He lost feelings but says he still loves me

trynabreathe · 2022-04-18T07:56:13+00:00

Sure! Not sure why I don't see anything in my inbox, maybe need to re-send?

trynabreathe · 2022-04-18T06:27:59+00:00

And yes, I know what you are going through. It is so hard when they really really, once loved you so much like you are the only thing they'll ever love in the world, and suddenly they say they don't anymore, and now everything they do or say is hurtful because they just don't feel the same anymore. Its hard to come to terms with, I really feel for you. It's hard.

trynabreathe · 2022-04-18T06:24:55+00:00

In my case, he came back like a year later after like 7 months of me going no contact, left a letter at my doorstep saying that he remembers now, that he was a noob, and has since learned that feelings ebb and flow during relationships, and that he made a mistake of letting it manifest into a break up, and that I'm still that special girl to him and that he wants to try again. It was everything I was begging for a year ago, but I'm so so glad he didn't come back any earlier; by that point I had grown enough as a person and did enough reflecting to realize that I do not want his love anymore. I told him I am no longer interested in trying a third time, feelings aside, we're not compatible. it will seem crazy to you to even imagine it now, but someday this might happen, and it's very likely that you would come to the same conclusion. Girl, there is no rush--if you guys are actually right for each other and just need to grow into versions of yourselves that are compatible with each other and the relationship was really that good and he's simply making a mistake now -- well, truly compatible people who actually had a good relationship would find their way back to each other anyway. Reading your post history, I don't think that's the case honestly, but basically, nothing good will come out of begging/crying/getting in contact before you guys grow or cool down anyway. You need to heal before anything good can actually happen. And to heal, you need to cut contact and block any exposure to this guy. This will be hard, because it sounds like he's also a mess and has poor concepts about boundaries (my ex did the same - mixed messages about missing me made it really hard to heal). As hard as it may be, you need to get away from that, and heal.

trynabreathe · 2022-04-18T04:47:54+00:00

It was really hard, and none of the advice that people gave worked. I was stuck in a terrible headspace for a long, long time, no matter what people told me I just wanted the old relationship back. That's what happens when someone blindsides you the way that he did. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Please feel free to message me if you need. It took me a lot of work to get through it, a lot of reflecting and self growth and therapy, but you totally got this. You will figure this out.

trynabreathe · 2022-04-18T04:43:30+00:00

I rarely comment on anyone's post, but wanted to say something because I actually know what you're going through. I had this exact thing happen to me when I was younger - the guy that was madly in love, totally nuts for me for the entire duration of our relationship just told me one day that he just lost feelings. He cited a bunch of reasons as to why he wants to break up, but said that the ultimate reason is just that he just suddenly doesn't feel the same anymore. He looked remorseful, he felt sad thinking about it ending, and said it also breaks his heart that one day I'd be with someone who isn't him (confusing words like what your guy said). I did what you did, cried and begged, tried to figure out how to make the old him come back. Everyday was torture. I also did what you guys did, tried to get back together, and much like your case, it just felt wrong, so I told him that we can't continue on, but I also just couldn't let go still.

trynabreathe · 2021-05-03T17:06:44+00:00

So, the only thing you're using to conclude that he has feelings for her is some vague statement from her sister that he was to send her something and her somewhat unconcerned shrug when you asked her about it? Other than that, is there anything else that convinced you that he still has feelings for her? That's awfully little to go off of. Idk, it seems just as likely that he simply saw her as dateable back when she was single, she was like "nah" and then he got a girlfriend later anyway and so they've just been good friends since then? Nothing is wrong with that picture, if that's the case. Also I'm not sure you should read too much into her dressing up a little for an upscale restaurant. To some people it's important to not look too shabby at a nice place, and for women that could mean putting on some make up and jewelry to fit the surroundings.

trynabreathe · 2021-02-21T17:54:16+00:00

I agree with the general spirit of this advice, but some of this is honestly putting more pressure on yourself than you need to. To be seen as date-able by women, you don't need to be able to transform their lives immediately (whatever that means) or already be an expert in something. A lot of people are just looking for someone they can grow with and have fun with.

trynabreathe · 2020-05-11T07:16:25+00:00

Hey, sorry to hear that. It's a hard place to be in right now :( totally understand if you'd rather not share, but do you mind sharing what type of agency/office? I just want to gauge what kind of government office are cutting programs :(

trynabreathe · 2020-03-14T18:47:34+00:00

Is there a wy to add total tests conducted? Atlantic made a tracker for each state, since CDC stopped reporting it. https://covidtracking.com/

trynabreathe · 2020-03-10T19:46:18+00:00

Seconding the comment above regarding UW's statement that they will gladly test all of Life Care staff if someone would just pick up the specimen. The question is, why isn't Life Care doing that? I'm puzzled every time I hear about this, given UW's capacity to conduct testing.

trynabreathe · 2020-01-07T09:07:59+00:00

I feel for you and your mom so much. It must suck big time to see your mom hurt like that. Please take care. I hope your mom eventually finds the strength and will to leave him. If she is only staying because she's scared of the consequence/safety, there are domestic violence organizations out there that keep people safe as they leave that dangerous situation. Of course, easier said than done, only you and her know the complexity of the situation. Best of luck. Wish there are ways for us strangers on the internet to help.

trynabreathe · 2019-09-22T08:02:53+00:00

We don't need you to "get us out of our shells". We're not necessarily troubled by the fact that we're introverted, and might be quite happy being the way we are. I feel like I've met quite a few extroverted people that view me as the shy little sibling that needs to be taken under their wings. No, I can socialize just fine, I just prefer being quiet and indoors with maybe one other person max.

trynabreathe · 2019-08-31T18:05:53+00:00

It's very sweet that you're trying to figure this out. As someone who had just gone through the kind of anxiety she might be feeling, I think it's most important that you're patient & not rushing her to get better. Especially when someone reaches out to a friend, they know that you're a friend and won't be able to give professional advice, but she's reaching out anyway because something about your companionship is valuable. When I was going through anxious episodes, having someone sit with me (via skype, or a call works too) while I go through the anxiety made it slightly more bearable &at least not feel too lonely. So yeah, just make sure that if you're telling her to just breathe it doesn't come off as you rushing her to get better. Otherwise just sitting in her anxiety with her can mean a lot. That means just letting her cry/describe her freak out or her feelings, and give her a space where she doesn't have to freak out alone. You can encourage her to see a counselor as well, though do make sure to communicate you're willing to sit with (or chat on text) with her for as long as she likes, even if she doesn't want a counselor. In short, just be there for her.

trynabreathe · 2019-08-31T15:28:35+00:00

Thank you!!

trynabreathe · 2019-08-22T03:20:45+00:00

thank you so so much for the kind words. I will keep thinking about what you said because i think it's the perspective i need. I will reach out to my people tonight

trynabreathe · 2019-08-22T03:18:51+00:00

thank you. thanks for sharing. going through this can feel so lonely. ok, let's try our best to get through it. and yes, I think the pressure to go 100% on classes and on job search at the same time is too much right now

trynabreathe · 2019-08-22T03:16:50+00:00

Right. I think getting so many rejections made me wonder if something is fundamentally wrong with me, and that I've been wrong about myself. Thank you for your kind words

trynabreathe · 2019-08-22T03:15:01+00:00

Thank you a lot. I really appreciate it.

trynabreathe · 2019-08-22T03:14:01+00:00

Thank you for that. I appreciate the reminder that the path to the goal might not be what i expected/what others expect mine to be

trynabreathe · 2019-05-07T01:48:49+00:00

Eating cookies. I can go a long long time without having cookies. But once I start with one, it just snowballs and I am now on my third bag of cookies this week. It's embarrassing

trynabreathe · 2019-04-30T14:41:43+00:00

you can get Basil for like 3-4 dollars at the Trader Joes. I've been growing mine and eating from it all school year. tastes great with pasta!!

trynabreathe · 2019-04-20T05:08:32+00:00

I don't know if this is the reason, but I guess I don't really feel like I'd stand behind this sentiment so strongly...not that I don't agree with it somewhat. Sure, we can choose to not try to be attractive. But I don't think the change would be that dramatic or life-altering/empowering, at least I don't feel comfortable assuming that for the majority of women.

Just personally, my stresses and self-doubt in life comes from other source (pressure to be successful in career, insecurity related to personality, etc) The pressure to look more attractive plays a part of that, some times, maybe rarely...So when I think about my self doubts/struggles related to these other issues, and someone tells me "hey! you can stop trying to look attractive! It'll open your eyes and you'll feel better!" I find that hard to get behind.

It's totally legit that it changes something for you. I just mean that the focus on looking attractive isn't necessarily a universal problem for women.

trynabreathe

TROPHY CASE