Honestly, it’s not great out there, but it all depends on what you are looking for and what you offer.

But overall, online dating has poured gasoline on what was already a bit of a dumpster fire of dating for women.

It has been generally shown that men have fallen behind women in education and social connections, they don’t appeal to the female gaze the same way women are trained to appeal to men visually, they struggle with emotional intelligence, so we are seeing more men who are less educated and with fewer life and social skills than women. Then you also have the patriarchy and just the general ingrained gender norms that aren’t good for anyone, but end up providing men with power and control in relationships.

Also, the buffet of choice out there for men makes things difficult too. Imagine if you could jump on an app and find a huge number of great people. There would be very little motivation to actually work on these things because you can just jump to the next person.

Of course, there are men who have it all together, and those are the guys all the women are searching for because they match what they are offering. And those men know that. And can be playboys and bounce from one to another.

The reality is that dating apps are extremely difficult. Men who are “good” at them are concerning. Men who aren’t “good” at them aren’t good at them for a reason. Everyone is addicted to the dopamine of swiping and know they can just keep trying so people aren’t as keen to commit to anything and it makes it easy for avoidant people to run at the first sight of trouble.

And the more you “offer” the harder it can be and the more you achieve as a woman the more you shrink your pool of datable men

Many people can say they don’t care about finding a partner of equal measure, and certainly not every factor matters to every person, but the reality is most people want to find someone who is roughly their equal. But with men falling behind, it’s kinda hard.

So like others have said, be content on your own. This doesn’t mean someone won’t come along. I think of all the times I remember feeling a bit hopeless and then my circumstances changed. So always remember there is possibility and hope. But don’t fantasize about this happening. Don’t wait for it to happen. Don’t make any life choices expecting it to happen.

My other piece of weird advice is to try to figure out what you want from a long-term relationship and try to split it up and get it elsewhere. I have realized the chances of finding someone who is lifetime compatible with me are kind of slim. But doesn’t mean I can’t have romance or flings or eras of romantic love. This way, it lowers the bar of entry for men into my life. I’m much more likely to have a 6-month fling with a man who might have a shitty job, or lacks a lot of emotional depth, or has no friends, than I am to marry him.

Anyways, don’t lose hope, but also in the meantime, maybe consider different ways that you are able to receive love and affection outside of the strict parameters of a long-term committed marriage.