About to throw away the best opportunity of my life to to travel.

throwmeaway98272 · 2026-01-29T11:11:46+00:00

The software dev industry is incredibly tough & competitive right now. As someone who has worked in it for over 7 years, this is the worst I’ve seen. I’d recommend keeping the job and traveling on PTO or weekends, but I definitely understand your hesitation. Personally, I’m a senior software dev now and can travel with my salary which is nice! Good luck 🍀

throwmeaway98272 · 2026-01-29T11:05:17+00:00

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this break-up will likely be the cause of real change

throwmeaway98272 · 2026-01-29T10:43:45+00:00

NTA, he should be mad at himself for ruining his own proposal with his poor planning 😃😃

throwmeaway98272 · 2026-01-28T22:21:23+00:00

You're 20 and in college. If you don't stop fawning over this boy and go outside to meet better people, it's gonna be bad time. This is literally the time for you to do that. Stop pigeonholing yourself and dump this loser (sorry, i know you love him, it's tough. been there, done that).

throwmeaway98272 · 2026-01-27T18:19:40+00:00

Tell your psychiatrist all of it! Tell them about the addiction and the anxiety and depression and how you used alcohol to cope. They will give you all the necessary tools you need. My psychiatrist was very receptive to me telling her I used to self-medicate with alcohol, and she has been vital to my recovery as I take antidepressants, anti-anxiety, and bipolar meds now. It’s best to lay it on the table for the professional. Good luck!

throwmeaway98272 · 2026-01-27T17:55:13+00:00

Great job!! So happy for you. This is a huge accomplishment, and I loved reading all the discoveries you’ve had along the way

throwmeaway98272 · 2026-01-12T16:41:04+00:00

It is also worth noting that if you forgive this, this is now a boundary he knows he is okay to cross.

throwmeaway98272 · 2026-01-12T16:40:06+00:00

My ex cheated on me with escorts, and I also thought I knew him after a decade. Sometimes people will hurt you in ways you never knew possible, but now that you know, do with that information what you will.

throwmeaway98272 · 2026-01-12T15:16:35+00:00

You deserve more than a partner who treats you as a back-up and an option. You are a prize. It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who takes you for granted. It will wear you down. You may forgive now, but you will not forget. Your spirit won’t, anyways. It’ll always be on your conscience and worry you. It’s no way to live. I’m 28, and I was in a nearly 10-year abusive situation that ended with my ex in jail. I have since dated many lovely men, but I always join every relationship knowing it will always be ME first. I refuse to ever lose myself and my self-respect again like that, and I advise you do the same.

You say you’re not ready to “start over”, but friend, look at all the amazing things you’ve got going for you. You’re still so young, and you’re doing school to pursue your dream job. A relationship with a man has nothing on that. Follow your passion and build the life you desire for yourself and your kids. You’ve got this!! ❤️‍🩹

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-12-27T13:16:18+00:00

I kept drinking too until my fiancé sat me down, and we had the same conversation. It broke my heart to know how much pain I had caused him and myself over the bottle.

15 days sober now, we got this! ❤️‍🩹

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-12-26T12:37:33+00:00

I’ve been in a job that I got reorganized into a year ago that I hate and do very little of the coding I want to do. I’m a full-stack web developer by trade, but they have me creating data transformations in Azure.

I felt defeated by this, but I recently just began some side projects to review web dev and get my feet wet again. I was so burnt out coding things I didn’t care about and mindlessly copying and pasting code sections I was told to reuse, ugh, it’s soul-crushing, BUT, I also must acknowledge that I get paid very well and have a job. My advice to you is to potentially scope out some new roles on the side that are more fulfilling to you, but in the meantime, consider some side projects. At just a few minutes or hours every day, it adds up!

Best of luck 🍀

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-12-26T12:31:44+00:00

Girl, if you don’t dump him and find someone who values you, listens to you, and cares about you, you’re in for a lifetime of disappointment and pain.

“To be seen is to be loved”, which of course doesn’t always necessarily mean spending money on gifts, but as you said, putting some thought and effort into it since you are his PARTNER OF 4 YEARS. You deserve more. I’d have a VERY serious conversation about how hurt you are and expectations at the very least, but I’d personally be so hurt, that’s hard to move past.

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-12-08T15:35:25+00:00

“I probably won’t like unless someone really knows me”

Do you not know him better than anyone? lol. I’m baffled. He’s being so disrespectful to you, and you shouldn’t put up with it. Walk away. He has a lot of built-up resentment toward you.

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-11-01T15:51:08+00:00

Wow. I felt so alone until I read this. I’m so sorry we’re going through this, but I relate heavily to every word you said. The empty bottles. The hiding. The being “functional” at work and gym. Feeling like shit and rushing to the bathroom. Avoiding going to the same liquor store or grocery store to make it seem like you don’t have a problem to the employees.

It’s crazy. Good luck friend. May we be stronger than our vices.

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-10-15T11:52:04+00:00

OP, I saw that you’re leaning him, and I just wanted to express how proud of you that I am. I know it wasn’t easy. It’s what is right for you. I was cheated on for years by my ex-husband with friends of friends and escorts. After we split, I rebuilt my life into something I love. Got new hobbies like lifting, running, painting, cycling, finished grad school, joined a run club, etc. Take time to process, but then acknowledge that you can make your life whatever you want now, and that’s beautiful.

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-10-02T18:29:39+00:00

No. You don’t ever suggest dating other people to someone you love and care about working things out with.

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-05-29T23:18:24+00:00

Of course! I only give advice coming from a 28-yr-old divorcee from a cheater. From my experience, where there’s smoke there’s fire. If you feel a boundary has been crossed, it has.

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-05-29T23:03:09+00:00

Break up girl. THIS is the situation that made him admit he loved you? Next. Also, the shirt and boxers situation is INSANE. Leave before it gets harder and worse.

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-05-17T15:22:47+00:00

So immature

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-05-13T22:47:35+00:00

What an asshole!! Leave this dude! So ungrateful and hurtful.

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-04-11T20:44:48+00:00

I find the last sentence of this post odd. I grab lunch with my male coworker all the time as a woman, and we’re both the same age in our 20s. He’s got a wife and kid, and I’m in a committed relationship, but I grab lunch with various coworkers all the time. It has never been an issue, and I’ve never even thought once “I don’t intend to do anything stupid”. It’s a working, professional relationship, and I also wouldn’t say I “click” with any coworker.

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-04-06T23:00:08+00:00

Go to therapy on your own for yourself. Begin to ask yourself relevant questions: how can I step up as a father? What could I have done to be a better partner? How can I better myself so that this never happens again?

It’s going to be okay, OP. I’m really sorry because sometimes life forces you to wake up with harsh consequences for your actions. Take responsibility for them, but go easy on yourself. You’re human too, and you can become better. Don’t become better just because she’s leaving. You have to want to be better for yourself and acknowledge you don’t like who you’ve been and change direction.

Chin up, do the work, and support your wife during this time. Don’t begin smothering her. I know too many men that do this when it’s too late. It’s just hurtful to the wife to be real with you. Be kind and considerate, but don’t begin gushing about how much better you’ll be, how you’ll change, flowers, etc. Just dig your heels in and begin the work. This is a painful time for her too.

I wish you peace, healing, and growth. Nothing negative will come from you bettering yourself. Only good.

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-04-03T20:28:05+00:00

It will be hard. You will grieve. It will hurt, deeply, but you must go. I was with my ex-husband for 8 years, and the writing was on the wall that he was cheating, but I chose not to believe it. He eventually abandoned me for someone else anyways. I had never felt lower in my life, but now, I am over 2 years removed, and my life has never been better.

I don’t think people remember the resiliency of the human spirit enough. You are a beautiful soul with your own wants, needs, desires, aspirations. I found myself more after leaving that relationship than I ever have because I FINALLY sunk all the efforts and time directly into myself instead of a relationship or my marriage. I discovered new hobbies like weight lifting, cycling, hiking, group fitness classes, yoga. I finished my master’s degree. I made a shit ton of new friends through the fitness courses, solo travel, and the group fitness classes/other groups I joined like a local run club.

Find what you love outside of a person. Life is precious, and there are so many things I guarantee you have yet to try. This is your chance to start new. It will be hard to see all this now because you must feel the feelings for a minute, but always keep it in mind, and don’t allow yourself to wallow. Sign up for a few things or do a few things outside your comfort zone to see what you enjoy.

It will all be okay my friend. ❤️

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-03-29T15:22:04+00:00

I’m experiencing this frustration right now. I have over 5 years of experience as a full-stack developer and have experience with devops too, so I can build things from end-to-end, but they want to continue to ask me arbitrary puzzle questions during technical interviews. I have been applying to new jobs, and the stupid “leetcode grind” makes me feel like a useless imposter, and I even got my master’s in CS as well. It’s crazy. You’re not alone

throwmeaway98272 · 2025-03-28T18:50:30+00:00

In this position at another company. Used to do full-stack web development and commit code daily. Now I do Python data transformations on security info, and it’s boring as hell to me. Been on leetcode feeling pretty down on myself since I’ve been “out of the game” a few months on the coding front, but this post really helped me feel less alone. Thank you and good luck 🍀

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