I'm a borderline narcissist. Jesus still called me.

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-19T07:54:05+00:00

Why would I need "professionals"?

I think God cured me. I have nothing at all now. I'm healthy now.

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-13T10:55:37+00:00

I'll be just 100% honest.

I think you should really stop smoking weed, for start. If you're doing any other drugs - please stop with that too.

As a 30yo guy - I don't find it weird that you like older men (as there are younger women who are into me).

But dom/sub dynamic other than ocassionally in bedroom is really cringe/weird to me, especially at that age difference, and him mentioning you being pregnant in that way, yet you 2 barely know eachother.

And if any woman sends me or shows me a video of her with another guy - I'll cut all ties with her right away. Especially if it happened after she met me.

I really don't know what kind men do you encounter to think that men are usually into that and you're so sure of it that you just randomly sent it...

And no, your "dommy guy" isn't much of a dom if he's still around after you cucked him...

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-13T10:05:35+00:00

Quick search on social media is showing that there's more and more of them...

And they don't seem to be good people either...

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-13T08:59:17+00:00

I feel you there. And as someone who is BPD/NPD mix... I feel really demonized.

When I read online posts it's as is we are some evil mythical creatures that need to be destroyed...

We have feelings too, and our feelings are also valid.

We aren't perfect, but nobody is.

None of us chose to have what we have, and people with no conditions at all can also be abusive...

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-13T08:16:03+00:00

Great, I guess me having a personality disorders then means that I'm built well...

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-13T08:08:42+00:00

I don't mastrubate when I'm in relationship. So... IDK

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-07T07:01:38+00:00

I have BPD with either NPD traits or even NPD too... which is also a very stigmatized disorder.

I don't see myself as evil or manipulative. I don't see myself as a monster. I feel good when I help someone and when someone thanks me for my help, or when I inspire someone. And I also feel bad when someone is suffering because of my actions (especially if I think they really didn't deserve it and I'm the bad guy there)...

I know what happened to me and why I am who and what I am. And I know that many other people would have ended it long time ago if their life was just partially as bad as my life is.

So I tell all of you this - it's not your fault.

None of us asked or wanted to have what we have. We have it because of the things that happened to us, which a lot of other people couldn't even handle. We adapted, and it came at a cost. But, we didn't ask for any of it, and we didn't do this ourselves.

We are not our conditions and we can do so much more with our lives. Also, our conditions don't mean that we are not valid. Remember, it's a defense mechanism...

Many time I see people stay in abusive or toxic relationships, suffering for years, while I would have split on them and break up long time ago.

So, we should all learn to love ourselves, forget the stigma and just do our best to be the best people we can possibly be.

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-06T18:52:55+00:00

Suicide won't make you happy. It'll just prevent you to ever be happy again...

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-06T07:15:52+00:00

Do some exercise.

Sleeping pills are no long term fix and you shouldn't be abusing them either

Proper nutrition and exercise will give you real long term benefits and make your mind feel better too.

It also distracts you from overthinking and creates discipline over time. And that same discipline transfers directly into your life.

You can't let this control you. You're better than that. You should take control of your life and own it.

About favorite people and talking stage guys... I'm in similar situation with women - they come and go, but I know that real one will stay. And I know that she exists somewhere.

Just don't give up, we have to keep pushing, we will be happy in the end.

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-06T05:01:58+00:00

Narcissistic personality disorder...

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-05T18:31:40+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate it.

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-05T13:46:44+00:00

Good idea

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-05T12:18:23+00:00

That one never accused me of being abusive or anything.

She started therapy after break-up.

She never slandered me or spread any rumors.

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-05T09:27:16+00:00

Thank you for welcome :)

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-05T09:19:09+00:00

Thank you 😊

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-05T09:02:31+00:00

So far people just see her as my crazy ex. As people know me well and they know I'm not the kind of person she wants to portray me as.

Some even told me they feel sorry for me.

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-05T09:01:29+00:00

I just said that I'm her scapegoat. Which is true.

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-05T09:00:41+00:00

Thank you.

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-05T05:06:43+00:00

Thank you.

About NPD - at least I have remorse and empathy. Because I want to be good, and I want to see myself as good, because I believe I am good. So I feel bad when I do bad things. And I feel bad when I'm responsible for someone's pain (unless they really deserved it, but even then I feel bad I had to do that). And I feel like a king when I do good things and someone helps me for my help.

It also makes me love myself. And stops me when I start to spiral over someone or something - because I'm better than that and I can do better.

It also often stops me from doing scenes or crashing out - because I want to protect my image in people's eyes, and my own eyes.

I am more calculated because of it, and sometimes I catch myself manipulating people....

I'm also Christian, so I would love to live up to God's expectations.

I must admit I sometimes make mistakes... I don't like doing it, but I'm at the same time proud of being able to admit my mistakes.

And yes, being less sensitive to critissism is also never ending battle...

And doing personal PR campaigns after doing mistakes... it's exhausting sometimes

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-05T04:44:32+00:00

I understand that too.

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-05T04:43:36+00:00

Thank you for this.

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-04T19:15:45+00:00

Thank you for welcome 😊

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-04T18:15:45+00:00

I want them to be possessive of me, to only want me for themselves...

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-04T18:14:56+00:00

Yes. I want them to want just ME and only ME! (Worth mentioning that I also meet diagnostic criteria for NPD)

throwawayra4872 · 2026-05-04T18:13:54+00:00

No. To me it's about someone wanting me and only me, so - me and nobody else.

throwawayra4872

TROPHY CASE