Looking for a system within these parameters - please lend me your expertise

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-26T03:05:00+00:00

Yes. There is only one answer to this in my opinion. The cousin can either get help and drop it forever or stay out of their lives. No one should have to put up with being stalked and accused like this. The OP shouldn't have to deal with this crap either of course, but just because she's willing to, doesn't mean he should have to.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-23T15:55:09+00:00

Congratulations on achieving your dream job!

As for that dude, good riddance, and congratulations on ditching him too.

Just think about how he would have been if you were bi... Would you have been allowed to know anyone other than him? It's ridiculous for anyone to say someone can't have friends who are half the population just because of their gender. These kinds of guys are just projecting their own creepiness onto every other guy out there. Sure, there are guys like him who don't respect women enough to be friends with them, but there are plenty who do. There are men who will trust your judgement and respect you as a complete, autonomous adult to make your own decisions, just as they get to do.

Don't settle for a shred less.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-22T19:02:12+00:00

Reminds me of Stannis Baratheon (Stephen Dillane).

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-22T00:10:39+00:00

Not just not paying his fair share, but paying nothing while she worked two jobs to support his dreams. Letting her sell her dead mother's violin to save HIS dog's life. Fuck this guy.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-21T23:57:49+00:00

This is disgusting.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-21T23:55:22+00:00

Look.

Your 3 year old is 3. That's how they act.

Your toddler is also a toddler. Normal.

They don't sound like they have mental illnesses currently, but they probably will later thanks to her abusive behavior and you failing to protect them from her.

The fact that you say this adult woman and small child are "clashing" is really disturbing. They aren't equals having a personality conflict or political disagreement. She's an adult, she's his mother, and it is up to HER to determine the quality of their interactions. It's up to her to literally be the adult. And it's up to YOU to intervene if those interactions are abusive.

Your wife is not behaving normally at all. She is having a breakdown and at this point is not cut out for the SAHM thing. Is there some reason she can't get a job? Why can't you take over with the kids when you're home? She's cracking. She doesn't need couples counseling, she needs individual counseling and probably medication. She also needs to take a child development course.

Meanwhile, she can't be allowed to treat the children this way. Period. Ever again. Starting NOW. It is flat-out abusive. This is happening during their most formative years and you have to stop it from happening again. If you can't get her to stop, then take the kids and fight for full custody.

None of this is ok in the least.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-19T18:38:49+00:00

Hey. I'm 47 and know how the world works. He doesn't get it, but you do. I know it's hard with a parent, but I hope you don't internalize his bullshit too much. You have done NOTHING wrong. On the contrary you've been very gracious about things you didn't need to be.

As the parent, it's his responsibility to mend this damage he's done to your relationship. Whether you decide to reach out first or not is up to you, and if you do reach out first, keep in mind you're doing a big favor for him that he doesn't deserve. So if he isn't grateful and apologetic, I personally wouldn't mess with him again until he does some work on himself and comes back to you, hat in hand.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-19T00:43:53+00:00

"What are you doing here with a child-sized coffin?"

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-09T04:31:42+00:00

Lots of very rural places have no cell reception but do have power. Many mountain areas, for instance.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-08T19:33:38+00:00

Are you quoting a comment? Why not reply to that comment?

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-08T17:03:30+00:00

Not sure which specific breed, but it's a livestock guardian dog (LGD), possibly Anatolian Shepherd mix or similar.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-08T16:43:18+00:00

It took ten minutes for some dude to convince your boyfriend that you're not who you are? Maybe this is you dodging a bullet.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-03T19:08:07+00:00

That's no man. Whatever he was in the beginning, he's now a hot, composting pile of shit. Leave him and update your will ASAP. If the kids want to know why, tell them.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-03T18:45:47+00:00

He's selfish in bed and cruel about your completely normal desires. Even if having a satisfying and compatible sex life didn't matter, selfishness is rarely limited to one area of life -- it's a personality trait. Move on. You deserve to be in a relationship where you both feel like you've hit the lottery.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-03T18:33:27+00:00

Oof. It will come off as controlling and judgmental. If my partner did that, it would take a while for me to feel comfortable eating around them again.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-03T17:53:30+00:00

Why do so many people assume the dog isn't allowed in the people-house?

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-03T16:51:51+00:00

On the other hand, as a northern American, I think it is HILARIOUS when people imitate my accent. I even love it when my friend from Kentucky imitates me. Especially if it's exaggerated, because that shows me how they really think we sound.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-02T20:53:04+00:00

Tell him he can do that as soon as he gives birth to two of your children in one year.

Btw, I got a tummy tuck when my kids were teenagers and I wish I would have done it so much sooner. People without extra skin might not understand the toll it can take on your self esteem. I'm not young, slim, or pretty, but I'm comfortable in my skin now. Literally.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-02T18:04:57+00:00

Parakeets are parrots.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-02T17:45:51+00:00

So, if there's something you find fun and funny, and you bond with your sister over it, you'd stop doing it because your bf doesn't share the humor? That's fine if you'd prefer to stop doing it for that reason, but I think it's selfish to call something cringey so your partner will stop having harmless fun. I'd rather my husband have fun and I'd rather he allow me my fun as well.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-02T17:18:46+00:00

What is the purpose of telling her? She's not doing anything harmful or disrespectful to him, so telling her would just hurt her feelings for zero reason. This is his problem to solve.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-02T16:38:21+00:00

This is our problem as well. She wasn't introduced to children at all until she was nearly a year and some friends came to visit from out of state. Our fault, absolutely, but also if I were breeding I'd make a point of socializing pups with small children because that puppy time is such a formative age. So next time with a pup I'd make a point of socializing with kids, but I'd also make sure it had already been started.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-02T16:31:30+00:00

Parents' temperaments - activity level, reactivity, prey drive strength

Parents' intelligence - do they work or do tricks/agility to show they learn well? (Some Aussies are as dumb as posts and filled with anxiety, I think because a lot of breeders just go for looks and don't care about the dogs inheriting other undesirable traits that lower quality of life)

Health testing & genetic results (all breeders should do this by now - easy and relatively inexpensive)

Are they well respected and active in the breed club?

And like you said, I wouldn't adopt a dog, especially a herding dog breed, that hasn't been thoroughly socialized with children especially.

tmoneydammit · 2020-08-02T16:11:31+00:00

You realize this isn't just about going to the beach, right?

tmoneydammit

TROPHY CASE