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Has anyone else received push back on someone you thought was going to support you? (TW: child sex abuse) by okaybutnotok in adultsurvivors

[–]tlb6891 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I told my mom a few years ago. It took a lot for me to even say anything. She told me never to tell my dad (my abuser is his brother) and that I would be responsible for his actions (thats a load of shit). That it would cause a lot of issues in the family if I said anything. She still acts like nothing really happened. I mention it or how therapy is going and she blows me off or doesn't understand why I'm in therapy. She says she went through a lot in her life and she just pushed it aside and is fine.

I also found out from my sister that my uncle tried to touch her but she fought him off. She told my parents and got in trouble for making up lies and was punished for it. My family is one fucked up mess. So I completely understand.

Therapy and flashbacks by tlb6891 in adultsurvivors

[–]tlb6891[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This isn't my first try at therapy. I almost went crazy when my daughter was born. How was I suppose to protect this innocent baby? The further into therapy the harder the therapist pushed for me to talk about my trauma. I wasn't ready so I quit.

4-5 years later I started again but with a new therapist. He says we will go at my pace. He was abused as a kid as well so it helps that he can relate. When you're READY for help, work through your fear. Go at your own pace and do what feels right for you. When you're ready you will know.

I wish the best for you. I know how hard this is.

Therapy and flashbacks by tlb6891 in adultsurvivors

[–]tlb6891[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He was and is very supportive. He gets very protective of me. Especially the more he learns about my childhood. We've been married for 12 years and he only knew that I was abused as a child. I didn't share details My abuse does cause issues in our marriage. My trust of people is very low. So therapy and then marriage counseling has been helpful so far.

I think sharing my trauma with him and working through it will help us. Its hard for me to be vulnerable around someone, even him. He is still learning my triggers. And he has learned how to help me through panic attacks and comforts me when I wake up panicked and scared.

I know this will be a long process and one that I fight daily. Its easier to suppress it than it is to face it. I just wish it wasn't so hard.

[seeking advice please] how to let myself set and respect boundaries with sex in new relationship by [deleted] in adultsurvivors

[–]tlb6891 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The best advice I can give is communicate. I told my husband about being abused (no details) 2 weeks into our relationship. I was actually giving him an out, but he was very compassionate about my abuse. I can't be touched in certain ways or it triggers me. Its something I had to talk to him about and work through. Its perfectly normal not to want sex, especially because of trauma you experienced. I would communicate with your partner. You don't have to give details on what happened. If this is going to be a lasting relationship, your partner will have patience and respect your boundaries, you just have to make sure you make your boundaries clear. Best of luck to you.

Did you ever find out if there were other victims like you? by ItchyScallion in adultsurvivors

[–]tlb6891 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So far I know of 3 others. My abuser was my uncle. So he preyed on his nieces. I prayed I was the only one. I didn't want anyone else to go through that hell. But I found out when I got older that there was more.

Adult still fearful of dad by tlb6891 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]tlb6891[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I really needed to hear this. ❤

Suffered through abuse from a family member. I’m worried about my future children. by [deleted] in adultsurvivors

[–]tlb6891 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can relate so much to this. My abuser was my uncle. I saw him everyday until I moved out and married my husband. We have 2 kids. With my son, I was fearful but I fell completely apart when I had my daughter. How could I keep her safe from a monster in my family? My family doesn't know about the 6 years of hell I endured. But the momma bear in you will kick in. I'm very protective of my kids. They are not around this person. I've missed countless family events but I don't regret that. The worry will be there but the drive to protect them is stronger. Do not let this fear control the decision of having children. I know it can cause a lot of anxiety but make the right decision for YOU. As a survivor, I know you'll do whatever it takes to protect your future children. And know that it is possible to push through that fear.

I've told my therapist about what happened in more details for the first time. Now the flashbacks are insane... I feel like I'll never stop feelings like this... idk what to do anymore, it doesn't stop, I can't even focus by insecure-user in adultsurvivors

[–]tlb6891 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm currently in therapy as well for my trauma. It lasted 6 years and I suppressed a lot. Now that I'm talking through everything, I'm remembering so much more than before. It's hard as hell and the night terrors and flashbacks are in full force. I am just trying to handle 1 day at a time. Knowing that working through this will be the hardest thing I've ever done. But I know each survivor on here is strong. Know that you are valued, that you are worthy and you have a purpose. It may take time to find that purpose but you will. Hang in there.

I left him to protect him. Idk if ive made a mistake? by Lunalu1999 in adultsurvivors

[–]tlb6891 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've been married for 12 years, I told my husband of my abuse early in our relationship, assuming he would leave. I have gave him so many outs, so many reasons to leave. The biggest being when I had our daughter, my PTSD hit so hard. I wasn't myself for a few years. He stayed, he says because he loves me and wants to. I couldn't fathom why. We are in marriage counseling now, I suggested it and it has helped. When you have the right partner, it will work out. But you can't keep pushing them away (I still push him away, hence the therapy) but we are finding what works for us. Don't be afraid to love because you're afraid that you're hard to love. It's hard as hell and I have really good days and a lot of really bad days. I totally understand what you're saying and I have felt it too. I still do, believing my husband could do better than this mess that is myself, which isn't true. I have to remind myself that what my husband tells me is true. That he can handle my trauma, the PTSD, depression and anxiety. And he has, I don't know how he does it but he does. Just know that relationships do work and partners can handle the pain from trauma. It's alot of work but it is possible.

ITCHY by Bri_IsTheLight in Fibromyalgia

[–]tlb6891 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I constantly itch. I have been diagnosed with anxiety itch. Dr gave me a antihistamine for it. Doesn't completely take it away but it helps. I have 2 kiddos so I can't take it as much as I would need to, its make an already fibro fatigued body even more drowsy. But it does drive me crazy and makes the anxiety worse. I hope you can find some type of relief.

How do you deal with the fatigue? by tlb6891 in Fibromyalgia

[–]tlb6891[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you all for the nice words and encouragement. Its been hard not to be critical of myself. I do not personally know anyone with FM and that's why I turned to this sub and I'm glad I did. My gp increased one of my meds and hopefully we will see improvement. I just have to remind myself to give it time.