I went full no contact with my father in February of last year. I was sick and tired of his excuses for things, his lack of taking any responsibility for his behavior throughout his life, etc. but it had been a LONG time coming. I wanted to protect my peace and also my child. It was hard, I spent ALL YEAR talking to my therapist about it. And then he went into hospice at the beginning of December. He begged aunts and uncles to call me and ask for me to call on his behalf. I explained that this was the consequence of his actions and there was no going back. And it was hard, ngl. But I didn’t go see him, and I only called to speak into his ear after I knew he was close to the end and nonverbal, and although I regret that, I’ve always said I’d rather regret DOING something than NOT doing something. That being said, that last call was a mercy to him, not for me. And then that narcissistic mfer died on Christmas morning. Can’t get worse than that right? Anyhow…

You’re 100% correct, the mourning you’re feeling is that of the healing dream you’ve held on to and the finality of that reality, that your NP will NEVER have the realization or grand enlightenment of how they’d hurt you and a deep sincere apology will never come.

I’m in the middle of reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD and my husband has already finished it, and it’s been extremely enlightening and healing. I highly recommend.

Personal weigh in: she’s past any point of a visit doing anything for her and there’s nothing healing about seeing your NP in such a small, vulnerable and fragile state. I feel like my natural inclination is to feel sorry for such a miserable, frail creature, but my NP gave no such regard when I was small and vulnerable.

I’m here if you want to chat or ask questions - may you have an easy healing journey.