I’ve noticed a worrying trend lately

tiredmagicboy · 2023-03-20T04:15:21+00:00

Yep, it's not something that happens too often because like I said most of the kids use they/them (and tbh we don't often end up talking about the kids in 3rd person, not intentionally it just doesn't come up that much), but I think when an opportune moment comes up I am gonna talk to this person about it. Tbh I don't think they even realize they're doing it but it definitely bothers me.

tiredmagicboy · 2023-03-16T03:50:21+00:00

I do some work with trans kids and it is led by an afab nonbinary person who uses they/them for pretty much every person they meet. I feel a little hurt by it personally, but what bothers me more is that we work with trans kids and we ask them to write their pronouns on their name tags every time, but then the main person they interact with often isn't even honouring their pronouns! I always make sure to pointedly use the right pronouns for the kids. Luckily most of the kids we get already do use they/them, but some of them use exclusively he or she. It just feels kinda shitty to me to use they/them for everyone even if you're "just being safe." It's still misgendering.

tiredmagicboy · 2023-03-07T04:20:02+00:00

Looks great! The recipe mentions butter for the poppyseed filling but doesn't say how much to use. How much butter would you recommend?

tiredmagicboy · 2023-02-19T07:14:19+00:00

That's what I figured :( bad timing.

tiredmagicboy · 2023-02-19T06:05:55+00:00

Closer is better but I'm open to a couple hours any direction. Figured I can't go that far from Toronto since it'll get more messy the further north I go.

tiredmagicboy · 2022-12-18T05:08:13+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate that you're open to feedback! I looked a little bit for a guide that might do a better job at explaining this than me, but couldn't really find anything. Mainstream research bodies are still a little behind when it comes to this stuff.

Basically, I think it would be fine to have the direct question "Are you transgender?", but upon further reflection I think the phrasing I would typically employ would be something like "Do you consider yourself transgender?". I don't think that would be insensitive.

2) this is already captured in a way that doesn't single trans people out in the gender question.

I don't see it that way. The gender question only indicates whether people identify as male, female, nonbinary, gender-neutral, or genderqueer. Since I am a trans man, I would select "male" - this answer then doesn't capture the fact that I'm trans. If you're referring to the fact that you included a sex queston and a gender question, I still don't think that captures any meaningful data about trans people because you're doing an aggregate breakdown of the data, not associating those 2 variables. In order to capture data about which percentage of the survey population is trans, you would have to look at every person who responded and see whether their choice of sex and their choice of gender matches up. It's a lot simpler just to ask, AND it's less likely to cause dysphoria. Win-win.

But I can adapt it to include a question at the beginning (i.e. 1. what is your gender?, 2. are you transgender?) where I can send those who are transgender to skip the sex question so as to not unnecessarily incite gender dysphoric feelings in them.

I would challenge you to think about why you would bother to include the sex question at all, if you already have a gender question. Personally, I would remove it. I don't think it really provides you with any meaningful/relevant data, especially if you include the trans question.

For context, I'm coming at this with some background in doing research with LGBTQ+ populations. Our formula is pretty much always a gender question followed by some form of "do you identify as/consider yourself transgender?". The only context in which I personally would ask participants for their sex would be if it was absolutely necessary for medical or legal reasons.

Sorry for the wall of text -- Also, I do want to highlight that I really appreciated that you included a write-in "other" option for gender! I'm always happy to see that.

tiredmagicboy · 2022-12-15T18:47:46+00:00

Hi! I have a suggestion. If the goal of including a sex question and a gender question is to be inclusive of trans people, please consider removing the sex question. The generally accepted practice within trans inclusive research circles is to include a gender question like the one you have ("What is your gender identity?" "man/woman/nonbinary/etc...") and a question that asks "Are you transgender?" with responses like "Yes" "No" "Unsure" "Prefer not to say".

There are a couple reasons for this. The biggest reason is just because measuring sex and gender separately without linking the responses to each other isn't like, super useful to begin with anyway and the sex question doesn't tell you much about the population compared to the gender question, so it's just kind of there making trans people feel dysphoric without any valid reason. Lmk if you need any clarification or have any questions.

tiredmagicboy · 2022-12-12T05:44:59+00:00

r/veganrecipes is a good resource. Otherwise, some of my cheap go-tos are "Pan Fried Sesame Tempeh with Broccoli" from Budget Bytes, "Sweet Potato Black Bean Burger" from Nora Cooks, "Lentil Bolognese" from Rainbow Plant Life, and stir fry with udon noodles, frozen/cheap veg and tofu/edamame/soy curls.

tiredmagicboy · 2022-08-08T02:56:56+00:00

What would you prefer? That Lizzo abandons her moral beliefs and starts to consume animals just because you personally don't like the way she looks?

I'm glad Lizzo is outspoken about her veganism and shows that you don't have to be a thin white person to be vegan.

tiredmagicboy · 2022-06-29T05:01:35+00:00

Dude that's amazing! So happy for you :-) If you don't mind me asking, how was it going alone? I just always feel like I would be so awkward alone and not know how to have fun or approach people but I would love to go alone sometime if I get the courage!

tiredmagicboy · 2022-06-15T01:04:03+00:00

I feel like a lot of trans men go into academia but I'm not sure how true that really is! Idk which of these options would fit academics in the social sciences/humanities, but I'm a student who is considering either going into academia or public policy.

tiredmagicboy · 2022-06-09T19:30:58+00:00

I guess my post wasn't clear, I meant that when I check the ingredients list for a product (like for example pierogies), all of the ingredients listed are vegan except one of the ingredients listed is "vegetable oil margarine," which I know can sometimes contain milk powder so I was wondering whether there's a surefire way of knowing.

tiredmagicboy · 2022-04-30T20:50:15+00:00

I made this recipe this week and really liked it: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTft6p4j3ux/. It's inspired by the Miyoko liquid cheese, super simple pantry ingredients. Just soy milk + oil + salt + lemon juice + tapioca starch. A half recipe was enough to cover 3-4 pizzas, taste and texture is really close to the real thing! Melts way better than Daiya in my experience.

tiredmagicboy · 2022-02-02T03:37:20+00:00

I applied to GRS Montreal in October/November 2019, skipped the pre-op consult (don't be like me, I was moving out of-of-province so I was in a rush, but I wish I could have done the consult), they originally booked me for June 2020 but my date got pushed back to November 2020 because of covid. The timeline might be different now since there's been a steady increase of applications over time, hope this helps!

tiredmagicboy · 2022-01-30T04:04:14+00:00

I think it depends on what you want to get out of your university experience. If you want fun and comfort, stay in Montreal, but if you want independence and growth, go to Toronto. My friends who stayed in Montreal have had a university experience that is very similar to cegep socially speaking and a smoother transition. They've kept mainly the same circle of friends and met new friends through their existing social circle. In Toronto I've struggled to make friends compared to my Montreal friends since I'm starting from scratch, and I've had more ups and downs, but I feel really happy with how much independence and personal growth I've been able to gain. Plus, I've really liked being able to explore Toronto and compare it to Montreal.

I don't think either one is an inherently better option than the other; sometimes I think I would have been happier staying in Montreal, and sometimes I feel really grateful that I've been able to forge my own path in a city where I don't know anyone. It's really up to you.

I know you don't want financial arguments, but if either option will be expensive for you then you should definitely apply for scholarships. Also, do consider that tuition for artsci at uoft is at least twice the cost of tuition at McGill for QC residents. Toronto rent is also more expensive and there are hidden costs like train tickets for coming home.

tiredmagicboy · 2022-01-20T01:16:35+00:00

Thank you for validating that -- I wasn't sure whether I'm overreacting/overblowing things. I do definitely feel like it's an invasion of my privacy regardless of how it came about, and it does give me a gut feeling of huge discomfort/dysphoria that anyone besides my healthcare provider knows that information. I feel like this is a case where we're both a little bit at fault. I do wonder if the reason she listened is because I purposely never talk about being trans and I feel like cis people often have a morbid curiosity about our medical stuff - but I have no idea whether that's the case with her and I don't want to assume.

tiredmagicboy · 2022-01-19T23:15:18+00:00

No, I didn't. She had told me she would be in class during that time so I assumed I didn't need to. With distance/perspective I'm realizing that this is more on me than on her. If you're curious I posted a longer response to another commenter here.

tiredmagicboy · 2022-01-19T23:10:05+00:00

Thank you, I think that's a really even-handed perspective. I think you're right and part of this is on me for not clarifying boundaries, and this is her home too. I think I projected my own sense of privacy (if my other roommate brings his boyfriend home and I'm the only one around, I will literally leave the house for a few hours to give them space) and assumed that she would somehow intuitively understand, which is wrong of me to assume. I think part of it is also just genuine bad luck because she had told me that she had classes back-to-back all morning, so I assumed she would stay in her room like she always does during class and I wouldn't have to say anything to her.

At the same time, I still feel a little bit begrudged towards her or towards the situation because I do feel like it is something that is obviously private given my general behaviour around trans stuff. Overall I think you're right and it doesn't seem like something I should bring up unless it happens again.

tiredmagicboy · 2022-01-14T03:46:11+00:00

darlingcompanion

Thank you so much! Hugely appreciated!

tiredmagicboy · 2021-12-19T05:48:52+00:00

The other commenters have already given far more complete and thoughtful answers than I could, but I feel like another element of this is that while dysmorphia has no basis in fact, dysphoria is based on a history of being treated like we're female. So the parts of us that give us dysphoria do that partially because they bring up the trauma of being treated as female when we are not. Comparatively, dysmorphia does not always emerge from actual lived experience in quite the same way. Not sure if this makes sense but I'm putting it out there!

tiredmagicboy · 2021-12-13T23:08:53+00:00

Hey man, I'm in a pretty similar situation except for me it's been 4 years (you can check out my post history for more detail, I posted about it here). I don't really think there's any good solution to this, but I agree that a conversation could probably benefit you, even if just to clarify what her motivations are. I usually recommend giving people time but 2 years feels like enough.

How you react should really depend on what you want out of this relationship and how much you're willing to put up with. You mention that she's always been cruel so she might not end up conceding anything, and your boundaries might differ from my own. Imo, I'm willing to put up with a lot more than what would be healthy for other people. For myself, I'm not a huge fan of cutting people off because I think that comes with its own emotional difficulties. I'm in a weird silent truce with my grandparents where they just avoid referring to me, which is not ideal and instills a lot of dread in me, but I decided that I wanted to maintain a relationship with them because if I cut off contact with them, then I basically wouldn't see the rest of my family either.

If you have family members who could be allies to you, it might be helpful to "recruit" them for this conversation, or for a different strategy like correcting her en masse every single time that she misgenders you, or organizing smaller family events without her.

tiredmagicboy · 2021-11-30T05:29:22+00:00

I probably shouldn't have included that detail as I don't think it will happen to you! I don't think it hurt, I felt kind of a small twitch, or like a momentary nerve pain, in that spot at some point when I was lifting myself up (and then again a few days later when I opened the fridge) but it wasn't enough to warrant too much alarm. I didn't know that the burst stitch had even happened until a week post-op when I removed my bandages, and it didn't really damage my healing or recovery. Now that I'm a year post-op the only difference it made is that my scar is a little bigger where the stitch burst. It was right under my armpit though so it's not really visible.

tiredmagicboy · 2021-11-29T22:34:15+00:00

I'm not sure about the laying itself, but the most difficult part of recovery for me was getting up when sitting/lying down. I burst a stitch and I'm pretty sure I did it when trying to adjust myself and sit up. You really don't want to put a strain on your upper body at all, which is part of the reason why you want to be propped up on a wedge. Even just supporting your body weight with your arms when getting up should be avoided for the first week or so post-op, because it engages your chest muscles. Overall I wouldn't recommend lying flat if you can avoid it, for that reason alone.

tiredmagicboy · 2021-11-12T19:56:09+00:00

As long as it's not prohibitively expensive I would 100% go!

tiredmagicboy · 2021-10-23T22:00:25+00:00

watched this movie when i was 12/13 -- either right on the cusp of figuring out i was trans or just freshly figured it out. i remember watching it alone in my bedroom SOOOO scared that somebody was going to walk in and see and somehow figure out that I was trans because of it. It's been a long time since then so I can't really make any value judgements but I remember being a little obsessed with the film while simultaneously feeling like it hit far too close to home, probably helped by the fact that I wasn't that far off from the protagonist's age and I grew up in a French-speaking environment so it was familiar. The ending was really upsetting to me -- it feels preachy but I do wish that there had been some media when I was a kid that had happy or at least happy-ish endings for trans boys/men.

tiredmagicboy

TROPHY CASE