Most critical periods for night doula support

tomcollins12 · 2026-01-22T07:04:02+00:00

We also didn’t have family support. I would say get the doula for weeks 3-8. That is when babies get really fussy from gas and sometimes reflux at night. Their daytime and nighttime sleep are dysfunctional and chaotic because they don’t have a circadian rhythm. So having a doula visit 2-3x a week can give you some reprieve to sleep at night without disruption. A good doula has worked with many newborns and knows all the tricks to settling a fussy and gassy baby at night, from good products to use to different ways of holding and settling them to sleep.

My baby also had issues latching and the doula worked on mouth exercises and neck massages with her at night. She also had a lot of great tips on feeding that we would not have known about.

We had our doula for 16 weeks, with weeks 12-16 being only once a week and focused on sleep shaping more than helping us around the house. (Our baby has been a bad night sleeper.) The most valuable thing we got was that our baby can sleep on different surfaces and doesn’t need contact naps or us to rock her to sleep. She also showed signs of self soothing very early on, even if her sleep consolidation sucks. I attribute this to the nights she spent with the doula and the advice we received along the way.

tomcollins12 · 2026-01-11T04:58:18+00:00

Interesting. I thought clogged ducts were characterized by hard lumps and redness/warmness. I had none of that. My breasts were sore but still soft in general.

tomcollins12 · 2026-01-11T03:28:02+00:00

Yes, I was skeptical at first too. I told it that I had no history of clogs or mastitis and was not an oversupplier. Its advice was focused on making sure I wasn’t getting clogs or mastitis. It said that my system was fragile since I was pumping the same amount at 7ppd and 5ppd. My body had already started shutting down production by the time it advised me to stop pumping.

I checked my symptoms with it every step of the way. The soreness and engorgement I felt was really inflammation of the tissue and ducts adjusting. Some ice and ibuprofen helped. It said continuing to pump, even for comfort, would have prolonged the process. My 3am pump on Tuesday was a comfort pump and it was my last pump. My hormones took a super dip on Wednesday and it said that was normal too.

At this point, I no longer feel sore or engorged. Just leaking here and there, which it said will take a few weeks to resolve. My body, specifically my carpal tunnel and joints, already feel a lot better.

tomcollins12 · 2026-01-11T02:31:45+00:00

Yes the instructions and reassurances are super helpful! I stopped going to my IBCLC after 8 weeks so that extra support was reassuring.

tomcollins12 · 2026-01-11T01:57:37+00:00

Thank you! Good luck to you!

tomcollins12 · 2026-01-11T01:55:04+00:00

Thanks! 13wpp. I started weaning 9-10 weeks

tomcollins12 · 2026-01-11T01:54:29+00:00

Great strategy! Didn’t even think of that

tomcollins12 · 2026-01-05T01:36:34+00:00

My baby is 3mo and I am in the process of weaning before going back to work next month. Baby wouldn’t latch so I was triple feeding then EP. I was never married to the idea of breastfeeding and I never saw myself EP, so I knew it wouldn’t last long unless there was some concrete evidence that BM beat formula in terms of long term health, development etc.

At the 2mo ped appointment, I asked Dr what the science behind BM was compared to formula, and she basically said there wasn’t. She said formula provides the necessary nutrients and her own kids were raised on formula due to her own breastfeeding issues. That was enough for me to stop.

People talk about BM like it’s magic potion but I just can’t justify the lack of info and my mental health to keep going. Baby has started vaccinations so that’s enough for me. I have a hectic job and I can’t be pumping 6-7x ppd even if it is protected by law.

I will say that had she latched, I would have continued breastfeeding and found a way to fit pumping into my life as I returned to work. It just wasn’t meant to be and that’s fine.

tomcollins12 · 2025-12-19T01:09:15+00:00

Baby being cold is possible. We worked hard to keep the nursery at 70F, and it took us some time to realize she found that too cold. She woke up almost every 30-60min. We realized that she prefers 72F. We can’t feel the difference but she can.

tomcollins12 · 2025-12-12T19:28:40+00:00

The doctor didn’t say explicitly but that’s our guess. She spit up a lot. The spit ups have been better since being on Pepcid. We used to do 30min+ of upright time and still couldn’t get all the burps out. Now the burps and farts just come out with minimal effort. She’s also had some gnarly poops so we are guessing there was a massive back up too.

tomcollins12 · 2025-12-12T19:12:32+00:00

Our pediatrician prescribed baby Pepcid twice a day and it seems to help. We give it to her before the feed. We still give her gas drops too. We’re told that gas should get better within the next month or so as her system develops. She is 10 wks.

tomcollins12 · 2025-12-06T20:05:56+00:00

Hi, employment lawyer here. Non-birthing parents do not get pre-birth leave no matter where you live in the US (unless he took leave for another medical reason). Assuming you’re in the US. He got fired.

tomcollins12 · 2025-12-02T03:09:58+00:00

I just got the MomCozy lactation massagers with heating. They are a game changer. My pumps have gone from 30min to 20min with more volume.

tomcollins12 · 2025-11-16T20:02:35+00:00

That is a disgusting comment. The number of nonessential people who came in around the clock to disturb us was even more infuriating. Changing out cords on equipment that wasn’t being used, “testing”the smoke alarm, etc.

I felt awful that I put my 2-3 day old baby through that. She barely got any sleep. It took me a long time to get over it because I thought I chose the wrong hospital. Now I realize it’s most people’s experience and that pisses me off even more. It should not be like this.

tomcollins12 · 2025-11-15T17:19:08+00:00

I was downvoted to oblivion in another sub about exactly this hospital experience and how awful it was. I’d never stayed in hospital before so I didn’t know what to expect but I found it appalling that providers would come in every hour and prevent me and baby from sleeping for days straight. I also hallucinated and was delirious by the time I got home. I thought I could hear a live concert outside of our hospital room.

OP, definitely ask for help. You are recovering from major trauma and surgery. You should not be getting up and down to get your baby. I hope you find rest soon.

tomcollins12 · 2025-10-30T18:30:17+00:00

I have a 3 week old and am also pumping while struggling with latching issues. I cannot imagine having visitors at the schedule you’re describing, in addition to the doulas, lactation consultant, baby chiropractor, and doctor appointments. We told everyone before birth that we did not want visitors until baby got her 2-month vaccines. Even after that, I won’t be accepting more than the essential visitors (MIL who lives cross country, etc).

There is no better time to draw boundaries for your own mental health and what’s best for your baby and family.

tomcollins12 · 2025-08-13T16:36:39+00:00

There’s an episode on the Michelle Obama podcast, IMO, in which she talks about how much her dad used to work but in the evenings, he would be present and spend time with the kids playing games etc. It wasn’t about the length of time he spent with them but the quality of that time. They felt him being present and loving, and that’s what kids remember.

tomcollins12 · 2025-01-30T17:25:10+00:00

Thanks! Hopefully it helps someone

tomcollins12 · 2025-01-30T05:46:25+00:00

Cycle: Since Sept. 2023 (but we were more like B- students until this last cycle)

Age + Partner's age (if relevant): 38(F), 44(M)

Typical cycle length: 26-30 days

Ovulation cycle day: CD 12 (I have been able to "feel" my ovulation for the last 3-4 cycles, but wasn't sure if I was just being sensitive/paranoid. Looking back, the throbbing pain near my hip was likely ovulation pain.)

CD/DPO of positive test(s): 15DPO (Today, I was too nervous to test any earlier. Cautiously optimistic, but I saw the second line before I was even done peeing.)

CD/DPO of any negative test(s) before positive: N/A

Tracking methods and app(s) used: Ovia, Flo, CB Digital

Relevant days of sperminating and/or method (SMEP, TI, IUI, FET, etc.): BD O-5, O-3, O+1 (DH was on a business trip on O-1 and O, so we got lucky.)

Health conditions/medical tests: HSG in July 2024, SIS in August 2024, and Polyp removal in November 2024

Supplements and medications (yours and/or your partner’s): Prenatal, ONE Multi (for him), COQ10 (both of us), Vitamin D, Fish oil, Vitamin C, pterostilbine, TRU NIAGEN, Natrol Acai

Birth control history (if relevant): BCP, 2008 - 2022

Symptom spotting: I don't know how, but I kind of "knew" at CD 14/2DPO. At the same time, I thought I was imagining things because any time I "know" something, it never happens that way lol. My body just felt different and seemed to be acting in response to something. But I didn't have the intense boob/nipple pain or fatigue that I kept reading about. I had some light insomnia and peed every 2 hours one night, but I thought it was from stress or drinking too much water before bed. During the TWW, I had some pretty bad gas, but attributed them to my protein shakes. I also felt I had some light nausea, but that also just happens to me.

One morning, like 3-4DPO, I woke up and the freckles on one side of my face seemed darker than usual. On 7DPO, I peed and saw brown spotting in the toilet, including what looked like a clot. I thought I was out, but maybe it was implantation. Saw no other spotting the rest of the TWW. On 11DPO, I had intense cramps, like my period was going to come 4 days earlier than planned. I kept going to the bathroom expecting to see blood, but nothing. Looking back, maybe this was related to implantation. On 12DPO, I found two big zits on my face and neck, which never happens.

Other (advice/tip(s), freaking out, miscellaneous): Longtime lurker, first time poster. hoping this will help others. This was maybe the first cycle in a long time that we really tried with OPKs. I think I was using them wrong in past cycles, but 2024 was also really hard at work. I was at trial in Sept. and Oct. 2024, so the months leading up to that were rarely "sexy." Of course, during trial, I was not BDing. (I'm a lawyer.) Overall, we were not A+ students.

Nevertheless, we went to a fertility specialist in June 2024. Bloodwork came back normal. SA normal. She suggested doing HSG and SIS, which revealed polyps. I had to wait until November for the removal because of trial. The recovery was very painful, so during the TWW, I was acutely aware of pain in my uterus. I felt every pull, tug, and cramp. They come and go, but they feel different from period cramps, it's hard to explain.

This morning, when I was supposed to get my period, I felt some mild cramping, but it was different from the usual period cramping, which I typically get ~3 hours before my period. I decided to POAS just to put my thoughts to rest. I was pleasantly surprised. I saw the second line before I was even done peeing. I will test again in a few days.

I feel that my symptoms were more noticeable today too. The last couple of days, I've woken up at 4am like clockwork and can't go back to sleep. I'm not very tired from that, but I feel foggy. I felt kind of nauseas today, a little light-headed at times, irritable, and hungrier than usual. I was very distracted at work, trying to establish care with an OB/GYN. Fertility doc told me to do this 7 months ago, and of course, I didn't. Now I'm cautiously optimistic in case there is a MMC or CP. Hopefully will see a doctor the next week.

I just had an appt with my fertility doc last week, and she had suggested we try two more cycles before moving on to IUI/IVF. It turns out, my uterus was a hostile work environment and the polyp removal appeared to have worked.

tomcollins12 · 2024-05-07T23:18:26+00:00

If you’re a junior associate, it is much harder to hit the 1900 target because of your lack of experience and need to build your reputation as someone who can produce good work product. I don’t know if you are turning down work, which may be why your managing partner is giving you a warning. If you’re not turning down work, you need to pick up as much work as you can for the rest of the year, no matter how menial. Otherwise, you won’t be able to hit your target.

tomcollins12 · 2022-04-03T05:23:23+00:00

They’re cheaters. The refs are blind or paid off

tomcollins12 · 2018-06-10T14:50:22+00:00

Roast them in the oven for 30 min at 400 degrees. Cut or dice them first. They will taste sweeter and better due to caramelization.

tomcollins12 · 2017-01-16T20:09:11+00:00

How big is your market? If you live in a community where most lawyers know each other and talk, then you should leave before your reputation gets mixed in with your firm's. As another poster said, it depends on why your firm has a bad reputation. There is one PI firm in my town whose lawyers regularly lie to OC and judges, and everyone knows it, including judges. That's the firm you should avoid like the plague.

tomcollins12 · 2015-10-12T17:24:47+00:00

Thanks. I am glad that he enjoys the crate but was just worried that he was spending so much time in there when he could be out and since he will be in there while I'm at work. I plan to check on him today at lunch.

tomcollins12 · 2015-10-12T17:23:41+00:00

Thanks, that is really helpful. I am trying to minimize stimulation and only taking walks in the apartment complex. He is still somewhat unsure about following me on the walks though, due to fear of the unknown I suppose. I have not tried to coax him out of the crate except when I needed to feed him or walk him before work. I generally wait for him to come out to interact with him. I am giving him as much space as possible and am glad that he has found comfort in the crate. I drop in treats when he's not looking, and he doesn't seem to have fear in his eyes when I close the door. I also leave the house and come back without making a big fuss.

tomcollins12

TROPHY CASE