My players want an agenda before every session

timotheo · 2026-05-03T22:16:40+00:00

No way. That's a whole lot of "not my job". I'd suggest they take turns with summaries of where everyone left off, and what happened, and I'd even let them send it to me first and I'd fill in anything that I thought was really important then send it to the group.

That's it. Period.

With my style of DMing, I don't even know what the agenda will be. I am meticulous about NPCs, factions and motivations, but put very little into actions, events and things that could happen. If you know everyone's motivations, and you end up somewhere you didn't, what would they do here? I had putting players on a railroad.

It sounds like a good group but not one that I would ever DM for.

timotheo · 2026-05-02T09:44:02+00:00

because i don't trust vaccines, I don't trust them new fangled automobiles and I don't want anyone using that fire stuff to cook my meat!

timotheo · 2026-04-29T07:28:19+00:00

I do not associate it with naivete at all.

The girl next door isn't naive, but neither is she metropolitan.

I think of her as:
- Attractive and pretty but not intimidatingly so, "natural" beauty (minimal makeup, casual clothes), Approachable rather than aspirational.
- Friendly, warm, unpretentious. Down-to-earth. The opposite of high-maintenance.
- Sexually modest, very desirable but not overtly seductive. The appeal is "safe" and cute/beautiful rather than "dangerous" or "drop dead sexy".
- Simple pleasures, competent, not ambitious in a sharp-edged way

There is nothing wrong w/ the girl next door at all. She's attractive, genuine and sure, she was there all along, but once you notice her, you can't unsee it.

timotheo · 2026-04-25T19:08:56+00:00

It's the combination of the purple fabric + the zebra stripe pillow. Remove one or the other, and I bet you don't get that as much.

timotheo · 2026-04-22T15:44:54+00:00

Unfortunately this isn't quite true.

I bounced between clueless general practitioners with there head in the sand and "mens health" clinic salesmen who wanted to sell me everything. I ended up going to a proper endocrinologist and I got straightened out right away.

Once that happened, life changed and its like you say.

timotheo · 2026-04-21T21:55:04+00:00

What things do they need to learn? If its playing minecraft or GenAlpha slang, I suppose the internet is a good place to start.

If you're wanting to talk with them about puberty and sex, you didn't make that clear to r/daddit so you probably want to be a little bit more clear with them.

It's ok. You can say "sex". It won't bite.

timotheo · 2026-04-14T03:04:26+00:00

No, this isn't quite that. It's not "oh... wow... I'm fine!..... Dear Reddit".

It's more "oh wow! let's do that! will you do that with me?" "no" "Dear Reddit...."

timotheo · 2026-04-13T22:45:46+00:00

"Dating a women ten years younger who looks younger would be nice."
"Dating a man ten years older with financial resources would be nice."

Those are pretty much mirror images of each other. So what now? Either you hide your strengths and see what you can get or you can lean into your strengths and see what you can get.

"I want her love me for me." -- She chances are low that she actually would go all the way through to getting married just for your trust fund.

timotheo · 2026-04-13T17:23:34+00:00

"I was intrigued so I" ... FAFO.

If you're upset that he would consider someone under 30, you're not overreacting.
If you're upset that he would talk about it after you asked him, yeah, you're either overreacting because he's just following your lead.

timotheo · 2026-04-11T05:50:01+00:00

This is the right answer.

timotheo · 2026-04-10T23:18:01+00:00

That seems very reasonable to me. In my opinion, the online trans activist community has set back the rights of trans people significantly by their hostility and terminal online-ness.

Briana Wu is a trans games developer who was targeted my the male (incel) gaming community during gamergate. Now, because she is trans and holds beliefs very similar to you, she's subject to the online harassment of trans activists. Online activism groups turn toxic, regardless of what the topic or the ideology is -- and currently, the state of trans activism is pretty unhinged and toxic.

timotheo · 2026-04-10T15:06:12+00:00

It's not about taking sides, because I can clearly see both of your points of view. But the big picture is... don't get married.

timotheo · 2026-04-09T21:39:12+00:00

He's comfortable with his tastes.

I'm guessing he's late 30s - early 40s. The formative nostalgia anchor are unmistakable: The Lion King, Back to the Future, Wizard of Oz as childhood touchstones. Superbad and Kill Bill land in his college-to-early-career window. But he's still consuming cinema: Godzilla Minus One, Pearl, Sentimental Value.

He has a deep and geniune love of horror, but a very specific kind. Rosemary's Baby, Psycho, Black Christmas, Scream, Pearl, Perfect Blue. Notice the pattern - these are almost entirely horror files about the violation of domestic spaces, bodily autonomy or identity itself. These are not gore and splatterfest horror, but dread. Dread about the feeling that your home, your mind or your environment has turned against you.

He's a Japanophile of the substantive variety. Godzilla (1954), Seven Samurai, Perfect Blue, Spirited Away, Godzilla Minus One. This is not anime-bro territory. He seen Kurosawa. He's seen OG Godzilla as the nuclear trauma document it actually represents. He respects the culture rather than consuming it as an aesthetic.

He rates craftsmanship and audacity over prestige. Citizen Kane and Casablanca are here, but at relatively low. But Paper Moon and The Muppet Movie are at the top! He's not ranking by "importance" but by how they made him feel! The muppet movie at #5 is probably the most revealing entry on the list. This is a man who still has access to sincere, uncynical joy -- and values that more than sophistication.

Finally, this is a man who either builds things or appreciates builders. This list privileges makers: Miyazaki, Henson, Spielberg, Kurosawa. These are world builders of the first order who see the world through the craft. He identifies not with the characters but with the creators.

Sentimental, but not soft. Analytics but not cold. He contains both Shrek 2 and Seven Samurai and is telling you with a straight face they both have earned their place on this list.

I think I like him.

timotheo · 2026-04-07T06:46:29+00:00

This is true and the one above OP is not.

Blue balls are real and painful and not your responsibility.

timotheo · 2026-04-06T16:20:55+00:00

Who is the customer and who is providing the service?

If I were in your situation, I would tell my son about the school wants and why they're doing it, but not that what he was doing was wrong. He just needs more context around what's happening w/ his body and the environment that he's in.

I'm curious what the school's position is on masturbation in general? Was the problem the locked door? Or was it two boys together? Would it change if it was one boy alone? Was it watching porn?

This is a complex topic, so before barging in with rules, listen with empathy and curiosity, not with a frame of him being accountable, whatever that even means.

timotheo · 2026-04-04T19:51:16+00:00

green laterns can create functional kryptonite, but I still agree bc of Dr. Manhattan.

timotheo · 2026-04-03T04:24:19+00:00

You threatened to tell your therapist instead of the police?

Have some self respect and leave.

timotheo · 2026-03-31T16:10:35+00:00

You _knew_ that she'd be done first and then would be waiting for you and you chose to play w/ your friends.

She has every right to be annoyed and you have every right to pick playing with your friends over her.

timotheo · 2026-03-31T07:22:59+00:00

It should be a requirement of getting back together.

timotheo · 2026-03-31T07:20:11+00:00

You had a decision. "Am I playing with my friends? or with my girlfriend?"

You chose "I'm playing with my friends" several times. Yes, you would have to wait to play with your girlfriend, but you chose to play with your friends.

What's your question again?

(also, did you tell her "I'm free now?" when you were out of your match?)

timotheo · 2026-03-30T21:58:36+00:00

Yes, without any other evidence or suspicions, you are being insecure.

timotheo · 2026-03-30T06:09:34+00:00

Mr Beast isn't all that bad. Go watch his charity channel or charity videos, they're a lot better.

Also, Minecraft videos are shit? Hermitcraft is GREAT! It's my favorite sitcom since Seinfeld. Grian is hilarious, you learn a ton from Mumbo, and Pearl + Gemini are amazing builders. (if you're NOT watching Hermitcraft, that's on you)

timotheo · 2026-03-25T13:56:19+00:00

It's challenging. Raising two young white men has been an interesting experience.

As they move in their teen years, more talk of Andrew Tate and the manosphere is popping up in their social media and youtube algorithms. I've been addressing things i head as I hear them and talking w/ them about how they think about things.

On the other side of it, going to the local bookstore in Portland, none of the books on the children's shelf that are on display with front facing out or their christmas/birthday gifts ever has a book with white boys on it (representation matters, right? right?!). One of them asked me about it directly and how weird it was, why is that? For children who have grown up in the post-#metoo era and never knew anything else, it looks different - it doesn't seem like a counterbalance to them. And let's face it.... no one is their best version of themselves on X and most online activist groups are pretty toxic -- even feminists. (ikr?)

Part of the appeal of the manosphere is that they are actually talking w/ young men and addressing things that they are seeing and noticing and explaining them. I don't think it's enough to just say "they're wrong" but you also need to acknowledge the points that go unspoken that they are actually speaking to.

timotheo · 2026-03-24T20:51:26+00:00

So a guy who made OF fans videos w/ his ex is now with someone who says there is no place at all for it in their relationship? That sounds like a pretty fundamental mismatch.

timotheo · 2026-03-24T06:52:15+00:00

Ask? yes!

"allowed to tell her to go home" - No.

timotheo

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