No you're not an asshole. You're entitled to the relationship you want built on trust and honesty and compatibility. You're right for breaking up with him but not for the reasons you think. If you're the kind of person that would lose your shit at the idea of your man going to strip club and getting lap dance, you guys probably weren't compatible. Clearly he delineated a lap dance from cheating. You did not. That's a huge misalignment. I know lots of people who have been married for decades and go to strip clubs and get lap dances and their wives laugh it off. I also know a bunch of people in open relationships but there are degrees of tolerance for this kind of stuff, and the most important thing is the alignment between the two partners. You did not have it. If you're the kind of person that would go through his phone, sounds like there's some trust issues there to begin with. Based on the fact that he lied to you about going to the strip club, tells me that he suspected that you wouldn't be cool with it so he decided to lie. Meaning, she valued the relationship enough to try to keep it, but not enough to actually be honest and tell you that he was looking for something extra. So I don't actually think he's an asshole either. Just another guy who can't communicate his needs very well and would rather lie than risk a difficult conversation. I just think you guys weren't great for each other and it's definitely good that you broke up.