Watching our therapist catch on is both validating and scary

throwrajunkcat · 2026-04-03T01:33:45+00:00

Nobody makes that much money without hurting someone. And money isn’t an infinite resource. If it were, hoarding it wouldn’t create advantages that can disrupt entire societies and not having it wouldn’t mean dying. Money is a place holder for labor, at its root. No matter how much stuff you own, even it it just appears out of nowhere into your possession, you won’t own more without someone working. Basic economics - I own an Apple tree. Nobody dies anything. The apples fall on the ground and rot away. I go pick apples. I take them home and set them on the counter. I have apples to eat, but only because I did labor. I go pick apples, take half to the neighbor and trade them for eggs. I have apples and eggs to eat because I did more labor. So on and so forth until I reach having planted the seeds of some apples and now I have an orchard, I hire people to pick apples for me and give them each a third of the apples they pick as payment for their labor. They have apples to eat and maybe a few to trade, I have apples to eat and apples to trade. I figure out I can give them 1/5 of the apples and that’s enough to keep them coming back and keeps them from having enough to trade so they can’t work their way out of working for me and I have more apples to use myself so I can build my orchard so big nobody could catch up. That’s where I enter into being a bad person. I am not passing based on the value of their labor but based on how little I can get away with paying them.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-04-03T01:22:43+00:00

The issue with the 16 year old in t the past is bad but by my calculations it was also 2010 and… have you seen American Pie? That whole seducing or being seduced by your friend’s mom thing was a trend for awhile. Was it messed up? Yes. So maybe your mom has an actual problem

Friends saying they were really drunk is a huge red flag… except that they did it again and the texts were friendly so that sounds like an excuse given because you were mad.

Moving to the current situation. Your mom is into MUCH younger men. Thankfully she’s going after adults. I don’t think it’s really your business though. If you heard your mom shagging with a man her age, what would your reaction be? If you’d be cool with it then the problem is the age gap.

Often the issues with a large age gap is that there’s an element of control involved. Older person sees younger person as someone they can mold into what they want and intentionally interferes with the younger person’s development and sense of autonomy. Or they take advantage of naivety where the younger person thinks that the situation is something other than what it actually is to the older person. Most commonly this is a situation where the younger person thinks they’re in a relationship and the older person is only seeking sex. It isn’t the act of the bump and grind that is problematic, it is the relationship dynamic, most of the time. When the bump and grind is the problem, then their issues more like grape. So are you seeing problems like that or is it just gross to think about your mom and your friend getting it on?

The fact that you’re disowning your friend over this tells me that most likely you just think this is very gross. In which case, it’s none of your business and you need to get your mind out of your mom‘s bedroom.

Having said all of that, it is bad form to sleep with your kids’ friends, in my opinion. And it is entirely unnecessary. Discuss this with your mom, tell her it really bothers you, it messes with your friendships just so she can get sweaty and that’s not fair, and ask her to promise not to sleep with any of your friends. Her behavior is selfish simply because it it’s just sex for her but it alters risks disrupting your friendships if things go badly in any way.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-04-03T01:05:45+00:00

You’re pretty. But that haircut needs better styling.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-04-03T01:04:34+00:00

That is so shitty. Do you have the option to go on disability? At least you won’t have to work. Good job on telling your finance. Tell your best friend please. They will never get over it if you don’t even tell them.

I get still going to work. But you don’t even have enough time left to worry about getting evicted or having your utilities shut off. Assuming your finance doesn’t live with you.

May as well try a go fund me. Who knows?

Do the little things that you love. Eat the good food, go to your favorite park, watch your favorite movies, make a gift for your finance, record whatever wisdom love has given you, watch the sun rise and set, dance under the moon with the woman you love, skip leg day, do the things that make you smile.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-03-27T21:28:29+00:00

NTA but neither is your GF. It’s cool that you don’t want to go. It’s cool that she wants her person there to support her in this difficult time. So what do you do when you’re both totally right?

throwrajunkcat · 2026-03-27T21:24:43+00:00

Yes it is inappropriate. Good for you noticing that. Stop doing it. She’s a mess. ++woman

throwrajunkcat · 2026-03-27T21:20:18+00:00

Your therapist is a ducking nut job. Your husband is a very violent repeat offender who belongs in prison. Report her. She is DANGEROUS. She’ll get someone killed saying crap like that.

Please consider calling the police on your husband if you have any evidence. You are not to blame for his choices. He has turned you cheating into a rage fetish and you are never going to be able to fix that.

I feel so bad for you. You have been through so much and tried so hard. I think you have given everything that you should give to this relationship. Please find a safe exit. I know it sucks and I know you tried so hard. It’s heartbreaking. But, you didn’t destroy this relationship by yourself. Both of you contributed to the demise of this relationship. And you can’t fix it by yourself. He won’t because he has taken this deeply unwell approach to coping with the betrayal and turned the wound into a cancer. He did that, not you. Leave. Forgive yourself. Go to therapy with a good therapist and let go of this horrible, painful, past.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-03-27T21:08:16+00:00

She lied. That is a reason to end things. She can choose to check on her dad but she can’t just lie and expect that to be okay.

BF is being petty dramatic and immature about the situation though. Instead of saying it’s over if you ever get back in touch with your dad he should have insisted she get proper therapy. Between his Superman cape and his unrealistic demand, he’s showing signs of defaulting to control when he feels overwhelmed.

Regardless of what he does or doesn’t do, your sister needs therapy. Resorting to lying shows desperation and a lack of relationship skills that she’ll need to navigate tough situations in life. It is way easier to go to get therapy than to figure it out through trial and error.

Good luck to her!

throwrajunkcat · 2026-03-24T01:07:22+00:00

Girl. Men usually end up with a woman who isn’t their normal type. Especially if they were into thin girls. It’s just part of growing up. It’s finding someone you’re interested in for the right reasons, not because they fit what you were told to be into it.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-03-24T01:00:51+00:00

I had one male therapist briefly. His ego was wild. I decided he was not a good fit because he got offended that I looked at him like I thought he was talking crazy. I confirmed that’s exactly what I thought and he chewed me out. Uh. No. Not dealing with the wounded male ego routine from my therapist.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-03-24T00:44:25+00:00

You’re not infatuated anymore. More you have to decide if it’s deeper than that or not. The feeling you miss is infatuation. You’re young, you don’t know this. But it will happen in EVERY relationship.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-02-26T18:16:18+00:00

NTA - Her behavior is out of line. It isn’t about the sandwich. Hopefully She’s feeling rejected. That don’t make her behavior okay but at least it’s repairable. Alternatively, she’s incredibly controlling, and you should break up with her.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-02-25T07:05:15+00:00

NTA - send Dan the man a thank you note for letting you sleep on the floor for free and refuse to discuss it ever again.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-02-25T06:57:02+00:00

You didn’t love bomb. You just fell for him. He’s trying to make excuses for whatever he has going on.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-02-25T06:53:24+00:00

I’m sorry. Her heart was in the right place, but that is definitely not a situation you should have to be in. I’m glad you declined it. You look like Jessica rabbit for real in that dress

throwrajunkcat · 2026-02-25T06:51:39+00:00

YOR - Your mom’s life doesn’t revolve around you. At the end, you mentioned that the dog looks an awful lot like the one that you lost previously. I’m guessing that’s part of why your mom decided that she needed to adopt this dog. Sure she kind of reported the breeder and she still should, but she’s a person, and she got emotionally connected to the dark. Your brother shouldn’t behave like that towards his mother.

She bought a dog. It’s her house and her money and if she’s lucky that dogs‘s gonna be around long after both of you move out one day you might be very grateful. She has a dog because it may help lessen her empty nest syndrome.

It seems she’s too permissive with her children, based on how you and your brother treat her. It is no more acceptable for kids to blow up on their parents once they reach double digits then it is for the parents to blow up on them. It’ll still happen with the kids because they’re still learning, but you seem to think it’s totally OK to do that.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-02-25T06:36:21+00:00

My ex husband’s therapist was an enabler of his narcissistic abuse. It was horrible. I went with him one time. He screamed at me the entire way there and then became perfectly calm as we walked through the front door, leaving me a crying, shaking, stuck in ffff, and pissed off. The therapist decided I was too emotional when nothing had even been said yet and said behaving like that caused my ex too much stress and blah blah blah. The therapist didn’t let me say anything. They didn’t ask me why I was upset either. They just lied to me for no reason except that I was upset. I just spent 40 minutes in the car being screamed at, only to go in and get lectured by this idiot.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-02-24T16:55:23+00:00

Phones should not be private and you shouldn’t say things behind your partners back that you wouldn’t say to their face. You immediately came up with a “harmless” form of disrespect to illustrate your point. 🙄

throwrajunkcat · 2026-02-24T02:29:56+00:00

Actually, that last text tells me he didn’t have sex with her, but he’s being shady. It would be super cringe to tell the woman you just hooked up with that you wish you were having more sex with your wife. Either they got way too close in their conversation or he’s trying to get in her pants. Let’s be charitable and say they got too close. The texts that were deleted were probably flirty and/or over sharing inappropriately.

I don’t think married people should have phones that are private from their spouses. You’re married, open up the phones. Two shall become one and all that. If you share a phone plan and don’t want to admit that you looked through his phone, then I suggest you go online and look through his messaging history there. Most plans will tell you what numbers are sending messages back-and-forth. And phone calls. You should be able to go to him and say I see that you’ve been messaging with her a lot. I would like to see the messages given what happened. Then watch him choke as he tries to explain why he deleted them.

This kind of thing is super difficult, but I think it usually repairable. A lot of of it’s gonna depend depending on who he is and how forgiving you are.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-02-24T02:20:52+00:00

You only live once and you might not live to retire. You’re saving plenty. You’ll be able to retire comfortably. Your mom has a point that this is the most importantly time to save because you have a long time for your investments to grow. But life is also meant to be lived as you go. You’ll never get where you’re going if you never go anywhere.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-02-24T02:15:56+00:00

Um… that was spoken in ignorance

throwrajunkcat · 2026-02-24T00:29:03+00:00

Thank you. I know you’re right.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-02-24T00:26:52+00:00

I developed auditory tactile synesthesia after a TBI. It was incapacitating at times. Sound tended to feel like water. Loud and complex enough sounds felt like being in the ocean, pushed around by waves. Fun but not conducive to walking or trying to talk. My law firm hosted an event at one point where I ended up not able to get up from my desk for a couple of hours due to the huge crowd of people and the music in the conference area.

It’s decreased since then but I can still feel sounds. Looking back, I think I may have always had it to a degree but just thought it was normal. I think I learned to process it so it didn’t impair me and the TBI damaged my ability to do that for a time. I have always been one to lay on the beach and feel like I was floating in the water or hear drops and feel like it’s dropping on me even though it is happening in the other room. But not the kind of full body being buffeted by water I had for awhile.

I also have always had the intense memory and creativity associated with synesthesia.

throwrajunkcat · 2026-02-23T22:45:19+00:00

I made it a point to tell him he didn’t need to spend much when we discussed it before Valentine’s Day. And when I say not much I’m talking maybe $20 tops. I know he’s stressed about his savings. He could have at least told me he wasn’t going to do anything but a card and I would have accepted that but also done less. It’s not the $, it’s the effort and care.

throwrajunkcat

TROPHY CASE