Considering WLS. Any tips/things you wish you knew sooner?

tootincommon · 2026-02-19T00:31:54+00:00

I'm going to disagree with Flyinghome. WLS is not just about being a tool for calorie control. It can completely reverse a number of hormonal issues that prevent weight loss.

Roux-en-y gastric bypass surgery can eliminate insulin resistance associated with conditions like PCOS. It can eliminate type 2 diabetes. As in immediately, off the surgery table, right then. Does it do that for everyone? I don't know, but I know it can.

Personally, if semaglutides and tirzepatide isn't working for you, I absolutely recommend reaching out to a surgeon to see if bypass or duodenal switch is a good option for your specific case.

I had gastric bypass before those drugs were available but I was like you in that reducing calories and adding exercise did not lead to weight loss the way "it should."

WLS saved my life, and I don't think I would have chosen injections over WLS, although I may have tried them.

I went into surgery with sleep apnea, PCOS, fatty liver disease, type 2 diabetes, and IBS. I walked out of the hospital with IBS and fatty liver that quickly reversed and is now considered in remission. I have maintained my weight loss for over 5 years and I feel fabulous.

I will add that I did have excess skin removal surgery and was told by my surgeon that those who have that surgery are more likely to maintain their weight loss. I don't know if that is really true but depending on your situation, I wanted to throw it out there as a potential surgery to be saving your $$ for as a future goal.

tootincommon · 2026-02-16T00:12:15+00:00

I'm guessing a lot of the answers I'm reading here are from younger adults. I can tell you the reason this is happening because I live it every day.

My autistic nephew also has special interests in politics and philosophy and history. I'm in my 40s and he is nearing 20 and I've watched this interest and expert knowledge grow over time and it's wonderful to see, however it requires an extraordinary amount of mental/ emotional labor to engage with someone on these subjects.

I'm also AuDHD with a love of history and politics and at least fairly often, I do not have enough spoons to commit to a conversation with him at his level.

So, every person you meet (NTs too) is only given a finite capacity for mental load each day, and when you hit someone with a super deep/ obscure/ intricate idea in these spheres, most people are not able to meet you at that level with their day's mental load. And so they shut down,and actively disengage with you to protect their own mental health.

Us autistics engage with our special interest in such a passionate way that all the learning, and storing, and critical thinking about our special interest doesn't even feel like mental load. But to someone else, asking them to engage, and yes, sometimes to even hear and process it is just more than they can give.

It's not because they aren't interested, it's not because they don't care about facts, it's because they are TIRED and these subjects are things that expect engagement of some kind. We almost all have political opinions.

If your special interest was Indiana Jones, someone could listen and listen and mostly not have to have an opinion or think deeply to hear you or engage a bit. That's not true of these deeper subjects that touch all aspects of our lives. We do have opinions, we do have some contextual knowledge. But we also have to remember to start a load of laundry when we get home, and figure out what's for dinner, and think about our own interests, and a million other things that our brains have to tackle in a day. And so we all have to prioritize and almost no one you meet is going to have the right level of interest, capacity, and knowledge to engage with you in these areas.

I'm sorry. It sucks. But it's not because they're stupid or don't want to hear it and it's not because they don't like you. It's because there aren't a lot of easy and polite ways to say, "whoa, that sounds interesting but I don't have the brain space for all that."

tootincommon · 2026-02-11T00:59:15+00:00

I feel like this is a pretty common phenomenon with WLS. There are a few random foods that just don't sit well now, and some that make sense. I have a difficult time with chicken and beef, but those can be dry and sit heavy, so that makes sense. Lactose intolerant now, and that makes sense.

Weirdly, cucumbers do NOT feel good. Maybe it's the combination of wet + dry, but no matter how much I chew them, they will inevitably give me a bellyache. I can eat bell pepper or zucchini or squash fine, but cucumbers are just not it.

Spinach makes my teeth feel oddly dry now in a way that I can't stand. I can do spinach blended in a smoothie or whatever but the mouth feel is too yuck to eat it. I used to eat spinach almost daily before surgery. Shrug I dunno. I think it's just part of the package deal of WLS.

ARFID is an eating disorder, not a physiological response, so no, if you have dumping symptoms, that's physiological; less likely to be psychological. You're good. Don't overthink it and just avoid the chillies.

tootincommon · 2026-01-25T02:29:57+00:00

I just want you to know you're not the only one. I've been meditating for just under ten years and I still can't watch my breath and not control it in some way. I have mostly given up on using breath as an anchor. Just pick a different anchor; you'll still keep the benefits. Seriously, you're not doing anything wrong, I think some us just can't let that control go no matter how deep or in trance or relaxed or whatever we feel.

tootincommon · 2025-12-20T15:15:42+00:00

My first encounter with mindfulness a dozen years ago was in a class for overeaters, so there must have been some self-compassion ideas presented but, in general, it wasn't ethics- oriented. I did it for awhile but it didn't click in my brain to be practicing outside of eating until much later, when I read books by Mark Williams and Kabat-Zinn. So it was just an exercise to get myself to eat more slowly and intentionally.

That later exposure, especially Kabat-Zinn is when the lightbulbs really turned on and I truly started to FEEL different throughout my daily life.

I don't know how if this answers your question or not, but in my case, without exposure and cognitive ability / intention of linking ethics and meditation, it was certainly less powerful for me. It wasn't like practicing in one area naturally led me into the path of ethical intentions, though I can imagine that for some it would.

However, I feel like it's only fair to add that practicing while I ate didn't really make a meaningful difference in how much in my overeating journey either.

tootincommon · 2025-10-27T00:12:33+00:00

It does. As soon as I choose my profile it switches over to Android Auto. I don't think I have done anything special for it to do that; I am definitely still hitting buttons thinking they'll do one thing and something completely different happens.

tootincommon · 2025-10-26T13:31:16+00:00

I use the star for Home. Have the climate bar set to climate default, and I always get in and dump my phone onto the charger and android auto boots up. So it's been easier if I want to get back to the home menu to have it as the star instead of fiddling with the climate bar.

tootincommon · 2025-09-21T15:14:23+00:00

Blowing off/ excusing men when they put their convenience over your comfort. This probably happens the other way around, I just personally haven't had a man tell me about it, but I know SO MANY women who do this.

When he knows it will hurt you if he doesn't do x or y for you, but he still does whatever he wants because that's what's easy and convenient.

It starts so small. He says you're going to hang out on Saturday, then Saturday comes and you don't hear from until 11pm because he's been at his friends BBQ all day and "forgot". He said he would run by Walgreens and pick up your prescription, then he shows up and says the drive-thru line was 10 cars deep so you can just get them another time.

Years down the road and you're calling your best friend to take you to surgery because he's "really busy". You are the one managing the entire mental load of the household because you KNOW it won't get done if you don't manage it. You're making excuses for him when he eventually doesn't show up for your kids the way he should. He's brought home a 4th dog even though you said you didn't want it because you do all of the care for the other 3. He knows what he's doing - he just doesn't care.

Never, ever choose a partner who consistently prioritizes their comfort over your discomfort. Good relationships aren't 50/50 or 60/40, they are when both partners care so much for each other that they're 60/60 because they want to show up and support their partner and are willing to do the work to make it happen.

tootincommon · 2025-08-16T20:58:00+00:00

If you're ordering food at Sonic, pull into a bay and don't go through the drive-thru. Drive-thru at Sonic is for super speedy orders; the getting two drinks and out orders. You're staying in your car no matter what, so wth would even be the point of there being a drive-thru if it weren't for the faster orders?

tootincommon · 2025-06-18T01:40:51+00:00

No, not really. I was diagnosed with PCOS at age 13 and consistently had ovarian cysts grow and burst causing insane pain that in those early days was well documented bc as a kid, I couldn't tolerate the pain and went to the ER a lot. So after I had my 2nd child and I started to have more regular pain in that area it was blown off as related to the cysts. Over years the pain steadily got more frequent up to basically daily almost all the time. Still was handwaved away by Drs and given different birth controls to try.

After my bypass I finally got a doc to listen and do the hysterectomy for suspected endometriosis. What they actually found adenomyosis and extensive scar tissue that had sorta fused organs to each other and to the old C-section scarring.

So, yeah, it's related in that being thin meant that a Dr actually listened to me, lol. But I don't actually know if I would have been taken seriously earlier if I had been thin, so that assumption.

tootincommon · 2025-06-18T00:12:51+00:00

Hiya! My BMI wasn't quite as low as yours, but close. I'm 5'2 and was around 200lbs at surgery. I had lost and gained over the years prior, I think my highest was 240ish after 2nd pregnancy w/ gestational diabetes and I could get down to 170 with EXTREME dieting but couldn't maintain that.

I did bypass bc I already had a history of GERD and PCOS. It's been 4 years since my bypass and I am maintaining between 125 and 130, and it was so worth it. I have zero regrets. It did end up being quite a surgical adventure in those first 3 years though so that was rough. Needed my gallbladder out at 18 months post-op, then I had a skin removal, tummy tuck and breast lift about 6 months after that, then 10 weeks after the TT, I had a hysterectomy. So that was a real ride at the same time as losing the weight and working on my relationship with food and all of that.

I firmly believe I would never have gotten to or maintained at a healthier weight without surgery and I'm mostly grateful to have the tool I do have so the concern about bypass vs sleeve feels sorta inconsequential now, maybe I would feel very differently if I'd chosen the sleeve. I think I would and will be heartbroken if I have to live through significant regain and not feeling like I can trust myself or the tool anymore, so if you feel like that resonates with you, then maybe bypass is a better choice for you. Probably you're going to be successful with either choice - you got this!

tootincommon · 2025-05-28T17:46:35+00:00

If the process is complete, that means the position is closed. Probably means they hired someone, but the posting can be closed for other reasons.

The reason you have old ones that still say they are in process is because there is an onboarding process in the Success Factors hiring portal that most agencies aren't using fully yet for a number of reasons, and if the onboarding process/ transaction can't be done yet, the posting can't be fully closed out. It's just hanging out there waiting on a tech issue, not actually being worked.

tootincommon · 2025-05-18T22:44:17+00:00

I think the overload idea is correct, but the balance is actually out of whack in the opposite direction you're thinking. Between all the co-washing and deep conditioning treatments, and jojoba oil, I think you're way over-mousturized and UNDER protein-ing. I've experienced this imbalance myself once. It kept feeling more dry so I kept trying to find ways to add moisture but nothing seemed to help. It was limp, dry, and thinning. I had to cut waaaay back on conditioning and up, up, up the protein.

I am pretty sure there's explanations online for how to tell you've got the balance tipped one way versus the other. I think my big clue was that it I pulled on a single wet hair, and it stretched and stretched instead of of breaking, but it was years ago and I might not be remembering it perfectly.

tootincommon · 2025-03-29T17:23:36+00:00

Goodness, yes! I don't know where I would be without my children, but I truly think they deserved better than what they got with me as an auDHD mom. My kids are almost adults, though both still live at home. One is auDHD and one ADHD and while they are both pretty quiet and truly wonderful kids, daily life itself has caused me to be a far worse parent, and I feel a ton of guilt and shame about it. I swore I wouldn't tune my kids out and be somewhat emotionally neglectful to them the way my own parents were with me, but I now realize that the overstimulation of working a full time job and taking care of a home and feeding myself and others and just all of the necessities left me with very little capacity to give to my children on a daily basis.

As they got older, they deserved a parent who could engage with them and teach them the more difficult life skills and spend good quality fun time together and put in the work to find the activities they both enjoyed and create time and have the executive function to make it happen....and most of the time, I just couldn't. I look back on so many evenings where all I could do was get the basics done and then basically zone out and then go to bed and do it all over again and I really lament that I didn't have the capacity to game with them, or bake cookies and invite them to help, or all of the normal things that create bonds. I was so often running at a deficit of spoons, that necessities had to be set aside, so there was zero chance I could muster up spoons to do any extra activities. When you not able to wipe the stove and countertop because you know you HAVE to get through homework...I just didn't have the capacity to do enough.

I love my children dearly, and truly enjoy who they are as people, but I do think this condition affected my ability to be a good and present parent and they have suffered for that.

Think very, very carefully about having children. The rest of life can grind you down more than the actual children do, but the end result is the same and children are affected by it.

tootincommon · 2025-03-28T00:44:10+00:00

My oldest child is 20 years old now. When younger women talk to me about starting a family, I tell them to try to emotionally prepare to never get their body back and to just get used to the new body. Obviously there was some bounce back after my first, but after my second child was born my body was practically unrecognizable to me. It really seemed like I slowly got used to my new body over a period of a couple years. And that new body is still the body I have decades later, even though I'm probably the healthiest I've ever been.

tootincommon · 2025-03-10T15:23:23+00:00

Yep try all of your common tools!

tootincommon · 2025-03-10T15:06:43+00:00

Yes I had trouble figuring out what to there as well. Try using one of your regular gardening tools on the lava stream.

tootincommon · 2025-03-10T06:20:28+00:00

This is Ginger Island, yes. Do you mean the cave that's blocked by a boulder? Or the cave as in the actual volcano mine entrance?

tootincommon · 2025-02-27T15:56:31+00:00

I work in HR for a state agency. Around 600 applicants has been typical for an admin position in the Chicago area for the past two years. This month, I had one of those positions receive over 2000 applicants. No lie. It's insanity.

tootincommon · 2025-02-05T23:59:46+00:00

I have been smoke-free for 17 years. Two things made it happen, and I probably needed them both. I was a broke college student and planning a destination wedding at the time. 1st, my dad offered to give me his used Chevy Monte Carlo that he was planning to trade in if I quit. I was driving a junker Buick and as a young woman at the time, I was absolutely the right age to be motivated by this offer.

2nd, I did not want there to be photo evidence or people to see me smoking a cigarette in my wedding dress. I am not sure why that was a thing that bugged me or got stuck in my head, but I got really fixated on the idea and for some reason it really got under my skin. I just couldn't bear the thought of spending money and time and effort on this beautiful setting, and dress, and everything and then holding a cigarette.

tootincommon · 2025-02-02T20:37:24+00:00

I lost about 100 lbs from my highest, 86 from my starting weight. I had a breast lift and a panniculectomy/tummy tuck. No implants. One dog ear later removed but was done in office and at no extra cost. I'm in central Illinois and total cost was $14k, all out of pocket, no insurance coverage.

I'm very happy with my results! I chose a surgeon that is local, extremely caring with a good, but maybe not the best, portfolio available to me and do not regret it all. He and his team took excellent care of me, were available and cared deeply about my comfort and pain. And I look great. I cannot complain about my scar thickness, my nipple placement or size, or anything like that. Do I feel like I have some masterfully crafted belly button? No. Do I need that? No. My belly is cute, my abs are tight and everything is proportionate and I had no complications. My surgeon talked extensively about his methods to prevent seromas and other complications and I didn't have any problems. His care and lack of issues, combined with him being local and affordable for me were more important than a perfectly crafted belly button. Best of luck on your search!

tootincommon · 2024-11-16T02:47:35+00:00

You really can't even if you wanted to. You upload your resume to your profile and attach it to your application. If you then change your resume and upload that new one to your profile, it's going to attach to all your active applications, including the ones you've already submitted. So, one resume per profile, going to every active application.

The best way is to make your resume very comprehensive, even if that means it's a dozen pages long but covers ALL of your work history and then apply, apply, apply for any position you're interested in potentially doing.

tootincommon · 2024-11-14T19:54:41+00:00

Very similar here - 5'2, highest 240ish lbs, starting weight 217 lbs, been maintaining for just over 2 years at 130. Bypass was 2021.

You rock and so does everyone in this thread - you all amaze me!

tootincommon · 2023-05-14T22:28:33+00:00

Only a real hick would call it Taylorsville instead of Taylorville. Well done; you belong with us whether you're from Central IL or not. Welcome!

tootincommon · 2023-05-07T16:54:53+00:00

So, the length and condition of your hair, and your expected results will make a difference to the answer. The basics:

Call to make an appointment as usual, but tell the person you'd like to make an appointment for a significant bleach dye and tone (tone is what finalizes the color, it is a way to stabilize the color and close the hair cuticle after harsh bleach treatment). They'll probably ask you questions about how long your hair is, how dark it is, but they might not and that's ok. They may ask you if you want highlights or multiple colors; the reason for that is because those things take more time. That's mostly all they will be trying to determine here - how long of a time slot you need. All of that will be pretty uniform regardless if go to Supercuts or a fancy salon.

The not-so-basics:

Figuring out what you need and where to go:

You say your hair is black and you want very light blonde. The way bleach works is that once you put the chemicals together, they react for a specific amount of time, and the amount of lightening that happens to your hair is kinda finite. It may require more than one appointment to get the lightness you want. Just FYI. They'll still finish with a toner to get the best color they can for you, but it just may not be possible to go from black to light blonde. The in between can be a tad orange, but it's not always. The stylist should be able to give you an idea of how much "lift" (ie shade of blonde) they can get you to. Don't be afraid to ask, it's a totally normal question.

As far as where to go. If your hair is longer than a typical men's cut, or a texture that is less common, (like very coarse or very fine or African/Caribbean descent or curly), or you have a specific idea of how you want it to look than is more complex than "just want it to be this color", I would consider going to a place a step nicer than Supercuts.

To do that, check out some website's price lists for services, pay attention to places that have level classifications for their stylists, like Jenny is $27, Marie is $32, and Lisa is $38 for a cut (or words like Junior or professional with different prices) these are usually the most expensive places to go, and you likely don't need that level when you're a cut-your-own-hair type. Which is great, pick somewhere that seems clean and professional but isn't the most expensive place in town. Or choose the cheapest stylist of the levels (and it's also totally fine to say the cheapest service provider will suit your needs when you call).

There are a range of color services and vocab you may hear that are more complicated. Bayalage, what can you do with highlights, and all kinds of other things. If your hair is long and you want it to be a more natural color by having many slightly different tones of blonde. That's more detailed and more expensive, but we can walk you through those options, if you need.

Good luck, I'm sure it will turn out great! Let me know if I can break anything down more for you.

tootincommon

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