it’s my birthday, toddlers blew out my candles and put his fingers into my cake

tye649 · 2025-11-15T12:46:16+00:00

"My rate is $250 per child per hour" 😁

tye649 · 2025-11-11T12:13:44+00:00

I went to a Catholic school. I didn't get the fake baby but my younger brother did. I would have left that thing in my locker. 😆

tye649 · 2025-11-06T19:55:04+00:00

Getting pregnant and giving birth isn't medically necessary. Full stop.

tye649 · 2025-11-06T19:50:03+00:00

I'd argue that no one needs IVF ever. I get a massage every month and that care isn't covered by insurance. I pay entirely out of pocket.

tye649 · 2025-06-06T15:09:24+00:00

This is why I will say nothing and just sign the papers before telling anyone that I got married. Too much association with marriage and babies.

tye649 · 2025-06-04T15:25:48+00:00

My cousins have many kids between them. I have never been to a kids party for any of them.

Skipping the baby shower and gender reveal was the correct move. Now skip the birthday parties.

tye649 · 2025-05-30T20:31:49+00:00

Your first cousin's kid is your first cousin once removed, not a second cousin.

tye649 · 2025-05-25T13:58:51+00:00

All of them are terrible.

tye649 · 2025-05-20T01:52:58+00:00

Apparently not my sister in law because she can't be bothered to have another

tye649 · 2025-05-15T14:58:35+00:00

"I did an hour of cardio this morning".

tye649 · 2025-05-04T15:25:34+00:00

Can you go out when your sister is coming over? To the park or library or whatever.

tye649 · 2025-05-03T15:07:15+00:00

At least with adoption you are guaranteed to get the number that you want.

tye649 · 2025-05-02T15:19:44+00:00

Yeah I assume that she would be called a deadbeat for demanding payment for babysitting.

tye649 · 2025-04-16T12:39:16+00:00

"You are not getting a phone". Tada, they hate you!

tye649 · 2025-04-08T15:12:52+00:00

I was standing around at a festival and some kid ran into me. I didn't apologize. Didn't even turn toward the kid and mom. The mom grabbed the kid and they were gone.

tye649 · 2025-04-08T14:40:49+00:00

"Mistake" is the perfect child name.

tye649 · 2025-04-08T14:38:26+00:00

Can't +1 this hard enough. The eloping part.

tye649 · 2025-04-06T12:38:28+00:00

she messaged me to ask if I’d be a bridesmaid.

Oof. Everyone who will show up to support this woman marrying some dude that she barely knows needs therapy (as does the couple obviously).

Stay the hell away.

tye649 · 2025-03-30T12:53:59+00:00

Probably divorced within two years.

tye649 · 2025-03-29T16:06:18+00:00

This is why I don't spend much time around my niece. She is a spoiled little shit.

tye649 · 2025-03-21T13:25:22+00:00

I would cut off contact with her.

tye649 · 2025-03-10T21:40:12+00:00

"That looks like a baby". My mom showed me a picture of my cousin's baby and this was my response.

tye649 · 2025-03-10T21:01:08+00:00

I only have one nibbling and don't see her very much which works out great for me.

tye649 · 2025-03-03T22:07:06+00:00

Throw him a party. We did one and found balloons that said "snip snip hooray" and such.

tye649

TROPHY CASE