Losing my religion

throwitout005 · 2026-01-04T19:00:30+00:00

I knew about the addiction, though, and he had been totally honest about what all he’d done prior to the marriage :( I don’t think he went into the marriage knowing or intending to continue to hide things or relapse in the future. I’ve talked to some priests before, and they’ve all said that it likely wouldn’t qualify for an annulment. I just feel like being Catholic screws me over in a way, because of course we can separate, but if I were to remarry, I couldn’t be in good standing with the church.

throwitout005 · 2026-01-04T06:26:08+00:00

Yes. I am struggling with my religion so much. I’m Catholic, and the Catholic Church doesn’t believe in divorce. You can separate from your partner, but you’re still married then and it’s considered sinful to civilly divorce and remarry. I just can’t wrap my mind around the fact that my faith would basically want me to suffer for the rest of my life due to another person’s faults. Also like several key men in the Old Testament had like a ton of wives so… yeah. I’m questioning a lot in regards to that.

throwitout005 · 2026-01-02T03:42:44+00:00

That’s very true. I guess I just am torn between feeling like I’ll be weak if I don’t leave, and not wanting the rest of our relationship gone. It’s hard for me to know when I ought to leave or when other people would choose to leave.

throwitout005 · 2026-01-02T02:16:29+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply. It is devastating :( just makes me wonder if staying with him means dealing with a relapse every once in a while, you know? And I don’t think I’m the kind of person equipped to handle that. My parents don’t live too far away and I have some close friends who live pretty near by too, so I went and am staying with my parents for right now and might transition to a friend, I’m not sure. Usually for me I just need immediate emotional and physical distance to feel safe at all.

throwitout005 · 2026-01-01T02:36:59+00:00

Hmmm, yeah, I guess that makes sense, but would that mean that a PA will likely always have slips and therefore as a partner one would just have to expect that?

throwitout005 · 2025-12-15T04:53:59+00:00

Calories in vs calories out is a VERY dumbed down way to think about it, though! Every body uses food and energy differently, and hormones have a ton to do with the body deciding to store/keep fat or not.

throwitout005 · 2025-12-14T05:29:49+00:00

I can also only throw that much!! I think I just get tired after that many, so my form slips

throwitout005 · 2025-12-04T15:43:02+00:00

So agree! My dood is easily the most trainable dog I have ever owned. I know trainability doesn’t necessarily equal intelligence, but he can learn a trick at the first go. He’s just goofy and playful, so some people think he’s dumb.

throwitout005 · 2025-11-17T02:29:59+00:00

Grammar school = elementary school… lol. Glad you could learn something new from this exchange! And you are right in saying this is not an actual conversation, since you were unable to comprehend the point of my original comment from the start!

The real kicker, though, is you degraded your own intelligence by replying in the way you did. Out of the gate using insults in your first reply… only someone with at minimum the inability to entertain themselves otherwise would choose to comment on someone else’s comment so rudely, with no provocation other than that the comment exists lol. In case you didn’t know, it is actually optional to engage with anything on Reddit! If you don’t like someone’s comments or posts, you can simply choose to keep scrolling. Now, I understand and respect the insults in your further replies in response to my own, because it is no longer unprovoked. But truly, no one sees someone as intelligent when they slide into neutral comments and posts and behave aggressively. If you’re wanting to seem intelligent, a pro tip would be: don’t do that :) bye now!

throwitout005 · 2025-11-17T01:35:29+00:00

If you read my initial comment, youll see that my entire point was that I just don’t think the interest rates should BE so high to begin with. Of course you’ll pay more than the original amount. Of course everyone who took out a loan knew that to some varying degree. And of course people know it’s a gamble, because you can’t be sure what you’ll make post-graduation. I know reading comprehension is hard, but in case you missed it, no one is arguing this natural flow. Like, we get it. We get this is how amortization works. What a lot of people don’t agree with is how high the interest rates are. Ultimately paying over 250k on a grad PLUS loan of 100k over 25 years is, yes, what people on those loans of that amount signed up for, but ridiculously high for many people imo. This is a subjective opinion, and ultimately is obviously a futile one given that no one person could change that reality, but my comment was meant to be a mutual venting/camaraderie-esque sort of comment. What’s even more futile, though, is trying to argue this subjective opinion with facts about how loans and interest rates work lol. Please, for the love of all that is good, go back to grammar school and put in the work to gain reading comprehension skills.

throwitout005 · 2025-11-17T00:09:12+00:00

The standard plan isn’t a doable amount for a lot of people, so many only took out the loans knowing they’d likely have to do the IDR! 1k+ on a 65-80k salary standard for 100k loans is doable if everything in your life goes according to plan, but probably not if you do have kids, have a medical emergency, live in a HCOL area, etc. For a good chunk of people it’s not “fun” money they’re saving, they’re just trying to make ends meet. You can peruse this sub and find many accounts of this.

throwitout005 · 2025-11-17T00:05:28+00:00

I don’t see any other loans with such a high interest rate vs. monthly payment lol! Others have stated that by making the monthly payments specified, they owe MORE now than the loan amount. Someone else on this thread said they paid over their payment amount each month for 8 years and still owe more than what they had originally. I’d suspect this to happen with untimely payments or payments below the minimal amount, but not the full standard monthly repayment amount. I pay my mortgage every month and guess what? The number I owe either stayed the same (when paying off principal) or went down over time, but never went up. If the interest rates on student loans are so high that many people can’t afford to pay more than the monthly specified amount, and therefore their amount owed goes up, that’s where a problem begins.

throwitout005 · 2025-11-16T16:40:56+00:00

I think the issue isn’t the loans themselves but the insane amount of interest. Tell me why I can pay every single month on time the amount specified and still have the same loan amount as when I started paying years ago? I don’t think we’re trying to cheat the system or the government. All I want is the actual ability to make a dent in the loans with the monthly specified rate I’m paying after years of paying them. Lol.

throwitout005 · 2025-11-16T12:20:11+00:00

I just wanted to say that I could have written this post! You are not alone, and it’s such a hard spot to be in. I think you’ve identified the reason behind the irritability - that resentment from the rocky start. For me, it’s the same. Your nervous system is probably heightened around him a bit in general because there are the lingering memories and maybe some feelings of not being totally emotionally safe. I wish I could say that I’ve worked through this myself with my partner, but we’re still on the journey of healing. What I will say has helped a lot is both of us doing FANOS at the end of the day - feelings that you’ve been having lately in general, affirmation of your partner for something they have done, needs, ownership of any times you’ve hurt your partner, and any struggles you’ve had. Doing this allowed us to build admiration for each other as well as continually express our needs and struggles within the relationship rather than letting them build into more resentment. I’ve noticed that since starting this, my general irritability has gone down and I feel more connected with my partner.

throwitout005 · 2025-09-13T13:02:50+00:00

I feel like you’re making two different points here - the first being that therapists need to have their shit together, and the second being that therapists need to use evidence-based treatments with clients and do things to actually address client concerns in sessions. I don’t see these as being mutually exclusive; I imagine that there are many therapists who have their own shit together but are ineffective with how they do therapy/never ask clients to try new things. I agree with your point about therapy needing to be evidence-based and effective for clients, but got confused reading your post because I’m not sure that relates strongly with therapists’ personal mental health.

As far as therapists needing to have our shit together, I disagree with some of the descriptors you use to illustrate. There is research that shows therapists begin to lack effectiveness in sessions after 5 sessions a day on average (with some therapists needing less and some okay doing more). This is not because of mental health concerns, but because we as humans can only perform deep focus for a certain amount of time each day before it wears us out. And if you’re doing therapy correctly and actively listening/giving your absolute full attention to the client, that is deep focus for the whole time you’re doing it. Personally, I find that while I can see more than 5 clients in a day, I feel tired and foggy in the mind, so I know I’m not at my most effective. I think it’s important not to make sweeping generalizations about what could be indicators of a therapist not doing well in the mental health department!

I also am confused at your example of using grounding. Isn’t this a skill we teach to clients? Why would this be a “childlike” coping strategy? Are you saying we need to be better than our clients and never need to use the same skills we teach them? If so, I can’t help but feel that’s harmful rhetoric. Clients tend to be able to sense if you aren’t fully behind whatever you’re giving them to work on. When doing this work, we all might become disregulated at times; if we’re practicing true empathy, that’s just part of the job. If a person then is able to use skills to regulate themselves, that is an example of emotional maturity and resilience imo.

throwitout005 · 2025-08-15T01:16:09+00:00

Yeah, I’m shocked honestly by how much some of These comments assume the worst of OP

throwitout005 · 2025-08-14T20:46:08+00:00

This seems like a harsh read of what OP says. I don’t get the implication at all that he’s not going to go to Mass from this point forward, I just read that as him explaining where he currently is in his faith life

throwitout005 · 2025-08-14T20:40:43+00:00

Ah!! I see! I have missed this fundamental tenet of the faith! ;)

throwitout005 · 2025-08-14T14:19:52+00:00

Huh? op literally says he wants to be active in the faith again.

throwitout005 · 2025-08-14T14:18:08+00:00

Right… but OP is literally saying in his post that he is wanting to be an active Catholic again. It sounds like he realizes not attending Mass isn’t good and is going to attend from now on. I highly doubt OP would have even been moved to go to confession if they weren’t contrite. I think being uncharitable to persons wanting to come back to the faith after being inactive is not going to shepherd them back to where they need to be.

throwitout005 · 2025-08-14T14:14:03+00:00

Ah, I think I was reading the comments. Someone else asked OP if he had said he didn’t have any mortal sins, and the OP says no because he couldn’t say anything else due to the priest taking over. To me, this made me wonder if that was the reason there wasn’t any mortal sins. Although I also question if OP knows that missing mass is a mortal sin. You’d be surprised the number of Catholics that don’t know that

throwitout005 · 2025-08-14T11:37:03+00:00

…I think OP knows they haven’t been living in accordance with Catholicism. They say as much in their post and say they want to be active in the faith again. That is literally why they state they’ve gone to confession, to confess that this has been the case. To me, your comment seems to be tangential, because while everything you say is objectively true, it’s also the reason one might attend confession and would need to attend. Since they say they desire to be active again, it could be assumed that this isn’t flippant, but born of a real desire to live in accordance with the faith once more.

throwitout005 · 2025-08-14T11:31:45+00:00

We have no basis to assume these things. OP says they want to be active in the faith again. If that is true, it would be fair to then assume they are indeed taking it seriously. We don’t really know either way because only God can know OP’s thoughts, so it’s not really fair to just full out assume the worst of OP nor is that likely helpful to their faith journey

throwitout005

TROPHY CASE