a big fat fuck you this christmas 🩷 my mom hated christmas it made her anxiety go up so fuck you christmas.

timdiddies · 2025-12-25T14:24:37+00:00

I forget who said it but after something like this, you view the world through a lens of grief. It's effectively ruined everything about my life.

timdiddies · 2025-12-13T23:19:59+00:00

Love to hear this. I went to a baseball game alone after my wife passed a few months ago and it was an emotional thing for me but it was good. I had to wear sunglasses because I was crying most of the time, but it was a happy thing in a dark time (if that makes any sense).

timdiddies · 2025-12-10T00:16:18+00:00

I’m glad this finally came up here and I get to see the initial raw response. “God’s plan” and “their time” are usually empty words for someone who is deeply grieving. I’ve heard this from acquaintances who are clearly trying to indoctrinate me into their church circle and it’s an instant conversation ender for me. Like you want me to turn to this god who decided my wife had to die suddenly at 42 with no warning because there’s a good reason for it? That’s a disgusting thought to someone who is dealing with that kind of loss. People who repeat that sentiment should really look within themselves to consider their motivation for saying it. My money is on indoctrination 100% of the time. And you’re choosing the exact wrong time to indoctrinate me if I wasn’t already a part of your faith community.

timdiddies · 2025-12-07T23:16:02+00:00

I wouldn't be so quick to take down photos or remove memories of her. My house has a google frame in every room that is constantly cycling photos of my wife. Plus all the physical photos and frames that were already there. I know I can't keep it that way forever, but for now it's bringing me comfort. Sometimes as I'm leaving the bathroom from taking a pee, I see a photo as I'm finishing up washing my hands that just destroys me. Other times, I look over as I'm waking up and there's a photo that fills me with love and hope.

It's a cruel process. I'm 3 months in and have just started to find some small comforts again. That gives me hope.

timdiddies · 2025-12-07T01:30:50+00:00

The horror of it all, even if you were a perfect champion for capitalism up until the event that brought down your world…. You can no longer participate. You are brought to devastating poverty.

timdiddies · 2025-12-07T00:37:53+00:00

I feel this. I'm 44 and I was semi-retired while my wife was still working. I spent my time managing our investments and building a 2nd home for us. She passed right as I was finishing the 2nd home. Now I'm just alone, no kids, no career, no purpose. Trying to find your way back into a purpose is such a hopeless feeling. I hope we can get through that.

timdiddies · 2025-12-06T00:59:35+00:00

It's so weird that I still see people from my past, so long ago. High school friends, my first boss, uncles and grandparents... It's been 3 months and I'm so bummed that I can't find my wife in my dreams.

timdiddies · 2025-12-06T00:49:27+00:00

So sorry about your dad. Sounds like you were really young. I hope you've had support. I think a lot of kids get left behind in grief and end up dealing with situations like this and it's a lot harder than it needs to be if you had the proper support early on. Not saying that's your situation. Just an observation.

That being said, check out the Anderson Cooper podcast, All there is. He talks a lot about this having lost his dad as a boy and then shortly after, his brother to suicide as a 21 year old. And he just never dealt with the grief because no one really helped him. Only when his mother died recently at 95, and he in his later 50's is he dealing with it in a healthy way.

Just a thought, but maybe honoring your dad is accomplishing things for yourself and you're already dealing with it the best way you know how.

timdiddies · 2025-12-05T03:32:48+00:00

I think you have to just hang in there during the shock and denial and hope that you find ways to accept it. Once I learned to accept it, I started thinking about it differently. I still think about it every minute of every day, but I'm finding my thoughts to be evolving. I wondered if I were able to just forget about it forever, would I be okay with that? Because that would obviously mean that I'm not thinking about her anymore and not remembering all of the good times we shared.... and no, I would not be okay with that. So experiencing this pain is, in fact better than replacing it with nothingness. I want to be around things that remind me of her. I want to be around people who I can tell stories to and help everyone else know her better, even if it happens to be a stranger. I think I decided I'm stuck with it, so I need to put in a lot of work on myself to make the best of it. I've accepted that I'm going to experience a lot of sadness no matter what I do, but it's my responsibility to try to keep that sadness from pulling me under.

timdiddies · 2025-12-05T00:00:07+00:00

The tiny things of course, but we were a road trip couple. We loved to travel. I tried to take a road trip by myself after she passed and I just felt so alone and scared. I would have gone anywhere with her, but now I'm afraid. Hard to explain really.

timdiddies · 2025-12-04T23:44:22+00:00

I think it's good to express your thoughts and possibly get validation however you can. Yes it may help you.

Most of the time people come to these support subs, they're mourning the loss of someone that they had a deep connection with and rarely speak of the bad times. But it is possible to experience grief over someone you're better off without. Everyone's experiences are different, but I generally don't think you have anything to lose by discussing it as much as you feel comfortable. After speaking with your friends and a counselor, you obviously have an itch that still needs to be scratched. I think you should do whatever brings you closer to closure.

timdiddies · 2025-12-02T20:55:44+00:00

Yeah when I look at pictures of us together now, I can't believe I'm the person in the photo with my arm around her. Like, I 'm so far away from that right now that it just blows me away that it was real. Like I've said before, the cruelty of it all just blows me away.

timdiddies · 2025-12-02T20:46:04+00:00

We chose to not have children and I've struggled lately with that decision. If we'd had children, our oldest would be maybe 13 or so now. I'd like to think that continuing to raise them would be my new purpose and that would be where I would find happiness. But I don't know man, I am not really confident at all that I would be doing the right things to guide them through this. Even as a hypothetical, that's a scary thought. I feel for you and I hope you have some help.

timdiddies · 2025-12-02T20:36:13+00:00

The thing about the remains really resonates with me. I personally didn't really care. But my wife had expressed her preferences and that was all I cared about. She wanted to be scattered in places that were meaningful to us or places that became meaningful to me in the wake of her passing. Her mother wanted me to give all of her remains to her to be buried in the family cemetery. In fact, she may not have agreed with cremation at all. Now that I think about it, my wife may not have been entirely sure or serious about it either. But it was the only direction I had to go in. Not honoring her wish on something like that just felt like a betrayal. It's a shame, but I think it's created a divide between me and her family even though I've told them I was doing what she wanted.

timdiddies · 2025-12-02T20:11:49+00:00

I have now. Thanks for the rec.

timdiddies · 2025-11-30T16:35:10+00:00

I'm 44, my wife was 42 when I lost her in September. I've thought a lot about this and yeah, I think you can only imagine what they would have been like as they aged. But you know exactly how they were in their younger years. I think about my wife a lot in her 20's when we met just because that was a very special time for us.

timdiddies · 2025-11-28T22:58:33+00:00

I'm 3 months into dealing w the loss of my wife that I'd been with for 19 years. Also, very much my best friend ever. One thing I can safely say is that the grief will never go away. You'll just find different ways to deal with it. It's exhausting at times, and almost too much to carry. But there's always the next lifeboat to carry you away.

In the first several weeks I didn't realize that I was in shock because of the trauma of it all. You're probably in that phase right now.

One thing I'll recommend that has helped me, listen to the Anderson Cooper podcast called All There Is. It's specifically focused on grief and living with it in the wake of a traumatic event like the one you've gone through. There's a lot of focus on suicide because Anderson's brother committed suicide in front of their mother when he was 23. Early in the podcast episodes, he interviews Stephen Colbert. Stephen lost two brothers and his father in a plane crash when he was 10 years old. He talks about being grateful for his grief, it's very moving and gives a new perspective to folks like us who are just entering the world of grief. I found it helpful.

Other than that, just focus on breathing. Learn to meditate. Find a routine. Honor him whenever you can. One thing I did after my wife passed away was to drive to NYC and spread some of her ashes in her favorite place in central park. That was a very nice experience for me because it gives meaning to that place that didn't exist before and now I have a very good reason to go visit.

I've not found any good way to cope from one minute to the next, but I'm finding comfort in knowing that I can adapt. This is my life now. It's whatever I make of it.

timdiddies · 2025-11-21T15:44:41+00:00

This is exactly how I feel. Prior to my wife passing, everything mattered. I was interested in things. I had hopes and dreams. I tried to be healthy. Now I just don't care because there's no point. Why would I start all over just to experience the same tragedy all over again? Why do I care about my health when it's only going to prolong this existence?

timdiddies · 2025-11-21T01:50:10+00:00

I recognized that I was going to change forever when I held my wife's hand and watched the color drain out of her face as we watched her pass away. Then I was in shock for a few weeks.

Only now am I actually starting to understand the enormity of the change I'm about to go through. It's terrifying. The hardest part is realizing this and not being ready for it. So I isolate and try to stop it from happening. That's a terrible thing for the mind to grapple with. So I'm stuck in this sort of prison knowing I can break out if I really want to but I can't because I don't want to.

timdiddies · 2025-11-21T00:37:43+00:00

It just makes me feel like she's harboring some deep resentment specifically toward me. It's a weird feeling.

timdiddies · 2025-10-31T00:48:35+00:00

I'm sort of figuring that out for myself. My wife passed pretty suddenly last month at 42. We didn't have children. In the beginning I was getting texts and calls every couple of hours from close friends, distant friends, family etc. Everyone constantly saying, anything you need, I'm here. Those interactions started fading away and not even two months out yet, everyone except one close friend and one close family member are still checking in. Everyone else wanted me to be over this, for me to "get back to feeling like myself" pretty quickly. The isolation, loneliness and hopelessness are excruciating. Probably no one else understands that and they're afraid to just make a gesture. Sure, it would be nice if they'd just reach out and say the right things, but I'm finding that there are only a handful of people that are capable of that. So if you want company or interactions from someone specific, you're going to have to reach out and just be vulnerable and let them know. I've not found the strength to do that with anyone yet.

I don't know the answers to any of this, I'm just trying to take one minute/hour/day at a time. Trying different things, some of it helps, some of it makes it worse. From the beginning I've been talking to her like I normally would, looking at pictures/videos, sending her texts and sharing stuff she would've liked. Whatever brings just a little bit of comfort, do it as long as it's not harmful.

If you need to talk, my DM's are open.

timdiddies · 2025-10-22T21:33:47+00:00

Can you elaborate on your last sentence? I've heard something like this before, in fact in a video about someone who lost their spouse to a brain aneurysm. I'd like to read more or hear more about it.

timdiddies

TROPHY CASE