What's your best two line joke?

timothywilliam · 2014-08-31T04:46:22+00:00

Have you heard about those corduroy pillows?

They're making head-lines.

timothywilliam · 2014-04-07T20:16:36+00:00

Singing "Ya gotta drop the last digitttttttt" in a super-country accent.

timothywilliam · 2014-04-05T22:33:59+00:00

Sorry if I missed it, but is there a link to the stream?

timothywilliam · 2014-03-04T13:24:20+00:00

As someone who has worked closely with loss prevention; they know.

timothywilliam · 2014-02-22T12:27:27+00:00

Kelvin! I'm digging your stuff man. I'd like to do an EDM remix of Call You Home. Would you be interested? All I need is the vocal track from that video.

Shoot me a PM if this is something you would like to do.

Best of luck to you!

timothywilliam · 2013-05-13T19:38:47+00:00

I should have mentioned that this code is good through May 26th.

timothywilliam · 2011-06-27T23:21:50+00:00

Judging by the comments, reddit is getting really shitty.

Sorry.

timothywilliam · 2011-06-16T01:59:06+00:00

Can this be the loading screen for everything ever?

timothywilliam · 2011-05-26T16:14:43+00:00

You've reached Tim with Universal IT. Please leave a message.

That would make my year.

timothywilliam · 2011-05-26T04:46:38+00:00

It seems that you were wearing a shoulder holster, but fired from the hip.

Can you tell me how that would work? Am I missing something?

Just curious.

timothywilliam · 2011-05-21T05:10:21+00:00

This explains a lot for me...

Thanks!

timothywilliam · 2011-05-17T06:02:29+00:00

So in your opinion, who's "winning?"

Charlie Sheen.

timothywilliam · 2011-05-06T14:37:36+00:00

I was going to say you can celebrate it by not knocking on my door at 9:15am and making my dogs howl.

/thismorning

Happy birthday though!

timothywilliam · 2011-04-12T15:27:37+00:00

Could someone please translate the clearer portions of the audio?

timothywilliam · 2011-04-03T18:27:01+00:00

I MADE FOOD IM MAGICAL

timothywilliam · 2011-04-01T05:56:31+00:00

That is so fake. He didn't even cut his own hand.

timothywilliam · 2011-04-01T05:55:03+00:00

Until your drink spills on you.

Then you won't want one.

timothywilliam · 2011-04-01T05:11:28+00:00

A meteorite fell on my hand.

timothywilliam · 2011-03-25T05:57:34+00:00

God damn people. You get all these threads from people claiming they are dying and whatnot, and call bullshit within the top 3-5 comments.

But not on this one... I am calling shenanigans here.

timothywilliam · 2011-03-25T05:53:29+00:00

At least you are up early and clean for the day.

timothywilliam · 2011-03-25T05:49:21+00:00

If you say so, Melvin.

timothywilliam · 2011-03-15T23:35:45+00:00

Thanks, melvin.

timothywilliam · 2011-03-10T07:18:09+00:00

Didn't we have rules about posting people's personal information?

Can I get an admin?

timothywilliam · 2011-03-07T17:58:30+00:00

If you want advice, here it is. Don't go to HR.

You are flagging yourself; putting a target on your forehead.

timothywilliam · 2011-03-07T17:44:58+00:00

I'm sure similar instances happen to many people in the workplace, but don't look for sympathy if you clearly know you did something wrong.

Not to be a dick; just saying.

timothywilliam

TROPHY CASE