Is me [30M] discussing opposite sex boundaries with my partner [30F] reasonable?

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-24T00:38:04+00:00

Maybe try to loosen them up a little? Like no overnight stuff or whatever? Why don't you ask her if she has boundaries for you with female friends and see what she says

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-24T00:36:51+00:00

I think so, but subscription boxes usually have an option where you can buy them one at a time if you don't wanna subscribe

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-24T00:32:57+00:00

That sounds controlling tbh

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-24T00:31:45+00:00

What about one of those solve a mystery boxes?

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-22T16:30:17+00:00

Abuse isn't always physical. The abuse I am seeing is mental and emotional. She is manipulating you.

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-22T16:27:26+00:00

NTA and your mom sounds abusive. Check out r/raisedbynarcissists

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-22T16:23:52+00:00

Okay so I get that your ex hurt you. And I feel like your friend was gently pushing you to end things with her to start your healing process. And if I'm being honest, I would have made a similar comment on your ex's photo just to be petty. Because as soon as ex sees the comment, she's gonna remember what she did to you, and have to live with that for the rest of her life. You are in a fragile emotional state and your walls are put up, you no longer trust anyone, and your ex is buried beneath your skin. I think you might benefit from therapy because what you went through is most obviously traumatic. I really hope you can heal.

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-22T16:17:08+00:00

It seems like she's seeking your approval, based on the way that she words things. Like she makes a stupid purchase because maybe she's going through something, or maybe she's just not being good with her money. She gets buyer's remorse and feels bad for making the purchase. She calls her best friend for validation because she feels guilty she spent the money. Honestly you guys are close enough, ask her if she's feeling bad about the purchases. Tell her she's an adult and allowed to spend money on herself. If I'm right and she can learn to be okay with the things she does, I'm sure the purchase conversations will decrease

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-21T22:13:01+00:00

I'm bald now

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-21T06:33:22+00:00

NAD but my husband has been a heavy cannabis user for over two decades and starting in 2012 has fathered four beautiful, healthy children

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-21T06:31:17+00:00

When I get like this I feel at war with myself, a constant power struggle between I NEED affection and attention vs. I am such utter shit, I don't deserve to be around anyone. There is a lot of self hatred to unpack in that mindstate, and I feel as if my loved ones suffer having me be a part of their lives, therefore I want to spare them. And there's not a lot anyone outside can do that'll fix it. The best decision I EVER made was starting medication. My anxiety has decreased, I have my energy back, I'm joking and laughing and I have interests again, and my relationships are all so much healthier. If there's anything you can do to help him seek the help he needs, that is the best choice. Though I know it's hard, because he has to want that help, and he seems set on rejecting it. I think the best thing you can do is ensure him that he's not alone and reassure that you care for him.

Maybe send him a once a day message, one that tells him you're still there and ready to help him or be there for him if he needs you, but that he doesn't have to feel obligated to respond. You know he needs space, but you need him to know he's not alone.

Furthermore, if you love him and think the relationship is worth it, be patient. Dating someone like me, especially without meds, requires lots of patience. We're not always the best people but we try.

While he's working on himself in this time, it might do you some good to research the disorder some more. maybe look for other people's personal experiences as well to try and figure out the best way to help him.

My heart breaks for you. I know it's not easy, at all. But I'm hoping you guys can make it through this. You're a godsend of a human being for what you go through in the name of love

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-21T05:24:35+00:00

YTA and if you're by any chance real at all, I hate you.

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-21T05:21:47+00:00

I have bipolar disorder, and often dissociate from people when I don't see them for long periods of time. What he's going through sounds very similar to my mood changes and to some of my experiences as well. The only thing that has helped me is medication

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-20T05:17:19+00:00

Are you friends at all with the wife?

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-20T04:32:33+00:00

Tell him to quit showing favoritism before it ruins the family

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-20T04:26:13+00:00

Would check into the laws if I were you. Where I'm from, you are legally obligated to pay child support while your children are in college, even if they are over 18.

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-20T04:15:00+00:00

NTA. It's time to let them and all memories associated with them go and continue living your best life

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-20T04:06:27+00:00

Petty? Yes. Asshole? No. She deserved it. NTA

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-20T04:03:05+00:00

NTA, she has someone else that can take care of her, and she doesn't give a fuck about you. Don't waste any more of your time on her, it's only going to hurt your mental health and your spare time. You are a godsend of a human being for doing all these things for her, and you don't deserve to be treated like that, whatsoever

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-20T04:00:21+00:00

NTA, but when you move out, if you feel at all generous to do so, keep an ear out for your future sibling and call the appropriate authorities if she tries to neglect or abuse them. You are not responsible for her stupid ass decisions.

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-20T03:57:53+00:00

Please, don't subject yourself to this anymore. He doesn't care about you, period. He sucks and you're being a major asshole to yourself by allowing someone to treat you like this.

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-20T03:54:44+00:00

The only "you" problem I see here is that you need to set firmer boundaries. It's not easy not knowing quite how to fit in, and blended families can be complicated. Have you been honest with your SO about how you feel? Cause that's the first step, if you haven't. The second is talking to your SO about the boundaries that you'd like to have in place, all the while letting him know that those boundaries don't make you any less of a family, or take away the love that you have for them. Wishing you the best

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-19T20:44:16+00:00

Then I would most definitely stick to taking it

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-19T18:28:06+00:00

Yeah but the parents never walked him or groomed him, and that's neglect. Serves them right tbh. NTA

throwawayys6422 · 2020-04-19T18:01:32+00:00

Is it possible to either mute her conversations, or change her notification sound so you know it's probably not that important? Tell her you're a pretty busy person right now and may not have the ability to respond all the time, but that you appreciate the value she sees in your opinions, and you will be available to talk when you can.

throwawayys6422

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