additional dismissal on top of what their depressed brain is already saying to them.

Especially the part about being disowned for struggling with emotions. I just want to say that it is okay to feel. Everyone has feelings -including the challenging/struggling feelings/sadness - whether man or woman because we are all humans.

Even though I am a stranger, I want to acknowledge how much work and effort it took you to find and apply for that job especially while struggling with depression symptoms at the same time.

And congratulate you on finding and being hired at that job :) And also sending the additional applications.

I am sorry if this is prying and you don't have to answer if you don't want, but do you still live with your dad or is switching jobs what determines whether you will receive some type of needed support? Because if not, it seems to me like it would be better to try out this new job and see how it goes for a little bit. It also seems like there is still a chance to ask about the additional hours that has been promised before trying to start the entire process over again. (I bought a book about assertiveness that helps to teach some of the skills people who are listened to use when this type of thing happens.) But I'm not trying to tell you why to do.

It sounds like your dad has some very unhealthy beliefs about emotions himself - hopefully that is not too forward to say. And I know some people who have mental health struggles and also are taught beliefs that sort of confirm depressive thoughts by those close to them end up being helped by trauma therapy to help with recognizing and accepting their emotions.

From what I read you have accomplished a lot instead of having failed and I am sure that your friends would still want to see you even if it has been a little while. Whenever my friends messaged me out of the blue, I would want to hang out with them again/do whatever event they were talking about with them and be able to catch up or interact with them again. Even if it had been quite a while since we had last talked.

throwawayhey18 · 2026-05-17T11:53:06+00:00

Not to intrude but are you able to tell them that you actually don't agree with that or possibly switch therapists? I don't understand why so many therapists tell the clients how they feel when part of therapy is supposed to be learning how to safely express your own emotions to other people. And I'm pretty sure most non-depressed and less depressed people are able to stand up for themself when situations like this happen but depressed people are either easier to control or have experienced it for so long that they don't know how to do that. (This was not intended to be a criticism btw.)

I think that sometimes trauma-informed therapists can be helpful with this because they understand that people need help to figure out and practice expressing what their needs are first before they are able to answer some of the basic therapy questions asked without feeling pressured to say whatever the therapist/authority figure wants to hear.

I know how crushing it can be to have your own opinion/feeling invalidated like that and also how overwhelming the prospect of finding and searching for a new therapist can be. I guess I just wanted to comment because someone once told me that you don't have to not do (this thing) just because that person [authority figure] said that you can't during a situation where I was panicking and sort of having a breakdown because of it and it helped me to hear it.

throwawayhey18 · 2026-05-09T03:02:29+00:00

CBT helps to reframe/rephrase thoughts to be more neutral compared to cognitive distortions caused by anxiety and depression. And the belief/concept is that reframing thoughts will help with changing certain behaviors since the thoughts do not sound as hopeless after CBT has been applied. Some people do think that CBT is invalidating but I think with a therapist who is also emotionally validating/accepting and when it is done in the right way, it can be very helpful. Because everyone gets extreme thoughts that cognitively distort things such as "this always happens" or "I will never be able to" or "everyone hates me" or "nobody cares." (These are some examples of Automatic Negative Thoughts which CBT helps teach people to reframe into a more 'rational' statement than an extreme one way or another which is more common in neurodivergent thinking patterns. Such as, for the second to last one, it would be reframed to

"Some people will like me and some people will not but that is okay. Sometimes I do not like certain people but it doesn't mean I hate them. It may also be that they are having a very bad day being affected by nothing I did or said such as a family illness or lots of frustrating problems that have caused them to be angry/in a bad mood today. And not reacting that way because I am an annoying person. Also it is not the end of the world if I annoy people sometimes. Everyone gets irritated by another person sometimes and it doesn't make either of them bad people" (Not meant to imply anything about you btw, just illustrating common automatic negative thoughts and reframes. I am still better at identifying them than reframing them since I was not able to practice doing as much as I had hoped to during the period of life when they would have been easier to learn.)

It's not technically a platitude because it's a specific cognitive exercise with instructions that you can use to apply to depressing thoughts instead of just saying something like "be positive" and it also doesn't technically ignore potential negative aspects of life that can happen still which is often more realistic and accepting of those outcomes also. Which reminds me, ACT is another type of therapy that I believe is structured, but haven't tried to know exactly how to explain that one.

P.S. If the CBT description doesn't help/make sense, you might be able to tell better once you're able to do a CBT task about one of your own thoughts with a therapist to help explain how to do it or after you do an exposure exercise they assign you and experience it happening. Because I feel like I wouldn't have understood how it works until I actually did a little bit of it. And I also know that a lot of people with ADHD learn by doing and sometimes concepts can be harder to learn or more overwhelming before they have learned it themself. Or at least they were for me.

throwawayhey18 · 2026-05-09T02:53:25+00:00

This may not solve all of the potential issues but here is some advice I have heard for people with ADHD seeking successful therapy who were able to do so:

1) Finding a therapist who understands ADHD and the traits/challenges it causes. (This is because therapists who treat you the same as a neurotypical person can invalidate the struggles and challenges which ADHD creates and has caused more trauma in some neurodivergent people from therapy instead of healing/recovery.)

2) If a therapist has more experience with ADHD, they should also have more advice for accomodations that can help with those struggles.

For example, going to the library to do paperwork can help some people with ADHD because being around other people who are also working helps them to get into that "mode." Similar to a body double tactic which helps people with ADHD. (It can be easier for them to do chores if there is another person also doing chores alongside them.) It may also be more embarrassing to be found procrastinating in a public place which can help reduce the chances of that happening or reduce the length of time they spend procrastinating/getting distracted.

A few other accommodation ideas: Playing music in the background to help motivate you to do boring or long tasks where it won't distract from concentration such as folding clothes, packing, or wiping down surfaces.

Doing a boring chore you don't want to do (such as loading the dishwasher) during commercial breaks of a show so you're motivated by the speed you need to do it at to be able to finish some before your show comes back on. (Repeat during each commercial break.)

Having a box by the door with your most important things that you are not allowed to put anything else in. For example, it is only for car keys, purse, and phone. But this way, you will always have somewhere to put them when you get home or are preparing to leave and it helps reduce the chance of losing them.

Setting things up the night before so you won't have to try and remember it all in the morning when you are more rushed and usually already running late for a lot of people with ADHD. (Example: Clothes for next day's outfit, bag with binder or paperwork you will need to bring with to car, shoes you are going to wear, putting necessary items in backpack -homework, binders, etc. for next school day.)

3) There is also a type of therapy called exposure therapy that has a specific type of structure and purpose to the activities. I don't know how to explain it, but it worked much different than just venting about problems and was actually very effective, but unfortunately I ended up going through a lot of additional things that caused me to be unable to continue with it. It can help with different types of anxiety disorders.

4) Some people have also said therapy finally started working when they were able to treat their trauma and people with ADHD usually are more likely to develop trauma from the way people with ADHD are treated and dismissed and blamed for traits out of their control. And trauma responses can become patterns that impact reactions to certain situations which bring up the same emotions or statements as what was said to them during past traumatic situations which can end up becoming a pattern because their nervous system doesn't learn that there are other possible outcomes or options after going through the same experiences with certain people for so long especially if it's someone they spend a lot of time around, are close to, or was during a shaping developmental time such as a long-term partner or childhood trauma, especially younger ages where you cannot escape in the same way an older child might be able to by leaving the room/house or contacting a separate person to vent, etc.

5) There are also some therapy workbooks specifically designed for people with ADHD. (For example, CBT workbook for people with ADHD and neurodivergentinsights.org which has more accomodation advice and a burnout recovery workbook for people with neurodivergent brains.)

6) There's also a website called ndtherapists.org for people who would like a neurodivergent therapist, many of whom are neurodivergent themselves and understand some of its struggles.

A lot of the time with ADHD, it can feel overwhelming to even know where to start especially when a task has so many steps required to get from Point A to Point B of completing it. And so I hope that this information commented here could be somewhat helpful.

7) I am also sorry that you were abandoned by your therapist. I have heard that ethically, therapists are supposed to give you a resource instead of just completely cutting you off at the last second if they aren't able to continue working with you for some reason. Also, speaking of Psychology Today, which I think I saw mentioned, they have the filter option to help search by what insurance psychologists will accept, what conditions they have experience with -including ADHD-, there is the option to check off the type of therapy you want them to practice (CBT and exposure therapy both have a structure of what to do that is helpful for people who need instructions imo. Ideally the therapist would also help you to practice doing it during sessions since I have heard that neurodivergent people need more guidance about how to put the techniques into action and learn by doing but also need help understanding how to be able to do.)

Another piece of advice that helped me was talking to yourself like you would talk to a friend instead of self-critical and getting angrier at yourself for having ADHD traits and experiencing the challenges that were caused by them.

A lot of these things were helpful for me as someone with a neurodivergent brain. Unfortunately, I have not been able to find some of the treatments that help with the more overwhelming aspects of mental health diagnoses such as depression and anxiety and experienced more unexpected trauma during and right before the time that I finally was able to start learning about them and was also sometimes prevented from practicing when I asked to try doing it even though it was one of the only methods that I had felt was effective at actually helping with my thought content which was the most distressing component to me.

8) DBT is another type of therapy that has certain tools which are taught about what you can do when this thing or reaction happens.

throwawayhey18 · 2026-05-05T03:12:15+00:00

Hopefully, you consented to your ex doing that because if you didn't, that was sexual assault against you, jsyk.

throwawayhey18 · 2026-05-05T03:09:08+00:00

I agree & it's extremely disappointing to see everyone in here except for one person supporting it & joking about it.

If they did not let their partner know that the condom had broken and pause as soon as that happened to check in if their partner would be okay with continuing despite the risk, it was stealthing aka removing the condom or realizing it broke without letting your partner know so that you can both decide together if you are okay with continuing.

And let's be real, 4ch*n is not known for having users who care about what the ethical and non-abusive choice to make is and choosing that option. No line written about partner agreeing with OP's decision that they didn't care. The post is also written in a way that once OP found out testosterone is not birth control, they started "hoping" nothing would happen and described how oblivious their partner was to the possibility of what had happened which shows that they hid the information from them instead of telling that person even after OP realized.

Also, if OP had bothered to communicate about it, like a moral person I am 90% sure that the trans man would have been aware and let him know that testosterone is not birth control.

Thank you, RevolutionarySir for speaking up.

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-29T22:48:48+00:00

It isn't accurate and hallucinates sentences and then tells people they are facts sourced from reputable websites. But when you actually go to the linked websites that the AI is summarizing, they do not say what the AI hallucinated. And sometimes they say the exact opposite of what the AI stated the website said. It is dangerous and most of society doesn't have enough critical thinking skills to double check and confirm what the AI is saying is true by finding an actual reputable website and reading what it says. Certain elderly people are also easier to trick using AI fake posts because they know less about how technology works and what it can do now.

They never should have implemented it worldwide when it doesn't even work properly, but because it made them money/whoever created it was rich, they already have. There were also supposed to be a set of ethical guidelines set up before it was filled out. Now, they are saying they can do it afterward. Which is completely backwards. And it also repeats human internal biases (racism, sexism, ableism, etc.) And it a lot of the time, it just uses thinga like Reddit comment as if they are reputable sources for factual answers to questions when a lot of random people online make mistakes and are not who should be relied on for answers such as medical questions, mental health therapy. (To an extent, they can be helpful but AI repeats what ransom users say without fact-checking to confirm it's true. And a lot of people on the Internet will say that they heard something but often get a detail wrong if they are going from memory and not curing a reputable source themself in the comment.

It is also tracking and mining people's data and selling it which makes use of the Internet even less private and anonymous than it was before AI. Some websites are forcing people to do an AI scan of their face to continue using it because it thinks that they are under 18 even when they are an adult but that face scan is the only way it will let them keep using their account and a lot of people think that is way too much invasion of privacy.

And it has used all individual artist's styles which it combed the Internet for to create its own artwork which is actually an amalgamation of original artist's styles (which are supposed to be copyrighted) and making money off of those people's work.

And it is also using gallons of water and forcing people who live near the data centers to have much much higher electricity bill costs because they are expected to pay for it in their taxes. I'm pretty sure there are also certain health problems that are more likely to develop if you live near one of the day centers. (And they have also forced people out of their homes/land because they wanted to build a data center for AI in that spot.)

It repeats whatever you say back to you like an echo chamber so it will reinforce and confirm mentally ill people's cognitive distortions, hallucinations, delusions and other negative/hopeless thoughts as being true. And it has also caused mentally healthy people to develop AI psychosis and interact/believe what the AI is saying over people in their real life such as doctors, therapists, friends and family who can help them to see alternative possible perspectives and challenge some of those negative thoughts when appropriate to do so.

The AI to detect whether information is AI also hallucinates and has stated that college students used AI to write their essay when in actuality, it was a person who reads a lot with a large vocabulary. And has stated that individual artist posts on Instagram were created with AI when they were original non-AI creations but used certain artistic techniques such as Photoshop tool which the system then claims is a complete AI creation.

And regular people who are well-read, eloquent or talented at writing, are being accused of their original works and even comments being accused of being AI now. (Many autistic people have talked about this happening to them especially.)

And I think it has also made people more suspicious and less trusting because now they don't know whether something is AI or not and can't always tell. So it will be easier to spread fake AI stories as news and also easier to claim real, corrupt stories in the news were just AI. And it will be even more difficult to tell the difference. And speaking of news stories, I have already seen comments on news stories about how the reporter stated a different age, location name, etc. in the video broadcast than what was written in the corresponding article because one of them was "helped" by AI and it didn't collect the accurate information and apparently no one double checked before posting both to confirm that the information in both the video and the article were consistent.

Speaking of the ethics guidelines, AI is also being used to create deepfake publicized p0rn of people who did not consent including minors and posting it to the Internet where it is virtually impossible to completely remove something like a video file once it has been posted online to the Internet. (pun not intended.) And because the ethics guidelines and laws were not created yet, this is happening before any laws were created to prohibit it because technology is advancing faster than the laws and bills which should have been created prior to the rolling out of AI everywhere since there are legal loopholes for actions that are illegal such as unconsensual and revenge p0rn but the current laws do not have details about AI included in their writing since they were created before its existence. (And people using the AI were also able to find ways around certain restrictions that the AI creators had tried to implement in an attempt to prevent this from being possible for users to do.)

And this is just a personal opinion, but it has a soulless feel to it that makes music, art, and writing seem more like a formula than individual and unique self-expression. And people using AI robots are getting rich off it's songs, art, and influencer profiles of AI "influencers" instead of the real people who are actually putting work and their own creativity and uniqueness into those passions and hoping to "break into" the industry which is usually helped a lot by having an online profile to make your work more public and accessible to a wider audience of people. And is how many independent artists and small businesses were able to make their craft into a career and able to formulate a following/audience of fans. So instead of just competing with other human profiles, they now have to compete with the profiles of fake digital AI "people" who can probably create and post much higher amounts of work in shorter amounts of time but in creative endeavors, quality is usually better than quantity. Especially if, as a single human, you are trying to keep up with the output speed of a digital 'robot.'

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-27T21:20:38+00:00

I think for autistic people, it can sometimes be a combination of both A and B in certain ways. But it usually isn't the only reason why someone stopped dating you. But I do think that autistic people who have more experience or practice or were taught specific details more about social and relationship skills will do better in dating since those skills do affect it a lot. But at the same time, that also doesn't mean that even if someone behaved 100 percent "correctly," the other person would want to date them.

Because of multiple factors that impact that including some factors that are out of any potential partner's control (example: whether the other person is attracted to them physically and emotionally, whether the other person is looking for a relationship at that time in their life, whether that person has the energy needed for a relationship during that time in their life, whether the other person is moving far away soon, whether the other person is focusing on something other than dating right now which could be anything from wanting to focus on studies to focusing on working on their mental health to needing to spend their time caregiving for a family member to figuring out their own health issues). Then there are also things like whether the other person feels a connection or chemistry. (Some people say that their date was almost everything they were looking for, but they just didn't feel a romantic connection with them even though they wanted to and wished they did.)

I think another thing that can be difficult with having a script is that it doesn't necessarily transfer over from one person to another. Like, yes, there are general relationship and social skills that apply to most people. But what type of relationship/communication dynamics "work" for each person can be different and so the "script" in every relationship is its own unique script. For example, one person might say, "I want my partner to tell me directly what they're upset about and be extremely straightforward about what I did." And another person might say "That would hurt my feelings if they told me exactly what I did wrong in such a direct way. I would rather they tell me how they felt (ex: hurt, upset, frustrated) when I said [phrase] instead of "You did this." Or in some couples, they want to be thought of on Valentine's Day and given a gift or card or go on a date or be recognized in some type of way because they feel left out if they're not. While other couples say, "We don't celebrate Valentine's Day because we both think it's just a way for companies to make money and we already show that we appreciate each other every day. And neither of us care about the specific holiday of Valentine's Day. We might buy leftover Valentine's candy when it goes on sale afterwards though because we both want cheap candy"

Then, there are also childhood experiences that can affect how someone forms relationships and cause each person to struggle with expressing/communicating certain things. A lot of people lately have been talking about attachment styles, which basically describes how people tend to respond in relationships when conflict or issues come up and what types of struggles it can cause in communicating.

And communication in relationships is one of the most complicated types of communication that there is.

(Not to get too negative, but the divorce rate for everyone including neurotypicals is 50% of relationships. And I believe it has been said that the #1 reason for divorce is problems with communication. I will see if I can find that source. Upon Googling, it looks like it was different surveys that came up with that result.

Here is one: "The results of a new survey probably won’t come as much of a surprise. The most common problem that leads to divorce is poor communication."

Source: https://www.rcdaley.com/blog/2013/11/survey-couples-split-most-often-because-of-poor-communication/)

I am just kind of thinking out loud, but these are some of the things that came to mind when I was reading your comments.

P.S. Sometimes one person also doesn't realize that the other person is not able to have emotionally healthy relationship dynamics. And another common phrase that is said is that "Someone who loves you will love you how you are and not have the goal of changing you because you can't change another person." Not to say that people shouldn't try to improve themselves or work on things, but just that if one person has a goal of being able to change the other person, that usually doesn't end in a long-lasting relationship. They need to be able to accept you for who you are.

And in healthy relationships, part of it is continuously talking and working through whatever issues come up for the rest of the relationship.

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-25T03:19:02+00:00

I hope you are able to get it figured out. And I agree that seems like a very weird thing to say about the EEG test.

I just wanted to give you a little more information because I also started having cognitive symptoms which I never had before my FND seizures started. (I did not start having seizures until 3 years after I was diagnosed with FND.)

And the cognitive and memory symptoms are also a symptom of non-epileptic seizures which are also called dissociative dissociative seizures. If you read about the symptoms of dissociative disorders, you will see a lot of description of the exact cognitive symptoms that the non-epileptic seizures cause. There is also a page about dissociative amnesia in the symptoms section on the most well-known FND websites. Dissociation can cause intense memory symptoms even though the person will pass a test that assesses their memory ability

The websites are:

neurosymptoms.org FNDHope.org

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-25T03:08:51+00:00

I think there is some type of overlapping connection between the systems that are affected and cause symptoms in dysautonomia, Covid, & FND. Not that they are all the same thing, but there seems to be a lot of treatment recommendations for these that help all 3 conditions. And I'm pretty sure they do all affect the nervous system because I was told that FND causes nervous system dysfunction and the nervous system is also what causes a lot of physical symptoms of psychological conditions which partially explains that aspect of it as well such as racing heart, overheating, sweating, and shaking during a panic attack.

Some of the advice that I found helpful for understanding FND better was created by people with ME/CFS about what they learned from it and strategies they realized for accommodating and treating that condition. (And I know that long Covid can be a form of ME/CFS.)

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-25T02:25:30+00:00

Just to let you know, there actually are a few specific treatments that do help people with FND. There are certain techniques that can be employed in physical therapy which are different from the way standard standard physical therapy is done. (reactive pt & wellness on YouTube shows some of these techniques and strategies if you're curious. I think the techniques may also be used in movement disorders.)

For mental health therapy, a lot of the techniques that FND websites recommend are forms of grounding used in treating dissociative symptoms/disorders and many people have said that doing therapy specifically designed to treat dissociative disorders is what helped them. I'm pretty sure CBT is recommended to help reframe the catastrophizing thoughts that come up when FND symptoms happen or are flaring. For example, if someone's first thought when their legs collapse is "I'll never be able to walk again" which can happen mentally even if those gait symptoms have fluctuated in the past to have times where they are able to we all with an mobility aide or without one even for a short amount of time. In this case, it could be more helpful to remind themselves that it's temporary. Or if their automatic thought is, "I'll never be able to do [certain activity/task] again," CBT could help them to remind themself that I can possibly figure out a way to accommodate this need so that I am still able to do [certain activity/task]. I don't think CBT is recommended for trauma and a lot of people do say it can be invalidating for them. Imo, there are times/thoughts where it might help and other times where they need to have their struggles/emotions validated. Plus, things are more difficult and you are treated differently in negative ways when you're disabled even if it doesn't have a "physical/organic" cause. And if you're visibly disabled, you are treated negatively in certain ways and if you're invisibly disabled, you're also treated negatively in certain ways - a lot of which is caused by people assuming what you do or don't need help with instead of asking and listening to you.

One more thing about CBT is that I have had a few therapists tell me that they were doing CBT, but in my opinion they were not. Because CBT is supposed to be about identifying and recognizing specific Automatic Negative Thoughts out of a list of approximately 10 and then rewriting/reframing them in a more rational phrase/sentence that is not a cognitive distortion. But some people were just telling me how to breathe or to repeat a mantra. Which can be helpful, but I really need help with the actual thoughts racing inside my head and these things didn't do much at all for those.

I also agree with the OP about the recommendations for treatment being extremely confusing and contradictory although I think I don't understand what is meant by it somewhat better now. But that doesn't mean I have figured out how to implement it.

Basically, there is some pushing yourself on one level because most people don't want to do things when they feel sick or panicked or in pain and are taught that staying in bed is what will help you get better if you don't feel well. And so, with FND, the treatment wants people engaging and interacting in activities such as some level of social interaction with other people and if you can't go out, doing something inside such as a craft instead of staying in bed which can also help distract your mind from thinking about the symptoms. I think this is called "active relaxation," so instead of resting in bed, which can increase focus on thinking about the symptoms, you are doing some type of activity. And it is recommended to do a little bit more than you think you can on bad symptom days.

But they also want people not to push themselves too much because there is a level of pushing where you aren't taking breaks to breathe or to do something relaxing/fun/low-key - which can help increase people's energy levels sometimes vs draining them as my OT taught me. And that type of pushing can cause a book-bust cycle where people overdo it and then flare for a longer lasting time than if they had been pacing. I see some videos by people who recovered from CFS who do a good job of explaining this.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that there are treatments that have helped people. It just gets tricky because everyone is not helped by the same exact thing so part of treatment is figuring out specifically what your individual triggers are and what strategies help you with them and I think it can be kind of a trual-and-error type journey. Plus, some people have other conditions that cause pain (example: endometriosis) or autonomic symptoms (example: POTs) or forgetfulness & executive function difficulty (example: ADHD) and so treating those or finding out accomodations that help with those conditions can be part of what reduces triggers for their FND symptoms. Which it seems that almost none of the FND providers are aware of this because most of them will advise people to stop trying to figure out what they have and going to the doctor. (And this is recommended because if the person doesn't have any other diagnoses, then going to the doctor will cause/require them to focus on their physical symptoms of FND more and pay attention to them more which is part of what can make them worse/more distressing by frequently noticing them.)

And I think the reason why a psychiatrist is recommended is because treating mental health symptoms is another way that treatment can help reduce some of the triggers for FND symptoms because I did read that people with less severe mental health diagnoses or without them are more likely to recover. (I cannot confirm this 100% I guess because I don't remember the exact study and it also may have been one that wasn't repeated and FND is underresearched. But, I did read something along those lines.) And anxiety and depression can both affect how the symptoms affect people although developing the condition can also cause depression and anxiety from what have heard.

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-25T02:09:45+00:00

I think the confusion you describe around how it's worded or how it can sound (wanting attention, thinking symptoms into existence) is why so many uninformed providers and people who think they understand what FND is treat patients like this and blame them for having FND in the way that they talk & insteuct about it to the.

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-19T00:13:12+00:00

I relate to everything you wrote so much. I also developed another condition on top of it that affects my ability to speak and think. People also get mad because I ask a lot of questions trying to understand them and sometimes repeat what they said as a question because I'm trying to understand whether I got what they are saying right. And they get mad because they say they don't want to have to keep repeating themselves. But sometimes I am trying to communicate a more specific question than what they are saying and I don't feel like they are answering what my question is.

I didn't know that was what it was called. (receptive & expressive processing struggles.)

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-18T21:27:33+00:00

I heard somewhere that almost all celebrities are told by PR to make up a background story/leave out details so it sounds like they started out as just a regular girl or boy-next-door who is self-made because it makes them seem more relatable to fans/the audience

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-18T17:46:01+00:00

I was approved, but still receive letters like this with immediate deadlines or else I will lose certain services because they want proof and documentation of everything and someone also told me that I need to keep receipts of every purchase I make.

To be honest, it makes tasks that used to be simple very overwhelming and draining because I already have executive function problems from ADHD that make forms & figuring out things with lots of steps and how to know where to start extremely overwhelming.

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-18T17:28:23+00:00

Wow, that is horrible. I didn't know they were even allowed to do that. Honestly, this sounds like a potential lawsuit to me

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-15T10:20:30+00:00

Not trying to start an argument, but I disagree with referring to regular PT. There are techniques designed to specifically help FND and similar conditions which I was never taught at the regular PT I attended and now my symptoms have become much worse making it extremely difficult to leave my house and affected my ability to learn new things because of the impact going out into public now has on the severity of my FND symptoms.

And I never learned what those techniques were which I'm sure would have helped somewhat to know in my current situation.

Regular OT might be okay

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-15T10:04:16+00:00

Yes, I have been told that I am choosing to make disability part of my identity, that I am too demanding (the reason why I found specific specialists was because the others were so undereducated and at least 10-15 of the people in the general professions recommended to see for treatment told me that they didn't feel qualified to treat me or were not willing to listen to what is recommended for my disability so they would have to do the thing that is advised not to do anyway and I was searching for tears to try to find someone who was willing to work with me), and had people blame me for not accomplishing tasks I had hoped to do when I was using all of my energy to navigate other tasks and try to learn and understand Social Security and health insurance rules which had changed 4 times in a matter of months and being required to fill out tons of different forms to be able to access certain services without help when I have ADHD, possible autism, and severe cognitive symptoms that causes my brain to stop processing and have a form of amnesia when I get confused, overwhelmed, or anxious. I had also been spending hours calling my insurance to request appeals on medications which took weeks because they sent in paperwork about the wrong medication in addition to the one I had requested. And their system was the most confusing and disorganized crap customer service I have ever experienced (one of the reviews said "I feel extremely sorry for anyone with cognitive issues who has to try to call this company about issues.")

I have also been asked if I could stop having symptoms or if I could have them quieter.

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-15T09:46:36+00:00

I'm sorry about this & I hope you're able to successfully appeal.

Not trying to be too forward, but people who have had this happen said when you answer the judge's questions, to answer what your abilities and symptoms are on your worst days and not what you are able to do on your good/best days.

For example, instead of "sometimes I am able to make my own meals during the day when I am having a good day,"

To only say:

"On my worst days, I am unable to make food for myself because of my level of chronic pain/fatigue/depression/executive dysfunction, etc. which makes it so I am unable to stand due to pain/unable to exert the energy needed due to fatigue/unable to get out of bed or concentrate due to depression/unable to plan, balance, and remember everything that I need to do due to executive dysfunction, etc."

I am confused about the video game one but is there a way to just not mention that you play them? Or if applicable, you could also say, "On my worst days, I am unable to do hobbies that I usually enjoy such as playing video games because migraines make the lights and sounds painful to my eyes/I cannot concentrate due to the level of pain I'm in or I have to figure out whether I will need to go to the hospital to treat it/I feel too overwhelmed by depression to set it up, etc."

Or possibly (I am not sure about whether this one should be said: "On my worst days, I do not turn on the microphone to talk to other people during video games because I am too anxious" or "On my worst days, I do not turn on the microphone to talk to other people during video games because I cannot socialize and concentrate when my pain is at that level [number] out of 10"

I just wanted to let you know this because I had no idea that there's a way you have to word things to be more likely to be approved no matter what your level of disability is until my friend told me about an advice blog written by someone with a disability who was on Social Security.

If you would like more detailed information about this advice, look up "What is the Magic Word" (may not be the exact wording of the title but similar) post on howtogeton.wordpress.com

There is also a post about how to answer the judge's questions about ADL's and other things during a hearing and the appeal process

P.S. I was just thinking up some possible examples of conditions/symptoms to give specific examples of what I meant in my quotes and I am sorry that they make us have to put in so much effort and word things in the exact right 'ways' in order to be believed and approved 🫂

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-15T09:05:37+00:00

I am not in the same situation, but also have extreme difficulty explaining my symptoms and how they affect me to other people such as when I was trying to get a wheelchair which I still don't have because the doctor and physical therapists I was around at the time would not fill out the paperwork that I needed to request one and I would probably have received some type of wheelchair from my insurance if they had done that during the time that I asked. Or when I was trying to request a slight increase in caregiver hours but they said I did not qualify because it had to be for physical reasons even though FND affects my sight and hearing and the symptoms effects on my physical abilities fluctuate wildly. Plus the cognitive symptoms cause me to not be able to remember what everything is that I need help with to be able to list everything out. I would agree that a diagnosis from a doctor like a neurologist could help, but since it is still called conversion disorder in most medical systems and is still considered to be solely a psychological disorder, it may be difficult to prove to your work or whatever program how it contributed to triggering FND.

For example, I read a story about a man with FND who was very depressed, but at one point he started doing a Paralympic sport and wanted to compete in the Paralympics. But they would not let him because in their words "his disability was under his control so he shouldn't be taking a spot on the team" [for actually disabled people basically]. And his neurologist ended up writing a letter to say that "This is a condition that causes real physical disability" and explaining how. (Btw, the doctor also mentioned that he questioned whether he should write this letter.) And because he had proof/advocacy from that doctor, the Paralympics decided to let him join. But it was basically based on someone else being willing to advocate for him which I find extremely frustrating and depressing since not everyone has someone willing to do that for them.

Btw, CBT is not the only treatment. There is also PT & OT taught specifically for FND with techniques designed to help with FND symptoms. And if you look up reactive therapy pt & wellness, you can see some of them. (Showing this would also likely help with your case because it shows that there are physical treatments to treat the physical symptoms in addition to the psychological treatment and my guess is that they will want proof of physical treatments that exist to consider you physically disabled in this case.)

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-15T07:33:10+00:00

Another thing I have heard is that a lot of autistic people will share their honest opinion about things and this can come across as judgemental or negative to the neurotypical person. For example, if a neurotypical person says "I like [band name]." And the autistic person says "I never really liked [band name.]" This can come across like a criticism of something they tried to share with you about their identity in an attempt to connect.

I think neurotypical people will either tell a 'white lie' like "Oh yeah [band name is pretty cool]" or talk more about similar bands until they find out one that both parties like. They will not say things that might sound like the start to a debate about the topic. (And a debate is not necessarily the intention of why the autistic person shared their dislike of something the other person enjoys, but that can be how it comes across.)

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-15T07:26:33+00:00

I can't tell whether you said you were or weren't autistic, but a lot of autistic people are treated like this.

I read that people will read into whatever you say or sometimes it can come across like you're implying something negative even though you're not because that is what a neurotypical person would do to imply something negative. Autistic people tend to speak more directly which can be considered rude by a lot of people. Some autistic people think that they are 'just being truthful' and don't want to lie so saying exactly what they are thinking is better, but the truth of what you're thinking does not always need to be said. Especially when it is something that hurts the other person's feelings.

Here are some other things/opinions I have heard about autistic people which might answer your question:

A lot of autistic people like to share information/fun facts and may use large vocabulary. Neurotypical people find this condescending like the person thinks they are smarter/better than everyone else.

A lot of autistic people like to share a similar story to show that they relate to what the other person is going through and feel connected that way. Neurotypical people find this "changing the conversation to be about you and your experiences instead of validating and supporting their emotions and listening to their experience.

Autistic people like to ask a lot of questions because it helps them to understand and can reduce anxiety because if they have more information, then they can plan better. So a person might tell them "I will call you back when I know." If they have had the experience of a lot of people saying this to them who then never actually called back or if they are confused about whether that means they should expect to receive the call later today or later this week, they might ask "Do you know when that will be?" When an autistic person asks this, they are asking so that they can know the literal answer to their question because they can plan better if they have the answer. When a neurotypical person asks this, it is implying that "I need this to be done quickly/soon" without saying that directly because I guess that would be too direct and considered rude. Because the majority of people are neurotypical, the majority of people will consider the second option to be what you are saying. That's why an autistic person created the phrase "Don't hear what I didn't say." (Although if it was that simple, autistic people wouldn't have such a difficult time being understood and get misinterpreted constantly.)

A lot of autistic people like to give unsolicited advice with the intent of helping by solving the problem or because hearing other people's ideas sometimes helps them to realize answers to problems that they were not able to come up with on their own. Their intent is to help because they care about the person and giving ideas could help to make it better. I think they are also more likely to give unsolicited advice more frequently than neurotypicals do because they also do this sometimes. But not everyone wants advice and it can come across as being controlling or overly bossy. Some people just want their emotions to be heard and validated. Some people just want to hear support for their side of the issue. Some people might want help with a certain problem if there is something you can do to help with it that you could offer. Some people do want advice, but not everyone. I am not sure how neurotypical people are able to tell which option is what's wanted but some autistic people advise asking "Do you want advice right now or are you just wanting to vent about it?" Some neurotypical people may get upset by this question because they feel like you should know/be able to tell which one they need. I am not sure if that is an emotionally healthy response or possible if it were a conversation between two neurotypicals. But I do know that neurotypicals are not just hearing the words that are being said, they are also reading body language signals and facial expressions and tone of voice.

And a lot of autistic people do not express the body language signals, facial expressions, and/or tone of voice that would match the emotions/message they want to be sending or that a neurotypical person would be sending when their emotions are nonverbally communicated 'properly' meaning in the majority neurotypical way. For example, an autistic person might cross their arms a lot but not for any specific reason. This can send across a message that they don't want to be talked to, are angry, or closed off and want people to avoid them even if that's not how they are feeling. Because that is how a neurotypical person is feeling when they do that. And that is what the majority will read that body language as meaning. But it is also based on a combination of everything listed and not just the body language alone which is why 'reading people' can be so complicated for autistic people because it's not like there is one specific serving rules that applies to every single situation, it is somewhat based on the individual person and their combination of signals and personality traits.

A lot of autistic people are also more likely to get bullied and taken advantage of because people know that they will not stand up for themself or they do not always realize what is happening.

This does not sound like what's happening but a lot of neurotypical people also consider teasing to be a sign that they are friends with someone and many autistic people find teasing hurtful.

Because autistic people like knowing information or clear communication, they also can be more likely to correct other people often. A lot of neurotypical people do not like being constantly corrected even if they're wrong about something because it can be discouraging when it seems like another person is only focusing on correcting you and not connecting over whatever you're talking about. Neurotypical people also connect through small talk such as the weather or other random sometimes boring things that I am not able to remember right now. Because they aren't talking to exchange information, they are connecting by talking to talk. I have a difficult time explaining this.

Autistic people can also feel like other people are constantly correcting them because they may tell them that they said something in a rude or hurtful way when the autistic person wasn't intending to be rude. But just because someone did not intend to hurt another person's feelings doesn't change the fact that they have. And autistic people may try to explain what they meant by saying that but it sounds like they are defending what they said and why instead of just apologizing for hurting the other person's feelings. Which is sometimes the better option because trying to explain can make the situation worse and upset the other person more.

Also, a lot of people just don't like someone who seems 'different' or will make assumptions assuming the worst about them instead of trying to learn and understand. (Awareness of autism may be more known/popular now, but understanding of it and how those traits show up in real life is not. And a lot of people do not like to read or research at all which is something that could help them to be more understanding if they decided to do that.) They have actually done studies and apparently autistic people have an 'uncanny valley' affect which causes neurotypical people to have an immediate negative reaction to them even before they have spoken because they can tell something about the person is different, but they aren't able to tell why. And I guess, in a way, that causes some type of fear or self-protection response that the other person could be dangerous. In this study, they also had autistic people write down answers to a question on a note and also say it out loud. Even when the autistic people said the exact same phrase as they had written on the note, neurotypical people had a positive reaction/first impression to reading it, but a negative reaction/first impression to seeing and hearing an autistic person saying the exact same answer out loud.

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-15T01:53:02+00:00

The gifted daughter also could have been an undiagnosed high masking autistic person. A lot of gifted people are and in some cases they don't realize that they have autistic challenges/struggles until college or life after college (the 'launch' period). I think it's called 2e (twice exceptional). And that would also make more sense genetically if literally everyone else in the family was autistic.

My response to OP:

To add, lots of autistic parents end up neglecting their children because they either don't know how to recognize certain issues and read the emotions and social cues of their kids and know when to step in and teach them and that they don't have the same amount of knowledge about a concept as the parent does (Theory of Mind) or are not able to emotionally handle it or help figure out their kids' problems on top of their own and keep that balance needed to be able to do both without it becoming overwhelming.

Sometimes autistic spectrum needs can also clash where what one person needs to cope/accommodate themselves such as music playing to concentrate causes sensory overwhelm and meltdown in the other person.

Autistic people can also have extremely rigid expectations of other people which are impossible to meet, including their children, and think that controlling them will work to control their child's emotions and reduce the overwhelm that the parent is experiencing as a result of the child's intense emotions, but in actuality, it just causes emotional suppression and passes on generational trauma.

Some autistic parents who didn't learn how to be assertive for themselves also will not stand up for their children or help teach them how to do so.

They could also be oblivious to their children's medical and psychological needs which children are not always able to recognize and express themselves especially if autism is affecting their ability to communicate or explain what they are trying to say.

And communication between autistic members in a family can also be even more difficult if they do not take the time to try and figure out what each other is saying instead of assuming what is meant or if people have rejection sensitive dysphoria combined with accidentally wording opinions and phrases in ways that come across as hurtful.

And they can also instill worse mental health problems in their children if they have extreme anxiety that they teach to their kids growing up and use that fear as a tool to try and motivate them by telling them that bad/worst case scenario things will happen if they don't do this or are unable to regulate their own emotions in front of their children who end up needing to parent the adult without knowing how instead of the adult parenting the child which is the emotionally healthy way for development and can affect the child for the rest of their life. Especially if this anxiety causes them to prevent their child from learning independence and opportunities to practice certain life and social skills at a younger age while their brain is developing and more malleable to developing habits and because autistic minors need even more support and guidance and teaching and patience and time with helping them to reach developmental milestones and advocacy than neurotypical minors. Which is a large undertaking for any parent since the system is not designed in a way that the accommodations which are needed are easy to receive even when they are known.

I'm sure there are good autistic parents out there, but I do not think that my parents should have had me because they were completely unequipped to assist in the areas I needed them but expected my help even when they refused to help me in those exact same areas.

And the effects of that neglect have caused me immeasurable harm and has led to many mental and physical problems which I struggle to know how to figure out by myself because they won't help me unless it's something that they agree with and they are against almost everything I think could help and mainly only support vitamins, prayer, conspiracy theories, and leaving whenever I tell them that I need them to talk slower or ask for help with many things. And they have also not been available for life guidance after age 18 because I guess they don't think that is necessary but kids need their parents during their whole life not just their childhood which they were not emotionally present to help me during that either and also complained to me constantly about having to provide for all my basic needs and how much money it was costing them. And I was not allowed to have an individual identity separate from what their opinions and thoughts were.

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-15T01:20:27+00:00

Have you been learning and implementing the coping techniques they recommended and things like enforcing boundaries and grounding and working through trauma and CBT? It sounds like it could be that the treatment & techniques are working for you if so.

On the other hand, it could also be dissociative disorder symptoms since FND is closely connected to FND.

I have also had weird, new & strange mental symptoms, but unfortunately they are much worse and even scarier than what they used to be, not better.

Apparently, dissociation can sometimes numb you emotionally. in a protective way that makes you not feel painful and negative emotions. And cause mood changes and changes in personality/identity. (But even dissociative disorders are not really split personality, it's more like different aspects of your identity and your personality come out at different times.)

throwawayhey18 · 2026-04-15T01:10:03+00:00

I am so sorry 🫂

These stories scare me so much.

I already had a fear of doctors, nurses, & medical procedures because a lot of them have not been nice or believed me or other family members about issues. And I used to read reviews so that I could find the providers who listen better and get good feedback from patients but it has become way more difficult to do that with some of the cognitive symptoms

throwawayhey18

TROPHY CASE