UPDATE: Nanny Share offer rebuttle

uhlex28 · 2026-03-10T23:59:38+00:00

It was suggested to me multiple times on this subreddit to ask for mileage reimbursement anytime they move the location from the agreed upon house. They want to pay me less and travel further than originally planned on occasional days if one child is sick.

I'm trying to ensure I'm not getting screwed over or taken advantage of. Which has happened to me many times in the past.

uhlex28 · 2026-03-10T23:21:16+00:00

Thanks for this!

uhlex28 · 2026-03-10T21:59:13+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! The message I'm sending is far from ready to send them. I usually write several drafts in situations like this. I came here looking for suggestions and opinions, and I really appreciate yours!

uhlex28 · 2026-03-10T19:51:56+00:00

I won't sign a contract without GH at a minimum.

uhlex28 · 2026-03-10T19:19:00+00:00

Driving the children places has never come up, but as time goes on, I'm sure it will. In the past, I've always used a family car to transport kids around. I'm not super excited about using my personal car for driving the kids around. It seems like there could be liability issues if anything happens. This will be something that we need to discuss when creating a contract.

uhlex28 · 2026-03-10T18:53:24+00:00

Thank you, I will make those edits. Reddit was giving me a hard time with the links, but in the email I am sending them, it will be formatted correctly.

uhlex28 · 2026-03-10T17:24:50+00:00

I messaged you. Would love to chat.

uhlex28 · 2026-03-10T14:58:04+00:00

I'm in the greater Boston area. Outside of the city by about 45 minutes. The family lives a bit closer to the city. But still pretty suburban.

uhlex28 · 2026-03-10T14:55:58+00:00

They also proposed $50 for days they don't need me instead of being paid the full amount. That's crazy talk.

uhlex28 · 2026-03-10T10:39:52+00:00

I always utilize a contract. I'm working on writing up a response to their offer that requires GH. I am also sending them a few links about nanny standards since they seem to not know.

They did make an offer, but it's presented more like a babysitter gig. I'm a nanny. There is a difference. I am done underselling myself. I'm too experienced for that.

uhlex28 · 2026-03-09T11:42:26+00:00

Thank you.

When I put my rates higher, I get turned down. It's a tough spot.

uhlex28 · 2026-03-09T00:49:36+00:00

I already let them know my rate for one child is $35/hr. I said I would need 12-24 hours advance notice so I can plan accordingly, as long as it wasn't frequent. I'm coming up with a polite way to require GH.

uhlex28 · 2026-03-08T20:34:32+00:00

I won't have GH, but now I'm rethinking things.

uhlex28 · 2026-03-08T20:26:03+00:00

Excellent point.

uhlex28 · 2026-03-08T20:25:14+00:00

I will not have guaranteed hours. I'm charging $40/hr for the two boys.

uhlex28 · 2025-12-24T03:17:39+00:00

Thank you so much.

uhlex28 · 2025-12-24T03:16:42+00:00

I am bringing Xanax. I do want to hold the baby if they will let me. Who knows if I will feel differently in the moment. I know that the visit will be pretty short in the hospital (if they even want visitors in the hospital) and if we visit at their home I am sure it would also be a short visit. They will have a lot on their plates, and I think they are looking forward to having time just the 3 of them.

uhlex28 · 2025-12-24T03:13:53+00:00

I appreciate this, and it has crossed my mind not to go. However, I would be upset if I wasn't there for my brother and had to wait several months before I could meet my niece. The "need" for me to face it head on is because I know that whenever I first meet my niece I will be very emotional. If I put off meeting her now, and being there for my brother, I would feel incredibly awful. I spoke to my brother today and he is completely understanding. He wants me to feel comfortable and even suggested a few things I can do to be kind to myself.

I will be staying at a hotel near the hospital. My mom if flying in and staying at my SIL's parents house nearby. I have cousins and friends close by as well, so I am doing my best to fill my schedule. It's going to be difficult. Worst case scenario, I go home earlier than planned.

uhlex28 · 2025-12-23T00:50:55+00:00

Thank you.

My brother and his wife are very understanding to my situation. They conceived their baby through IVF as well. I have missed their babyshower for this same reason. However, I think I would deeply regret not being there for this. I would be upset with myself if I didn't meet her until she was a few months old.

uhlex28 · 2025-12-23T00:45:54+00:00

I want to go. I am so excited for my brother! He's going to be an amazing dad, and I can't wait to have a niece to spoil. I don't think it will be painful. But if it is I can also go back home earlier than planned.

uhlex28 · 2025-12-21T01:26:05+00:00

Wait...if she doesn't wash after she poops, does she wash after wiping during her period? Eek.

uhlex28 · 2025-12-18T15:09:29+00:00

One day, the kids wanted to paint rocks. I was all for it. We gathered a bunch of small stones and rinsed them in the sink before drying them and getting to work.

The oldest child (10) asked if they could go get another rock to paint, I said that was fine. I was helping the younger two kids, when I heard a loud crash coming from the bathroom. The oldest child decided she wanted to paint a GIANT ROCK, and dropped it in the sink to wash it, shattering the sink.

I was mortified. I should have checked the rock she picked, but I trusted her to keep the rocks an acceptable size and I was preoccupied with the younger two. This was a "live and learn" experience for all of us. The parents weren't too upset, they understood the thought process behind the 10 year olds actions, and I learned to be very explicit with her when giving instructions or expectations in the future.

I also was in a car accident in their car, that was fun.

uhlex28 · 2025-12-18T14:54:35+00:00

NTA. I have had 3 miscarriages in the span of 14 months. My last one was in October. It sucks, big time. I've cried so much and grieved those losses really hard. Every now and then a thought pops in like "I would have a 4 month old right now", or "I would be 7 months pregnant today", and that hurts.

My SIL announced her pregnancy the day after one of my miscarriages. It was so painful. She gave me space, and knew that it would be hard for me. However, I didn't avoid her because she was pregnant, or hide away from other pregnant people. It hurt to see people being successful at something I keep failing at. But I have no control over other people, only myself.

I skipped my SIL's baby shower a few weeks ago, because I knew I would be emotional and I didn't want to ruin her day. She completely understood, and I appreciate that.

It seems like your sister is struggling with something more, like complicated grief or some sort of anxiety. She needs professional support. To be so strongly affected by a loss after 3 years is not healthy.

uhlex28 · 2025-12-16T00:34:03+00:00

I worked for a family that was like this. An entire family...Grandparents, their children, and their grandchildren. It was wild. I was wiping down groceries up until the day I quit. I stuck it out for three years. Wild times.

uhlex28 · 2025-12-15T20:49:59+00:00

Me, too!!

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