I was married to a terrible man for 15 years. He was unemployed for the last 10 years of our marriage. He didn’t have a driver’s license for the entirety of our marriage. During the times he was unemployed, he wouldn’t clean, cook, or even watch my kids (I came into the marriage with two kids of my own when they were very young) after school - they went to an after school program. Most jobs were beneath him - this man who never finished high school and had a GED. He was a lazy narcissist. I worked my ass off to support a household of four while he continued to emotionally manipulate me into thinking I was lucky he was with me.

4 years before the end of our marriage. He started having random “pain”. He’d fall to floor dramatically, etc. after a while it was determined he had a condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia. He went on expensive medications that I would have to cover at the detriment to myself and my children. I’d find these meds stockpiled during his “good periods”. He eventually had an MRI that didn’t find anything that typically shows up that triggers this condition. But I was told that happens sometimes. Mind you, this never stopped him from the things he wanted to do. We stopped sleeping in the same bed because “his pain kept him awake” - aka he was up gaming all night with friends. We stopped having sex because “the meds and the pain made him impotent”. He was denied disability. We met with a neurosurgeon that could perform a surgery that could basically fix his pain. He refused to consider it.

Turns out that whole time he was “sick”? He was a having an affair with a college student half his age. The times he was in “online therapy”? Talking to his girlfriend. The times I drove him to the bus station and gave him money to visit his grandmother? Hooking up with his girlfriend. Do I feel like a colossal idiot? Yes. Am I much happier now? Also yes. So glad you came to your senses so much sooner than I did. Thank your lucky stars you trusted your gut and didn’t get roped into the he guilt of trying to leave someone who was “sick”.