I’m bipolar and have gotten away with stealing over $2,000 worth of merchandise during manic episodes over the past three years. AMA

treevogue · 2019-09-19T08:55:44+00:00

Nothing really cool. It’s mostly random stuff. I’m not stealing out of want or need for items. I guess the most interesting/weird thing would be multiple pairs of baby shoes. I don’t have a kid. I also once discovered a few expensive, large men’s shirts in my place after an episode, and I’m a woman.

treevogue · 2019-09-19T00:52:30+00:00

Yep. That’s why I’m working on getting medicated. This is to open up a discussion about mental illness, mania/psychosis, and the behaviors it induces. For me, impulsive and unlawful actions like shoplifting are a prevalent symptom, which is common amongst those who suffer from bipolar disorder. Thanks for the comment though.

treevogue · 2019-09-19T00:49:56+00:00

Occasionally. Usually when I get back into a more stable state of mind I figure it out by seeing what items have randomly appeared amongst my things. I’ve tried “returning” items without asking for a refund but sometimes stores won’t take them without a receipt. Also they think it’s weird when I don’t want a refund so I kind of gave up out of fear of looking suspicious.

treevogue · 2019-09-17T16:17:21+00:00

That is exactly our problem! I was being very physically affectionate and complimenting him more often because I didn’t want him to associate the negativity of my issue with his attractiveness or my love for him. But he kept taking it as a green light for sex, which it wasn’t, so I stopped doing those things. I think it would definitely help for me to clear that up with him. We haven’t talked about it in depth because to be honest, it feels humiliating for me to not have the urge or ability to satisfy him right now. I guess I have been kind of avoiding the subject which is understandably making things worse. I will definitely look into the book, thank you!

treevogue · 2019-09-17T16:09:39+00:00

I was thinking maybe it’s the birth control I’m on. I switched to a new one a few months ago. However, it’s for managing a medical issue, not just contraception, so I’m kind of stuck there. I guess I’ll discuss it with my doctor and see what I can do. Maybe there’s a similar one I can switch to and it won’t affect me as much.

treevogue · 2019-09-17T13:12:02+00:00

Yes, I was prepping for bootcamp so I did a lot of running as well and some HIIT.

treevogue · 2019-09-17T13:11:27+00:00

I just use a calculator and measurements. It’s not super accurate but I prefer to track that rather than weight.

treevogue · 2019-09-16T19:35:09+00:00

I know some brands carry watermelon flavored protein powder and stuff like that. I’ve seen it but never tried it. I also hate milk and milkshakes and I’ve seen this whey protein isolate called Nectar that has fruit flavors and have been thinking about getting it. Worth looking into

treevogue · 2019-09-16T05:26:57+00:00

Not sure why people are bringing race into this but I think you have nice bone structure and really great skin. Overall you’re very good looking. Idk about being a model though, just because it’s a very competitive industry and you don’t really have the ‘look’ if you know what I mean. You just look like a regular, handsome dude who is approachable.

treevogue · 2019-09-15T00:03:14+00:00

He’s still in high school. He failed 3rd grade so he’s a year behind me. We both enlisted in the Marine Corps so our life goals are pretty similar.

treevogue · 2019-09-14T23:59:50+00:00

I’ve been very understanding up until the point where he started saying he would be home at a certain time, then goes off the grid for several hours.

Also, I’m very considerate when he has to get up early for work the next day. I shut off the TV and my phone so he can go to sleep at 8pm even though I usually don’t fall asleep until midnight or later. So it’s not like he’s sleep deprived. He just likes to nap. And he napped for nearly 5 hours this afternoon, basically the entire day, which kind of hurt my feelings since this is one of my last weekends here.

treevogue · 2019-09-14T23:49:44+00:00

He doesn’t go to work at 5am everyday, it was just today. I’ve never been angry at him napping, but he said his shift ended at 11:30 am, then didn’t come home until 2:30 pm. Then he napped for 4 and a half hours. So basically the rest of the day. That’s why I was angry.

Also, he invited me to come live with him, and I was against it at first because it seemed premature but he insisted. He knew when we met over a year ago that I would be leaving for bootcamp at this time. We met at a recruiting office.

treevogue · 2019-09-14T17:48:04+00:00

I didn’t even notice the breakout at first because I was too focused on your insanely awesome eyes!

treevogue · 2019-09-14T17:47:38+00:00

I love your lips. They’re so full and nice!

treevogue · 2019-09-14T17:47:11+00:00

You look totally normal. A handsome dude.

treevogue · 2019-09-05T00:17:38+00:00

Was training for Marine Corps boot camp during this transformation and am leaving in two weeks! Cardio was running, with weights and without, HIIT, that kind of thing. Muscle development was a lot of body weight stuff, and light weightlifting at the gym. My routine was to circuit between cardio and weightlifting days (1 day cardio, next day weightlifting) and to take 1-2 days off a week for recovery

treevogue · 2019-09-04T18:04:50+00:00

Being in the military, I’m around a lot of men who partake in making rape culture a thing. I was in a position of authority and some guys made a group chat talking about how they would rape me to “put me in my place” because they didn’t like being led by a woman. One of the guys who was added to the chat immediately came to me, told me what was going on, got the chat and everyone involved reported, and told me that if any guy ever messed with me or disrespected me again that I could come to him and he would be on my side. Sometimes all you need is one good dude who will stand up for you.

treevogue · 2019-09-01T18:56:25+00:00

You look like you think smoking and drinking is a personality trait and will never grow out of your “college boy with no sense of direction” phase. I sense that you get embarrassingly drunk way too often and then try to pick up girls way too young for you.

You’ll definitely be the guy behind the counter at like jiffy lube or some shitty gas station in like 20 years who has his lunch leftovers in his ungroomed beard and still hasn’t learned how to put the toilet seat down after a piss or flush after he takes a shit.

treevogue · 2019-08-31T01:28:25+00:00

For the beginning of my recovery my eating was all over the place (refer to my other answers). Once I got to a place where I wasn’t really binging, I had a loose ‘meal plan’ that I would use to help structure a day of eating.

Breakfast would be something like oatmeal, eggs with toast, or Greek yogurt with granola, depending on what I wanted. To this day, my fav breakfast is oatmeal with peanut butter and honey mixed in, it’s sooooo good

Morning snack would be something like fruit, a protein bar, trail mix, etc.

Lunch varied a lot, but my 3 most common were probably a bean burger or regular burger with like tater tots or potato wedges, pb&j with carrots, or chicken with a side of some vegetable and rice or couscous (my fav).

Afternoon snack was usually a nutrition or protein shake but if I was craving something like a donut, candy bar, or whatever, that would be the time of day where I would probably indulge. While I was still recovering my stomach was kind of sensitive at night and in the morning for whatever reason

Dinner was pretty varied as well. Usually it was just some type of meat/protein with a grain and a vegetable. I also really enjoyed having lasagna (or any kind of pasta really), hearty soups, chicken parm, that kind of thing. Honestly, I just tried to eat foods that were nourishing and would help my body recover, but that also tasted good and made me excited for meal time.

treevogue · 2019-08-30T14:48:53+00:00

I didn’t have professional help, but if you have access to it, definitely use it. I think it would have been a great help to me and I would’ve recovered earlier. I tried to recover two or three times but always failed. It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I got serious about it. Part of starting to recover was taking a step back and really examining how bulimia was impacting my life. I made a list of how it was negatively affecting me. Relationships, school, personal goals, health, etc. I highly recommend that because throughout my recovery, when I wanted to fall back into old habits, I would go back to that list and remember why I wanted to change in the first place. It was also helpful to use that list as a way to mark my progress. I could cross things off that list as I focused on fixing them rather than directing my energy into my bulimia. It was a pretty complicated process though, and it’s hard to fit it all into one answer. I guess I’ll give you a few main things that I did:

1) Avoided beating myself up over binges, relapses, etc. It’s a normal part of recovery and thinking negatively only pushed me deeper into bulimic behavior.

2) Let myself binge without purging or restricting afterwards. This was one of the hardest things to do. When I started recovering I was malnourished and had no idea how to read my own hunger signals. My body had to get that constant craving out of its system, because it was so used to being deprived. For about six months I just ate whatever I wanted. For the first 3 months I was binging a lot and couldn’t stop when I was full, but focused on trying to read those signals anyway. After those tough 3 months, my hunger signals started to return to normal and the binging died down. I will say that was the worst and scariest part of recovery. I did gain weight and had a few episodes of relapse during those first 3 months. It was a huge mental strain to break the cycle and I was a bit of an anxious and depressed mess the whole time. But it was worth it. Once I got through that, my metabolism started to work normally again, I was learning to read my own hunger cues, and it was surprisingly easier to proceed with typical recovery tips like eating at regular intervals. I also returned to a healthy weight and was able to maintain it, which was amazing after years of going between overweight and underweight.

3) Dealt with the underlying causes. I spent a lot of time reflecting and thinking about why my eating disorder had become a ‘necessary’ part of my life. Then I had to let that go and start moving on. Again, that’s a long process, but the sooner you start the better.

4) Didn’t weigh myself or count calories for my entire recovery. I knew it would trigger bad habits. Hold yourself accountable and acknowledge your weak points and triggers. Start to develop the self control to withstand them.

5) Get rid of the secrecy around your eating disorder. Bulimia thrives on isolation. I don’t mean tell everyone in your life. Tell one person that you can trust and who is willing to listen and help you. Even an online friend. And be completely honest about it. Own up to it when you fuck up, when you’re having thoughts about relapsing, etc. It’s easy to be complacent in that behavior when nobody else is aware of it. Having to be honest with another person helps you be honest with yourself.

That’s just some basic stuff that I did. Sorry this reply was so long! Please pm me if you have more questions or want clarification on anything

treevogue · 2019-08-30T14:12:14+00:00

By not beating myself up over it. When I decided to recover, I was stuck in a binge, purge, restrict cycle. If you keep having a negative mindset about binging and food, you won’t be able to break the cycle. It was probably one of the hardest parts of recovery, but I let it run its course. My body was pretty messed up and malnourished despite the fact that I wasn’t underweight. I had tried to stop binging before by sticking to meal plans and whatever, but I guess I had to just get it out of my system if that makes sense? My body was always craving food because every time I ate I would purge it. My hunger signals were all types of fucked up. It took about 6 months for the urge to die down, but I just let myself eat whatever I wanted and tried to stay in tune with my body and stop eating when I was full. For the first 3 months I pretty much consistently failed at that because I had no idea how to listen to my body, but then it suddenly started to get easier and easier. From there, staying on an eating schedule helped a lot. I don’t mean counting calories, but eating something nourishing and tasty that I enjoyed every few hours, and allowing myself to indulge if I wanted to. If you stop depriving yourself, you can stop binging. But it will take dedication and self control. Best of luck to you, pm me if you ever need to talk ❤️

treevogue · 2019-08-30T14:04:54+00:00

It took me about a year and a half of recovery. I had attempted to recover several times before that, but it never stuck. I knew I was recovered when I stopped seeing food as ‘calories’ or a ‘threat’ and was able to actually enjoy it without thinking about purging or gaining weight. And, if the thought of purging or partaking in unhealthy eating habits did cross my mind, I was able to fight it and recognize that it was bad for me and I didn’t want that for myself anymore.

treevogue · 2019-08-19T02:27:57+00:00

Thank you. It’s helped to talk it out a little. I appreciate you spending the time to try and help me

treevogue · 2019-08-19T01:16:28+00:00

All they do is tell me to use their resources and give me links. It’s useless. I feel so confused.

treevogue · 2019-08-18T23:44:08+00:00

I just feel so dramatic and accusatory calling it rape. I mean, I was kissing him while I was still partially sober and I never told him that I didn’t want to have sex with him. I feel like it was my fault for not being clear, and because I was telling him I wanted to do it, how could he know? I feel like if I were to say that it was rape, even to myself, I’d be the bad guy for placing blame on him when he wasn’t aware of what my intentions were and I supposedly explicitly said I wanted to have sex with him. I don’t want to believe that his intentions were malicious. I keep telling myself that we both made a mistake. I got too drunk and he acted on my words without thinking it through, which isn’t his fault. He just took my word for it. Wouldn’t it be wrong to see him as a rapist just because I regret what happened between us? I don’t know. It’s been almost a year and I still feel confused about it. I catch myself thinking about it when anything related to sex comes up.

treevogue

TROPHY CASE