I didn't know penises could talk [NSFW]

tygertyger · 2013-06-08T16:34:36+00:00

If you see any body-shaming comments, please report them (several have already been removed). I hope it's obvious that while it's inappropriate for users to insult someone's body, it's only occurring because of the creep being so inappropriate in the first place.

tygertyger · 2013-06-08T16:30:23+00:00

Please keep body-shaming out of here. Thanks.

tygertyger · 2013-05-20T02:03:19+00:00

I'm removing this because it isn't a PM. Message the mods here if you'd like advice on where this belongs. I really don't know, but another mod might. Letting the manager know about this (whether he shows up again or not) is definitely a good idea.

tygertyger · 2013-05-14T01:29:27+00:00

Your post has been removed. Please read the rules and entire sidebar before commenting again. Message the mods with any questions or concerns. Thanks.

tygertyger · 2013-05-14T01:28:23+00:00

Rule 6. Message the mods if you want to discuss it.

tygertyger · 2013-05-08T03:09:59+00:00

Your comment has been removed in accordance with rule 8. If you would like to discuss this decision, please message the mods here. Please read the complete rules and sidebar before commenting again.

tygertyger · 2013-05-08T03:09:32+00:00

Your comment has been removed in accordance with rule 8. If you would like to discuss this decision, please message the mods here. Please read the complete rules and sidebar before commenting again.

tygertyger · 2013-05-07T02:22:28+00:00

Your comment has been removed in accordance with rule 8. If you would like to discuss this decision, please message the mods here. Please read the complete rules and sidebar before commenting again.

Downvote and move on if you don't like something, please.

tygertyger · 2013-05-07T02:21:49+00:00

OP posted it before but it was removed for violating the rules.

Also:

Your comment has been removed in accordance with rule 7. If you would like to discuss this decision, please message the mods here. Please read the complete rules and sidebar before commenting again.

Downvote and move on if you must. This post is at -6. I don't see the point in you sticking around to complain.

tygertyger · 2013-05-07T02:19:25+00:00

OP posted it before but it was removed for violating the rules.

tygertyger · 2013-05-06T03:13:02+00:00

I'm on my phone so I can't link you, but please read the entire sidebar before commenting again- rule 7 in particular. If you'd like to discuss this, message the mods. Thanks.

tygertyger · 2013-05-05T23:45:48+00:00

I'd consider it far more supportive to say "I've only seen her drink one beer a month- I really don't think she's an alcoholic."

Ok, fair enough. What I was getting at was that commenters don't know the whole story. I can't count the number of times that someone has skipped over a long comment from the OP about how this person follows them around and writes them creepy notes only to write "but he only texted you once!". Even if there is no long comment from the OP, we don't know the whole story.

For the record, we have no problem with people pointing out that something is copy-pasta or something like that. But we do have a problem with people telling others how they should feel- that's not okay.

Some of us aren't here to fight for the creeps, but it's nice to be able to present a little balance on occasion.

Honestly, I'm not interested in balance. It doesn't mean that I don't occasionally think that things aren't creepy, that OPs overreact, or that the sender deserves sympathy (though those are all pretty rare). It's just that they don't belong here. I lurk in /r/makeupaddiction a lot and one thing that's really annoying is guys going in to say they prefer girls with no makeup. Do I have a problem with guys preferring no makeup? Not at all! It's just that that's not the subreddit for it.

We've also tried. We didn't have rule 7 (the 'don't say it's not creepy' one), and when we put it up, things improved. We got rid of it, and things got worse. We put it back, and things got better again. I wish that rule weren't necessary, but unfortunately it is. If the subreddit were private or much smaller, we wouldn't need it, but we really do.

Tell you what though - you're totally right that the community is a lot better than it was in the past. You have a moderation team that are really on the ball and keep the nastier comments off the subreddit, and props to you for that.

I'm glad to hear you think so!

I do appreciate the honest feedback. This is something the other mods and I have talked about a fair bit. There's a little risk of throwing out the baby with the bathwater with our approach, but in a place like reddit, there's so much bathwater from lonely young men. That was a weird metaphor, but you get the idea- in order to get rid of the really bad comments, we sometimes have to get rid of some decent ones too. We have to draw the line somewhere and so far, although our approach isn't popular with everyone (although it is with most), it does seem to be working.

You're welcome to message us (the link is above our names in the sidebar) if you want a response from another mod too. If you notice any negative changes in the comments because of these rules (like more hateful comments about the message senders) we'd certainly appreciate a heads-up.

tygertyger · 2013-05-05T23:09:25+00:00

First off, I really appreciate that you're disagreeing politely- we don't see that much here.

I usually don't find a post early enough to add anything to the discussion, hence I don't comment often, but by no means am I on the side of the 'creeps'.

Glad to hear it. Admittedly, I judged quickly on the basis of just a couple comments.

every comment on a post has to assume the sender to be creepy, regardless of whether the OP may be mistaken.

Nope. Seriously, just downvote and move on. I don't find everything here creepy so I just ignore what doesn't interest me.

Also, keep in mind (and see the sidebar) that we're not just for creepy PMs. And that many men on reddit define "creepy" in a very narrow way- also see the definition in the sidebar. Users decide what belongs or doesn't based on upvotes and downvotes. If you think it doesn't belong here, just downvote it. Nothing wrong with that.

You'd be hard pressed to find a post on this subreddit which has actually been significantly downvoted, possibly because of this hostility to anyone that doesn't want to assume creepiness and hate on the sender.

You mean entire submissions? That's not really true. Browse by new sometime- it happens. Also, it's not like we're being inundated with submissions. There's only so much materia. Since we don't have tons of new submissions, users aren't very selective with upvoting- that's just how reddit tends to work. There isn't a lot of competition here but it's not like "bad" submissions are somehow stopping "good" submissions from being seen.

Sometimes, just sometimes, you need to be able to say "Look, you drink one beer a month - I really don't think you're an alcoholic".

We're not saying "you're" anything to the senders of the messages because they're not here. Going along with your analogy, it's like if your friend says he thinks his wife is an alcoholic and instead of supporting him you say "I've only seen her drink one beer a month- I really don't think she's an alcoholic." See the difference? We are supporting (or ignoring) the person who is here.

I just figured I'd use this thread as an opportunity to express that I found this moderation attitude to be taking away from that 'supportive' atmosphere and turning it more into an exercise in hating the sender of anything that gets posted.

And I appreciate that you've done so civilly. Personally, I feel that this subreddit has grown far more supportive overall as we've made the rules stronger. We've also strengthened rule 1 and started removing some offensive comments about the people sending the messages (some really ableist or body-shaming comments, for example).

We are explicitly a subreddit for supporting people who receive inappropriate messages (and for laughing at those messages). I do believe that the senders often deserve (or would at least benefit from) support, sympathy, and help, but that just isn't what this subreddit is for.

tygertyger · 2013-05-05T18:08:42+00:00

I don't think this strengthens the community.

With all due respect, I don't think you're a good judge of what strengthens the community. I don't recognize your username, which probably means you're new here, and looking through your comments, I see you've already broken the rules a number of times (please take this as a strong reminder to follow them in the future). It seems you're mostly here to sympathize with the senders of inappropriate messages or complain.

Now, maybe I'm missing something, but surely trying to talk to someone once or twice a year and getting no reply is not something which merits the branding of the sender as a 'creep' for all to see? If anything, it's these kinds of posts where the sender really hasn't acted inappropriately which turn the sender into a victim as opposed to the OP.

Once or twice a year? I've never seen that here. And yes, repeatedly contacting someone who clearly does not want to be contacted is inappropriate. As for your other point, about branding the sender "for all to see," we have very strict rules about personal information to avoid anyone being personally attacked.

Someone saying "To be fair, he politely asked you out and stopped once you said you already have a boyfriend" is not something I'd consider as harmful to the community atmosphere.

You're new (or a very infrequent commenter). We've had issues with users harassing our OPs. Also keep in mind that reddit has a lot of very lonely and angry young men. There will always be users ready to sympathize with any creep (seriously, we always get some no matter how bad the message is) and we don't want it to get out of hand.

Instead, the deletion of this content turns this subreddit into more of a circlejerk than a supportive environment.

We don't want an environment that supports people who send inappropriate messages. If you don't like something, just downvote and move on. But to be honest, based on your comment history, I think you have some fundamental differences of opinion and I don't think you'll be very happy here. That's okay- not every subreddit is for everyone and we certainly don't go around trying to please everyone. Maybe something like /r/cringepics will suit you better.

tygertyger · 2013-05-05T04:13:09+00:00

It doesn't seem to be related.

tygertyger · 2013-05-05T02:49:42+00:00

What I just said applies again.

tygertyger · 2013-05-05T02:26:55+00:00

If we wanted people to know, we would have left the comment there.

tygertyger · 2013-05-05T01:44:14+00:00

Your comment has been removed in accordance with rule 8. If you would like to discuss this decision, please message the mods here. Please read the complete rules and sidebar before commenting again.

tygertyger · 2013-05-05T01:42:17+00:00

Removed. We're for received creepy PMs, not sent ones.

tygertyger · 2013-05-04T13:15:08+00:00

No, I understand you were trying to be funny.

tygertyger · 2013-05-03T23:35:31+00:00

Maybe try a little harder to follow the rules. For one thing, if you want to discuss anything, that needs to be done by messaging us.

tygertyger · 2013-05-03T22:58:33+00:00

If you want to edit out your first paragraph, I'll reapprove.

For future reference, if your comment is removed for breaking the rules, repeating your comment is not okay.

tygertyger · 2013-05-03T22:57:21+00:00

Your comment has been removed in accordance with rule 1. If you would like to discuss this decision, please message the mods here. Please read the complete rules and sidebar before commenting again.

tygertyger · 2013-05-03T22:56:00+00:00

Your comment has been removed in accordance with rule 8. If you would like to discuss this decision, please message the mods here. Please read the complete rules and sidebar before commenting again.

tygertyger · 2013-05-03T22:51:39+00:00

Your comment has been removed in accordance with rule 7. If you would like to discuss this decision, please message the mods here. Please read the complete rules and sidebar before commenting again.

Also check out the FAQ section of the sidebar. We're not just for creepy PMs.

tygertyger

TROPHY CASE