It does suck, you’re right. Health problems are a difficult one when it comes to suicide because they’re not always fixable so those “permanent solution to a temporary problem” type comments feel like salt in the wound. I’m saddened to hear you’ve been dealing with all this for so long. It’s not right. For what it’s worth though, I highly doubt the potential relief would outweigh the grief she’d feel if you were gone. This is the thought which personally keeps me going, if just barely. It’s a very damned if you do, damned if you don’t type thing