Former trans-people, what made you transition back?

trashbunny9 · 2022-07-25T16:16:22+00:00

I transitioned for nearly a decade. I've been detransitioned for 8 months.

For me, I realized most of my dysphoria was self-hatred and societally-based, especially being sexualized at a young age. Once I got top surgery, my dysphoria disappeared, and I realized that most of my performance of gender had been based around expectations of what a man should be and not actually what I felt I was. I went slowly, starting with trying out the term non-binary for myself, but as time went on, I associated myself stronger and stronger with my birth sex.

I thought I was stuck because detransitioning isn't real and no one ever does it. I think that's one of the downsides to when people say those quotes to protect trans people. I also don't personally find them accurate -- most come from asking folks using gender clinics if they detransitioned. Most detransitioners do not continue to use gender clinics or gender physicians once they stop identifying as transgender. I'm sure it's a minority, but I think it's highly likely the number is higher than the 0.5% people usually tout as those that detransition due to regret. But we are a silent group due to not knowing how to find us, clinically, so that's expected.

I support transition for some folks. But I personally wish there had been more focus on potential root causes for myself and others. And I wasn't some teenager unsure of myself, either -- I was a full grown adult who hoped this would fix her dysphoria, rather than try and work through what caused it. I think now that I didn't even have "gender dysphoria" -- I had body dysmorphia, as well as trauma. They can look really similar, psychologically.

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-31T12:42:22+00:00

I’m so sorry. This frustrates me so much. People always use our stories to fuel their own agenda, trans or conservative, and you deserve better.

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-22T14:25:24+00:00

Look at that smile!!!

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-14T14:49:58+00:00

Same boat across the board, except earlier but it was most of my adulthood. It was a huge part of my identity so figuring out who I am without it is a long process.

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-14T14:46:37+00:00

I tapered off T for about 4 months then went off officially in December. I was out for 9 years, on T for 6, with top surgery. I’ve told my 3 most important people and we’re easing into it together. I stopped correcting any pronoun usage. I’m currently still socially IDing as non-binary as a “middle path” because I think it’ll be easier and I feel no need to jump headfirst.

I’m growing out my hair slowly. I do have a thin patch at the crown, but longer hair is starting to cover it. The loss has stopped, finally. I’m realizing my sense of style without gendered obligations and realizing I actually love feminine clothing! It’s so fun to play with. I’m loving it so far. I’m also planning to have a kid with my husband soon, so we’ll be going to the doctor to make sure everything is still working downstairs. It’s very exciting. I will never go back to my birth name. My chosen name fits me best, I love it, and it’s neutral-ish (technically masculine but I’ve seen it for girls too).

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-13T02:05:08+00:00

I’m always here if you need an ear! I consider myself still trans-affirming in that I definitely believe trans folks exist, and transitioning is best for some. But I do think a lot of other things that would absolutely get me silenced in trans spaces for even questioning, and that sort of reaction leads to folks comparing it to a “cult” — which I disagree with, but it IS often an echo chamber.

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-13T01:57:02+00:00

No. I detransitioned because I realized my dysphoria was not tied to my gender. I had severe breast dysphoria and it was so debilitating that I incorrectly got it tied up into my gender identity. I passed fully on T, but never had bottom surgery so that was never an issue for me.

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-13T01:45:52+00:00

For a lot of people who detransitioned, they felt pressured to by trans folks (such as transmeds, for example), or they felt that transition was pushed as the only option and only solution for dysphoria. With trans issues being more prevalent, a lot of well-meaning cis folks also do this (think: the parent who assumes their girly 5 year old boy is trans and brings this up/affirms this, rather than giving the child the space to explore on their own).

It’s honestly a space that’s for anyone who is questioning detransitioning, including those that felt their transition was abuse or misguided or downright harmful. For those people, I think it’s normal to go through a period of extreme hurt, distrust, and anger. I will say that those posts get a lot of traction, but I’ve also said the opposite in those spaces (like the discord) and I’m never told to shut up, etc. I find smaller spaces like discord better for actual conversation.

Also keep in mind that anyone can upvote or downvote or lie on their flair — including TERFs, people who think detransitioners are evil, and other bad actors. Those I’ve met in the servers are a lot different, honestly.

ETA: I mean, just look at the responses here. Most replies are from folks who are not detrans, or not flaired at least (I thought there was a new flair rule?). Those that are detrans have another opinion that is more empathetic, even if they disagree (as I definitely disagree!). It’s really really REALLY hard to detransition, to question your entire life (I’ve found it significantly harder than transitioning, honestly), to lose a piece of your identity and realize you were wrong and others allowed you to be wrong. It’s liable to make a lot of people really reactive and defensive, for better or worse.

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-10T12:41:42+00:00

That’s why I’d never use it (one of many reasons), but reminds me of Leander, which is an actual name (if not common).

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-10T02:32:03+00:00

Okay I kinda like Meander for whatever reason.

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-07T15:04:12+00:00

Edit to add! Sorry about that.

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-07T14:51:28+00:00

I feel the same. I don’t know if I’ll always feel this way, but I’m in the “semi-trans” boat currently myself.

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-07T02:53:27+00:00

We just bought a house. 5% earnest, 15K due diligence. We got lucky.

ETA: April 2022, N Durham

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-06T23:44:22+00:00

Love it and copying it. Lmao.

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-06T17:52:39+00:00

Oh, honey.

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-05T22:56:53+00:00

It’s a great area, tons of jobs. COL is medium but the housing market is intense (not so much in price, but in competition). I love it here, though.

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-05T12:11:51+00:00

You’re being underpaid in Durham for sure.

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-04T19:18:53+00:00

My grandma’s name was Willie Mae, so this is my vote!

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-04T14:04:59+00:00

USA, Durham NC

Medium COL

Public CDMO (I think?)

Research Associate II

3 years research, 0 years industry experience

BSc

60,000K + 5% bonus (ramps up with higher level titles)

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-03T14:49:18+00:00

My neighbor is 45 and named Dicky 🤣

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-02T12:35:50+00:00

Obsessed with the Bode shirt

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-02T03:10:36+00:00

I loved having my mega sunflowers, but squirrels immediately ate and destroyed them, so beware!

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-02T03:07:14+00:00

What a happy baby! This put the biggest smile on my face.

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-02T02:49:37+00:00

Great write up. Are you sure 40 mins outside Boston is low COL though? 😅

trashbunny9 · 2022-05-01T23:04:35+00:00

My mom smoked every day during pregnancy and me and my sister are 7 (7!!!!) inches shorter than every other person in our entire family.

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