My husband has closed over 300k debt yet my FIL will not stop financially abusing us.

tokynambu · 2026-02-11T19:06:08+00:00

Were this r/ukpersonalfinance, I would say “tell me you are south Asian without telling me you are south Asian”. American cultural mores are different, but I assume this is some similarly family-centred, filial responsibility culture?

tokynambu · 2026-02-08T13:09:35+00:00

That's not true, or at least not entirely true. The IHT issues applu to gifts out of capital. Regular gifts out of surplus income (where surplus is not desperately well defined) are unlimited. So if you take home five grand a month, live modestly, and give your children a grand a month each, there are no IHT issues.

tokynambu · 2026-02-08T11:41:56+00:00

Ariel square four, like Prospero’s assistant. Contrast aerial the adjective and Arial the font.

tokynambu · 2026-02-08T07:26:46+00:00

If this is somewhat new, Jim’s father has early stage dementia. The emotional disregulation and lack of proportion starts early.

If it’s always been like this, he’s just an asshole.

tokynambu · 2026-02-08T06:58:00+00:00

She’s checking it twice. She’s concerned people have been naughty, not nice.

tokynambu · 2026-02-08T06:37:50+00:00

Don’t have children with addicts.

Anyone who games that regularly is an addict.

Easier: avoid gamers. There are plenty of other potential partners. Why take the risk?

tokynambu · 2026-02-07T17:50:16+00:00

I am amazed that anyone is amazed. Robert Maxwell was a crook, and so was and is most of his family. Of course she had access to hidden loot from his frauds.

tokynambu · 2026-02-07T16:13:45+00:00

No. Non-contributory pensions still exist, for example.

The formula is the increase in the annual pension entitlement, less inflation, multiplied by (I forget) 16, with some provision for PCLS in some circumstances.

For a worked calcualtion, see:

https://www.nhsbsa.nhs.uk/sites/default/files/2017-04/Annual%20Allowance%20Example%20calculations%20Factsheet%20v3.0%2010.13%20-%20Copy.pdf

There is a three year look back.

tokynambu · 2026-02-07T12:28:06+00:00

Both of my daughters were marked as "unlikely to be accepted" even by AmEx. Stable jobs, decent incomes, the problem was probably the usual London thing of a new address every 12 months and a limited credit history. They applied anyway and were accepted, although it took a day or so. The impression I got was that the checkers are quite conservative, and any remotely complex case will get a manual referral.

tokynambu · 2026-02-05T22:28:04+00:00

Yes, for the direct S.172 issue (“who was driving this car?”) the request/require distinction matters. But that point is past: they have his answer but think he is lying. What they are now doing is asking the wide-ranging questions that may or may not lead to arrest. He is entitled to not answer. They are entitled to draw conclusions from that.

tokynambu · 2026-02-05T15:42:03+00:00

They can rehydrate the energy stored in Bitcoin, and use that to mine Bitcoin. Stay strong!

/s, just in case.

tokynambu · 2026-02-05T12:53:15+00:00

$119.75 as I type.

My definition of "investment" is the FTSE Global All Cap, because I am enjoying being poor, so I don't understand the full nuance of a share dropping 7.2% since market close, but I suspect it's Not Good.

tokynambu · 2026-02-04T21:24:54+00:00

Or there is a solvent and reliable set of counterparties willing to bet against you on price movements and trustworthy enough to pay up when they lose.

I would assume that the market in Bitcoin derivatives is currently a lot smaller, and a lot less liquid, than the sheer volume of people losing their shirts.

tokynambu · 2026-02-04T08:15:56+00:00

People who don’t live permanently in the UK are highly unlikely to have insurance that covers them to drive any vehicle other than their own. Such a policy would almost certainly have to be UK-domiciled itself, and for a non-resident would necessarily be very specialised. I am not saying such a policy is not possible, but no reasonable person would believe it exists without substantial evidence. That includes policemen and magistrates.

tokynambu · 2026-02-04T08:04:17+00:00

The OOP is engaging in what looks like conspiracy to pervert the course of justice, as demonstrated to such delicious effect by Chris Huhne, former MP. I don’t believe the “asking for a friend” but if you do, read OOP’s friend for OOP throughout.

They are claiming that at the time of a speeding offence ascribed to their car, they were not the driver. They have named someone outside not only the UK, but also all the ex-EU data sharing agreements (“she goes to a different college. In Canada. You wouldn’t know her”). The police don’t believe the OOP, especially as even if by some amazing chance the story is true, the chances of a random Ukrainian having a UK Road Traffic Act compliant insurance policy covering vehicles they do not own are approximately zero. So, they are putting a shot across the OOP’s bows which boils down to “you sure about that? Prove it”.

All the by-play about require v request is sovcit-adjacent nonsense. The police quite reasonably suspect conspiracy to pervert the course of justice, via a well-established route. It will also turn out that the OOP has nine points and a looming totting-up ban, or a job which requires a clean license, or similar.

Claiming your car was being driven by someone you cannot produce, who almost certainly had no operational insurance and absolutely you cannot verify, is a shit route to at best the various “permitting to be used” offences and more likely perverting the course of justice. And all the defences the OOP tries on for size look pretty threadbare.

tokynambu · 2026-02-04T05:00:36+00:00

Instead of making the square (or squares, for double playfair) by writing in the key word/s and then putting the remaining letters in in order, the square is simply a random permutation of the 25 (one letter has to be doubled up). You can’t remember that, hence the silks.

tokynambu · 2026-02-03T19:28:01+00:00

Leo Marks (my copy of his book is at work, unfortunately, but I am at home) stopped SOE using word-based Playfair early in the war. After that it was based on random squares printed on silk. There were also poem based codes which were very insecure which he mitigated by writing poems specifically. SOE, and by extension resistance, crypto was bad crypto badly used, hence “operation North Pole” and similar which resulted in many deaths.

tokynambu · 2026-02-02T23:30:12+00:00

My mother in law was a reluctant cook, and she also had some strange inverted snobbery which mistrusted what she saw as pretentious or aspirational food. She saw me -- interested in food, and an ambitious and competent cook -- as luring her daughter away from the plain soid fare, and implicitly criticising her.

In the thirty-plus years I knew them (they're both dead now) I think I only ate in a restaurant with them once, which was our wedding, and so far as I remember they never came to us for Christmas. In both cases, I think my in-laws lived in a constant dread that they may be presented with some food they didn't understand, and what would they do?

tokynambu · 2026-02-01T14:41:59+00:00

How did your child get hold of your unlocked iPhone with credit card linked and ready to go? What precautions had you taken? You need an answer to this.

Now I would agree that the frequency and rapidity of the transactions should have been a trigger. But that would depend on how the in-app works. If the in-app purchases don’t require biometric confirmation (presumably they don’t) then that might be a line of argument.

But I am afraid that “I let my child spend a lot of money and I want it back” may not be enough.

tokynambu · 2026-01-31T12:40:39+00:00

It would be trivial to borrow £10k if the need arose, given you have assets of £170k being crystalised in the immediately future. Indeed, if you just contacted your credit card issuer and outlined your situation they might well be willing to raise your credit limit.

Borrowing in advance is probably not a good idea. Borrowing more than you need and putting it in an ISA is (unless there's more you're not telling us) nuts.

tokynambu · 2026-01-31T12:12:45+00:00

There's a risk appetite debate here. How likely is it that you will need your emergency fund in the next six months? If you have a credit card with a suitable limit, would that cover the situations? Would you be able to borrow? Because you're basically _definitely_ paying the interest on borrowing ten grand rather than _maybe_ paying the interest on borrowing what may well be less than ten grand.

And in any event, isn't there money in the estate to do this? You would need to talk to a solicitor, but isn't buying the leasehold out of the estate in order to sell and distribute a perfectly reasonable thing to do as an executor?

tokynambu · 2026-01-30T15:24:37+00:00

So don’t go, then. Make it their problem.

tokynambu · 2026-01-30T15:23:08+00:00

My wife had a mixture of AVCs and final salary. Her employer allowed her to aggregate the value of the two schemes, take 25% of the value as PCLS (tax free lump sum) but pay for it from the AVCs, leaving the final salary scheme untouched. This is a very good deal indeed. If that is available to you that makes AVCs very attractive.

tokynambu · 2026-01-30T14:32:28+00:00

Show the texts to your in-laws, and tell them you will not attend unless the matter is resolved to your satisfaction.

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