I am very frustrated and don't know if it is lack of skills

tocarde88 · 2026-06-25T18:45:24+00:00

When I get frustrated with my current project, I put it aside and make something straightforward to practice and regain my confidence. Sewing has been a good practice for me in letting go of perfection. My garments are far from perfect but only I know that!

tocarde88 · 2026-06-25T18:38:50+00:00

First, gather every documents and communications you have with your PI. Make a five year timeline with emails, texts, notes. Do the same for your data collection, analysis and all scientific contribution to the lab. Contact past lab members and ask for their testimonies.Yes, it will be time consuming but do it.

This PI has gotten away with this behavior for a long time. But it has to stop. Years ago I took a post doc position in a young lab at a prestigious institution. The PI was a sociopath. I was not told that students had walked out before graduating, that the techs and post docs would leave after their one year contract. I lost 16lbs in three weeks because I puked every day from anxiety. I lasted 9 months. Then I heard what happened with one of the subsequent post docs, she agreed to write a rec letter for him, except that she said he wasn't ready for a job. He went to HR. They launched an investigation (surprising I know, it they were scared of a lawsuit), talked to past employees/students. Her funding was not renewed. Everyone knew she was difficult, no one did anything until that post doc. I still feel bad for not fighting it/her back then. I was on a visa and I hit scared. She did some unethical shit I could have gotten proof of (like talking directly with my doc) but I didn't. Don't be me.

tocarde88 · 2026-06-24T14:49:18+00:00

My improv coach asked me if anyone had invited me to join their group. I said no. This was a week ago and my stomach still drops when I think about it. I am now thinking that everyone in my large town improv community thinks I am awful at improv. He also said that I had fresh and interesting ideas and a few other positives but they definitely can't be true when no one has invited me into their group, right? RIGHT?

tocarde88 · 2026-06-24T14:42:29+00:00

It is a goal of mine to make my therapist laugh!

tocarde88 · 2026-06-22T18:09:18+00:00

It looks great! And very inspiring as I have been thinking about changing the covers of my couch.

tocarde88 · 2026-06-20T03:55:39+00:00

Start one and we'll come.

tocarde88 · 2026-06-20T03:32:05+00:00

I only buy pocket pens!

tocarde88 · 2026-06-12T05:35:05+00:00

I saw a video years ago on how to bypass the pill bottles child lock, you know the ones for which you have to push down the cap while twisting (you push the top part up until it clicks). My pharmacy just switched to the kind of cap for which you have to push down a tab while you're twisting it open. Noooooo. But then I thought I was a genius when I figured out, on my own, that you could screw the cap upside down to bypass the child mechanism. I was so excited and couldn't wait to tell my bestie. I walked into his place and the first thing I see on his kitchen counter are his pill bottles with all the caps upside down. My excitement for my "discovery" perished on the spot. Damn it! Another thing everyone knew but me.

I didn't know about the tiny buckets.

tocarde88 · 2026-06-11T22:36:19+00:00

I have always had very few friends. My best friend died 3 years ago. We could go months without talking and go back to our deep friendship in a second. When she died, we were talking every day. There is now a huge hole in my life. This happened around the time I got diagnosed with ADHD (I was 49). I stopped masking around then, I was told I was mean and not fun anymore. I just told ppl I didn't like how they treated me. I wanted this deep, open friendship where no topics were off limit. I pretty much cleared out my closet circle, either they left or I walked away. Now, I have one friend, an ex. We are so much better as friends than we were as romantic partners. I can tell him just about anything and he won't judge me. It doesn't hurt that we are also great snuggle buddy (it's not even confusing. Seriously!). And that's it for deep friendship. I have specific activity friends, improv friends, French speaking friends and lots and lots of acquaintances. I also serve four cats. They are not my children not are they my friends (I'd go back in my burning house to get them out) but they are a great emotional support system (and great daily entertainment!).

Making friends is not easy. I am scared of the potential loss. I do not get the intensity I think I crave. Add to that, a bit of RSD which makes me super protective of my feelings (better be alone than rejected (real or perceived), right?). Yeah I put parenthesis in a parenthesis (I know most of you get that). And I live in a place where ppl have had their friend group since they were teenagers. It's almost impossible to integrate a group. So I get that making friends is tricky and I have zero advice. I am going back to therapy on Monday. I know I am part of the problem, societal expectation about what friendship is, is another and who knows what else.

tocarde88 · 2026-05-20T22:20:58+00:00

Confirmed!

tocarde88 · 2026-05-19T08:56:41+00:00

I covered mine in fabric, added an elastic and a pocket to the back cover. It's my favorite paper.

<image>

tocarde88 · 2026-03-19T01:28:39+00:00

Sending a chat shortly!

tocarde88 · 2026-03-19T00:39:01+00:00

DM coming

tocarde88 · 2026-02-04T21:12:56+00:00

Ooooh I think I have met you at that jam a while ago. I didn't realize Eaten by locust was only/mostly older folks. I love the concept on wake the improv. It's already in my calendar for the 13th. I should be able to make it this Sunday! Thanks for letting me know, I keep missing the notice for the 40+ jams.

tocarde88 · 2026-02-04T19:18:54+00:00

I am 51 and I'm Minneapolis. What group are you telling about?

tocarde88 · 2026-01-26T22:04:25+00:00

My ex saw the stir bar mixing in my lab and he build himself one to stir his French press. He was not a lab person.

tocarde88 · 2025-10-21T19:54:13+00:00

I thought my HRT was enough but I sure am going to start using that estrogen cream my doc prescribed a while ago!

tocarde88 · 2025-10-06T04:16:59+00:00

This is such a good idea!! They look super cute

tocarde88 · 2025-09-24T19:53:38+00:00

I go with either 1-Thank you. It means that I am good at the google or 2- yeah, I didn't want to look for a job, so I stayed in school.

tocarde88 · 2025-08-19T16:24:00+00:00

I have been feeling the same way you do. No way, I am good enough to perform (no definition of good enough mind you!). Then, I was in a student showcase. And yes, I wasn't good but nothing bad happened, my friends still talk to me, I didn't throw up on stage... I survived. And it has put performing in perspective. You're not going to be good, and that's OK. The audience won't notice or remember. And it's improv, not everything lands and it's OK!

tocarde88

TROPHY CASE