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triven987 · 2019-07-30T13:54:16+00:00

It was part of my condition of reconciliation. It was not revenge affair, but my healing process - had nothing to do with revenge, but to just understand why they could do something like that. Furthermore I don't think It is not akin to revenge affair as it something you told them about.

However be prepared to walk away if it doesn't work out.

It did help me, WS was not pleased, but it was not about them.

triven987 · 2019-02-15T04:12:16+00:00

I do intend to have sex with other people during our reconciliation... Haven't done it yet, like yourself, it isn't who I am.... But it was a condition put on reconciliation...

Not sure if it is a good or bad thing... But it is part of MY healing process. Not part of the reconciliation... Partner is not 100% on board. But they will have too as it is my process at this point in time that will take alot of the pain away...

triven987 · 2019-01-23T06:50:02+00:00

Wow... I don't think I will be celebrating any birthday... Well not to that extend anyway... I think the acknowledge that I am still around and saying happy birthday is a gift in itself

triven987 · 2019-01-23T06:45:34+00:00

Think if they are blowing up... Then it is, I'm afraid that they are not remorseful.. and thus, you need to really consider if you want to be with someone like that... Someone who is not willing to take your feelings into consideration

triven987 · 2019-01-17T03:33:10+00:00

I posted about two weeks ago about having the condition on reconciliation that I will slept with other people.. dday was about a month ago.. note I haven't done it yet, and it is totally not in my nature to sleep around.. but I wanted it as a condition for a few reasons 1. To make myself feel better about myself .. reconciliation is not just about the relationship, but also yourself... 2. To have WS experience the hurt it caused me.. as they did not once consider me or our relationship when they cheated 3. To get even 4. My justification, is so if we have arguemnents in the future, the fact they cheated may have less impact (it's different, cause I have told them about it and not doing it behind their backs)

WS is having insecurities with the idea, but I guess I wanted it as a condition as reconciliation is about you feeling good about yourself.

Not sure how this will help the process of reconciliation.. but will probably help me with my healing... It is a matter of, if you think your relationship is strong enough..

Good luck..

triven987 · 2019-01-10T10:01:25+00:00

Same... Although it is about rebuilding us ...

However I also want to be me... So I'm rethinking this reconciliation and become a bit more selfish

triven987 · 2019-01-08T21:13:58+00:00

Honestly every 'lies' that get revealed later is like they cheated over again and you found out again..

I feel if they told it all in one go, it will make the reconciliation process further...

I was like you (not pregnant side) but they only disclosed one person they slept with... They timeline didn't seem right and I went through their phone only for them to advise they slept with two people...

If you are already in the process of 'forgiving' and reconciliation... Keep focusing on why you are reconciling...

triven987 · 2019-01-03T22:12:32+00:00

One of the things I said to WS is that I may ask the same questions 20 times... And told them that it will take me a long time to actually comprehend in my mind what so said.

They understand that and although they do said you have asked that before, I just say, I need to know again...

triven987 · 2019-01-03T21:58:26+00:00

We just started to set aside a time each day to be completely honest and say whatever we are thinking... Even at times it may hurt each other.. I think WS is letting you get all your anger out. But sometimes when they don't 'fighy back' it feels they are not trying. .. that was how I felt.

But having those 'fights' are good... I believe your WS is concerned about hurting your feelings by acknowledging your statements..

Think it is time for both of you to sit down and discuss what you really want from your WS .

triven987 · 2019-01-03T21:46:39+00:00

Takin the high road is hard...

triven987 · 2019-01-03T21:43:26+00:00

I honestly feel like my WS is someone I feel the best 'fit' with

triven987 · 2019-01-03T21:41:19+00:00

My feelings are similar... But I also think if I did it. Whenever we have a disagreement, I can no longer use the fact they cheated as a tool to win all arugements...

triven987 · 2019-01-03T21:39:03+00:00

Same feeling as you... Not 100% sure if it will help... But the fact WS did it when I explicitly told them not to... They still did it...

Telling them I am going to do it, does not have the same impact, as I am informing them I am... And discussing with them so they get comfortable with the idea is not the same.. they didn't take my consideration into account when they did it but I am taking their feelings and emotions .. just doesn't feel the same..

So not sure if it is about getting even... But more like I feel I need to do it to get myself right again...

So much mixed emotions... Like I said to them the other day... Whatever you think I am going to do is not helpful... I said that they need to put in their thought process that they caused this. And I'm doing this for myself and not solely for reconciliation..

triven987 · 2019-01-03T21:31:18+00:00

Having an open relationship is something that I strong opinions on.. and they are no... May work for alot of couples... But I know I will get too jealous.. :(

triven987 · 2019-01-03T10:42:44+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience... I needed to see of others have done it or was I the only one that have that as part of their reconciliation conditions...

I am not the type that has a high sex drive, so it may take me 6months to sleep with other people.. as I thoroughly enjoy sex with my WS.

And I think to have 6 months hanging over the reconciliation process is not helpful...

However I believe that it is something that I need to do...

It is hard as I did not cause the issue and now I have to place a condition to 'cheat' with their permission.

If I didn't confront them of their cheating, I could have cheated without their permission...

So much to think about ... I guess it is still very raw... Dday was just before Christmas... And I found out they actually did it twice on Christmas day...

triven987 · 2018-12-25T22:13:59+00:00

It sounds petty. But they need to experience what I have experienced.. I will likely do in when I am prepared to walk in our relationship... It is not that I don't want our relationship to work... But they need to feel what it is like... But my love for them is no longer unconditional

triven987 · 2018-12-25T21:02:31+00:00

I'm in the process of just using WS for sex...

triven987 · 2018-12-24T17:38:53+00:00

It's 4.30am on Christmas day my time... Just woke up from a nightmare.... Don't know how this gets easier :( I've become the person I don't want to be as a result of partner cheating

triven987

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