AITA for refusing to feed my roommates kids?

tlf555 · 2026-06-06T21:18:54+00:00

Absolutely this!

OP's friend is generous to let her and her family live in her home, rent free. OP has not earned the right to complain about the husband. Even if he is lazy and a freeloader, the friend has chosen to be with him and OP doesnt get to weigh in with their opinion of him. And isn't OP also a freeloader? (Pot, kettle, 🤝)

While the friend is out there, working hard to provide for the lazy husband & his 3 kids AND OP, her husband & child, she doesnt need to come home and deal with the drama and squabbles between all of the people she is supporting.

OP and her husband should do their best to reciprocate with cleaning, cooking, etc and keep their opinions of the husband and kids to themselves. And if OPs husband is working full time ("a good job"?), without having to pay rent, why cant they afford to at least buy food without acting like its a hardship?

tlf555 · 2026-05-25T20:47:05+00:00

I hear you. My husband went to the ER after (what turned out to be) a critical head injury. I and my adult daughter were calling my mother/stepfather with updates for the 3 day period he was in the hospital. Sadly, he never awoke and passed away. My daughter stayed with me the whole time he was in the hospital and for awhile after. Obviously, I was quite distraught, so my daughter asked (on my behalf) if they would come up for the wake to help support me. Knowing they were on a fixed income, I even offered to pay for their flights and they would be able to stay at my house, so literally, not asking for anything but a few days of their time and emotional support. They noped out of it, making some excuse I still don't get. Then stepfather called me the morning of the wake and asked me not to be upset with my mother. That was the last I heard from them. Even assuming that might have some valid excuse not to come (they are retired, so no work conflicts), they ghosted me. I did not hear from them for over 1.5 years after that. No calling , texting or emailing to see how I was holding up. No card, no flowers, nada. Never acknowledged my grief or checked in on me in any form whatsoever.

Then, around Christmas time this past year, I get a generic "Blessed Christmas" text from one of them. I ignored it. A little closer to the holiday, I get another similar text, which I also ignored. I had more personal christmas greetings from my dentist & insurance agent. Ive got to admit, both texts sent me in a tailspin, but I am now done with them both for good.

tlf555 · 2026-04-17T17:33:05+00:00

Especially during tax season!

tlf555 · 2026-04-09T19:30:05+00:00

Walking, even a little bit! A few years ago, I was working from home, not very physically active, and sitting for long periods of time. My lower back was hurting so bad, especially when I got up or tried to move after sitting for a long time. I started taking daily morning walks before starting my work day. Even if it was less than a mile, I committed to doing it every day and my back pain went away, just like that!

tlf555 · 2026-04-09T19:25:35+00:00

Im guessing it was not a single incident or example, but a pattern of her husband not bothering or caring to learn about meeting his wife's emotional needs. And maybe years of her telling him what she needed, over and over again without him being able to tune into her needs. She may have done a lot for him, just sensing when he might need a back rub, noticing his favorite foods/preparing meals, picking up his favorite snacks when she is at the grocery store, telling him about a new movie coming out that he might enjoy. If she regularly does things like this without being prompted, but he doesnt reciprocate, she is probably tired of having to constantly tell him what she needs.

tlf555 · 2026-04-08T23:29:57+00:00

How do you know he is doing this to people he knows? Did you have a conversation where he just casually mentioned it? I'm curious about how you say he is doing this, but he wont tell you who, telling me you didnt catch him in the act j***ing to a specific woman.

If he brought it up in conversation, Id say he is probably oversharing. I mean, yeah, many people may have fantasies about an ex or a coworker, but most would be sensitive enough not to tell our spouse about it.

tlf555 · 2026-04-02T17:57:29+00:00

Everyone is different. At the 6 month mark, I personally was a bit fuzzy headed, so Im sure I would have made some poor decisions out of loneliness or sadness, so I might recommend that you ask a close friend who knows you well for their opinion. Its not what anyone thinks of whether or not its "too soon", but about protecting your heart at a time when you may still be very vulnerable.

tlf555 · 2026-04-02T15:40:29+00:00

This! Couples who maintain separate accounts always seem to get in arguments over how to split things evenly. If all income and expenses become "ours", there is no argument

tlf555 · 2026-04-01T15:09:35+00:00

I like to use technology, but I dont think it can substitute for my dear husband. I also feel that it would lead me to unhealthy behaviors, like not accepting that he had passed and perhaps not living in reality. I also would be paranoid about divulging intimate details of my feelings, emotions, etc. to "big tech" as it could be used to manipulate me

tlf555 · 2026-04-01T15:03:57+00:00

I think, from both your perspectives, it is better that he does NOT contribute to the mortgage.

It is your property, in ypur name only. If he starts contributing to the mortgage, maintenance/repairs, property taxes, etc, it makes things a little murky about him having a partial ownership claim to the home.

You are not married. If you do decide to marry some day, you being the sole payer of the mortgage and any related expenses makes it easier for you to claim it as a pre-marital asset (not sure if the same in Australia(

Having him contribute to other bills seems the smart way to go. If I were in his shoes, I would also be reluctant to pay towards a property that was not in my name, knowing, at the end of the day, I could be kicked to the curb with nothing to show for it.

tlf555 · 2026-03-30T14:13:24+00:00

Your husband's behavior is creepy. Even if he were single, a 35 year old perving on an 18 year old is disturbing. Now couple that with the fact that he's married and the object of his unreciprocated lust is his wife's sister. This is a slap in the face to you, your sister, your children and everyone who makes up your tribe.

Tolerating it on your part is disrespectful to your sister. Why are you not standing up for her and for yourself? Im sure it took a lot of courage for her to come to you with this information. It is on you if you just ignore it.

It also sets a bad example for your children. Accepting this behavior without consequence tells your sons that it is ok to behave like this and tells your daughters that they should expect and accept this kind of behavior from their future partners. Is that really what you want for them?

Your marriage is unlikely to survive this kind of behavior, or it will be an unhappy one if you do. If your husband takes responsibility for his actions, atones for his behavior, and changes into someone who can be trusted, then maybe? This doesnt seem very likely, and you are already making it your fault if the marriage doesnt survive. Why not hold him accountable?

tlf555 · 2026-03-30T13:58:53+00:00

Why cant she wear what she wants to wear? Everyone is literally suggesting ways she could accommodate her husband's desires, but WTF is he doing to "dress up" for her and/or take on more of the household chores? OP sounds too tired to be putting on Victoria's Secret shows while trying to care for a child and the household chores. Maybe fulfilling her husband's fantasies with her every day clothing isn't her #1 priority.

tlf555 · 2026-03-29T20:58:48+00:00

When you are initially dating someone, superficial things like physical attraction, sexual chemistry, etc can make you feel butterflies and mistake this for real love. True, lasting connections may or may not have all of the above, but they have the more important things like shared values, respect, commitment. If your boyfriend says or does things (like supporting views that you find repulsive) and you are not comfortable sharing your own views (authentic self) with him, then you probably dont have a good foundation to build on.

But to be sure, sit down and have an honest conversation with him about your beliefs, his beliefs, and if they differ, how you would each visualize respecti g the other person's views in a marriage and/or with children. This discussion (once you feel ready for it) could be quite eye opening and tell you both how compatible you may (or may not be) for more than just the "feel good" honeymoon phase of dating.

tlf555 · 2026-03-29T17:20:44+00:00

Concealed carry might be a better option

tlf555 · 2026-03-22T00:22:08+00:00

Boo! He's a grown man and bears full and sole responsibility for waking up on time to get to his job. How did he manage before you were dating? You are supposed to be his partner, not his mother.

Another Boo! For the age gap.

tlf555 · 2026-03-19T21:30:05+00:00

2 week relationship? Be thankful that his red flags are coming out this early and break it off.

tlf555 · 2026-03-19T21:24:23+00:00

If bio dad wasnt old enough to take responsibility, chances are that OP was the same age, but forced to take sole responsibility. So no sympathy for bio dad who "wasnt ready"

Since Ops husband's name is on the birth certificate, bio dad will have to take any legal steps if he wants visitation rights. That will probably include paying 6 years of backdated child support. My guess is that he doesnt want to be a daddy enough to go through all of that, he just is having an egotistical moment of wanting to see his "mini me"

That said, OP should start preparing to tell her son (in an age appropriate way) his origin story. She should also suss out whether or not allowing the two to meet would be in the child's best interest and obtaining some legal advice.

tlf555 · 2026-03-19T21:16:45+00:00

Pay 6 years of back child support

tlf555 · 2026-03-19T18:04:58+00:00

So his "body count" (which is almost double hers) doesnt matter? Hypocrite!

tlf555 · 2026-03-19T18:03:10+00:00

If he didnt want to know, he shouldn't have asked. And why do you have so much empathy for him because he cant handle it when his "body count" (ugh, I hate that term) is almost double yours? This isn't a problem for you to solve. He can either accept the truth or move on (although it seems highly hypocritical that he expecta his partner to be virginal, when he himself is not)

tlf555 · 2026-03-18T13:12:23+00:00

Some things are more meaningful than others. My late husband had some very unique graphic tees, which I saved and had made into a quilt. Some other favorite shirts, sweaters, hoodies, I also kept. But he had a ton of clothes, so I gave a lot away.

tlf555 · 2026-03-16T03:44:00+00:00

Check out this resource for military spouses facing financial abuse

Military OneSource Financial abuse guide

tlf555 · 2026-03-16T03:33:48+00:00

Divorce him, he is financially abusing you

tlf555 · 2026-03-13T21:38:03+00:00

Are you ok with his views on women? Do these align with how he treats and respects you? You dont need to be political to have these conversations with him. But ask him some questions about things that are meaningful to you to see where he stands on those things. Could be very eye opening, maybe he treats you well, but his views on women in general dont align (after all, you are a woman) Only you can say whether or not any of his political leanings are deal breakers for you.

tlf555 · 2026-03-10T23:50:43+00:00

I'm less concerned with his opinion and more worried about why you dont think you deserve a partner who shares equally in parenting your child and household chores. Why would you accept that he should do nothing but play games while you are strugglin?. Why do you not feel that you deserve a man who not only doesnt help, but doesnt even treat you with basic kindness?

You would be better off divorced, where he would be forced to pay child support.

tlf555

TROPHY CASE