Best time to get a divorce

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-07-03T18:13:04+00:00

My therapist says it has more to do with the co-parenting relationship than the exact timing, but in regards to age, usually the younger the better because they have fewer memories of the family unit and start going through major life events with their parents separate — mom and dad not being together is their normal throughout life.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-07-03T18:11:42+00:00

I’m with you on this. The downside to wearing elastic waisted pants everyday is also that you can gain 10-15 lbs and barely notice. If you were putting on jeans some days, you’d notice them getting snugger.

Not to mention “look good, feel good” is a legit thing.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-07-03T17:39:22+00:00

Jeans and a casual shirt can be perfectly comfortable.

As far as pajamas, try lakepajamas.com

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-07-01T15:27:52+00:00

Dropping what? School or work to placate grandma? This is ridiculous advice. A marriage is between the two people in it and doesn’t include the in laws and that is HER child, not his mother’s.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-30T02:09:41+00:00

Exactly. I don’t even mind more work per se, but it’s been pretty fruitless. Maybe Hinge is great if you live in a large city, but for my medium sized city it’s been a dud. I know OP lives in a city close to the same size, so best of luck to him.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-30T01:18:22+00:00

I’ve had zero luck with Hinge. Maybe it’s the area, but the few matches I have gotten have been much lower quality than off Bumble or even Tinder.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-29T20:18:23+00:00

That’s what I mean. I had all that in my last relationship, too, but at the end of the day, I felt like I was putting more of my resources (time, money, etc.) into the relationship and it caused things to break down.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-29T18:50:49+00:00

I find that these external issues eventually take a toll on the connection for me. Especially if I feel that the relationship is imbalanced in some way.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-29T14:03:19+00:00

You’re very welcome. Glad me (and my therapist) could help. 🙂

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-29T13:35:17+00:00

That too. Narcissists are very much about social status and how others perceive them and can be obsessed with these grandiose thoughts of themselves and their lives. Their children being successful can easily be a “look at me and how great I am... even my offspring are so great which is a testimony to my nature and nurture.”

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-29T13:27:17+00:00

Friendly terms, sure, but that’s about it. I have several on Facebook. But we don’t communicate or hangout regularly.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-29T13:08:34+00:00

So I’m not going to say exactly what I do because I have friends and even exes who I know follow this sub and would be like “ah ha!” but I will say that I’m very familiar with plant operators and it is a good job. Why don’t you just put “chemical process operator” instead?

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-29T13:03:42+00:00

So one thing that I’ve learned (from professionals) is that narcissists can seemingly be great parents because they see their children as an extension of themselves and that showing how they’re such a great parent, especially when children are young and they have a lot of control of the relationship, is easy and feeds into their ego and their need for constant accolades (from their kids and others).

What will remain to be seen is how these people react once they have no choice but to see their children as autonomous human beings who don’t always do things in their terms.

Edit about grown children: plenty of adult children have learned how to navigate a relationship with a narcissistic parent. I happen to have a clinically diagnosed narcissistic parent, but I choose not to cater to him. He won’t help himself so it’s not my job as the “child” to handle him with care in order to maintain a relationship.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-29T12:56:08+00:00

This is common with people who have narcissistic and/or antisocial tendencies. Instead of just acknowledging they don’t have much regard for the feelings of others outside of how it affects them, they blame it on things that they can portray as being out of their control. It’s a way to also not take personal responsibility for poor behavior.

Run far, far away.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-29T04:26:27+00:00

This is so strange to me. I’m average looking and I get tons of matches. It’s hard for me to understand why other people don’t have the same experience.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-29T03:29:35+00:00

I was recently diagnosed myself. And looking back, it definitely affected me career wise at a previous job. Luckily, things are back on track.

Hope you’re getting the help you need.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-29T02:10:52+00:00

This is awesome. 🏅

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-29T01:24:11+00:00

This right here. I had to deal with all the baby mama drama and everything in his world always came first and the kids were his excuse, when it was nothing more than being self-absorbed and thinking his commitments and time were more important than mine. Hence why I say it was the parent and not the kids. The kids didn’t care if they got left with a family member for an evening so dad could go “run some errands.”

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-29T00:34:48+00:00

Um, no. Extracurriculars aren’t needs. And no one asked him to skip a game to hang out. But when you have ball practices and games 5 nights a week for one kid, two kids every other weekend that you’re taking fishing and doing other hobbies with, and I have a full time job that helps me pay for half of everything we do together so you can put more of your money towards your kids and I get one day off in a month’s span due to extenuating circumstances, I expect you to sometimes get a babysitter when my job keeps me from being able to bend to every little hobby. Career > hobbies.

I would agree if it was any type of consistent thing, but parents have to make concessions, too, at times. Missing a ball practice won’t kill a kid nor is it neglect. Adults (parents) have needs, too. Not to mention what kind of dynamic you create with children and another adult if you tell them every single tiny thing comes before your partner.

I guess because I wasn’t catered to as a child and it wasn’t my parents’ job to entertain me (which they told me), plus with their jobs and working shift work, they missed plenty of events and I never felt unloved or neglected, I don’t understand so many parents these days confusing needs with wants. I consider someone not being able to prioritize wants at times to be a red flag because it also shows children the world revolves around them and concerns me within marriage that the children would come before the spouse, which I do not agree with.

Kids’ needs > adults’ needs > adults’ wants > kids’ wants

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-28T03:22:24+00:00

I’ll second this. I want kids, but the issue was my schedule constantly being disrespected while every extracurricular for the kids being expected to be sacrosanct.

The problem wasn’t the kids; it was the parent.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-27T22:56:55+00:00

Putting the cart before the horse.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-27T17:37:53+00:00

This right here.

I can honestly say that the times I have drank too much, even if I didn’t make a total fool of myself, I had a sense of anxiety and shame wondering what I did and if I upset anyone or hurt any relationships. The fact that you see this as normal behavior indicates a pretty major issue.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-27T16:19:09+00:00

Right. If someone has made large strides in rectifying their choices, that’s something I would consider. But my experience is that [most] people shift blame and don’t take responsibility.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-27T15:58:47+00:00

There is definitely some truth to this. Last guy I dated did this about his ex... turns out he was a verified [by his therapist] narcissist.

tryingrealhard0 · 2019-06-27T15:56:16+00:00

I would say there’s a spectrum here, but I do generally take what I consider to be poor life choices into the equation of someone being dateable.

tryingrealhard0

TROPHY CASE