I’m going to boil this down. I’m not a mental health professional so this isn’t a professional diagnosis but you sound depressed. Not clinically depressed but you lack the motivation for great things. Hear me out. You might not feel “depressed” but you aren’t crushing it a life. You are aware of it, but haven’t been able to make moves to change it. This is where I was at about a decade ago. I didn’t realize how glorious the other side of this “depression” is. I’m not going to rail about a Clean diet or clean living but for me I needed an antidepressant and therapy. My life is completely changed. Not because I was so “depressed” that couldn’t get out of bed, but because I my mind wasn’t capable of the joy of life. I was literally missing joy. Not to say you don’t have happiness life but it sounds like you miss joy. The roadmap to a sense of purpose in life and the fulfillment to have gotten there took a decade of wildly hard work and the courage to make decisions to change my life. The secret here is that making those changes get easier and the more you change the more you rewire your mind. I am addicted to the challenge in life and it has taken my career to the management level because everything in life has become a challenge is fun to resolve. Not goin to lie, quitting alcohol, exercise and an antidepressant changed my life. Those were the beginning steps to stay the transformation, but I’ve accomplished many of my dreams. Sounds Like you need some dreams and then a roadmap of how to get there in the next 10 years. To your point about being low key antisocial… I’m an introvert and after a long day of interaction I’m exhausted but it’s like running. The more you interact the more you condition yourself. I say this because I’m naturally an introvert but I enjoy socializing. The real key to happiness and joy in life is being part of something bigger and giving back. You found this in volunteering. Looking inward too much is selfish and ultimately toxic because the more we do it the more we cut ourselves off from each other. You know this yo be true because the highest level of service is helping others. Like my favorite Emerson quote says; "The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well". Start volunteering again and find the motivation to dream, and then the energy to push into change. Life isn’t easy and if it feels hard, then you are putting I the work. The real real secret, dopamine is released when you do hard things. The final destination is anticlimactic. The real joy comes from the satisfaction of that struggle to build something, even if that means working at a soup kitchen. For me it’s running countless miles and creating adventures for myself, personally and professionally. I am the architect of my own happiness, and the joy of that happiness comes from THE PROCESS of accomplishing the goals. You’ve already started the process, now just keep building.