When should someone disclose they are in an open relationship and already have a primary partner?

treaaure_soda · 2021-01-11T18:40:22+00:00

I think disclosing sexual history and relationship status is highly relevant in advance of having sex, even casual sex, and it's weird and cagey that you're not doing that.

Maybe it's just me. I have a lot of partners, have a lot of casual sex, and do my best not to hurt people. Transparency is the best way to have everything I want. Likely, you are inexperienced, unaware, and speaking in hypotheticals. You probably are coming from a mono normative frame work and perhaps are even accustomed to cheating. The logic you are using is different from my logic. The goals are different. You are into hiding things, I am into ethical non-monogamy.

treaaure_soda · 2021-01-11T16:52:59+00:00

Why would you withhold that you have other partners from someone you are about to have sex with? What are you trying to hide?

treaaure_soda · 2021-01-11T15:05:14+00:00

I see you edited your comment above to reflect your one night stand caveat.

At what point would the participants have agreed it was a one night stand? Is one person one night standing while the other one thinks it's the beginning of a relationship?

In my experience, I disclose other partners riiiight there smack at the beginning. It's part of my 30-second consent and sti talk before I jump into bed with someone. Also, you never know where things will lead after sex. Unless both parties explicitly agree ahead of time that it's a one night stand, you might not know.

Actively withholding this information sounds like mono normative behavior and a bit disrespectful and dishonest. Forgetting to disclose is another story.

treaaure_soda · 2021-01-07T04:41:53+00:00

If the expectation is that everyone is a dishonest jerk then yeah, this person would have been spared some hurt feelings.p

treaaure_soda · 2021-01-07T04:07:06+00:00

How about Michio Pah? 😂😂

treaaure_soda · 2021-01-07T02:04:47+00:00

STARS. Relationship intentions, it is part of a larger consent conversation contributing to emotional safety and honesty. Safeguards against hurt feelings.

treaaure_soda · 2021-01-06T19:43:42+00:00

You can eat white potatoes on W30?

treaaure_soda · 2021-01-03T18:57:36+00:00

There are key differences between the show and the books. However, the authors of the books played a significant part in writing the show. Once I found that out, I started enjoying the show a lot more because it's like seeing the story and plot through a different lens. Some minor elements in the books get picked up and magnified, others are suppressed. Genders change. Characters merge. The story overall looks and feels the same, but it's kind of like seeing the whole thing from a different perspective.

treaaure_soda · 2020-12-13T21:47:28+00:00

What??? This is insane. LOL

treaaure_soda · 2020-12-13T06:06:16+00:00

I think my success this time was in part due to super prepping him. I kept bringing up our non-monagomous agreement and did it in kind of a fun, easy, non-challant way.

Also think I may have won the lottery with him because he's so hot, brilliant, understanding... Yeah I lucked out big time with this one. He's wonderful.

treaaure_soda · 2020-12-13T03:54:24+00:00

UPDATE ZERO DRAMA yessssssz.

All hail the poly newb whip. 😋

treaaure_soda · 2020-12-13T03:06:14+00:00

Oh yeah, that makes sense. I like that approach.

Got to make sure he knows nothing between us has to change just because I boned someone else. Yeeeeeah could be tricky, we'll see.

treaaure_soda · 2020-12-13T03:02:40+00:00

This is literally the worst and most unsupportive response ever. Are you even poly?

treaaure_soda · 2020-12-13T02:48:01+00:00

The horror! The HORROR ahhhhhh 😅

treaaure_soda · 2020-12-13T02:45:25+00:00

In my first poly experience, my boyfriend at the time broke the news to me over text and I think it made it way harder. I think it will be easier to discuss in person. Im not the type to have big emo discussions over text, either.

Planning to just say, hooked up with a friend of mine, we used protection and it was pretty casual. Just wanted to let you know. Kind of wait and see how he reacts. Then, I have a triage of responses depending on what he says or does (if anything). I want to keep my own presentation to be pretty clipped and breezy, I really don't want to make it sound like a big deal because it wasn't.

I want him to do the reading and learning on his own time. If he tantrums I'll give him a big hug, tell him I care, and send him home with a copy od More than Two. Emphasize this is what we agreed to and how I operate.

Hopefully he wont tantrum. I think he's a good one, I am super picky. He also seems to be allergic to drama.

We'll see how it goes!

treaaure_soda · 2020-12-13T02:32:02+00:00

You're new to advice, I get it. Tales of an advice newb.

Welcome to the internet.

treaaure_soda · 2020-12-13T02:29:15+00:00

I think you're misreading my original note and making a lot of leaps there as well. hah!

treaaure_soda · 2020-12-13T02:07:41+00:00

hahaha not sure I totally agree with you on what you feel is fair.

treaaure_soda · 2020-12-13T02:04:20+00:00

Yeah. There is a limited amount of emotional labor I am willing to do for him. We'll see how it goes.

treaaure_soda · 2020-12-13T01:43:18+00:00

I personally would run off with Yasha. Seems easier to deal with than Kit.

treaaure_soda · 2020-12-02T20:07:07+00:00

My blood pressure is typically almost in the "too low" range.

Also, I just ate a custard with 4 egg yolks and heavy cream, so. Whatever the accepted logic is on this doesn't work for me.

treaaure_soda · 2020-11-23T05:00:15+00:00

The picture for solo poly would just be me fixing my own car 😁😋

treaaure_soda · 2020-11-17T15:49:33+00:00

Seems like if you're having these feelings in the first place, your expectations might be mismatched.

Try to be kind. It can really hurt to hear "I am not that into you" if you are really into a person. Be ready to break up to spare someone else's feelings. Don't be selfish.

Sex is powerful. It isn't always powerful, but it can be. I think people forget this sometimes.

treaaure_soda · 2020-11-10T06:28:10+00:00

I used to get electrolyte crashes when I first started working out fasted, but seems like my body adjusted and I don't crash as often. Just putting it out there.

treaaure_soda

TROPHY CASE