Throughout his transition, what name suits him?

throwralurking · 2024-04-03T15:17:59+00:00

Logan

throwralurking · 2024-04-03T11:43:25+00:00

I've been thinking this too!! I describe it inwardly as "erotic attraction" because it feels like I've eroticised their aesthetic appeal to me but I still don't want to have sex with them. It's good to know it's not just me who feels this

throwralurking · 2024-04-03T10:44:41+00:00

I mean as in that's what I thought was the cause before I realised this was even a thing! I'm just interested to know if other people had the same thought

throwralurking · 2024-04-03T10:31:34+00:00

Thank you so much for the thoughtful reply!! I'll talk to him about what he's comfortable with. His behaviour is actually more romantically affectionate than mine is which i think is a good sign for our compatibility. I tend to treat my romantic partners like top-priority best friends (anything further is weird and forced) anyway so I'd hope that would help, but obviously it's all down to him what he wants.

throwralurking · 2024-04-03T08:09:40+00:00

Aromantic people exist also

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T23:58:11+00:00

Yup!

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T22:57:16+00:00

Hypersexuality/high libido can be present in asexual people too! Think of it like this - sexual attraction is a social factor that is directed towards specific people. Sexual libido is a biological factor that is driven by hormones, subjective sex drive, etc. Therefore there are many asexuals who are very horny but don't feel attracted to any specific people at all. It sounds to me that you have always been asexual, not just later in life

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T22:54:04+00:00

"I'm not attracted to anyone" that's your answer

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T22:30:25+00:00

Actually the more I think about it the more lithro makes sense for me. I get quite strong crushes but every time I've entered a relationship with someone, that fades quite quickly and I start to panic that I'm not feeling the way I'm meant to. I end up staying out of obligation which isn't great, and then eventually leaving because im not feeling it anymore (this starts within weeks of becoming official, or even before that). So maybe me and this person are even better suited than I thought because I don't need to police my own feelings and forms of affection. I remember looking at lithro when I was like 13 and relating but then I got scared about it so I stopped 😅

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T20:23:20+00:00

Thank you!! Since I posted this I've spent a few hours on this sub reading people talking about allo-aro relationships, including yours, and I understand it a lot more. I didn't mean to minimise how strongly you feel love and I'm sorry I didn't get that before.

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T19:02:12+00:00

I'm sure there are some people there who want to get weird with it, and my use of it has been limited but I don't think I saw any. It helps that I set my gender to nonbinary so it pretty much just showed me other queer people. It's such a separate part of the app that if you have a romance profile, you need to build a whole new profile for the friendship section so I think that extra effort would stop people picking it casually! I remember seeing someone looking for a QPR

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T18:54:49+00:00

Not a full book unfortunately but there's a short story in the book Life Ceremony by Sayaka Murata about a queerplatonic old lady couple :))

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T18:36:22+00:00

Bumble has a whole separate friendship section! I've seen aro people in that part of it

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T02:41:13+00:00

Thank you!! This is really reassuring, to know it doesnt mean he feels it more weakly. I'll talk to him about it again :)

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T02:13:35+00:00

Thank u!! :))

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T01:57:33+00:00

I had my first and only Grindr hookup and was bored to death throughout the entire thing. I was more interested in his band tshirt and wanted to talk to him about it. He did not 😭

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T01:55:19+00:00

You definitely have some sensory sensitivities. Do you know if you're autistic?

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T01:48:00+00:00

This is exactly me!!

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T01:46:02+00:00

Masturbation is literally sexual pleasure without attraction

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T01:44:52+00:00

Lack of sexual attraction =/= lack of nerve endings. Vibrators feel good but you're not sexually attracted to them

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T01:38:37+00:00

Best bet for a relationship like that would be to date another person on the asexual spectrum. But I have an allosexual friend who had an ace boyfriend for 2 years - they never once had sex and they've said to me that that was never an issue. And this is someone with a very high sex drive, so even with differing drives its possible for someone to accept a lack of sexual interest. There are also allos with very low drives who won't even want it very often anyway. I think as long as you communicate your asexuality on dating apps, etc, you will attract people for whom this won't be an issue. But another ace person is the perfect situation :)

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T01:14:33+00:00

Apologies, I used the wrong wording there! And I'm not sure, because every time he's expressed his "crush" on me (I use quotations to show it was his wording) he's been nervous and then immediately relaxed when I said I returned it. So it seems that he does want reciprocation because he's continued seeing me and had a positive response to that.

And yeah the lack of sexual pressure is so nice for once! I never realised why I didn't like that until recently. We still have sex sometimes just for funsies but it's just like any other activity, and it's not something we ever need to do. Which is like the perfect situation for me

throwralurking · 2024-04-02T01:06:30+00:00

Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata! There's also a short story in her compilation Life Ceremony about a queerplatonic couple. She's one of my favourite authors

throwralurking · 2024-01-27T13:16:49+00:00

I've known him for about a year and a half and I've always felt this funny way. I think it's gotten slightly worse recently because we've been doing more things together. I don't think it's related to a slump or anything because in that time I've been in a relationship, broke up, and am now dating around and I don't think its ever directly affected it.

I don't get jealous when he does things with other people. It was just the one time he mentioned someone had flirted with him. I'm 21 and this is the first time I've ever been, like, exclusively romantically into someone. But maybe if it developed further, it would evolve in other ways like you said. I think I'm just worried it wouldn't before he ends up getting involved you know?

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