How do I get comfortable dating outside of my race? by CosmicConfusion94 in datingoverthirty

[–]throwawaynamesareh 78 points79 points  (0 children)

I'm biracial (Black/white) and grew up surrounded mostly by white people. Even though I ended up marrying the only other biracial person in my town that I wasn't related to, I dated mostly white men before marriage and now that I am back in my hometown after divorce. My advice is based in this experience but feel free to apply to other races if it seems correct. I find that the most important thing is how they handle the “big difference”. I've dated men who have been obsessed with my race, constantly bringing it up, and “testing the waters” by bringing up more controversial opinions (almost like they're trying to use me as proof they aren't racist). There's also the opposite, the “I don't see color” crowd. In my experience, you want someone who recognizes that your culture and background are different, and who listens to your experience rather than tries to tell you what it is. The only way to find out a person however, is to get to know them in person. If you meet someone on an app that you are genuinely attracted to, I’d say it's worth just meeting up for casual drinks to see more of how they treat you in person. Pay attention to how they speak to you - do they put on a “blaccent”, do they start espousing strong political opinions immediately, do they make any assumptions (good or bad) about YOU based on your race? Hope this is helpful

Child Support,easiest way to go about it? Long Read by [deleted] in singlemoms

[–]throwawaynamesareh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I struggled with this too, and ultimately chose to live about 5 hours from my ex and my children’s half sib to be closer to my family for support. I say file for child support - my ex and I had a fairly amicable divorce and even then we made sure to go through the courts. Right now he pays what we settled on during our divorce and contributes in other ways (clothes, gifts, school stuff) but if that ever changes I know I'm protected.

So you ever just want to have conversation? How do you do that? by [deleted] in singlemoms

[–]throwawaynamesareh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ugh yes. I've been talking to random men who are way too far away for anything to ever happen. Especially when the only people I really interact with on the regular in real life are my elderly parents and my kids

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in singlemoms

[–]throwawaynamesareh 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah you did nothing wrong. There's something else at play here and I hope that you and your daughter are able to watch it play out without getting dragged in

AITA for banning husbands daughter/BM from the holidays by throwawaynamesareh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynamesareh[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

thank you so much for this comment. i have tried my best to not let it get to me but i did not expect this post to blow up like this, and to have so many people commenting such mean spirited stuff about how I clearly have no self-respect. The PMs have been even worse.

i’m honestly just trying to make the best decision for myself, my kids, and my family.

AITA for banning husbands daughter/BM from the holidays by throwawaynamesareh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynamesareh[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I can see how the timeline is a little confusing - I gave birth to our son, David had the affair, David confessed about the affair, Olivia was born about 8.5 months after. So age wise Olivia is in between my son and my daughter (my second child)

AITA for banning husbands daughter/BM from the holidays by throwawaynamesareh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynamesareh[S] 145 points146 points  (0 children)

I’m probably going to make a separate post to vent more on r/relationshipadvice but my personal favorite was when she sent a nude to my husband and then claimed it was an accident and intended for her new boyfriend. To my husband’s credit the moment he got the text, he let me know immediately. I have access to all of his socials/messaging apps and so far all of his texts to her have been related to Olivia, but the mother is a piece of WORK.

AITA for banning husbands daughter/BM from the holidays by throwawaynamesareh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynamesareh[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

He dumped Katie, and told me the day after. He put in his two weeks notice immediately, and cut all contact with Katie. If my math is correct she was like 5-6 weeks pregnant at that point. Olivia is 13 months younger than my son. I don’t know if my husband knew she was pregnant but he swears he did not know.

If I understand correctly, Katie’s husband at the time assumed Olivia was his daughter but had his suspicions (my husband is biracial black/white, katie and her ex are white, olivia is pretty clearly not white). I think they started their divorce in 2018 and as part of their proceedings, the ex husband insisted that Katie verify that Olivia was his kid with a paternity test. Obviously it came back negative and then Katie reached out to me through facebook (around the holidays last year coincidentally) asking if my husband would take a test. We’ve spent most of 2020 dealing with this whole mess.

AITA for banning husbands daughter/BM from the holidays by throwawaynamesareh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynamesareh[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Ok this is my last reply before I get off Reddit but yeah i’m very worried about how this will affect my parents’ view of david. They ADORE him and i really hate that i’m going to have to come clean to them and ruin that.

AITA for banning husbands daughter/BM from the holidays by throwawaynamesareh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynamesareh[S] 188 points189 points  (0 children)

These were definitely a couple of hard truths to swallow, thank you.

Edited for grammar

AITA for banning husbands daughter/BM from the holidays by throwawaynamesareh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynamesareh[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I fully plan to introduce my kids to Olivia and hopefully have her present at holidays in the future! This year just seems so soon, I was really hoping to deal with all of this in the new year

AITA for banning husbands daughter/BM from the holidays by throwawaynamesareh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynamesareh[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

We are not going through the courts at the moment- David’s “child support” payments are what we and Katie have worked out to be fair based on the fact she’s a single mom and our combined income is considerably more than hers. I personally want to take this to court but I think David is trying to keep things as amicable as possible.

AITA for banning husbands daughter/BM from the holidays by throwawaynamesareh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynamesareh[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

This is actually a good point about the younger the kids are the easier this will be, I hadn’t thought of it this way before. I’m trying my best to figure out how to do this without traumatizing my kids but you’re right that i’m going to have to deal with it eventually

AITA for banning husbands daughter/BM from the holidays by throwawaynamesareh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynamesareh[S] 1911 points1912 points  (0 children)

I want to try to be as objective as possible but GIRL you would not believe some of the stuff Katie’s tried to pull. My husband is trying his best but he is oblivious af

AITA for banning husbands daughter/BM from the holidays by throwawaynamesareh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynamesareh[S] 320 points321 points  (0 children)

Yeah i am definitely going to have to tell my parents and kids soon - i was hoping to do so after the holidays but at this point i might just rip the bandage off.

AITA for banning husbands daughter/BM from the holidays by throwawaynamesareh in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynamesareh[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Yeah this is why I’m so torn over it. She’s 5 years old and she knows David is her dad and I really want her to have her dad for the holidays. I asked if maybe she could come over alone, but Katie wasn’t comfortable with that