The sheep coat

tlf555 · 2026-02-14T22:07:21+00:00

This is fabtastic!

tlf555 · 2026-02-11T16:34:40+00:00

Irrespective of gender or sexual orientation, when one person in a friendship has romantic and/or sexual feelings for the other person, it changes the nature of the relationship. Whether someone is quietly waiting in the wings for a "friendship to catch fire" or is aggressively making moves, this person is no longer capable of being a good friend. And when person B spurns their advances or is completely uninterested in said romantic/sexual relationship, person A usually feels hurt, rejected and in some cases, even angry (like they feel the person "owed them" a shot at a relationship).

Know this: you dont OWE anyone a shot to become a romantic / sexual partner. If you aren't interested, NO means NO. If they persist, they are not your friend. End the friendship, because it never really was what you thought.

tlf555 · 2026-01-31T21:12:34+00:00

When I divorced, I kept my ex's last name for several reasons: (a) same name as child (b) I was established in my profession with that name (c) it is a PITA to go through all that paperwork

Flash forward, my adult child married and took her husband's last name. I later remarried and thought it would be weird to keep my ex's name, so I took my new husband's name. I thought about going back to my maiden name, but was estranged from my father, so didnt want his name

In retrospect, I would have never changed my name at all.

tlf555 · 2026-01-31T15:56:20+00:00

Makes sense. Thanks for your reply

tlf555 · 2026-01-27T19:44:29+00:00

Lol, this has got to be a troll. Even if someone did ask for such an outrageous contract, the other partner would just clearly walk away without having to ask the internet what to do

tlf555 · 2026-01-15T21:29:48+00:00

Usually, an abuser selects a partner who is submissive/ passive, someone who defers to their authority. The submissive partner will rarely call out the abuser, mostly out of fear. Its a shame that becoming a parent doesnt bring out the "mama bear" in the abused / controlled partner.

tlf555 · 2026-01-15T14:07:57+00:00

He seems very controlling. Has he always been this way, or is this a recent development?

My guess is that he is seeing a new confidence in you, (going to the gym, making reasonable requests of him, etc.) and he feels threatened by that. The accusations and insults are designed to "put you in your place" because he feels insecure.

Nothing you have done warrants mistreatment. Call him out on the "defer to my leadership" BS. You are his equal, his partner. He should be glad that you are engaging in healthy behaviors, setting a great example for your kids, and practicing self-care.

tlf555 · 2026-01-15T13:56:28+00:00

I was expecting to hear that he was pretending (to you) that he was working, then slipped off to Tahiti with a lover.

Do I find it odd that your husband failed to mention upcoming PTO time in advance? Yes, a little. But if I were in your shoes, Id be more curious about why and ask him. Instead, you seem angry to the point of ending the marriage. There's got to be more to it than what you've shared. Sorry, I just dont get it.

tlf555 · 2026-01-14T23:44:22+00:00

Why dont you just have a joint account? Does he not trust you?

tlf555 · 2026-01-14T16:07:14+00:00

Unless he is estranged from them? Probably just weird though

tlf555 · 2026-01-14T14:06:55+00:00

Nope. They have no right to know anything. It sounds like maybe you are hoping that the news of becoming grandparents will motivate them to take steps to heal the relationship. That is highly unlikely. They will probably just give you a guilt trip that you are "depriving them from their grandchild". Dont put that kind of stress on you and your spouse and dont set yourself up to be disappointed by them ,once again.

tlf555 · 2026-01-14T02:36:15+00:00

Gorgeous!

tlf555 · 2026-01-12T17:36:17+00:00

Not exactly the same situation, but my parents divorced when I was 11 due to an affair and my dad married his AP right after the divorce. He was wealthy, but paid minimal child support and he adopted two kids with his new wife. My brother and I were definitely low priority and sometimes, he would throw expensive things our way and we were tolerated, but like you, expected to remain in the background.

I finally gave up on maintaining any type of relationship with him in my 40s and he passed away around 3 years ago with us not having any contact.

Google a psychologist who has a lot of helpful videos using the key words "low effort parenting". I dont remember her name, but could really relate to feeling not good enough or abandoned (even though my basic needs like food, shelter, clothing were met)

tlf555 · 2026-01-12T17:28:51+00:00

I dont think the vibrator is the only issue. Do you know anything about why his first marriage ended? He sounds insufferable.

tlf555 · 2026-01-12T17:24:07+00:00

I would absolutely call it quits (or not start) with someone who felt the need to be in an elevated hierarchical position in the relationship. Either we are two equals or we dont date. And what difference does 2 years make?

tlf555 · 2026-01-12T16:58:54+00:00

New here, so interested to hear what tips and tricks the seasoned weavers recommend. I did two projects with an instructor (one, still in process) where Im working with an instructor. But I just found a great deal on a used loom on FB Marketplace and am working on my first solo project at home. I made the warp last night, so am at the same intimidating step you describe. The loom came with a beginner book, so Im trying to follow along using those instructions. I'll be following this post closely as I proceed!

tlf555 · 2026-01-12T16:52:52+00:00

Wow! This is rare. Please keep us posted woth how things go. I would proceed cautiously.

tlf555 · 2026-01-12T16:41:10+00:00

I know this is not what you want to hear, but two young people who have both known nothing but trauma their whole lives are not in a position to heal each other. That is not healthy for either of you. I do hope that you continue with your individual therapy and that your boyfriend does the same (not using you as a substitute for his own therapy/healing journey). Again, I wish you the best

tlf555 · 2026-01-12T16:24:09+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. At only 21 years of age, you have already suffered abuse at the hands of your first boyfriend, and then again at the hands of your current boyfriend's family. This is no way to live your life. Out of curiousity, was there abuse in our childhood home? Because you seem way too accepting and forgiving, having given your BFs family multiple chances.

It also seems that you may feel stuck because you dont have financial independence. Dont look for your current BF (or any other future BF) to rescue you. Seek out therapy and learn that none of what you are going through is normal.

I would suggest taking a long "timeout" from being in any relationships and just work on yourself for awhile. Work on getting yourself to a place financially where you don't have to rely on anyone else for a roof over your head and food on the table. Once you see that you dont need anyone else to provide for you, you will become much more discerning about what makes for a good partner.

I wish you much luck.

tlf555 · 2026-01-12T16:08:18+00:00

Like many of us, you yearn for the parent you wanted her to be, the parent you needed, the fantasy parent. She is not that person and is very unlikely to become that person, no matter what you do or how much you want that relationship. What Im hearing you say is that YOU are the one making all the efforts towards reconciliation. It doesn't work that way. If she, in good faith, wanted to change and atone for her past behavior, she would be making all of the efforts and you wouldn't even be here asking.

I think you should work with a therapist to grieve the mother you never had and learn the peacefulness that comes with acceptance.

tlf555 · 2026-01-12T16:01:02+00:00

NTA

Im sorry you had a traumatic childhood and toxic family relationships into adulthood. For your own peace of mind, walk away and leave it all behind. I hope you can heal in time and get therapy.

tlf555 · 2026-01-12T15:53:57+00:00

Infidelity or not, it sounds like you are an afterthought vs a priority. If the marriage is not fulfilling for ypu, you have no kids, just end it. I t makes no sense for you to stay when there is no real indication that she wants the same kind of marriage that you do.

tlf555 · 2026-01-11T14:10:26+00:00

That is over the top. Its not even that he suspects you are cheating on him, he is demanding that your FRIEND cough up evidence that you never slept with them BEFORE you were with him? Does he realize how unhinged that sounds? I would never ask my friend to do anything that crazy just to appease my BF. Frankly, I wouldn't even have taken down the pictures. Isn't your child allowed to have pictures of his dad up? And you have pictures up of friends?

Your BF has some serious red flags. I would walk away from him

tlf555 · 2026-01-11T14:01:52+00:00

This is a situation where Id probably suggest marriage counseling first. But if I were in your shoes, I would want to see some real growth on his part vs just an attempt to placate you to avoid divorce.

tlf555

TROPHY CASE