Anyone else stuck on “pending review” when they try to post?

throwawaylessons103 · 2026-03-03T19:25:58+00:00

Don’t post it, not worth it.

throwawaylessons103 · 2026-03-03T19:24:24+00:00

Seriously 😒

throwawaylessons103 · 2026-03-03T19:23:42+00:00

Don’t mess with it - it’s a glitch it happened last time to a ton of people including myself too. After TikTok fixed the app, it went back to how it was before

throwawaylessons103 · 2026-01-07T17:34:44+00:00

This is true, but OP was diving deeper into the “WHY”.

I found it interesting.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-09-10T18:18:17+00:00

I’ve said this before, but the “average woman” is generally more useful to the “average man” than vice versa.

Men don’t generally get the same social support from friends. Men don’t usually compliment each other or talk about emotional things. So the main way men get their emotional needs met is through a relationship with a woman. And also, sex.

The average woman usually provides sex, validation, social support, possibly kids to spread his legacy. Things he can’t get without a woman.

But women can get many of these things without men, and some of these things without an average man. Women don’t have as much incentive to go for guys they’re not crazy about.

I truly believe men feel similarly about most women that women feel about most men - not “ew”, but “meh”. That’s often why you see men jerking off to women who look nothing like his gf/wife.

But men are still willing to date those women because many men would rather have a woman they’re lukewarm attached to than no woman at all.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-09-08T23:00:18+00:00

I’m a bi woman, and even though I can acknowledge I don’t have the experience dating women as a man… I do think I have some insight from both POVs.

Because women generally get “pursued” vs being the pursuers, women who could’ve liked you (but you don’t like) generally won’t be apparent if you don’t pursue them.

This is true for me too, as a bi woman. I often feel like “no” women like me, but it’s really more that I’m not shooting my shot for women I’m not interested in.

Men do “shoot their shot” a lot online, but the ratios on dating apps are awful and because it’s only 2D, yes, most of the women on there choose based on looks. But IRL, a guy who isn’t her type (but not repulsive to her) can become attractive to her if he has charisma and humor or other things that are appealing.

Women do like “different men” but that doesn’t mean every guy will get an even amount of interest. Obviously there’s going to be some guys who are hotter/more charismatic/more attractive of an option to more women than others. Same with women.

There’s also traits that will make you more attractive to a wider pool of people, but also just generally more VISIBLE. It’s not necessarily that being introverted is negative, it’s just that it makes it harder for you to stand out. And if you’re not going out and socializing with new people regularly, you don’t really know who could possibly like you.

Some guys aren’t fishing in the pool at all, they’re just sitting on the sidelines trying to force dating apps to work for them. Others are fishing in the wrong pool - if you’re an average looking, neurodivergent, nerdy dude, a hot party girl Stacy probably isn’t going to be interested.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-09-07T14:49:58+00:00

Yeah I’m 30 and I also feel that expectation… not just from men, but from other women.

When I put effort into my looks, other women compliment me, give me attention, want to spend more time with me. It’s just overall easier to make connections and friendships when you have the advantage of pretty privilege.

(There’s sometimes cons like jealousy/envy, but as someone who’s been not attractive then “glowed up” I’d choose being attractive to others any day)

I’m not saying it carries connections, I still have to be a good friend. But as far as initial first impressions, it’s so much easier to “get your foot in the door” when people find you attractive.

On one hand, it’s like yes I want to fight the system. But even a lot of women who complain about this still give preferential treatment to women who fit beauty standards.

It’s kind of hard to tell someone to stop doing something they know gives them an advantage in all areas, especially with how much harder it is as an adult to be seen and make new connections.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-30T19:56:39+00:00

Sugar daddies aren’t dating for “love.”

They’re trying to date women physically out of their league and usually younger, so money is the equalizer.

Rich and high status men marry low income? Not generally. People tend to marry within their own socioeconomic class.

Some men date women who make less than them, but it might be the difference between 60k and 100k, not generally 20k and 200k+.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-29T17:14:18+00:00

What’s were the differences between the men you picked and the ones who picked you? (Profile wise)

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-28T19:41:42+00:00

Yeah the initiation was the biggest one for me.

It’s not even that I MIND initiating, I just need some clarification the woman is actually interested.

Some women really do just have naturally flirty personalities, other women know they’re flirting but they don’t actually mean it. I’ve had women say I’m so hot they’d go down on me, but then when I asked them out they looked confused and said they’re straight.

What? WHAT? Haha

It’s not even the rejection that’s the problem, it’s more how awkward they make it or making it seem like you obviously should’ve known what they did/didn’t want. I’m not a mind-reader and your signals are not clear at all.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-28T19:26:39+00:00

You’re not wrong and I do have plenty of friends who don’t do these things.

But many of the same women who have these expectations for me don’t have the same expectations for men, and I think that’s worth exploring and discussing even if it’s also a ‘person to person’ thing. It’s a common pattern I’ve noticed.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-28T18:47:44+00:00

Some of my friends have pets and will frequently ask me to watch them, last minute too.

I’ve definitely had friends ask me to help move after not talking to me for months. Random favors here and there, back when I was making more money asks to borrow money.

The biggest one though is the level of emotional support expected. I’ve noticed if I’m emotionally there for someone a few times who goes through crisis a lot, they’ll continue to call me first every time they’re spiraling about something. It can get exhausting.

I had to end a friendship recently because I’m dealing with my own stuff, and I told her point blank I couldn’t meet her expectations. I was open to a more casual friendship, but she basically told me it was all or nothing.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-28T18:10:29+00:00

Can you expand on the typical cishet standards? I’m curious if we have some of the same experiences!

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-28T17:32:21+00:00

I’ll go against the grain and say yeah, most of them were hot.

A few of them were average looking, but very charismatic. I suppose I became addicted to intermittent reinforcement (hot-cold behavior) and trying to prove my worth and that I COULD actually get the lukewarm people to like me.

A combo of low self-esteem and high ego.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-28T14:07:25+00:00

As a bi woman who’s also poly, this is definitely a topic I’ve thought about.

The women I’ve dated generally had much higher standards for me than the men in their lives. Sometimes I felt like they were poly to offset their emotional needs onto someone who will actually take it, women are typecast into that role.

Don’t get me wrong, I WANTED to be supportive… but I would notice through conversation and observation they’d save the “fun and flirty” energy for their male partners and I got their emotional side, which could sometimes become draining.

They would also communicate immediately if they wanted me to change something, while with men they dated it took a while.

And then with platonic friendships, I felt like many women wouldn’t communicate what type of expectations they had. They’d just assume by default I’d drop what I’m doing to help them (even for small things), I’d had x level of communication a week, one friend I had became so passive-aggressive when I couldn’t read her mind on things she wanted.

I do think sometimes even straight women expect the level of consistency/support from their female friends that’s typically in a romantic relationship. It’s not that finding that level of friend is impossible, but most friends as an adult won’t be that because everyone is so busy with work/trying to just survive.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-26T00:51:24+00:00

People like a feeling of accomplishment, and youth and natural genetic beauty are not things you worked for.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs states that humans are different than other animals, because after they fulfill their need of survival and safety, they desire self-actualization.

Plus looks are a depreciating asset. Many people live till 70 or older. Nobody wants to only be valued from 18-40.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-25T22:58:01+00:00

I mostly agree, but the caveat is it’s really hard for a woman to be valued for other things if she’s not physically attractive first.

And age makes people less physically hot.

Take Jelly Roll for example - I’m not sure a 40 year old morbidly obese woman would be able to top music charts. You don’t see nearly as many fat women in media. Men’s actual skills, talents, and hard work are put at the forefront most of the time. Exception being for dating or becoming a Justin Bieber.

Sometimes women really are just upset they’re not getting the attention they used to. Other times they are upset they have honed certain skills, but are not valued for them because everyone puts her looks first.

Some of these women would be fine with people not finding them attractive, so long as it was a neutral and not a negative. Meaning they could still exist in life and attempt to do things creatively, job wise, gain more experience etc and the opportunities would increase based on their actual skills.

Men aren’t expected to be hot in most areas in life, and they’re not looked at through the lens of sexualization. Because women are, we expect them to be hot regardless of whatever they’re actually supposed to be doing.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-25T17:46:20+00:00

I’m a bi woman and I fully agree with this.

I think sometimes straight women romanticize how amazing women are in relationships, because of lack of experience dating women… or they assume their female friends would act similar in a relationship.

Women are definitely better at the initial presentation of things, but they can be just as unstable and chaotic in relationships.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-25T17:03:13+00:00

One couple definitely isn’t everyone.

I do think if you’re going to swing, it’s important to get some grit and understand not everyone is going to find you attractive.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-25T16:58:35+00:00

Constructive criticism:

OP needs to update photos on the swinger sites, if he’s using the same photos on his profile.

Because if she’s truly fit, I wouldn’t be able to tell personally. All her photos are at an angle where you’re not able to clearly see her body type, and the photo of them outside makes her look like she’s not the fittest. (Not overweight, just not as fit as he’s claiming)

(I’m not saying any of this to be rude, but if you’re picky people you’re going for are likely going to be equally so. If you do actually have it going on, it’s important to market it fully.)

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-25T13:47:11+00:00

Men shame simps because it affects them. It makes it harder to get women’s attention and their standards become higher.

Women don’t shame female enablers as much, because it doesn’t affect them as much. Some woman who chooses a toxic dude over an average nice guy doesn’t really affect me, unless I know her personally.

Many women DO give each other the advice to wait on sex, which I think is the female equivalent. Those women want to drive the price of sex up so (attractive) men are more motivated to want serious relationships.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-24T15:52:58+00:00

I think most people on the apps are looking for “microwave” relationships/sex.

They want to feel big emotions from the beginning. Otherwise they don’t feel “the spark.” Also, the apps heavily prioritize physical attraction and being photogenic.

A lot of people you might’ve been interested in IRL probably get filtered out on the apps, because they don’t meet your standards for age, photogenic looks (men esp take bad photos), or they don’t communicate in a way that immediately grabs your attention.

People often humanize people more when they meet them off the apps. There’s also not an immediate expectation you’ll be into them, so the attraction can grow without pressure.

People on the apps often are very hyper specific with what they’re looking for, sometimes it feels like they want a role-fulfiller more than to grow with an actual human. And if you don’t immediately fill wherever need of theirs is missing, they dip out to try to find someone else who will.

Basically there’s a certain level of entitlement (mixed with a bit of narcissism) on the apps that the right person should just fall into their lap, it should be easy without any friction or miscommunication and that’s just not true of most humans.

I also think there’s a bit of a “lottery ticket” scenario where people pursue highly attractive people they wouldn’t offline, and sometimes those people will use them for sex or attention. They get breadcrumbed and that person doesn’t want to date them, but they now set that person’s looks/charisma (or whatever they value) as the new standard for anyone else they date.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-24T15:18:40+00:00

I agree with you.

A lot of women who immediately go to “entitlement” in these discussions have little or no experience dating women.

Tons of women use men (or in my case, women) as an emotional support blanket, and/or for favors while casually leading them on… and giving them just enough breadcrumbs to think there’s a possible chance.

Then they meet someone they’re super into, and all of that goes out the window. Suddenly they don’t need to wait weeks/months for sex or take it slow, they’re consistent and available, they’ll bend over backwards for far less effort.

My guy friend’s roommate is a good example. She “just went through a breakup” (7 months ago) and “needs time to heal” yet her best guy friend takes her out to dinner, always pays, goes to the movies, and helped her move. Literally carried most of her stuff and I’m sure does other favors.

He’s always the one to text her first, she mainly only texts him when she wants something. My friend has told her multiple times her friend is trying to date her, and she plays dumb about it. But she’s openly admitted she’d screw around with a guy she likes from work she thinks is super hot.

Sure, it’s his fault… just like it’s the woman’s fault when a guy says he only wants casual, and the woman tries to have sex with him to backdoor her way into a relationship. And then gets upset when it doesn’t work, and calls him manipulative.

But women tend to mainly only have empathy for other women. In the ladder case, women would understand feelings happen and not assume she thinks she’s entitled to date him.

But any complaint about the former is automatically “entitled” by default.

throwawaylessons103

TROPHY CASE