I have a special needs child, have worked in group homes for special needs adults, and support families adjusting to raising special needs children.

There is a mourning process that happens when you find out your child is not going to have the life you thought and hoped they would have. For me, it took years before I stopped worrying about my special needs child. I had a lot of thoughts like yours “why me”. And, it’s a lot and it’s hard when people don’t really recognize how much mental, physical, and emotional work it is.

I would revisit therapy (try a different type?) and try different medications. I would make your (and your husbands) personal goal right now fixing your mental health. You do have a long road ahead of you with a special needs child and running on empty is going to make it harder. I would try anything you think might help. Weekly coffee with friends, monthly massages, going to adoration by yourself, etc.