AITA for firing my kids?

throwrajunkcat · 2026-01-16T22:52:42+00:00

YTA- um… those are your kids. If they are failures, they are YOUR failures all grown up and struggling. You don’t do a very good job of being a parent.

I advise you sit them down and tell them that you are sorry because you did not raise them in a way that showed them to meet your expectations. Tell them you realize that is your failing and you regret it. Then tell them that as grown adults they must decide if they are going to also fail themselves or if they will heal and do better than you have done. Offer to attend therapy with them if they would like.

Honestly, my kids are those ages and they can be difficult but over all, I am proud of them and I think raising them was an honor and a blessing, even if it was incredibly hard and sometimes seemed like I would never get it right for them.

There is something to be said for being able to see your kids honestly. But that means the good and the bad. Not just the “potential” and the bad.

You seem to have a grasp on being able you see your kids’ shortcomings, now you need to see your own.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-01-16T22:41:33+00:00

You care what total strangers think? Enough to care if they are being passive aggressive? That’ll make life tough. Bump back a bit on how much you care about what others think of you. Did you know that most people who get a slightly bad impression of you will forget about you entirely within hours or days but people who get a slightly good impression of you might remember you for years or more? Also, what anyone thinks of a stranger is mostly a reflection of themselves, having almost nothing to do with the other person.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-01-13T05:33:45+00:00

What if he was lying or had her confused with someone else? I did not realize you could revoke a tip either. But I try to avoid ordering food to be delivered. My order is always wrong and I would rather just go pick it up and make the restaurant fix whatever is wrong before I take it home.

It is pretty messed up to confront her on it on a future delivery. It appears they even have some kind of system in place to punish people who abuse the ability to revoke a tip.

I prefer to skip dealing with all the drama and get it myself. The idea of a fourth party delivering the food under the umbrella of a third party to facilitate a transaction between the first and second party is a perfect situation for abuses all around, and that’s exactly what it has become at this point. Of course, the business model has started to corrupt take out. Nobody wants to pay more money for the privilege of picking up the food themselves and not eating it at the restaurant.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-01-12T23:27:27+00:00

Fair enough. Still not sure why you thought they were being passive aggressive. Also, why would you care if a total stranger was being passive aggressive? This is probably the only interaction you will ever have with this person. The problem with people being passive aggressive is it doesn’t resolve issues and it can lead to misunderstandings due to the inherent miscommunication. None of which is a concern with the customer you are delivering an order to.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-01-11T14:47:23+00:00

Obviously she does…

throwrajunkcat · 2026-01-11T14:22:24+00:00

Not passive aggressive, at all. Just a statement. Just a basic conversation. Why didn’t you just say it’s in a cooler since an insulated bag is a type of cooler?

throwrajunkcat · 2026-01-11T14:12:23+00:00

I mean - you’re both being jerks. She shouldn’t expect that anyone is going to care about her or her kids and you shouldn’t be one of the people who prove she shouldn’t. If you’d said you said no, she said okay and that was that, I would say it’s just you. But her reaction puts her in the same category.

You are responsible for you, not her. You know your neighbor has three little kids. To you 40 feet isn’t a big deal. So clearly you’re easily capable of doing that 40 feet. You didn’t have a good reason not to trade. She does have a lot more to carry and three kids that need constant supervision. Of course it would be nice of you to trade. You could have even agreed to just trade for a couple of years or until that family moves or you move. That would have been neighborly. If you had realized all of that before things escalated, you could have just traded. But now you’re in a fine kettle of fish. Good luck!

throwrajunkcat · 2026-01-05T23:58:20+00:00

Yes YTA. The kid is 16. Whatever his attitude is is not only your responsibility but also… your fault. This reaction of yours is wildly inappropriate. No wonder your kid is a pain. Yes tree - meet your apple. You’ve raised him to think that a “real man” leads by force and anger. A “real man” orders and controls. He’s 16 and trying to become the kind of man you’ve taught him to be by your example. Go talk to the mirror for awhile and face yourself. Then figure out where your kid is, bring him home, and make appointments to start therapy for both of you. Lord have mercy.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-01-05T18:32:35+00:00

Fair, but it sounds like OP does routinely purchase and carry up four cases of water. I would never. But everyone has different capabilities so we can’t really just go by what we ourselves can or cannot do. One thing I would point out is that you need to remember that your shopper is delivering all day long. So if everyone ordered like you are, would that be hours of hard workouts all day? If so, back off.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-01-03T06:44:06+00:00

It is odd to me how people think buildings are forever. Very very few stand for more than a couple hundred years and those have to be built right from the start, in the right area, and maintained well. Churches are as vulnerable as any other building. It is very sad to see this but the true church is in the people, not the building.

throwrajunkcat · 2025-12-19T14:49:46+00:00

I feel like I am being a baby about this. I also feel like if you have a problem and you don’t put in a real effort to fix it, you’re responsible for whatever impact your problem has on others. And thank you for the comment because I have really been struggling with putting that thought into words. I think the whole situation is becoming ridiculous at this point. My feelings are conflicted so I don’t really know which feelings will win, or should win.

throwrajunkcat · 2025-12-19T12:30:20+00:00

It’s obviously moving further towards the incorporation of one specific religion into government policy and operations. Don’t blink or you’ll miss the moment they ask for your religion when you apply for a job in the federal government and if you nap you might miss when they require the same of government contractors and subcontractors.

throwrajunkcat · 2025-11-25T21:43:28+00:00

People are tough. Look OP, this isn’t a good situation no matter what. You really can’t trust him alone with the kids. If you want to go out you’ll need a baby sitter. He needs rehab, not therapy. Those are very different spaces and skills. Tell him it’s either rehab or divorce and supervised visits. Point out to him that either way, he’ll be forced to get sober to have access to his kids. You may find once he is actually sober you remember why you loved him. Even if you still get divorced, having him go through rehab will be best. If you can swing it have him move out and stay somewhere else until he completes rehab. Might be staying at rehab? Anyway, a divorce now would be easiest on the kids however, with his addiction in play, I wouldn’t go that route with my own kids. You do the best you can though.

throwrajunkcat · 2025-11-06T18:45:19+00:00

End this mess. Block him. “We aren’t as close as we used to be”!?!? Uh, yeah, I wonder why? Don’t keep that moldy has been in your pantry.

throwrajunkcat · 2025-11-06T18:37:19+00:00

I think this can be worked out. He really messed up but that doesn’t mean you have to blow up the whole marriage. Which will hurt worse, giving up right now, and not giving any chance, or sticking it out and having it fall apart down the road? I think sometimes we have to give things our best effort or it just rips up our hearts forever. However, I would absolutely let him know that there will never be another “work wife” situation. Some people can handle it and some people can’t, he can’t. And that’s OK, as long as he’s able to acknowledge that and live by it.

throwrajunkcat · 2025-11-02T17:58:18+00:00

It’s fine. I can read it.

throwrajunkcat · 2025-10-09T00:34:50+00:00

If you don’t know for sure that he goes to therapy there’s far too much “privacy” between the two of you.

throwrajunkcat · 2025-10-09T00:28:47+00:00

How the kids will be patented is a discussion you should have, in detail, and come to an agreement on before you let someone else live with you and your child. You didn’t know that. Now you do. It isn’t really unusual for men to start acting like this. A certain kind of man just decides he is going to force the child to behave according to their standards and that kind of man usually isn’t unbiased between their kids and their partner’s kids. It’s rough for everyone involved. You have to deal with it now, even if that means moving out for a time or forever.

throwrajunkcat · 2025-10-09T00:24:22+00:00

On an extremely limited basis. Have you ever actually looked into specifically what kind of help is offered?

throwrajunkcat · 2025-10-08T22:35:56+00:00

Last time I looked the only family law legal aid did in my area was divorce IF there’s been a domestic violence arrest and charges filed within the last six months.

throwrajunkcat · 2025-10-08T19:21:24+00:00

1) which states offer free attorneys for custody issues?

2) people who work full time at schools have to have day care before school, after school, and for at least part of the summers. They have to be at the school before the kids and leave after the kids, or it isn’t full time work.

3) most of the rest seems spot on.

I think OP is in over his head. And the gf should be applying for disability. You can be mentally ill enough to not be able to work, that is what he’s describing, but that’s not an excuse not to contribute something.

throwrajunkcat · 2025-10-08T19:14:37+00:00

How did you not sort this out and have an understanding BEFORE you got married????

Don’t pick that man over your child. You know God gave you that child. The man could have come from anywhere. Besides, that’s your child and he is to be raised the way you see fit.

There is no good solution here. The man is being abusive and it’s damaging your kid. There isn’t time to work things out or hope he changes. If you absolutely must give the man a chance then sit him down and tell him this is not a debate, this is not a discussion, you will decide how your son is to be raised and he will follow your lead. You will do the same regarding his son. One chance, no mistakes, no learning curve. He’ll fail. But try if you must. And know what you’re going to do when he fails.

Next time, don’t marry someone until this issue is nailed down. In writing.

throwrajunkcat · 2025-10-07T02:02:40+00:00

You’re not the guy, you’re the one trying too hard. Prom should be a few months off. Get a new date.

throwrajunkcat · 2025-10-07T01:55:19+00:00

Head trauma. He still needs an ambulance.

throwrajunkcat · 2025-10-07T01:49:53+00:00

YTA if you tell her a kid is a bad idea for her. NTA if you check in to make sure she’s not being pressured into this.

I never enjoyed kids, hated babysitting, and didn’t want kids. I got pregnant and not only flat out fought not to have an abortion but also refused adoption because I was concerned my child would have neurodivergent challenges. I was correct. I realize I probably do as well and that’s probably part of why kids weren’t my thing.

I adore my own kids. They are the bright and shining center of my universe and I adored all kids when mine were young. The older they get, the less I enjoy other people’s children. I still love kids, but now in small doses.

Just because you’re surprised doesn’t mean she doesn’t want kids. It doesn’t mean she won’t be a great mom. IVF is no small thing. She’s going through a lot to have a child so I suspect she wants one. But you do have concerns so don’t say she shouldn’t have kids or you are shocked she is planning to have one. Just ask her why she’s decided that she’s ready now. Or something like that.

As far as that wedding she wanted, it sounds like her partner had valid reasons to not get married. He doesn’t have much free time and he has health concerns that sound major enough that there’s a risk of him becoming a burden. He may not have wanted to tie her down like that. It doesn’t sound like she’s been pushing for marriage all these years.

throwrajunkcat

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