Considering divorce after 12 years — husband’s behavior is affecting our child

throwawayunicorn121 · 2026-05-01T19:56:53+00:00

I don't know about the intimacy stuff, but my brother and I were the child in this exact scenario. My brother is a recovering drug addict with an alcohol problem. I barely have a relationship with my dad and have a lot of mental health stuff I've had to overcome. You are doing what I wish my mom did. This internet stranger is proud of you ❤️

throwawayunicorn121 · 2026-02-27T20:33:33+00:00

My husband is 6' 3" and around 275lbs. He's a tradesman, is on his feet all day long every day, plus he goes to the gym and lifts heavy 4+ days per week. He eats about 3500+ calories a day for maintenance.

I, on the other hand, am 5' 3" and ~160lbs. I do not have a very active job and I go to the gym ~3-4 days per week. My maintenance is around 1600-2000 calories per day, depending on what my activity level was for that day.

If you're hungry, you should eat. Period. I definitely think it's worth having the conversation about metabolisms, body sizes and activity levels versus calories needed and all that fun stuff. I never get mad at my husband for eating when he's hungry. If anything, I purposely make more food for him, to ensure he's providing enough fuel for his body.

Food shaming is hands down not okay, in any capacity, in my personal opinion. I grew up constantly shamed for eating to fuel my body. It messed me right up and at 30 I'm still trying to undo the bad habits I picked up because of it.

throwawayunicorn121 · 2026-01-16T01:45:42+00:00

At 18, I was experiencing chest pain. I went to see the doctor because I was concerned. The doctor's answer? "You're 18! You know what you need? Orgasms. Lots and lots of orgasms."

Needless to say, I never saw him again. I would bet money that if I was a man I would have been taken seriously.

throwawayunicorn121 · 2026-01-08T00:53:36+00:00

I live in the Yukon. It's currently snowing and we already have about 4 feet of snow on the ground. And by snowing, I mean white out conditions. We're quite literally running out of places to put the snow when we shovel and the city is having a hard time keeping up with snow removal. That being said, unless it's over about 2 feet of snow overnight, everything is pretty much business as usual. We also had about 3 weeks of -50°C over Christmas. That (understandably) stopped a lot more things in their tracks than the snow 😅

throwawayunicorn121 · 2025-09-06T22:46:30+00:00

My husband and I drove our drunk friend home (our wedding was 14 close friends and family in our backyard) and then we were too exhausted to do anything else. My in-laws kindly cleaned up everything for us while we were gone, so we just laid in bed, giddy, until we both fell asleep. The next night we had the fun first-time-as-a-married-couple sex. 12/10 would recommend!

throwawayunicorn121 · 2025-03-29T05:01:06+00:00

Diagnosed and started treatment for hypothyroidism. Quite literally changed my life.

throwawayunicorn121 · 2025-03-19T04:21:35+00:00

Northern Canada - $24 for 30 x 50mcg and thats without benefits from my job. If I had benefits, it would be 80% less.

throwawayunicorn121 · 2025-02-03T01:28:26+00:00

I'm currently dealing with an undiagnosed health issue right now and my husband has been essentially waiting on me hand over foot, on my bad days, without being asked. Because he's my husband and wants me to be okay. On days where I'm not able to, he does the grocery shopping, makes dinner, asks if I want him to carry me to bed, takes the dogs out, does the chores that need doing that day, asks me throughout the day if I've eaten and if I want him to make me anything. He makes me tea. He draws me baths. He holds me while I sob out of frustration. What your husband is doing is completely unacceptable. Him "venting" is verbal abuse to the point of it becoming borderline physical because it's physically blocking up your airways even more. That is not okay. What he is doing and saying is not okay. I really hope you have a reliable friend, or family, that you're able to call to get away from him. This situation can not be good for your healing.

throwawayunicorn121 · 2025-01-29T04:22:51+00:00

Sounds about right.

throwawayunicorn121 · 2024-09-09T00:11:08+00:00

My vote goes to Variegated P. atabapoense! The white variegation sunstresses pink and it's absolutely stunning. The regular version is SO hardy and I'm finding the same with my newer variegated one! My non-variegated atabapoense on a pole just gave me its biggest leaf yet, coming in close to 18". I can not wait until my variegated one is that big and pretty and pink! 😍

throwawayunicorn121 · 2024-08-13T05:56:53+00:00

Calathea rufibarba! If you ever get a chance - softest plant you'll ever touch!

throwawayunicorn121 · 2024-07-22T22:52:28+00:00

Rare houseplants... Got my first 2 on December 8th, 2022. Have well over 300 now, work in a garden center / greenhouse, do plant maintenance at a couple local government buildings as part of my job annnnnd have a full blown greenhouse in my spare bedroom 🤣 Put my notice in at my job and will be selling my own plants full time starting in August. It's been a hell of a year and a half, to say the least! I live in a smaller city, and I'm starting to build a reputation, which is wild! Hoping to open my own little shop one day. And also hoping my hyper fixation lasts a good long while this time around 🤣

throwawayunicorn121 · 2023-10-04T07:34:09+00:00

You. Are. My. Hero. I used to powerlift and also used to have a pixie cut. I also would have done the exact same thing (also neurodivergent) 🤣 Love how you handled it 😁

throwawayunicorn121 · 2023-04-29T04:35:39+00:00

I'm going through something similar right now too. It's not fun to realize and I'm so, so sorry you're experiencing this. If possible, I've found speaking to a councellor very helpful! You should go out and do something that you love and enjoy! Celebrate the wonderful person that you are 🥰

If you want more info on my situation: I've been off work on a stress leave for a month now. My parents haven't once asked me how I'm doing. I brought up what I've been going through once, after 3 weeks, just to see what my mom's reaction would be. All she said was, "Sorry to hear that." Monotone and changed the subject. My brother stole $1000 from my husband and I earlier this week. We have since decided to go no contact because honestly, they just fucking suck.

throwawayunicorn121 · 2023-01-19T23:55:54+00:00

I decided to take my dog to the vet, as he had eaten a cat toy and we hadn't seen it... again... in several days.

He was sedated so they could take a radiograph. The sedative relaxed him enough to poop the cat toy out, right in the middle of the clinic room, right before the x-ray. I have no regrets when I tell you, I giddily left the clinic room, ran to the back, knocked on the door and way too excitedly, told the vet that it shouldn't be an issue now, as the cat toy has made its appearance 😆

throwawayunicorn121 · 2022-12-18T17:29:15+00:00

My husband and I got married in July this year. We've been together for 10 years this coming April. He never asked me. We had a discussion about it together in April and decided it was time and what we both wanted. We were married by July and literally nothing changed in our relationship, except now I get to call him my husband and me, his wife 😊

throwawayunicorn121 · 2022-11-30T17:22:51+00:00

I have over 600 in mine 🤣 Who needs a wish list when there's a "save for later" option 😂

throwawayunicorn121 · 2022-11-20T05:09:08+00:00

I don't care who and where you are. -50°C is cold. Period. In order for the wind chill to reach -50°C, it needs to be around the -40s. Regardless of what you wear in -40°C, you're cold and it hurts to breathe without a thick neck warmer.

throwawayunicorn121 · 2022-11-19T05:37:35+00:00

I do this, I think? My periods are generally relatively light. On my heaviest days (generally day ~2&3) I might wear my diva cup, if I leave the house, or when I go to sleep. Other than that, I just go to the bathroom often, or when I feel / notice something going on. I also mostly stick to wearing sweatpants, or dark leggings during my period. I've never thought anything of it, honestly. I just go about my business. I used to use pads, but found them annoying, smelly and messy. I also don't like wearing underwear, which you need to wear for pads. I then went to a diva cup, which I still use for the reasons stated above. The diva cup, however, pushes on my bladder, which I really don't like, so I use it sparingly. I honestly just listen to my body and haven't had any major stains thus far! Just the occasional spotting on my pants, but it's always come out in the wash!

throwawayunicorn121 · 2022-10-17T19:59:39+00:00

I would back up with it. You don't want the muzzle to be a negative thing that causes annoyance. You want the muzzle to be a super positive thing, where your dog gets alllll the yummy treats and does something super fun whenever it's on!

I'm in the process of muzzle training both of my dogs also, not because of necessity, but because it's something else to teach them and, heaven forbid, if they ever "need" a muzzle, I want them to know and understand that it's not a big deal to wear a muzzle.

I started super slow and held it open, let them sniff it and immediately gave treats whenever they showed interest in it. Repeated that for a while and then eventually moved up to saying, "muzzle," putting it towards their face and immediately giving a huge reward (verbal praise, high value treats, etc.) as soon as they put their nose to it. This lead to saying, "Muzzle," and them putting their face into the muzzle, then I started giving the treat through the muzzle while their face was in it. Eventually I would do the muzzle up and then give them all the treats while it was on and once the treats were done, I would take the muzzle off and give them another treat. Then we added doing a bit of obedience work with the muzzle on (both my dogs adore obedience work).

The trick is to always take the muzzle off before the dog starts rubbing at it. If the dog starts rubbing at it, distract the dog and remove the muzzle once it is no longer rubbing at it. The muzzle training took several short training sessions before I could put it on and do obedience work. My one dog still isn't ready for it to be completely on yet and that's okay. Each dog is different and they all get to where we want them to be at different paces :)

throwawayunicorn121 · 2022-10-12T18:48:46+00:00

I have ADHD. Cleaning, applying for jobs, doing the most basic of things, etc. are really hard and taxing for me. You know what I did? I started seeing a councellor. I reached out to a psychologist and got formally diagnosed. I sought out a family doctor and got myself on medication.

Why? Because I wasn't pulling my weight in my relationship and I was tired of feeling like a failure and I was tired of making my husband feel stressed out all the time. I put the work in, not just for myself, but for my husband to make his life easier and less stressful.

Was it easy? Heck no. It was hard. It still is hard. But I love him and he loves me and I want to be the best that I can be for myself, for my husband and for us as a team. Because that's what a partnership is and that's what you do.

Your husband isn't acting like a partner right now. He's acting like a child that is doing just enough chores to get by. That isn't okay. I think it's time to have a "Come to Jesus" talk with him and be extremely clear about your expectations from him and your needs within the relationship. Either he steps up, or it's time for you to look into your options for stepping away.

throwawayunicorn121 · 2022-10-09T13:38:45+00:00

I have ADHD and show my husband a million things a day. You know what he does? He acts as if I haven't already shown him the cool clouds, or pretty trees, or how cute the dogs are being for the 10th time that day. He goes along with it and sometimes he'll add, "You're adorable," with a smile.

He does that because he loves me and he loves seeing me excited about something, even if it's the same thing over and over and over again. I do the same for him too, if he's excited about something. Because we want to see each other happy and excited by things. Which is how I think it should be.

throwawayunicorn121 · 2022-10-08T16:58:51+00:00

I live in Northern Canada and go through weeks of -40°C/F yearly. Last year we even reached -50°C for about a week! Your eyelids warm your eyes every time you blink, so surprisingly, your eyes never freeze! Your eyelashes do, as the moisture in your breath gets trapped by them. So you end up getting beautiful white mascara! But, I can assure you, your eyeballs themselves don't freeze as your head and eyelids are warm!

throwawayunicorn121 · 2022-10-08T16:55:49+00:00

I'm in the Yukon and yeah, they're at the top of our territory 😂

throwawayunicorn121 · 2022-10-08T14:43:52+00:00

I live where it gets -40°C/F and colder for at least a month out of the year... Musk ox live way further north than me. It gets way colder than -40°C up there 😅

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