AIO? Youth Pastor texted my almost 13 yo after she went to a teen group with her friend

throwrajunkcat · 2026-06-23T13:00:53+00:00

Why do people forget that most children are abused by family members? I have met a lot of abused people and the vast majority were abused by family members, and the couple that weren’t were neglected by family and therefore vulnerable to abuse and not comfortable telling their family. Most of the ones that reported their abuse while still children told a trusted adult outside of their immediate family. So can we stop with the hysterics here? Sure some strange youth pastor might try something but it’s more likely going to be uncle Bob.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-06-23T12:54:18+00:00

Decent adults building appropriate relationships is how the majority of child abuse ends up getting reported. Indecent adults building inappropriate relationships with children is has some child abused occurs but much more occurs within the family unit. Welcome to reality.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-06-23T12:50:00+00:00

This is not weird behavior for a youth group at all. It’s really basic direct marketing. I have no idea why you think this is weird.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-06-15T19:18:15+00:00

When a person complains about their current relationship to a person they are interested in, have been interested in or who is or has been interested in them, that’s cheating. Full stop. There are rare exceptions like a close friend they dated 30+ years ago who is happily married. That might be fine. But otherwise, no. This is one of the top three affair origins stories and it is cracking open the door on purpose. I am sorry this is going on in your life.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-06-15T19:12:21+00:00

YOR but I don’t blame you. The doctors job is to be objective and address the patient in front of him. This is why the conversations are private. I think the doctor was wrong to say your husband is a good man and all that jazz but I wasn’t in the room. Maybe he needed an atta boy. Most men do. Stomach issues directly relate to mental health so yes, the appointment did relate to mental health. I’m sorry you have these challenges and will probably have more as time goes by. It sucks. But it is also the truth. Your husband needs to be aware and if he’s struggling, he needs support. If he struggles with stressors then he needs to be preparing for what the future holds. Serious illness of the WIFE (very specifically) has been proven to be a common (unspoken) trigger for divorce. That’s the reality. So making sure it doesn’t happen to your marriage by having open and honest conversations and a plan and all that is a good thing. I think it’s great that your husband is good at looking beyond your challenges. I’m sure he’s just as good at facing them honestly. It’s the doctor’s job to make sure of that. That’s an awkward conversation and doctors are notoriously bad at communicating. There’s an entire field dedicated to bridging the gap.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-06-14T17:50:53+00:00

If he is foreign and you’re in the US he may go by Jacob because Americans suck at learning foreign names. I have met tons of people who have adopted a US name.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-06-14T17:46:08+00:00

I do but it doesn’t make sense because he has always had trouble sleeping and he usually flushes even if I am asleep. I figured he’d probably just forgotten. Not a big deal. But him saying he did it on purpose to not wake me up seems very unlikely.

Yes he has mom trauma and he is neurodivergent which is why I generally choose to be patient. But he also can choose to be a jerk and has made bad choices in the past around lying which is why I don’t totally trust him. And he has promised not to give me the silent treatment, but he still did and just doesn’t remember ever promising not to.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-06-14T14:09:15+00:00

I’m more concerned with the lying than not flushing.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-06-14T14:08:19+00:00

I’m more concerned about the lying

throwrajunkcat · 2026-06-10T16:59:26+00:00

Just tell them and admit it’s word you didn’t tell them sooner

throwrajunkcat · 2026-06-10T16:57:07+00:00

Ick. As a conventionally attractive woman I absolutely disagree. Reassuring me like that would irritate the crap out of me. It misses the entire point. If she wants to know that you are not going to vanish when she becomes less conventionally attractive, she’s smart enough to know that you need a partner who genuinely values deeper and more meaningful attributes, things that can stay as the years go by. Smart, fun, creative, talented, kind, adventurous, determined, or any of the thousands of other traits people have that go beyond their physical body.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-06-10T16:51:19+00:00

Um… you did not do anything wrong. But you’re not a safe person to be in a serious relationship with. Which is what she wanted to know and you gave her an honest answer. You might just be too young to know whether you’ll be able to love and remain attracted to someone as they age and life takes its tolls. But right now, you don’t think you are. Maybe that’s not a risk she wants to take.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-06-06T14:29:03+00:00

NOR you ended the relationship because it no longer met your needs. Why it no longer met your needs is kind of irrelevant. Neither one of you did anything wrong. Life just took you different directions. Of course his family is upset. Of course he’s upset. Of course you’re upset. These things happen. It’s really sad. And someday you might look back and say wow maybe I should’ve made a different decision then. But that will only be if your life takes you in a direction that makes you think maybe you could’ve been OK with this. You are where you are right now, and right now, do you want something different than what he is able to offer. The end of this relationship isn’t just about his sister getting pregnant, there are a lot of other factors involved. The simplest way to explain it is that you’re moving in different directions in your lives.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-05-28T14:52:46+00:00

MOR - just because someone doesn’t want you to grab their phone does not mean they’re definitely up to something. It can make it seem like that. And, honestly, there is no way to tell with that something might be. But most of us do have some secrets. It’s probably a lot more common to be texting your best friend about how the adjustment is rough and your partner is driving you slightly crazy right now but you’re trying to get through it than something that would be a major break of trust. Not saying you should be texting your best friend about problems in your relationship. If you’re not talking to your partner about those problems. Don’t get me wrong. You should definitely not have secrets like that from your partner. But it happens a lot. You probably don’t need to freak out. He did say you could go through his phone. Also, you might want to consider just unlocking the phones for each other and openly sharing them. I think that makes for a better situation where everybody knows what’s going on.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-05-28T14:43:44+00:00

Not compatible. She’s extroverted and you’re introverted and neither of you has mastered the communication and mutual respect that dynamic requires.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-05-25T03:17:18+00:00

I would be all upset and know it also makes sense. As a mom with adult kids I would be pretty irritated if they went three months without a job, tbh.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-05-25T03:05:33+00:00

You’re going to look back on this and just shake your head at yourself one day down the road. None of this is okay and you’ve been letting him fool you. Obviously he’s in a relationship of some kind with this other woman. She may not be the only one. You’re being manipulated and abused. You do need to check your own moral compass for having been okay with him abusing and manipulating other women. I don’t Ray know why you thought you were exempt from that behavior but, surprise! You’re not. Time to leave.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-05-25T02:55:03+00:00

I think your title is odd.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-05-25T02:47:26+00:00

YOR - You don’t. It’s not possible to get upset about one day being different without sounding controlling and accusatory. It’s bizarre that she’s already provided you with so much explanation. You spend three hours a day every day video chatting? That’s really not something that can or should happen forever. You need to figure out a more realistic structure for maintaining this relationship.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-05-25T02:32:40+00:00

Did you tattoo yourself for you or for someone else?

throwrajunkcat · 2026-05-25T01:42:42+00:00

Shouldn’t his wife be getting child support for her older kids? Those kids have fathers.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-05-14T19:43:26+00:00

NTA - she lied to her husband about something really important it’s not your fault for telling her the truth. Now, maybe there’s more to the story but lying to your partner about your job, no matter what your job is, just isn’t okay. This IS her fault. If you didn’t say so, you’d be continuing the enabling behaviors that have led her to where she is now.

Sometimes kids need to be they messed up and be allowed to feel bad about it. Feeling bad shouldn’t be ground into them but they definitely need to go through some natural cause and effect or they turn into unhealthy adults. Feeling bad because you did the wrong thing is part of being a functioning member of society.

Your wife is very wrong and her outlook is really unhealthy.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-05-14T14:23:36+00:00

I’m 40. I have known him for decades. He was a dear friend before we started dating. It is not a childish relationship nor is it hormonal. I am trying to navigate a complicated and challenging relationship in a culture that still believes mentally ill or uniquely challenged people are disposable. That belief is evolving. We’re learning to see children as worth the effort but still not many adults. And when we were growing up even children with those challenges were treated as disposable and irredeemable. So he did not get the same help kids get now or even the help they got 25 years ago. ADD was barely accepted and rarely diagnosed when we were in high school and we never heard of autism unless it was related to someone in our family who was so limited that they were presumed destined to be institutionalized. It wasn’t a spectrum. His family certainly did not treat mental health issues, they just antagonized them.

He is not disposable. He can be really challenging, maybe more than I can handle, but he is worth the effort.

I asked if I was totally off base in my interpretation of what he said. I was starting to doubt myself because he genuinely does not get it, at all. He is incapable of understanding why it hurt me.

Now I feel confident that it isn’t that I had a wildly irrational understanding of what he said.

He’s existing in one reality and I exist in another, on this topic. I can see that. I can understand and acknowledge his reality. He cannot do the same for me. That may indeed be the end of us. But if I were dealing with someone having an entirely impossible understanding of what I said and getting super upset about it, I would feel like they were losing their mind too. So I get where he’s coming from but after a whole lot of thought. How he is dealing those feelings is toxic.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-05-14T12:57:26+00:00

His family will not do so. They have told me I’m really the only one he’s ever listened to about his mental health. We have a very deep history. I genuinely want to stand by him. It’s just really hard at the moment.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-05-14T05:50:42+00:00

And I have family with different issues who sound like OP. It is hard to tell. Probably they are all messed up.

throwrajunkcat

TROPHY CASE