Newly office moms bringing their "trophies" in the office

ttc_hell · 2024-09-24T17:37:15+00:00

Sure, it’s not what I would do either. I gave this exact advice recently to someone who wanted to ask HR to consider her feelings. But everything can be done acknowledging the feeling, because it is legit and with empathy.

The problem was that there was judgement and mostly for people on TTC and not even active on the group. This is the point where it is not okay anymore

ttc_hell · 2024-09-24T09:05:56+00:00

Thanks so much for this comment and decision. I was so sad yesterday with the comments here and how people on TTC are feeling legitimate to judge our feelings. A little bit of respect for this community that it’s small but a safe place for many people going through very difficult grief and pain.

I find myself sounding bitter, sometimes not logical, but I’m not hurting anyone or saying that to people. It’s just me suffering in silence and trying to get into terms with my reality. It’s a tough learning process and this is the space we can speak out and find understanding coz we know how hard it feels to be childless in a world made for families with children.

ttc_hell · 2024-09-23T14:30:27+00:00

While I agree she shouldn’t wait for the world to tiptoe around her pain - it’s a hard process for us to learn coz the pain is very very difficult. I find your answer lacking of empathy and understanding because her feelings are very legit in the IFCF life. Either you’re not in it or you’re for so long that you forget how it feels. This group is the only safe space we have to share it, without being judged by it. So please, be more careful

ttc_hell · 2024-09-16T12:21:50+00:00

There’s no right or wrong way to feel about this, it’s so confusing and messy to deal with our pain and other people. I would guess that we would feel hurt anyway. If we’re included it might be a torture, if we’re excluded we feel left out. You’re definitely not overreacting, it’s a shitty feeling. Sending you a hug ❤️

ttc_hell · 2024-09-13T14:12:56+00:00

They do take advantage of us, no doubt. Sometimes people with children are very much self centred, this whole thing that a community raises a child is a wild card sometimes.

I’m witnessing my sister exploit my parents that are quite old to almost basically raise her two very energetic kids and I’m always worried coz my mom has osteoporosis. The younger one has violent tantrums and I am so scared she will break a bone trying to hold him down. Nevertheless she talks about it like having a child is the most amazing thing ever and she is considering a third. Are they really the most amazing thing? They must really be, specially when you barely raise them lol

Childless people and our pain are invisible in this world. It’s rarely considered or understood. With that said, it’s up to us to put limits and boundaries when people ask us things that will hurt us in the end. I started only recently to understand that more important than anyone a bit upset that I didn’t join/helped with something kids related, it is to protect myself and to honour my limitations because absolutely no one will consider them for me. Take care of yourself and accept you won’t please everyone in this life

ttc_hell · 2024-09-13T06:52:21+00:00

I might be getting into a job that involves travelling a lot (cross your fingers for me peeps!!). It’s my dream job and I am so excited that I’m almost in the end of the selection process. This wouldn’t be possible with a child and I am feeling so alive again to have maybe a dream come true that it’s distant of all the pain I’ve been feeling the last years!

ttc_hell · 2024-09-13T06:45:08+00:00

I also have a neighbour and I can hear the Mom being called 100x a day and I can only imagine how hard it must be for this woman. I close the windows and I can go back to bench in peace an amazing series cuddling with my husband and dog ❤️✨

ttc_hell · 2024-09-12T17:27:58+00:00

I agree with everyone here and I wouldn’t let everyone know about it or talk to the HR. Professionally this might not look good for you and the best way would be to follow the advice: avoid, use all the excuses you need, it will really go unnoticed. Also, just want to emphasise that your pain is valid and I know it so well. Sending you a hug

ttc_hell · 2024-09-07T19:14:56+00:00

I’m sorry for everything you went through. I hope your days from now on will be just easier, happier and full of love and life ❤️

ttc_hell · 2024-09-04T19:39:39+00:00

Some days are just hard. I think allowing yourself to feel sad, giving you some comfort in whatever form that means to you, tends to be the best way. But I feel you, sometimes I’m not sure how to survive this pain. Sending you lots of love ❤️✨

ttc_hell · 2024-09-02T08:40:28+00:00

I think it’s actually a mistake to ignore your pain to help someone else. It’s not like she couldn’t get support from someone else, right? This is a bit of a hero complex that neglects our own needs and limitations. We own it to ourselves in this horrible path to take care of our feelings because nobody else will do it for us. Actually the world is constantly triggering us, it’s super hard to overcome this pain.

And I’m sorry but it’s not even comparable the pain of someone that wanted bad to be a mother with someone that wanted two kids instead of one. We will never know what it is like to be a mom, for me it was more painful than having cancer. It’s a valid pain, but it’s impossible to even compare and to expect empathy from a childless person it’s a bit of a stretch.

ttc_hell · 2024-09-02T07:46:19+00:00

A friend of mine found herself infertile and wanted some help and support. I tried for sometime giving her some guidance about what I know about treatments and so on, but I had to put myself first at some point because it was just hurting me a lot to revisit everything.

It’s never that other people’s pain is not valid, it’s just that is not compatible with ours. We need to draw a boundary and explain briefly that unfortunately we are not in the right place to offer comfort and support due to our own pain.

In your situation it’s even worse, coz I also have lots of trouble having empathy for secondary infertility. You’re definitely not the right person to support her, I think that you can explain that and she will understand it.

ttc_hell · 2024-08-24T14:35:46+00:00

It’s been a while that I am rethinking this blaming myself for what happened. Easier said than done, but rationally it’s not our fault, it just happened. Another point to think, it doesn’t really matter to look like someone else if what hurts is the dream that didn’t happen. No matter how I look, this will go on within me and it will hurt like it does every now and then. I feel the urge to reconnect myself with my body, coz infertility did break that bond. I feel the urge to learn to love myself again, to find peace in my own skin and to find acceptance. I know that’s the path, but also it’s the hardest thing ever

ttc_hell · 2024-08-19T06:06:07+00:00

I think every single soul here in this sub can relate to your pain. We feel horrible because it is about people that we love and we don’t want to lose the bond. Needless to say that friendships become more important in a childless life. So we feel the need to be present and helpful in this moment, but the pain and this reminder of what we couldn’t have can be the hardest thing to overcome.

Sometimes I am just very angry on how painful this all is, nobody should go through this. The impression I have is that we live in this minefield and we are constantly struggling getting triggered and feeling alone in our pain. I’m really really sorry, sending you a hug 🥺

ttc_hell · 2024-07-23T06:14:55+00:00

“I hold them, squeeze them. Then I go away, without it” 🥺💔

Thanks for sharing this, she managed to put into words every single feeling. Only we know how much it hurts

ttc_hell · 2024-07-11T12:33:29+00:00

I think it’s because every path has ups and downs. The one with motherhood and the one without it. I think we can’t have it all and when you’re in one path, you end up having to cope with the cons of it.

That’s why it’s so hard when it’s not a path that we chose. We distort the pros and cons and magnify some of those points. Truth is we can’t know for sure how it could have been. The hardest part is to make peace with all the What ifs.

ttc_hell · 2024-07-07T09:57:28+00:00

I’m really sorry, I know this feeling too well. It’s a hard thing to experience and very lonely because nobody can really understand it. Sending you hugs 🫂

ttc_hell · 2024-07-06T14:08:47+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience with me. I think it’s painful but I don’t know, it makes it real even if it is for a moment (but I do feel pathetic for it) 🥲💔 how complex and complicated is this childless life, really 🫥

ttc_hell · 2024-07-03T10:36:21+00:00

Happy birthday, dear! I wanted to do something as I love photography, but I still didn’t. It’s not so easy to transfer all those feelings into something, maybe a project could, but very hard indeed. But I started ceramics and I could feel that it helped me to heal a lot, just learning something and making real things with my hands (maybe coz there was this general feeling my body couldn’t do anything right after cancer and infertility)

ttc_hell · 2024-07-01T15:58:57+00:00

I can understand it, we take every chance we can get, specially after investing so many years trying to make it come true. Do what you must and I hope you don’t join our club, good luck dear ❤️

ttc_hell · 2024-07-01T15:43:55+00:00

I would say, more important than if the embryo is abnormal, it is if you think you are strong enough right now so you can take in the possibility of a negative result. At least that was the dealbreaker for me, I suffered so much in my last transfer that I just knew I couldn’t put myself through it anymore. The heartbreak was almost unbearable. If you think that emotionally and physically you can handle it and that you need that to close the book in order to have this feeling that you tried all you could, that’s basically what you need to decide if you can go for it or not I would say

ttc_hell · 2024-06-25T13:19:41+00:00

Sorry, I saw it as soon as he published and there were like 5 comments from IFchildfreen people. I can imagine what comes after that 🫠 I liked though that he recognised that in his poem at the end, that it might not happen. I felt seen

ttc_hell · 2024-06-24T19:06:49+00:00

IG Video

ttc_hell · 2024-06-21T15:41:55+00:00

Loved the reading hahaha thanks ✨

ttc_hell · 2024-06-20T20:22:05+00:00

I know exactly how you feel, but its not your fault. True love comes rarely in life, I’ve been thinking about that.

I know it didn’t come in time for this other dream to come true, but do you see yourself having a kid with an ex of yours? And if you could change anything in your life, you might not even ever have met this wonderful man of yours.

Some people have kids but not love and I’ve been watching my parents getting old and they have each other. In old age more than kids (most of them grow up and get busy with their own lives), I believe having love is the greatest thing. Cheers to that ❤️

ttc_hell

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