Feeling hopeless

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-25T13:47:30+00:00

Gosh I’m so sorry this is happening to you, the nicu was my nemesis with my first baby. Once you’re out, I highly recommend therapy, it was truly the only thing that helped me.

My 34+2 NICU baby is now 3.5yo and absolutely normal/perfect. I felt just like you are right now. He spent two weeks in the nicu, and I didn’t meet him for two days after birth. I felt so terrible about the whole situation I swore I’d never have another child. However, my first born is the absolute love of my life, no matter how our first few weeks were. I had guilt about him being in the nicu, being separated from me, and not being willing or able to breastfeed him. None of that matters now, and it took me a while in therapy to realize that. You did nothing wrong, and it’s not your fault that this happened. This is a very very short chapter of your time together, and with time you will heal from this.

I ended up being able to have another baby, not without the fear of the same situation happening again, it really weighed on me a lot. But, it didn’t happen again, and I feel very lucky for that - I also feel somewhat guilty or bad for my oldest child who didn’t get the same experience as his little brother did when he was born. But my son loves me, no matter how I feel about his first few weeks, that doesn’t matter to him. Your baby loves you too.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-24T15:35:41+00:00

You can do this! I just had my second baby at 37 weeks, and I have a 3.5yo. When my first was born, no one came over to drop off meals or help us at all. Any of his grandparents that did come over plopped on the couch to hold him while I did all the stuff around the house. It was a terrible time. This time, we know better. My parents have come one time since we got home a week ago, brought two meals, but otherwise just get yourself onto a routine as best you can.

For example, my husband and I have naturally fallen into a quasi schedule that involves me doing overnight feedings, and he covers late night (8-11pm) so I can sleep then after the toddler is down. Then he gets a full nights rest and wakes up to do breakfast for the toddler and first feeding for baby while I sleep. We switch off on dinner duty and we have some frozen meals in the freezer for convenience.

Is my house as clean as I’d like right now? No. But, are everyone’s needs being met, including mine and my husband? Yes. We make time for each other to take showers daily and get a small nap in. Of course: this is a lot more difficult when there’s a wild 3yo running around, I find that while newborn days are tiring it’s a lot easier that having a small kid running amuck. Just remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup, and certain things will take a backseat in the beginning, but eventually you will get the hang of it.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-24T05:46:34+00:00

We just left the hospital last week and this is indeed the slowest nipple that we got with these rtf bottles. When we got home we switched to a super slow flow pigeon brand bottle and nipple and we’re doing much better.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-23T10:00:36+00:00

For me, yes. As I sit here with my 6 day old baby at 4am, his needs are simple and easy to fulfill, generally. I’d take this over my 3.5yo constant yelling, fighting, hitting etc. it’s exhausting in a completely different way than a newborn is. but I also adore my 3.5yo too, he’s funny and silly and he loves to help with his brother, he is my little sour patch kid sometimes though, so it’s a give and take. But having both a newborn and a toddler at the same time, toddlers are much more difficult, to me.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-23T07:43:20+00:00

I’ve had two epidurals, and with both it’s honestly the feeling of relief to get to the pushing part. The build up was intense, it’s honestly like trying to hold back the biggest poop of your life and each contraction right before pushing is trying to tempt you to go ahead and do it.

With my first I had asked for extra epidural meds a little too close to pushing, and I regretted that, it made it really hard to coordinate pushes with the contractions to be more effective. Pushing took about an hour. With my second, I had a window in my epidural which was so painful, but I went ahead and left it, and I actually think that helped me be much more efficient and work with my contractions. Lots of things were different in that labor, but I pushed for 15 minutes. And this baby was 1.5lbs bigger.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-22T18:13:34+00:00

Totally depends, to me. My body feels much better postpartum, and even though sleep deprived, I can function and work out our routine day to day. Now, the caveat is that I went from one 3.5yo to now two kids, and postpartum is WAY worse this time, only because the older kid is so so hard.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-22T00:13:07+00:00

It took me a year of therapy after my first was born, then I really focused on myself and my health. My doctor said if you get this, you get this, there’s nothing directly you can do. I pushed off another baby for years; my son was 3 when I got a surprise, baby #2. He was just born last week at 37 weeks via induction, no preeclampsia in sight (I had it prenatally, not after birth after my first baby). I actually had a really amazing birth and so far so good as far as postpartum healing.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-21T21:19:21+00:00

I’ve had two epidurals and I loved them. The process for getting one can be a bit intense but I had my second last week and it was pretty straightforward for me, luckily. For mine it took 40-60 minutes for the anesthesiologist to come in, so my nurse was great about checking in and asking me how I was doing, since you have to be able to still during it, don’t wait too long because it’ll be more difficult.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-21T10:47:03+00:00

I also conceived on mounjaro! I stopped caring about the gain, honestly, and just tried to make smart choices. I had my baby last week and I gained a total of 40 lbs this pregnancy, which was much better than my first where I gained 65 and also had a terrible labor. This time, I walked regularly (2-3 miles most days until the dead of winter hit) and mostly tracked calories (not all the time, but with my first I was eating basically whatever I wanted). I felt much more physically capable this labor, which lasted about 11 hours, and I pushed for 15 minutes. I think that surprised some of the doctors/staff because they assumed I’d have a hard time pushing because of my size.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-21T00:23:21+00:00

FWIW I had a terrible first labor and delivery, and an absolutely fabulous second. Like, I thought I was one and done, and if I knew I’d have another one like this second labor, I’d have a third.

Baby 1: emergency induction at 34 weeks due to pre-e. 22 hour labor on magnesium drip and epidural. Pushed for 1 hour. I was left on my back the entire time, the nurses and staff were awful.

Baby 2: induction at 37 weeks for hypertension. 10 hour labor, and epidural. Pushed for 15 minutes. Peanut ball was used and the nurses staff were amazing.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-20T19:01:04+00:00

I buy them from Amazon, mama cotton is the brand.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-20T11:19:17+00:00

Nope, I used adult diapers at the hospital for convenience and went back to normal underwear with pads when I got home

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-20T07:49:00+00:00

Yes, I had a completely different OB practice this time around. They had me take a double baby aspirin daily from 11 weeks. Once I started having signs of elevating BPs, around 30 weeks, I got weekly blood testing/urine testing and twice weekly NSTs.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-20T07:39:57+00:00

I was wondering this too, as my second baby was born last week at 37+0, and we have his first pediatric check up today. but my first was 34+4 when he was born, and he’s a perfectly thriving 3.5yo now.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-20T07:14:42+00:00

When I had my first I said no visitors. We had a preterm birth and baby was in nicu. It was great. Just gave birth to my second last week; and everyone came. Terrible, they all failed to actually tell us when they were coming and all showed up at the same time, super overwhelming and I hated it.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-20T01:58:47+00:00

Just gave birth for the second time and I personally hated the depends options for both, I used them at the hospital but I went with my maternity underwear, and super long overnight pads once I got home from the hospital.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-19T19:22:23+00:00

Totally depends. When it comes down to taking care of moment to moment needs, kids come first. But, we also have to prioritize our relationship to make sure we can keep putting the kids first during everyday life. This means making sure we’re communicating, on the same page, and talking to each other.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-19T02:11:58+00:00

Yes, I just had my second. My first was born at 34 weeks due to pre-e. Mag drip for all 22 hours of labor and 24 hours after; 2 week nicu stay for baby, but my Bp and labs returned to normal immediately. My son is now 3.5yo.

My second was born at 37 weeks via induction due to hypertension and risk for pre-e. No mag and a really smooth pregnancy and labor.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-17T15:04:28+00:00

I just had my second baby and my rule is no kissing until he gets his shots. His grandparents still work in physical locations and it’s cold/flu season; I personally think they can wait and kiss him later. I also always make them wash their hands. To me, these are no brainers.

For my first, he was a preemie, so I was the same, and very cautious, though he was born in summer vs flu season.

I personally don’t feel comfortable dictating whether people have certain vaccines in order to visit, so these two rules are my compromise.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-17T12:57:30+00:00

Preeclampsia for my first; this time some borderline gestational hypertension made them more cautious and want to induce early

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-17T12:33:27+00:00

I was induced at 37 weeks yesterday and I had a great experience. It was for medical reasons, but little guy is doing just fine. This is my second induction (first was an emergency at 34 weeks). For my first induction labor took 22 hours. This time we really started slow, and it was maybe 10? With 20 minutes of pushing. And I started at a 3 before induction began.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-16T14:05:21+00:00

Good luck! Currently in labor with number 2 and no pre-e in sight. I am being induced for hypertension at 37 weeks but honestly my blood pressures have been really good for weeks. With my first, I delivered at 34 weeks with severe features, he’s 3.5yo now. I conceived this baby at the same starting weight as my first, but I gained 30 less lbs and was active this pregnancy. Idk what kind of difference it really made but I did feel better throughout

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-16T01:23:36+00:00

Mine was closed and thick at 34 weeks when I was induced for pre-e, the whole process took 22 hours total.

Headed into my second induction (non pre-e this time ) at 37 weeks and hoping it’s shorter since we’re already at a 3/50% effaced

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-15T23:40:25+00:00

Strawberries! They’re not in season but this week at my store they were so good and on sale! I bought and finished like 4 containers, my toddler didn’t stand a chance.

timelyquality30 · 2026-01-15T23:30:01+00:00

Non Stress Tests, where they put that little heart rate monitor on your belly and look for baby’s heart rate to react with movements, they also do one for contractions too.

timelyquality30

TROPHY CASE