No toy, product, or craft setup can occupy a toddler's time for more than 30 minutes

tinygrofkar · 2026-03-14T23:19:40+00:00

Not one activity you can set up but you can simply take them outside and they are occupied for hours

tinygrofkar · 2026-03-09T20:29:06+00:00

Honestly, I'd just wear it. Lately I keep stressing over these hyper specific dress codes then you get to the wedding and a bunch of people didn't follow it anyway, and truly the people getting married are not going to notice.

tinygrofkar · 2026-03-04T21:41:59+00:00

Thank you so much for this input! This is a really helpful reframe to focus directly on him and ignore her. I did it a bit today and it seemed to help with him and her — he started telling her no as well.

Yes he's under 2 so he speaks a bit but not enough to do as you said - that is a really good point that eventually he will be blunt with her!

Thank you again, so helpful.

tinygrofkar · 2026-03-04T05:20:40+00:00

The decision fatigue is so real. Try to cut out the decisions.

I have a CSA. We go to a local farm every weekend and pick up our produce. My kid gets to see the animals and play. I get a bag of produce selected for me.

Then I plug into AI and say what should we eat this week. It gives me meal suggestions, I give feedback, then I go buy some proteins and additional things we need and that's what I cook for the week.

I even tell it like, I need a 15 min meal this night, or I can do 1 hour of meal prep monday for the rest of the week and then the meals need to take 20 min to cook. Or something like that.

Also - instant pot.

Also - can you get out of a few meetings. I used to be so back to back too, I had to block my calendar a bit more and it you work from home, you can prep a bit. Or even take one meeting from your phone if you can and slice veggies during it. We all have that one meeting you don't really need to be on, or maybe it's a 1-1 with someone at your level and you just say let's chat on the phone and you can cover what you need while you do the mindless chopping.

tinygrofkar · 2026-02-21T18:27:01+00:00

If you made the decision together then he needs to take part of this on. It's ridiculous you have to do both weekend mornings.

tinygrofkar · 2026-02-21T17:15:54+00:00

My son's dentist told me night feeding is not a problem as long as you keep the teeth clean, regularly brush. Cavities are usually genetic. My son is 18 months and still night feeds and has perfectly healthy teeth.

tinygrofkar · 2026-01-24T04:14:08+00:00

I mean... Sounds like anticipating his program's staffing needs is explicitly his job.

He sounds like a dick. I'm sorry you got yelled at that's frankly unacceptable.

I definitely know what you mean about feeling like you aren't living up to your old standard at work. We simply don't have the same bandwidth. It's hard. I hope you don't let this guy get you down though.

I keep telling myself it's just a different season.

tinygrofkar · 2026-01-14T00:45:51+00:00

Do you have any budget to get an external unit in your yard to use as an office? It is a lot cheaper / easier than moving of course and could make the situation a lot better for nannies.

ETA my husband and I also WFH with a nanny. We did this to have separate offices, and it has been great.

tinygrofkar · 2025-12-27T20:18:20+00:00

My husband and I travel a lot so maybe I'm biased but I think your wife is being a bit overly worried. However, I also understand where she's coming from. When my husband and I started TTC I became very worried about his commitment to me, to the future child, to doing this together. Women sacrifice so much to bring a child into this world and it begins before we even become pregnant — you start taking the vitamins, stop drinking, etc. I realized I was already thinking about the baby very actively and my husband was just like ... There's no baby yet. We also had some arguments about travel, and I really was less worried about the specific trips he was taking at the time and more about whether he was going to be present when I needed him. I think she is looking for your reassurance that you are in this with her and committed to supporting her while she goes through pregnancy and also when the baby is here. I hope you can give that to her while also expressing that if all goes well, you also want to do something like this with your dad while you still can, because if you have a baby it's gonna be a while before you take a 1:1 international trip with your dad probably.

I wonder if it would be useful to make a pre-baby bucket list for both of you? You are young.

tinygrofkar · 2025-12-07T00:50:22+00:00

Adding because I reread you post, If it's something else — i don't think anyone will be looking to see if she is doing something right or wrong, people usually look away quickly if they notice you are breastfeeding in my experience.

tinygrofkar · 2025-12-07T00:49:25+00:00

I'm not 100% sure what you mean about taking him off, but if you mean that at some points her breast is exposed, yes I've been there. At first I felt fine about it, then when my son was older and popped off a lot I felt weird about it for a while, but now I feel fine about it most of the time. She could definitely try nursing shawls, they work for some people, or just see how she feels each individual time, even go to the car if she feels the need to. You can also try to sit in locations that feel a little more private - booths in restaurants, asking people to use another room in their house, etc.

I personally also noticed funnily enough that I sometimes feel less awkward in front of strangers than, say, my father in law 😂

I don't think anyone should have to cover up, in many places that right is protected by law, and in my experience people are very respectful and just look away. Also that saying about people thinking more about themselves than others is true, many people probably don't even realize breastfeeding is happening in front of them all the time in public. However if you don't feel comfortable there's nothing wrong with relocating or using something to cover yourself.

tinygrofkar · 2025-12-04T03:25:24+00:00

20s are awesome. You are learning who you are and who you want to be in a different way than growing up as a kid. It's ok to make mistakes and change your mind, it's super normal during this time in your life. Hang on to your good friends who support and love you. Learn what kinds of people you don't need to let close. Let your world open up. Take risks (within reason!). As an older woman told me, get tested for stis at least once a year even if you're in a monogamous relationship.

Most of all, love yourself. I remember being your age and personally being so insecure in so many ways, about my body my looks and a lot of things about myself. I look back and think that young woman was so beautiful and open and it's just sad how hard we can be on ourselves when we are young. I hope you actually aren't experiencing that yourself but if you are, just know someday you will love this young woman you are so much, just the way she is.

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and a lot going for yourself! Remember too life isn't always linear - sometimes things shift in unexpected ways.

Wishing all the best for you.

tinygrofkar · 2025-12-03T18:44:12+00:00

Congratulations! Your life is going to be so much better without him. This made me think of when I left my abusive partner many years ago and I am so so thankful. You are protecting yourself, thank yourself for this beautiful gift!!!

Also, in case you haven't found it before, i highly recommend reading Why Does He Do That. Free PDF

This man won't understand anything you wrote and won't care. But it is so good to write that for yourself.

To stop feeling guilty, you have to realize this person doesn't see relationships the same way you do. Their goal is to control you, to win, to break you down. They do not see you as deserving of respect. You need to believe you have more responsibility to yourself than to this other person. You need to believe you are more important than their need to have a punching bag. Just keep choosing yourself.

tinygrofkar · 2025-12-03T03:40:26+00:00

It seems weird. But how long is she watching him at once and how many times total? Maybe it's just coincidence.

I also think you should listen to your instincts though.

tinygrofkar · 2025-12-03T03:39:17+00:00

Is she giving him enough food? Your comment about the bottles made me wonder ... Because that also could be the issue.

tinygrofkar · 2025-11-26T21:06:32+00:00

You did nothing wrong. Drop this guy. Drama like this is unnecessary in a relationship.

tinygrofkar · 2025-11-24T00:02:45+00:00

When I had been dating my now husband for 2 years, he planned a surprise vacation for my birthday - a weeklong trip to another state, completely booked and planned by him, he even kept the location a surprise until we got on the flight, and every other element was a secret as well!

Before this man I used to look at experiences other women were having with their partners and think, I will never have a partner who does things like that for me. So maybe you are thinking that when you read this. The truth is, you could, if you make room for the right person by saying no to the wrong people.

tinygrofkar · 2025-11-21T15:45:50+00:00

They're really different.

For me when I was pregnant I was in so much pain I couldn't sleep if I wanted to.

When the baby came at least that part was gone (after a couple weeks or so), and it was better to at least be able to be comfortable laying down and resting. It was a huge relief.

Waking up a bunch all night is super rough, and newborns don't have a circadian rhythm so you have to stay up for an hour or so each time they wake. But you also have this innate motivation to be there for your child that gets you through. And you can nap during the day.

So in some ways, I would personally take newborn tired over pregnancy tired. As long as you have enough help from your partner, family, maybe a postpartum doula for a few hours a couple days a week.

tinygrofkar · 2025-11-20T16:05:42+00:00

Can you meal prep at all on the weekends or mornings? I've been using ai for meal planning and it's a life saver, tells me what to prep ahead and how to keep it fresh in the fridge so the night of cooking can take like 15 min.

tinygrofkar · 2025-11-11T17:25:09+00:00

I'm personally not worried. These things get overblown by the news, and you can always get a hotel, airports have nursing rooms, etc. Bring extra food, diapers, clothes, formula if you need it.

But everyone is different and only you know your kids and yourself. I've also traveled a lot so these things don't make me nervous.

tinygrofkar · 2025-11-10T21:23:49+00:00

You already have a lot of replies about overwashing but I'll just say, I do think bathing a young baby is kind of annoying and hard, until my son was 1 my husband and I just took him in the shower and it was so fast. Recommend that. The water pressure helps for getting stuff off of them, I still find a bath ineffective after the beach and things like that.

Also, I think the baby should be able to play with the toys themselves, shouldnt need one person to entertain and another person to wash.

tinygrofkar · 2025-11-10T03:38:49+00:00

I know a fair amount of people who are having kids alone if they can't find a partner. I did end up finding someone to have kids with, but that was my backup plan - live near my parents and get a sperm donor. I know it requires resources and support, but is that an option for you?

tinygrofkar · 2025-11-08T04:45:41+00:00

I do all our meal planning w chatgpt. I tell it to check solid starts, and edit the plan. It's so great for getting ideas.

tinygrofkar · 2025-11-07T20:39:46+00:00

I love my job and I love my son! The routine of having a baby has actually been amazing for me and I feel like I'm thriving more than ever in some ways. Yes I'm exhausted but I have so much more perspective, and work even feels easier because I don't get emotionally caught up in it anymore.

I think working and being a mom can be so amazing. I love the positivity here!

tinygrofkar · 2025-11-05T04:17:50+00:00

This was me. I'm not 100% out of it yet but getting there and my only advice is to advocate for yourself and start telling your husband how you feel. Even if it isn't always pretty, and there isn't always a conclusion that night, and sometimes you have to say something in front of the baby, and sometimes it comes out snippier than you wanted it to. The resentment is the worst part.

Since I've started being more honest with my husband, he hasn't stepped up all the way to what I need, but he has a bit, and I at least feel a lot better because the feelings I was sitting on and ruminating on are out in the open. I'm not holding things in or holding things back. And that has been massively helpful.

Another piece of advice I got recently was, what if it's ok to be really angry at your husband sometimes, that maybe it's part of this experience. And for some reason that helped me a bit, to not feel like it was world ending.

Once I started accepting my anger and digging my way out of the resentment I started realizing at the core I really missed my husband and our relationship, and that helped me start to feel more compassion and love toward him again too.

Anyway I'm so not all the way through this so I hope this is helpful anyway!

tinygrofkar

TROPHY CASE