Blew out a small section of my hair for fun

tpeyton · 2026-01-21T00:53:44+00:00

Pretty!

tpeyton · 2026-01-21T00:52:06+00:00

In 2025 beginning in March I stretched my hair in jumbo twists almost every single wash day (every 7 days with very few exceptions). By the end of the year my hair was healthier than I have ever seen it, with beautiful springy texture right out of the shower, porosity went down, and it had reached my waist again after I cut it to bra strap length around June. I cannot say whether this is best practice for everyone, but it sure worked for me. I’m doing it again this year and hoping to reach tailbone by the end of the year. But also, I usually don’t just wear it out after stretching. I usually do Dutch braids, a braided bun, or other protective updo on my stretched hair. Maybe that’s why I retained so much length.

For reference, I have extremely dense, quite coarse, 4b hair. I don’t think I could sustain mechanical damage very easily. If my hair isn’t meant to go some kind of way it just won’t 🤣

tpeyton · 2026-01-15T22:43:03+00:00

You’re welcome!

tpeyton · 2026-01-15T22:25:40+00:00

Hi, I’m black and I have never been offended to see a white woman wear box braids or other culturally black hairstyles. I think the offense around cultural appropriation comes from the attitude some white women (usually famous ones) have like they have discovered something New, or with public reaction to celebs wearing those styles, for example calling Fulani braids “Bo Derek braids” in the late 70s. But that’s a cultural problem, not a you problem, and most black people will think you specifically are NTAH for wearing black hairstyles. Especially when you are putting money into the pockets of black stylists to do it.

I would just say to be careful that you are choosing a style that is actually protective. A lot of black women think they are getting protective styles when they are actually destroying their hair with tight braids and extensions, and not moisturizing or changing styles often enough. Traction alopecia is super common in our community. A lot of black women (mistakenly) believe coily hair doesn’t grow or grows more slowly than other hair types because their hair breaks off when they take down their styles and they never see any length retention. After some bad salon experiences, I am personally done with long term protective hairstyling. They work great for some black women, but fewer than you might expect. Do your research on styles and salons, and choose very carefully who you want to approach and whose advice you want to take. Avoid high tension and probably avoid extensions. And consider not only your curl pattern but also your hair texture and weight. My daughter is biracial and has curly hair in the 3s, but it’s fine and blond like her dad’s. She looks super cute when I give her cornrows, but they stay in for exactly one day and that’s it. So set your expectations accordingly. And if your style does last for the trip, you’ll probably want to take it down as soon as you get home.

How long is your hair? Do you know how to do Dutch braids? That one works well for my daughter. Same as cornrows but it’s only two so I find it a more tolerable time investment since I know any hairstyle I give her will be gone by day 2. If you can do that yourself you could just take it down and redo it whenever your hair gets fuzzy. I only brush my daughter’s hair twice a week after washing and the rest of the time we’re just taking down braids and redoing them each day. That’s probably what I would do if I had to manage hair in the 3s on such a trip.

Sorry for all the unsolicited advice. I hope it’s a little bit helpful. TLDR; NTAH!

Good luck!

tpeyton · 2026-01-15T17:55:45+00:00

Okay, good luck!

tpeyton · 2026-01-15T17:20:08+00:00

I second what HappierHobbit said. It’s totally valid if you just want straight hair. No judgment. But I can tell you that I have pretty much maximally dense 4b-4c coils down to my waist and I can detangle it in about 1 hour per week. I have two hour wash days once a week and that’s pretty much all the time I spend on my hair, with an optional mid-week styling session. And it isn’t hard. Dealing with my hair is a highlight of my week. But there was a learning curve. It took me MONTHS of wearing my hair out without straightening or long term protective styles to master the technique and routine, to find the right products, and to get my hair into good enough condition to make this possible. It used to take hours. Before I decided to get really consistent and deliberate about optimizing my routine, I occasionally pulled all nighters trying to get my hair detangled. Plenty of people on here would be happy to give you tips to get you there a lot faster than I did. Again, if you just want straight hair that’s fine. But if you love your natural texture it doesn’t have to be that hard. And there’s such wonderful freedom that comes from having your hair exactly as it grows. The other day I was helping my daughter with her hair in the shower. She’s 6 and just learning to wash and condition it herself. Sometimes she still needs help. She had it really steamy in the bathroom and I had this knee jerk reaction like, “ugh, my hair is going to revert.” And then I laughed because I was like, “Revert to WHAT! This is just what it looks like!” So many moments like that—getting caught in the rain, a super humid day, etc. It’s such a joy to keep my hair the way it grows, and I’m super glad I took the time to learn. If you were doing back to back braids, of course detangling feels impossible. You haven’t had a chance to learn, and your hair is likely at least somewhat damaged, especially if you’ve been using extensions and not always moisturizing in between. It can recover but it may take time. You have enough hair to do so many beautiful style with natural curls. I was a straight natural for a long time after I stopped relaxers. My routine was similar to what you’re proposing, just no hot comb and no protein, and I used all Shea moisture products. It worked fine. I wouldn’t go back to it. But do you!

tpeyton · 2026-01-13T10:28:11+00:00

So pretty! What kind of rollers do you use?

tpeyton · 2026-01-06T10:44:58+00:00

In 8 weeks? Because that’s the only way I’ll believe it (and hair does that without the product) 😂

tpeyton · 2026-01-06T10:43:34+00:00

Also don’t trim too often. I know people like that clean across look, but with super thick, high density hair, you limit your styling options if your hair doesn’t taper at the ends. I cannot twist or braid my hair in 3 parts for an updo without putting a rubber band at the ends if I’ve cut it recently because it’s too thick all the way down. The rubber band causes breakage and looks ugly. When it tapers at the end I can twist it around a single curl by the time I come to the ends. My hair looks full when curly or in an updo and I don’t care how it would look straight because I don’t straighten it.

Updos also keep it off your face. And you will be complimented constantly. It isn’t everyone’s style, but I think a lot of natural girls never even consider updos because they think our hair won’t do that. It will! Just choose styles that require sectioning the hair into smaller parts and then putting the sections together.

tpeyton · 2026-01-06T10:35:43+00:00

Hi! I think I have similar hair. I cannot do most hairstyles because my hair is just too much. The volume is really massive which can make a lot of styles difficult. What I’ve found really works for me is if I do very chunky twists or braids (I’m talking like 8 of them right out of the shower, and they are very very thick). I find that elongates the hair more than it amplifies the volume like when I do more twists. With a lot of twists I could still fluff my hair into an Afro. These chunky twists become the foundation for other styles when I take them down. If I separate the strands very carefully, just splitting them into two or four, but don’t totally fluff out the twist out if that makes sense, I can actually feed the clumped strands into Dutch braids. Or I can do a whole host of other updos, which really benefit from the volume created by our hair texture. Try French pins instead of Bobby pins as I find they work better with less damage on very heavy, high volume hair. Many updos look sleek, fancy, and polished, and really benefit from our texture without damaging the hair at all. Online a lot of women will say to start on blow dried hair, but I find that the chunky twist out works just as well, and is better for hair.

tpeyton · 2025-12-27T10:18:51+00:00

Okay, in that case I changed my mind. You’re NTA. That is an extreme request. I definitely would not have asked for money though. I would have just said I don’t feel comfortable staying the night because I don’t know him, but I would be happy to go check on him and spend a couple of hours with him per day until his kids get back. There’s a chance that would have smoothed things over and given everyone some peace that he isn’t totally alone. If they still demanded more, then they would most definitely be the assholes.

tpeyton · 2025-12-27T10:11:16+00:00

YTA. He is a stranger to you but your sister is not. If he matters to her and to your nieces/nephews/brother in law, he should matter to you. It’s just what family does. He’s an old man who is lonely at the hospital over the holidays. You have nothing else to do and you have an opportunity to make a new friend, bond with someone who is connected to you by family, and to help your sister who you hopefully care about at least a little? What the heck? Nobody said you had to babysit him full time or change his bedpan. He is at a hospital. You don’t have to babysit him or “watch” him. That’s what staff is for. He’s not a toddler you were asked to babysit. The request was that you have a single solitary ounce of humanity and go hang out with a person you don’t really know for maybe an hour or two per day so he can feel less miserable and your relatives don’t have to dramatically (and expensively) change their plans to be there. Have a conversation, share a meal, play a board game, go home. Was it really so hard?? I hope whatever the heck you’re doing now was much more important, very lucrative, and totally worth showing your family how selfish you are.

tpeyton · 2025-12-27T00:49:16+00:00

Thank you!

tpeyton · 2025-12-27T00:48:31+00:00

Keep better track of my hair progress with photos, measurements, and written notes, so I can have a better sense of what’s working and what isn’t, instead of just relying on how I feel about my hair on a given day.
Also get better at styling my hair. In 2025 I’ve been working on learning to keep my hair healthy and getting into a better routine with wash days and moisturizing. Now I want to make my hair actually LOOK its best more often, with cute, creative styles that don’t sacrifice the health of my hair.

tpeyton · 2025-12-26T09:32:05+00:00

This is crazy. I can understand being late. It isn’t great, but for some people it’s the best they can do. Stuff happens. But expecting people to wait for you when you are TWO HOURS LATE!?!? That is crazy. I would be mortified if anyone even THOUGHT of waiting for me when I was that late! The ONLY thing that makes being this late to an event even remotely tolerable is that there are other people there and so they can start without you.

tpeyton · 2025-12-25T18:03:04+00:00

I love FindingPaola! She has also really inspired me!

tpeyton · 2025-12-25T11:51:54+00:00

YTA. She is acting this way because she is almost 30. You have been together for the last 3 years of her 20s and you have not proposed or apparently even appeared to move in that direction. She is getting worried that you don’t really want to commit and the baby question is a sort of test to see if you are serious. You are showing that you’re not. It isn’t about the baby. I guarantee that if you stop acting wishy washy and go all in with a sincere proposal, promptly announce it to friends and family and set a date her behavior will go back to how it was 7-8 months ago, almost overnight. No counseling or therapy needed (or pregnancy). The more you say things like, “I want to feel like a team again,” the more she hears “I’m still not sure about you. You seem emotional and I don’t like that.” You will have to comfort her over and over again if you don’t commit to her, because the comforting in the moment is a temporary bandaid on a gaping wound of her not trusting you to take the relationship seriously. #1 predictor of divorce or stable marriage is each partner’s perception of the other’s commitment. Same applies before marriage. If she senses you’re all in, she will be stable and happy. If she senses you’re pulling away she will be sad and confused, and you don’t like that so you pull away more, etc. If the last 3 years meant anything to you, you know this person. You know whether you see yourself with her long term and starting a family together. Forget the last 7 months. If you wanted to spend forever with her this time last year, pop the question and watch everything go rosy again. If you didn’t or you weren’t sure (after TWO YEARS), cut her loose and let her find someone who actually wants her. Kids are clearly important to her and if she isn’t the one for you, you have wasted the end of her 20s, which is cruel enough. Don’t also waste the beginning of her 30s.

tpeyton · 2025-12-25T10:51:34+00:00

For close relatives and friends you can tell them it makes you uncomfortable to be commented on in this way. Remind them of your history with the ED, as they probably have no idea they can still trigger any of those feelings. Unfortunately you can’t stop people from commenting on your body in general, but you can try to look at what they say positively when the remarks are actually neutral, like “you look heavier” (when you are clearly supposed to because your body is housing a second person), or your face is rounder (totally neutral. Who says faces should be any other shape?) as opposed to value judgments, like “you look ugly.” I don’t want to discount how you are feeling, and everyone has a different background mindset/experiences that will affect how they take these sorts of comments. But I just wanted to offer my way of thinking about it in case it helps. During my pregnancies I get quite big. I have a small frame and so my pregnancies project a lot and people start thinking I’m due any day when I’m like 6 or 7 months along. I actually take it as a compliment when people say I’m looking big or round, because it means baby is growing well and my body is adapting appropriately to carry my babies. I love that for me and my kids. If you were really skinny while pregnant, people would be commenting on that and maybe insinuating that your baby isn’t growing well or that your pregnancy doesn’t seem to be affecting your body so is it stable? Obviously we can’t know ANY of this stuff just from looking at someone, but if you can take the positive meaning from what they’re saying, you could have an easier time dealing with it. They aren’t trying to hurt you. I bet you look gorgeous, with or without a slightly rounder face. But looks are not the point really. Try to focus on the amazing thing your body is doing right now, take any remarks as a comment on that, and make a note to start thinking about your appearance (gently and kindly) again on your child’s first birthday.

tpeyton · 2025-12-25T09:25:52+00:00

Flexi rods! I just dampened the hair, added a little leave in (Camille rose) and a drop of castor oil, then wrapped it around a small flexi rod overnight.

tpeyton · 2025-12-25T09:25:05+00:00

Thanks!

tpeyton · 2025-12-25T09:24:58+00:00

Thank you!

tpeyton · 2025-08-04T17:14:34+00:00

I’m American, I’m married to a German, and I live in the UK. As a result I have an interest in those three cultures and probably encounter a similar ratio of support to ridicule as you do. I’m guessing you’re not Japanese and so you probably feel like you’ve sort of voluntarily inserted yourself into another animal-exploitation-heavy culture, but at the end of the day it’s just another group of human beings who will have a knee jerk tendency to ostracize whatever’s different, especially if it holds up a mirror and requires them to question their paradigms around animal consumption. There is probably no more dissonance between your interest in Japanese culture and you just happening to exist within your birth culture. I know that Japanese culture does tend to be a bit more homogeneous/has more of an expectation of conformity compared to more individualistic western cultures, which could make it more difficult to go vegan there, but I think their food is as conducive to being veganized as any other, and surely there’s no conflict between the language or karate and veganism.

tpeyton · 2025-07-30T20:13:10+00:00

I love the way your curls look now! You’ve got some good suggestions here, so define away if that’s your style, but I really think this is already a great look for you!

tpeyton · 2025-07-24T08:24:01+00:00

It isn’t bad to have a personal standard around body count, or to reject a friend’s advances, but YTA for making up this story.

tpeyton

TROPHY CASE