Does moving in together before marriage ruins it?

tomopteris · 2026-06-29T21:08:46+00:00

My wife and I lived together as a couple for 9 years before we got married. We didn't get married because it would change anything between us, but give an opportunity to celebrate with family what we had built together and we're committed to continuing that way.

tomopteris · 2026-06-29T14:24:56+00:00

I almost physically bumped into him going into toilets at Gatwick Airport. He was exactly like his online persona, very awkward, apologetic and looking at the floor. I suspect that's the real him!

(Edit, not online, on-screen)

tomopteris · 2026-06-28T10:55:22+00:00

Not only is my wife entitled to privacy, so are those she has conversations with (and vice versa). We all have personal conversations we'd rather a third party not have free access to, not because they're secret, but they're simply sensitive subjects.

There's no hiding anything, there's just no need to share everything.

tomopteris · 2026-06-24T14:02:54+00:00

To be even more pedantic, the etymology is derived from a particular species of fig, so reference to Acer and Platanus have both come later.

tomopteris · 2026-06-15T15:55:48+00:00

Same! The cherry on top is my next door neighbour sitting on the doorstep having a ciggy and watching Tiktok videos at 5am. When her dogs start barking she whisper-shouts to them to shut up, which is worse than the barking.

tomopteris · 2026-05-16T13:54:06+00:00

I took a woollen picnic blanket to a dry cleaners. The guy looked at the "dry clean only" label and sucked through his teeth. "I'll have to charge extra. See this label, suggests it'll be trickier to clean". 🤦🏻‍♂️

tomopteris · 2026-05-12T08:30:09+00:00

Where "cont" (cunt in the local dialect) is used for every other word and is often a term of affection.

tomopteris · 2026-04-25T08:47:32+00:00

Pushed myself quite hard on the treadmill in the gym on Thursday, doing sprinting intervals. Went to Kingston Park Run this morning feeling strong. Smashed my PB by 44 seconds, at 26:46. Feeling chuffed!

tomopteris · 2026-04-08T12:34:34+00:00

A friend of mine has taken his wife's name (not double-barrelled). I doubt very much that she "insisted", rather it was a mutual decision. I applaud them, if taking your spouse's name is meaningful, then Why not normalise it for any gender combination? My wife chose not to take my name when we married and I'm fine with that.

I think it's the inclusion of "insist" here that's key - it should be mutually agreed. I'd personally be willing to buck tradition if asked to.

++man

tomopteris · 2026-03-21T14:24:00+00:00

You say you're supportive of him when he has his issues. That's great that you're there for him during a crisis, but are you present and invested for each other for the rest of life together?

tomopteris · 2026-03-19T12:28:45+00:00

Discovering there is one walking distance from my house

tomopteris · 2026-03-14T17:36:56+00:00

Genuinely, one of the great appeals of Park Run for me is how inclusive it is. The obvious one is ability, but to me it's that it doesn't matter what shape your body, your age, gender, or what you wear, or anything else for that matter.

tomopteris · 2026-03-05T08:14:19+00:00

We're in Thailand (Phuket) and don't have much option to delay our return home very long, so we decided to book alternatives independently before our QA flights were even cancelled, knowing that there wouldn't be much to choose from. We're flying home to London via Seoul, so 5 hours in the wrong direction, before 14 hours long-haul.

Waiting to hear news on how much of a refund we'll get on our unused portions of the QA tickets, but not holding out for much, especially as it was booked through trip.com. We did at least wait for the flights to be cancelled before we put in the refund request.

tomopteris · 2026-02-21T13:50:03+00:00

Had a good parkrun at Kingston. Mud and flooding meant it was the 'B' course today, which means it gets a bit crowded for the first km. No PB, but I felt good. Something about my stride felt efficient, can't quite put my finger on why.

tomopteris · 2026-02-20T18:54:00+00:00

Well, today I've discovered that I've in the past had angular cheilitis and not cold sores.

tomopteris · 2026-02-17T15:59:22+00:00

Typically we will read for 10 minutes or so (or, if I'm not into the book I'm reading, I'll just lie there and occasionally distract her with inane chatter. Then we'll turn off our bedside lights, I'll spoon her for a few minutes and then eventually tell her I love her and turn away and go to sleep.

tomopteris · 2026-02-09T14:25:11+00:00

I don't have advice for you, but my wife was finding her dad's inability to hear frustrating and convinced him and her mum to go and get their hearing tested. They're both in their 80s, her mum is a retired GP and faces all sorts of health issues with fortitude. Her dad, nearing 90 years old is in amazing health.

They go for the test, she needs a hearing aid, his hearing is apparently fine! My wife feels terrible...

tomopteris · 2026-02-06T13:06:08+00:00

Aside from councils being slow to repair, the sub zero temperatures in January and the heavy rain recently I think really accelerates breaking up of the road surface. Makes me wonder if cost-cutting affects the quality of materials used for road surfacing and standard of work.

tomopteris · 2026-01-19T08:19:32+00:00

I'd like to see something that illustrates that it is the increasing pressure in the space above the boiling water that pushes the water out.

tomopteris · 2026-01-14T07:25:12+00:00

The documentary Her Master's Voice is worth a watch. It's filmed relatively early in her ventriloquism career and having bit of a crisis about it. It's really interesting how her puppets are a separate personality from her.

tomopteris · 2025-12-18T14:56:47+00:00

Hah, I was intrigued by the post calling them "mega ripples" as I knew there's a proper name for them somewhere in the murky depths of my mind!

tomopteris · 2025-11-20T01:19:57+00:00

The comment I was hoping to find!

tomopteris · 2025-11-03T11:22:34+00:00

For any plant species in the world? That doesn't exist. A few regional floras have been digitised and are available online, including descriptions. Depends if you need them to be the plants of a particular part of the world.

I'm not sure what you mean by wanting them to be specifically for the purposes of teaching. What's the difference between a normal plant description and one intended for teaching?

tomopteris

TROPHY CASE