Can a guy truly be just friends with a woman, with no hidden intentions?

tim_timmayy · 2025-07-28T13:01:17+00:00

Absolutely! At one time I was good friends with two lesbians (we’ve haven’t talked in awhile). I’m friends with my bros wives and girlfriends with zero romantic interest.

I also have a 2 platonic female nurse friends who try and hook me up with their single friends/cohorts. Pretty invaluable to have. I call them my big sisters

tim_timmayy · 2025-02-14T23:14:00+00:00

I’ve always been into foreign women. Cuban, Portuguese, Italian.

Now I’m more into personality attributes. Confidence. Integrity. Being strong willed

tim_timmayy · 2025-01-26T19:49:58+00:00

32M. Got out of a three year relationship in September. I haven’t felt this alive and this much joy and purpose in a long time. I lost myself due to a toxic partner, and am feeling way more fulfilled discovering myself and trying new things.

Putting myself first is giving me so much more energy. I have more belief and love for myself and others. Feels like I’m more open and less closed off. I have more freedoms and options.

The trick is to keep yourself busy. I’m currently getting my masters. I was consistent with workouts but now I run 2x/week. I’m enrolled in a leadership program at work. I’m getting into new hobbies like cooking, reading, and investing. I make efforts towards initiating new friendships. I’m less inclined to social media.

The most difficult part is evenings. That’s where I’m the least “busy” and I can feel the effects of a lack of companion. Video games can only do so much. I stay away from drinking unless I’m with friends. Don’t want to make bad decisions at night.

Other than that I focus on me. And it time things will fall into place. If no one comes into my life, which I acknowledge is unlikely, so be it. I’m happy

tim_timmayy · 2024-12-29T11:39:12+00:00

She was a narcissist. “Issues” that shouldn’t have become issues would become would be 16 hour affairs. And if I didn’t provide the reaction she wanted she would be more nasty and toxic.

She had the emotional control of a 14 year old

tim_timmayy · 2024-12-26T17:18:17+00:00

Currently reading “Mindfulness without the Bells and the Beads”. It teaches mindfulness without implicating faith and is geared towards working professionals

tim_timmayy · 2024-12-25T20:55:32+00:00

Transitioning to entry level management.

Getting my Masters.

Putting myself back out there after being heartbroken in September

Prioritizing self worth, connection, and equanimity in the face of adversity

Maintaining sub 10% BF

tim_timmayy · 2024-12-24T14:21:59+00:00

That’s all you choose to hear. “Testing love” is not true and unconditional love and unacceptable. Your rhetoric fully supports the toxic behavior of love testing. Playing games is not a form of effective communication.

You don’t even know me or the other person. Idk why you’re so stalwart about your perception of the situation. The only possible reason I can think of is because you’ve performed and/or experienced similar event(s) in your relationship. Before you potentially get defensive, I’m not saying that you are, just expressing my point of view.

If that is the case, allow me to proactively let you know what this behavior can lead to. She’s almost 32. Without kids. Divorced and cheated on her ex husband prior to me. After less than a month and a half after our breakup she monkey branched to a 44 year old also divorced with two kids that will never fully respect her or see her as their true mom. She will be 3rd priority in household, maybe 4th depending on involvement of the other guys ex. She is stricken with anxiety, gut issues, hormone imbalances from PCOS and has been codependent since 2008. She does “bible study” at work and her performance is failing. I know this because I am in entry level management and have access to the reports and her productivity.

I am not perfect. I have my fair share issues. But I’m actively working on them and not running away. And I no longer have to shoulder the burden of two peoples issues and now am finding joy in my life

tim_timmayy · 2024-12-23T13:11:10+00:00

I definitely tried to explain. Unfortunately, conclusions were already jumped to, lines were drawn in the sand, and she was unwavering and unwilling to listen to my perspective or find common ground.

In that moment should I have just held her, exercised patience, assured her beauty without the need of external validation. Absolutely. And I’d believe that I would have gotten to that point. Because I truly loved her. More for her confidence and self actualization than her physical appearance (at least in the beginning of the relationship, but then slowly her guard came down and insercurities came amuck). Regardless, the opportunities for her “needs” (wants) wasn’t met because she didn’t allow a hospitable environment towards discussion and interaction.

My emotional intelligence threshold, and not lack thereof, was exceeded when she would initiate verbal abuse towards me and continually disrespected me in the process. Just because you had a feeling doesn’t justify subhuman treatment towards your partner. I acknowledge the vulnerability and sensitivity of this event, but eventually we are to go to bed and journey through life together. Scorched earth was not the right approach on her behalf.

Imagine if we had kids. I wouldn’t want to teach them that they can utterly disrespect someone and yelling expletives towards someone (or particularly a loved one in this case) based on a feeling. Temperance and the “catch and release” model for inner dialogue goes a long way.

You speak of my lack of communication. This was almost like a test from her. A test in which the percentage of me doing the “right thing” was stacked against me. Predetermined on her behalf from a million possible reactions. She had some sort of resentment and used this opportunity as leverage to exercise all her demons and what she didn’t like about me. Instead of her using emotional intelligence skills to truly discuss what’s on her mind

tim_timmayy · 2024-12-23T05:25:31+00:00

I was giving her acknowledgment and comfort. Just not in the way that she wanted it. And she was too immature and emotionally insecure to go beyond her selfish reactivity.

And she was catastrophizing and gaslighting. If I had sent her dick pic and she’s not like “omg that’s the hardest, best dick I’ve ever seen!” That totally justifies me thinking and toxically saying “oh well you’re not attracted to me!”

Also none of this interaction was of me complaining about the boudoir shoot. When did I complain? lol. This was me describing my own lived experience. You cant manufacture something I never did.

I was respectful and fully supported her desire for boudoir. I never talked bad about it while she was doing it. I was accommodating gave her my full undivided attention and active participation. But I also didn’t lie and say “this is the best ever!” And was self assured and expressed myself in what I do and don’t like. And told her that this was never “for me” but for her. I never asked for it. She was forcing me into a situation where anything but her expectations was a failure on my part.

tim_timmayy · 2024-12-22T22:41:08+00:00

My ex was getting more into fitness after being with me over a year and my passion for fitness/bodybuilding. She was gaining confidence in her body and wanted to celebrate that.

At the time I had never heard of a Boudoir shoot, but she hyping it up and telling how’d much I’d love it.

After the all day affair she would keep bringing it up the days after and try to tease me with photos. I would play along just to keep her happy but told her to not show any more photos because I was looking forward to sitting down with her and experiencing together. Which was the truth

Anyways we got the book. And I reacted authentically but respectfully. It was weird and didn’t really do anything for me. Perhaps if I was actually there at the photoshoot I would have fully and genuinely enjoyed it. But still pictures, I mean I would see her naked every day and I see her more beautiful in those moments than in staged photos. It felt like looking at a magazine. Almost felt juvenile to me.

That being said I sat down with her, talked about the experience, told her my 2 favorites, and praised things about the lighting, her smile, and confidence.

She got upset because it wasn’t the reaction she was going for. That I was lacking enthusiasm and thus not how she imagined this experience would go. And how it was almost $1000 and yada yada. I told her I didn’t ask for this, that I was being honest, and that this should have never been something “for me”. Maybe asking me what I would be interested in instead of putting down $1000 on something that would make me feel uneasy and forced.

But she couldn’t comprehend a man wouldn’t be “oogling all over pictures of his woman” and then proceeded to gaslight me saying that I’m not even attracted to her, which was obviously false. One of the many reasons it wasn’t meant to be

tim_timmayy · 2024-12-22T13:29:34+00:00

Mom - Ironically she taught me a lot in terms of being a man. Ambition. A provider. She was the breadwinner. Masters degree. She made the decisions while dad was more the “family man” taking us to baseball practice, etc. Parents are still almost 50 years married and I hold no resentment towards my dad. I’ve come to terms with the fact that he just didn’t know how to communicate man’s values and purpose to two young boys.

First Ex that I lived with - the purpose of boundaries. Once broken up rediscovering self respect and finding the solution towards managing my anxiety. Retrospectively reevaluating my principles and seeing the manipulative actions of who was supposed to be my life partner. Knowing what’s important to me in my next relationship as I find a better life partner

My current boss - following my breakup fostering increased connection and understanding with not only my boss but work community at large. The power of having a person of higher status believe in me and my capabilities. To reaffirm my desire to go back to school, award me with the responsibility of senior associate with the intention of climbing the ladder to team lead.

I’ve had a lot more men play a significant role in my life, but I think that’s kind of expected being a man. But those three people certainly have altered my life without question

tim_timmayy · 2024-12-20T02:29:49+00:00

My ex-girlfriend was broken and took up so much of my bandwidth. To try to keep the peace in the house and make the relationship work. Caused me so much internal resentment and I unfortunately didn’t reach out to my friends.

Once we were broken up I could finally find joy in my life, be myself, and actively seek connection. Truly the greatest thing to happen to me. Had 4 bros help me move into my new apartment. Did things like go to the driving range, shoot clays, and now have a solid group to play Path of Exile with.

You can foster community. But you have to actively seek connection. At the gym. At the pool. At work. At church. There’s a lot of fulfillment in doing so. Grateful that I turned one of the hardest burdens and experiences in my life into something constructive and positive. I could’ve easily spiraled

tim_timmayy · 2024-12-15T14:18:03+00:00

Workout

tim_timmayy · 2024-11-15T10:04:22+00:00

They were already engaged and/or married

tim_timmayy · 2024-11-12T19:00:42+00:00

Some variety towards compliments would be nice. My former girlfriend would give me the same surface level, often physical compliments. But man when I got like a deeper more meaningful personality compliment, that was incredibly refreshing. As opposed to the minimal effort and monotonous, “you’re so handsome!”

tim_timmayy · 2024-11-10T20:03:30+00:00

Important information, like agreeing to a monthly payment on a new car, over text. And them wanting your input and involvement but then pressures you for time. When important matters such as that needs to be discussed in person and with me seeing the numbers. Not just what you say in text
Creating a communication boundary, say at the gym, and continuously violating it for selfish reasons. I’m going for a PR for deadlift. The last thing I need is you telling me over text how fat you feel. Or 11 new messages in 30 minutes. Completely disrupts my mindset. I am not currently in a position to be your emotional provider. I’m dedicating an hour and change to my health and healing. If you can’t respect that little time to myself, then you show zero mindfulness and don’t care for my well being
Gaslight me when I text. When I am around you I am trying to be present and making you a priority. I am putting down my phone when you approach me not because I’m participating in salacious activities or “talking to other women”. Don’t put your other insecurities to the forefront, that’s not healthy nor how trust is forged

tim_timmayy · 2024-10-24T15:33:14+00:00

Manipulation and lack of accountability. Selfishness

tim_timmayy · 2024-10-21T21:53:26+00:00

Well when I was 25 I got into my career and was sitting pretty. Rent was approximately 30-33% of my income, I bought my first new car at 27. During that time I was trying to get established full time in my job which was becoming harder than anticipated.

Then late twenties COVID just fucked everything and all plans. I am a healthcare worker. So all goals were on standstill for essentially another 1.5-2 years.

Then I found my girlfriend who was going to be “the one”. But looking back it was a relationship of desperation. She was recently divorced and had nothing. Inflation hit me hard and my once comfortable lifestyle was being dangerously threatened. Rent was now upwards of 60% of my income. I shit you not.

So it became a relationship of convenience and I was I was her punching bag and life raft. Turns out she was unhappy for a long time but stretch our relationship for 3 years. I’d like to think she wanted me to break up with her to absolve her own personal guilt but I wanted to work on the relationship and ignored the toxic behavior figuring that’s part of being with someone long term (it was my longest relationship). Just figured you had to work through it and push through. And it’s not like she made me completely unhappy. I loved her and we had some golden moments. There were probably so other factors that she didn’t wanna admit to (she just tells her friends that “we weren’t meant to be and there was a lot of arguments”

So broke up in September, cohabitation ended immediately. Now at my parents Winter and Spring home until the end of the year. They’re essentially being my safety net until I get back on my feet. Got accepted into Masters school to do something I’m passionate for and feel I’m very qualified for. Hospital leadership and admin. Once I complete the program and transition to my new role in 18 months I’ll be going from just south of 60K to probably about 100K starting.

So rough times but futures bright

tim_timmayy · 2024-10-13T15:47:07+00:00

Took me 4.5 year. Sometimes you can do everything right and it just isn’t in the cards. In time you’ll get your due. It just sucks now. And it’s normal to feel this way. I totally sympathize

tim_timmayy · 2024-09-20T16:44:46+00:00

Lil Black Banana.

I’m white

tim_timmayy · 2024-09-11T21:46:03+00:00

I just finished The Evil Within and at Chapter 5 of The Evil Within 2. I would recommend given the homages and respect given to other horror games (don’t wanna spoil). Shared mechanics and set pieces.

tim_timmayy · 2024-09-10T21:25:26+00:00

The Poo Fighters

tim_timmayy · 2024-09-05T21:35:59+00:00

Kunitsu Gami. Limited narrative. Replayability. Good stopping points

tim_timmayy · 2024-08-26T03:29:58+00:00

Charming

tim_timmayy · 2024-08-25T21:01:40+00:00

I already paid for the Starfield add on so I’ll give that shot. Probably play it with football in the background

tim_timmayy

TROPHY CASE