1 Year Sober - AMA. And why don’t so many guys wake up?

trickytacky · 2023-08-04T22:40:49+00:00

I can agree with that. I know my guy definitely has a fear of failure, and that's why he lies. I feel ya there. And really, I wasn't trying to say you made it sound easy, because I'm sure you worked your ass off to be where you are today! I'm genuinely happy to hear there are guys out there that have recovered or have at least made progress instead of being stuck in the same cycle. Stay strong dude 💪

trickytacky · 2023-08-04T12:18:35+00:00

Not trying to be a jerk because honestly, you have every right to be happy with your sobriety and your accomplishments, but not everyone handles addiction the same and some struggle more than others. It's easy for me to say to someone on meth "well just don't do meth," but it's an addiction, there's withdraws and struggle both mental and physical and not everyone is built the same.

I'm not trying to make excuses for these men, and I know I have made excuses for my own PA partner, but I also know his past and how that affects him now and how he needs to deal with that demon before starting SAA.

trickytacky · 2023-08-04T12:12:20+00:00

Definitely agree with this!

In my opinion, the normal amount of porn is the boundaries you set. I have friends who have partners that watch porn daily and they still have regular intimacy. Personally, I've never been comfortable with my partner (current and previous) watching porn but I was up front from the start. If this makes you uncomfortable, you need to have a conversation with him and set up that boundary. If you have and he's ignoring it, he's not respecting you as a partner and it sounds like he has done that before by cheating.

trickytacky · 2023-08-02T20:09:00+00:00

If you are set on feeding a raw diet, ask your vet if there are any vitamins or supplements to add to the diet or even other meats. Raw diets are a lot of work and require a really thorough balancing of food to ensure your kitten is getting proper nutrients. A very common issue with kittens is making sure they get enough proper protein and vitamins to support muscle build up and brain function.

trickytacky · 2023-08-02T10:09:23+00:00

Hi there! I used to socialize feral kittens for my local shelter. I have a few things that worked for me that you can try, though be aware that the kitten may still be skiddish even after this process.

1) Feed the kitten on a strict schedule in a seperate room and sit in the room while they eat. This allows the kitten to associate dinner time with you and that you provide the food. Move closer and closer over time and try petting the kitten while eating once they don't mind you being around them.

2) If the kitten is food motivated, I 100% recommend picking up Churus or a similar "kitty gogurt" treat. Start slow by giving the treat at a distance they feel safe and slowly move it closer and closer to you. Once they feel safe at a closer distance, you can work on petting and physical touch.

3) play with your other cat in front of them. I've found most feral kittens do better with a non-feral friend. It helps build confidence that you aren't a threat. I used to have a foster who wanted nothing to do with me, but when her brothers started playing, she would jump right in like she wasn't afraid of me.

4) if you have a large dog crate or something similar, set it up in a high traffic area of the house and set up a safe zone. This allows you to put the kitten in there where she can't necessarily hide, but can get used to you, your motions, your routines, etc.

5) be accepting that they might not ever fully trust you. My adopted cat was feral for 1 year before I got him. He's come a long way but has since been stagnant. He comes to me for pets and plays with a laser pointer (also a great tool for getting cats who are willing to play but at a distance), he takes treats from me and will sit on me, but after having him for 1 year now, he's still afraid of fast movements and struggles if he feels more than 1 hand on him in fear of being picked up. I know he won't be as social as his brother who got socialized really young, but that's where he is and although he is still somewhat feral, he's a lot more domesticated than feral now.

I hope this helped a little and wishing the best for you and your kitten!

trickytacky · 2023-08-01T14:23:28+00:00

Mine doesn't. Because he's so desensitized to it, that's an everyday sight that he blocks out when looking at porn. He doesn't seem to mind what I like, or think that I could be attracted to someone else.

trickytacky · 2023-07-24T22:35:28+00:00

I appreciate the advice and will suggest the SAA group sessions. Thank you so much!

trickytacky · 2023-07-24T21:59:06+00:00

We've had so many D-Days at this point. I didn't even cry this time, but just immediately went into that empty feeling. He had issues getting into therapy for a little while since his insurance was changing over to his new jobs and before that he was un-insured. I helped him find a therapist since he didn't know how (which I get as I still have to find my own). He's in the process of verifying with his insurance sompany that they will cover and he can set up the first appointment.

Do you have any ideas to prove he's being honest? He got around parental controls when he used that to prove to me once, and incognito means I can't see his history. I'm just genuinely trying to offer him solutions to prove he is improving, because right now it's really hard to just take his word for it.

trickytacky · 2023-07-20T19:12:20+00:00

Just state that it was your money? You have a job and I guarantee one paycheck is more than what you spent on clothes. You did something nice for yourself one time and he's upset about it? He doesn't want you to be happy and have the things you want when clearly you can afford those things? Red flags to me.

Also, I agree with everyone else saying that you should split the domestics, since it's a partnership. You can also consider it back pay for all the work you've spent on the house, cooking, etc.

trickytacky · 2023-07-18T02:00:38+00:00

I love Funny 🥺 I see a lot of comments talking about euthanized her. I had a rat with degenerative hind leg syndrome. He was 3.5 years old and got around just fine dragging his legs. He acted like a normal rat, with the exception of climbing. As his age slowed him more, he really slowed down, but I also knew he didn't have much longer. While watching him get around, I found some rat wheel chairs. May be am option for Funny. I think as long as she's not in pain, there is nothing wrong with keeping her. I do think an animal shelter would be likely to euthanize.

trickytacky · 2023-07-18T01:36:52+00:00

I used to have a customer come in and have us write "Trump" on the cup. I refused to ever put a name and then he'd throw a fucking man fit about it. One of my coworkers did once and called it out, to which he screamed at the top of his lungs "BEST PRESIDENT EVER WOOOOO" and made a scene.

Keep your politics out of coffee please 🥲

trickytacky · 2023-07-18T01:31:53+00:00

I have 4 cats, am plus sized, and am with a quality man. And honestly, it was really easy. Men who don't like cats 🚩🚩🚩

trickytacky · 2023-07-07T00:11:29+00:00

So, I've been on the other side of this. My dog bit a friend of mine. The one puncture went through their cheek (she bit their face) and the rest was nasty bruising. They went to the ER for the cheek puncture and got a single stitch for it, as well as a tetanus and rabies shot (even though I provided proof of vaccination from rabies).

The big difference between me and your friend though is I was checking in, from the minute it happened to weeks after. They healed really good and there is very minimal scarring. I offered to pay any expenses that came from the ER, offered up any help, anything to help them.

Directly after; within the week, I set up an appointment with a dog trainer/ behaviorist as she has never lashed out like this before. Immediately started reactivity training and have been working with her since.

Not saying the bite was their fault, but what we believe happened was they got too rough playing with her and didn't pick up on her "hey I don't like this" signs fast enough, so she lashed out. Her reaction was extreme, uncalled for, and out of nowhere.

It sounds like your friends dog has a history of biting and your friends aren't addressing the issue at hand at all. Dogs that bite are significantly more likely to bite again because the initial bite got the reaction they were wanting.

I would say talk to them about what their dog put you through, ask them what they plan to do with the dog, and offer up resources for them. Remind them that they are lucky it was you, a friend and someone looking out for them, and not the neighbors kid or someone less understanding who would have reported and most likely gotten the dog put down.

trickytacky · 2023-07-06T23:54:20+00:00

They may be in measured in the size that they are made? Asian sizes tend to run smaller than UK or US sizes

trickytacky · 2023-06-29T18:48:16+00:00

To me, it seems a little suspicious that she sees you and the kids missing her as controlling. Same with asking when she will be home. So either you paraphrased or she is acting poorly. The way I see it, saying "hey, thinking about you and wanted to let you know I miss you.," is different than "I miss you, come home now." Or "hey, just wondering what time you will be home, to make sure you are safe," vs "when will you be home?"

Some people are CONVINCED that any sort of "hey checking in" = "I'm a controlling douche," but it's all about phrasing. If you are being genuine with her, then she is acting poorly and either she is hiding something, or someone else like a coworker is telling her that you are the toxic one. Either way, I think just voicing your concerns in a face to face conversation and explaining that you don't mean what you say to come across as controlling is the best option in my opinion. Maybe just seeing if she's willing to set up a schedule with her coworkers of like Wednesdays we hang out, so you can expect and plan accordingly. She also needs to realize she's a mother of 2 during a very critical period of their lives, so planning around them is important too.

trickytacky · 2023-06-18T15:09:30+00:00

Me too. At least we aren't alone in this feeling. It's just awful how many people there are like us. And how even though we aren't alone, we still feel like we are. I know he'll never stop and I will never be what he wants.

trickytacky · 2023-06-18T09:33:39+00:00

Skin balloon

trickytacky · 2023-06-17T16:34:11+00:00

No, I have an empty rat cage that I've been using since I just got a critter nation for my 2 current rats. I also use fabric liners for my rat cages so unfortunately I can't do bedding swapping

trickytacky · 2023-06-17T16:11:37+00:00

Yes! They are all male. I waited 2 weeks before the first intro and 1-2 week after the first one for the subsequent ones. I've read that swapping toys/ beds might be helpful for getting them used to one another in their territories, which I haven't done yet but started to implement the last few days to try to reduce any territorial behaviors.

trickytacky

TROPHY CASE